Still Thinking Of You Part 10

The words were out before she even considered telling the truth. Kate thought it was sad that Mia had no idea how much children brought to your life. Mia thought it was sad that she couldn't tell even her best friend how much she wanted a child brought into her life. But she couldn't afford to reveal her plan yet. It would ruin everything.

'Imagine little Richards running around,' said Jayne. 'They'd be too darling.'

Jayne smiled at Tash, but Mia noticed that the smile didn't reach her eyes. What was Jayne playing at? She certainly wasn't playing it straight. That was for sure.

'Give us a moment,' laughed Tash. 'We're not even married yet.' Mia was just thinking that she'd escaped lightly and no one was going to talk about the b.l.o.o.d.y wedding.

'No. You're not,' said Jayne, and then to Mia's surprise and momentary relief she changed the subject. 'Are you going to book lessons at the school?' Mia glared her response and tried to weigh up whether Jayne was being rude. Was she saying that Mia needed lessons? She did, of course, but she wasn't sure if she wanted anyone else saying so. Jayne didn't wait for a response. 'I think I might check in for lessons just because Pierre, the instructor, is so ruggedly handsome. I would so love to fall into those arms.'

'I saw him. You're right, he's to die for,' added Kate.

Mia was torn. She wanted to encourage Jayne in that direction any direction away from Jase actually. After all, a fling with a ski instructor was almost mandatory for women such as Jayne, a perk of finishing school, but she found herself snapping, 'I'd hate that. There's nothing worse than being taught something by a man who is infinitely better than you, other than being taught something by a man who is infinitely better than you and good-looking.'

The girls giggled, and started to guess the girth of Pierre's forearms. They hotly debated the subject for a long ten minutes.

'So you've skied often?' Kate asked Tash.

'Boarded,' Tash corrected, not for the first time. 'Oh, yes, I got into it when I was about twenty.'

'Where have you been?'

'All over. Courchevel, Pas de la Casa and Les Arcs in France. Limone in Italy. Narvik in Norway and Sugar Bowl, California.'

'She'd never been to Avoriaz, though. Had you, Barbie Babe?' interrupted Mia.

Tash didn't respond to the interruption. 'Not like this, of course. Never in a hotel. More often than not I've stayed in a huge self-catering apartment block with a big gang of mates, acquaintances and relative strangers. About ten in beds and another half-dozen overload floor-scammers, who paid their way with beer. Lots of smelly bodies, and steamy wet clothes, fights over the shower and stealing food from the fridge. That has been my usual boarding holiday.'

'You paint such an irresistible picture,' said Mia.

'I've always had a lot of fun,' insisted Tash.

'Did you enjoy Pas de la Casa? I've heard it is pure holiday camp, designed for the world's dole cheats.'

'It is noisy and rowdy. It's lively. Good fun. You should go one day.'

Mia glared. People were always implying that she could do with a dose of fun, as though it could be administered in the same fashion as cod liver oil.

The girls chatted about the hotel, specifically the rooms and the treatments they fancied at the spa. They discussed the pizza toppings and gently argued about the number of calories in a hot chocolate. Tash noticed that Mia seemed fractionally less compet.i.tive when the boys weren't around. She didn't seem compelled to talk about the latest Pulitzer Prize novel she'd just read or art exhibition that she planned to visit. The conversation was not so liberally scattered with phrases such as 'sourly forceful' or 'thoughtfully compelling', as though she were a walking art compendium, and Tash was grateful. They drifted into the occasional lull as they watched other groups of friends and families order pizza and drink beer.

Tash thought what a wonderful moment this was. She loved her limbs feeling tight and exhausted after a workout on the slopes. She felt high on fresh air, and there was no better sensation than the sun shining on closed eyelids. She felt relaxed and happy. This was a good moment. She wallowed in it, then blurted, 'Don't you think it's funny that I am a Richardson, Natasha Richardson, and I'm marrying a Richard. Sort of exchanging one Richard for another? It's that kind of thing that makes me believe in fate.'

Kate and Jayne nodded and smiled genially.

'You are not serious, Barbie Babe?' snapped Mia, who clearly hadn't grasped the concept of politely-going-along-with-the-bride-because-after-all-she-is-the-bride in the same way as the other guests had. 'So you are marrying Action Man because his name coincides with your surname?'

'No, she's marrying Rich because he's hot in the sack,' interjected Jayne.

'Barbie Babe, what did you do? Look up the birth registry for, say, 1969 to 1973? In which region?'

'I didn't say that, exactly.' Tash suddenly felt like an idiot. The relaxed atmosphere instantly vanished. She wanted to beat herself with a huge stick and wear sackcloth and ashes for the rest of her days as a punishment. Why did she say such stupid things? It wasn't because of a coincidence to do with names that she believed in fate. It was for a number of reasons to do with how her life had panned out so far, reasons that suddenly had become elusive and ephemeral, and she couldn't explain to Mia. Mia who was supposed to be her friend, but seemed distant and discouraging. She couldn't explain here at this lunch, which was supposed to be a hen-party lunch, but now seemed about as much fun as a condemned man's final meal.

'Hey, Barbie Babe, did you limit it to the UK, or did you include Europe, just to see how many boys were named Richard in that period? Did you then drop them all an e-mail until you got lucky with our Richard? Inspired.' Mia was laughing. Kate, who didn't think Mia was being funny, and Jayne, who did, both joined in to varying degrees. 'I might do the same search with Philip, as my surname is Philips. I hadn't thought of it before.'

Tash knew that she should probably count to ten. She should remember that Mia was one of Rich's best friends, that she was here as a guest to celebrate her wedding. That's what she should do. f.u.c.k it. Mia was a b.i.t.c.h, and Tash had had enough.

'Really, how odd, when you seem to have done everything else, including Internet dating, small ads in Time Out and sleeping with every guy you meet, including the groom and best man,' snapped Tash.

G.o.d, that was satisfying.

'How do you know that?' Mia demanded.

'Well, obviously, Rich told me,' replied Tash. She felt a smidgen shamefaced. After all, it was never nice to know that people had been talking about you. 'Don't think we were gossiping, we were just... chatting.' At least she'd managed to keep quiet about Ted, but that was more out of respect for Kate than respect for Mia.

'You've slept with Rich?' asked Jayne.

'Yes,' muttered Mia.

'And you knew?' Jayne asked Tash. Tash nodded. 'And you still let her come here?'

Kate looked around for the waiter. She hoped that by the time she ordered another bottle of wine the conversation would be forgotten.

'We don't keep secrets from one another. I fiercely believe in honesty. I don't much care what Rich has got up to in his past. He's a good-looking, clever, funny guy. It would have been odd if he hadn't s.h.a.gged around a bit. But I do believe that we have to be honest with one another about our past s.e.xual conquests because past s.e.xual conquests say a lot about a person, don't they?'

Mia shrugged. Tash thought that it had probably been such a long time since Mia had had an intimate conversation with a lover that she probably couldn't relate to Tash's theory or practice. Mia and her lovers swapped saliva not stories.

'Our entire relationship is based on trust. No secrets, no lies, just 100 per cent respect and honesty. Aren't all relationships?'

'So you know everything there is to know about Rich's past, then?' asked Jayne.

'Yeah, pretty much. I could just about name every one of Rich's significant exs and detail the circ.u.mstances of the most interesting seductions. Well, at least as clearly as Rich can. He's sometimes a bit vague about names or the order of his flings. Spread himself a little too thinly at times.' Tash grinned. 'Don't worry. I'm fine with it,' she added, turning back to Mia. 'Well, it was all such a long time ago and it was just '

' a s.h.a.g,' stated Mia.

'Yes, that's what Rich said.' Tash closed the conversation with a guilty sense of triumph.

25. 95 Per Cent Honesty.

'Hi,' Jayne beamed at Rich and waved excitedly.

'h.e.l.lo,' he replied, nodding in her direction, but not breaking away from the queue for the ski lift.

'Are you trying to get in one more run before the lifts close?' she asked.

Rich nodded again, then started to fiddle with his goggles.

'All the other girls gave up at lunch time. I've been boarding on my own since then. Do you mind if I join you? I was just deciding whether to go back to the hotel or try for one more run.'

This wasn't actually true. Jayne had been waiting by this lift for over an hour hoping to track down Rich. She'd heard him plan his routes this morning and knew he was the type of man that stuck to his plan. She'd figured that she would see him, eventually, at La Frontaliere, the black run, if she was patient enough.

Jayne was very patient.

Rich didn't reply, but he moved his board an inch or so to the left, to acknowledge that he had to accommodate Jayne and allow her to join the queue. Jayne turned to the grumbling people she was pushing in front of and made their holiday by flashing one of her gorgeous smiles. The smile silenced the objections. Rich saw the guys behind him melt and couldn't help but grin to himself. He had to admit she was a stunner. Any red-blooded male would get the horn within ten metres of her, let alone if she pressed her dainty derriere into their crotch as she edged into the queue.

The lifts were getting busy as everyone tried to squeeze in a last run before the light was completely lost, so Jayne and Rich found themselves sharing the chairlift with someone else. The French guy was in his sixties and clearly a seasoned skier he didn't feel the need to make polite Franglais chitchat as the lift rose. Jayne and Rich were left to themselves.

'Isn't it darling?' sighed Jayne, waving her arm at the landscape, indicating, Rich supposed, that she was talking about the view. Rich scowled. n.o.body said 'Isn't it darling?' any more, not unless they were the princess in a Disney animated movie. Jayne was no princess.

'The snow has lain so thickly that the mountains look as though they are wearing tablecloths and the trees look as though they are dressed in paper doilies, a veritable tea party. Don't you think so?' Jayne turned to Rich, whom she wrongly a.s.sumed she was charming.

'I don't know what paper doilies are,' said Rich, turning his head to tighten the strap on his helmet.

'Darling, you do know. Snowflake-shaped bits of paper. Grandmas put them on plates of scones.' He looked at her blankly, so she gave up and simply muttered, 'It really is beautiful.' They stayed silent for some seconds before Jayne asked, 'So, how have you been?'

'Good,' replied Rich.

'You look good,' she smiled encouragingly, 'but then you always did.'

'Thanks,' replied Rich. Good manners and poor judgement forced him to add, 'You look good, too.'

'Thank you,' grinned Jayne, clearly delighted with the compliment, although she had heard several more verbose ones in just one afternoon as she'd hung around the lifts. Those gushing compliments meant nothing: Rich's reluctant one meant everything. Jayne knew she looked fantastic. She'd mastered the mix-and-match earthy colour scheme favoured by boarders and was wearing blues and beiges. She'd instinctively known to avoid the top-to-toe pink-patterned numbers that ski bunnies chose, although she'd happily worn those in seasons of old. She preferred the s...o...b..ard outfit. That and because Rich boarded were her two reasons for choosing the sport.

'I've missed you,' she said, getting straight to the point. Rich moved a fraction away from her, although the tiny lift seat allowed little room for manoeuvre. He stared straight ahead, refusing to meet Jayne's eye. Jayne knew instantly that she'd overstepped the mark. She'd tried to move him on before he was ready for it, so she added, 'Natasha seems lovely.'

'She is,' confirmed Rich cautiously.

'You've done very well for yourself there.'

'Haven't I.'

'Who'd have thought it? Rich the old rogue settling down.'

Rich was determined not to be drawn, and so they fell silent again as the lift reached the pinnacle of the slope. They both expertly hopped off the chair and scooted to a safe distance away from the rotating seat. They fastened on their boards, and Jayne turned to Rich.

'And isn't Tash cool, the way she's so friendly towards me. Despite our past and everything?'

Rich froze. Jayne's radiant smile did nothing to melt him. In fact, it was her wide grin that sent shivers up and down his spine. After a long pause, he admitted, 'She doesn't know about you.'

'Doesn't know about me?' Jayne appeared shocked, but it was, of course, pretence. Before she'd w.a.n.gled an invite on to this trip she'd been pretty sure that Tash wouldn't know about her. After all, none of Rich's friends knew about their relationship. Jayne would have been more worried if Tash had known about her and Rich; it would have shown that Tash's trust in Rich was justified. That would have been the death knell for Jayne. But Tash's lunchtime conversation about Rich's s.e.xual partners had confirmed that, despite Tash's belief in Rich, he was not being 100 per cent honest with her. Tash knew about Mia, but not about Jayne. Jayne was delighted.

'No. She doesn't know about you,' sighed Rich. He'd feared this conversation from the moment Kate had cadged an invite for Jayne.

'You mean us,' said Jayne pointedly.

'There's no reason why she should,' insisted Rich. He was trying to sound calm and controlled, when in actual fact he was extremely nervous. He refused to look at Jayne. 'We were over an age ago.'

'Hardly, darling. I was still sucking your c.o.c.k this time last year.'

Rich breathed in quickly; the cold air whipped the back of his throat and silenced him. He'd always found that extraordinarily s.e.xy the way Jayne seemed so entirely proper, with her ancient lineage and smart received p.r.o.nunciation, and then the next moment she could be so filthy. Her statement was as coa.r.s.e as it was candid.

'It's interesting that Tash insists that the two of you have no secrets at all. She says that your entire relationship is based around respect and honesty. Aren't all relationships?' Jayne was quoting Tash directly, and she was pretty sure that Rich would know that. She wanted to see him sweat. 'Odd, then, that she thinks she can name every one of your significant exs'

Rich tried to interrupt; he wanted to argue that Jayne wasn't significant. He'd found a loophole.

Jayne didn't allow him his moment, but carried on, ' and detail the circ.u.mstances of the most interesting seductions. I think you have to agree, I come under the category of the latter, if not the former.'

The loophole was closed.

'What's your game?' he asked.

'Game?' Jayne looked out at the beautiful vista, and shrugged. Rich grabbed Jayne by the arm and tried to get her to look at him.

'Don't play the innocent with me.' He'd tied her up in ropes once. They'd had a.n.a.l s.e.x. There was no point in her feigning innocence now. 'Why are you here?'

'Didn't my darling brother explain everything to you? Some b.a.s.t.a.r.d dumped me and I'm heartbroken. I'm here to recuperate.'

Jayne finally turned her beautiful brown eyes on Rich. He stared into them and tried to read her expression. It was hopeless. Jayne had perfected the art of deceiving him. In all the time she'd known him, she'd been very careful that whenever she looked at him she did not allow the love she felt to radiate out of her eyes. And now, she had no intention of showing him her desperation.

'What's that got to do with me? I didn't dump you,' insisted Rich.

'You f.u.c.king liar,' she snapped. 'You were in my life for over ten years, then nothing. I call that dumping.'

'But we haven't seen each other for months.'

'It seems like yesterday to me. Time hasn't moved.'

Rich felt a slow panic rise up his body. 'I'm with Tash,' he insisted anxiously.

'For now,' replied Jayne.

'For ever,' said Rich, but he wasn't sure whether Jayne heard because his words were swallowed as she pushed her lips on to his. He was too surprised to know how to react and remained stone still for a fraction longer than he would have done if his wits hadn't deserted him. Remembering himself, he broke the kiss and pushed Jayne away. He stared at her angrily and then, somewhat pathetically, wiped his mouth as though she'd sullied him. Jayne appeared unperturbed by his rebuff. She winked, then sped off down the mountainside, leaving Rich afraid and confused. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, as he knew that a fair share of his confusion stemmed from the fact that as she sped away his final thought was, 'Great a.r.s.e.'

26. Bar Flies.

It was a good bar to have chosen, Kate thought. For one, she wasn't the only woman sitting alone. There were two others. One was protected by a magazine which Kate a.s.sumed was the French equivalent of h.e.l.lo, while a weighty novel shielded the other. There was also a family of three. A mother and father and a boy aged roughly eleven, not older. He smiled too much to have hit his teens yet. Kate immediately scrabbled for her mobile phone. She called Ted's mother and was a.s.sured that all the children were fit and well. She talked to everyone, even Aurora, who chatted contentedly and incomprehensibly down the phone. After saying goodbye half a dozen times, Kate finally hung up.

There were two men sitting at the bar. One had his back to her, but she had a good view of the other, who was the epitome of Frenchness. Dark, floppy hair, elegant limbs and movement, and well-cut jeans, a fleece and loafers. Neither of them noticed Kate. She was relieved.

The bar was perfect in many other ways, too. The person serving behind it was female, the floors were clean and the music was 1980s. They played people such as Paul Young and Annie Lennox, tunes Kate recognized and even knew the words to. Importantly, they played tunes that had words. She ordered herself a hot chocolate and found a warm corner to enjoy its powdery creaminess. This was the only time on a skiing holiday that Kate felt completely peaceful.

She didn't like snow.