Stepping Heavenward Part 15

Dr. Elliott came and went, came and went. At last he said all danger was over, and that our patient little darling would get well. But his visits did not diminish; he came twice and three times every day.

Sometimes I hoped he would tell us about his new flame, and sometimes I felt that I could not hear her mentioned. One day mother was so unwell that I had to help him dress Emma's burns, and I could not help saying:

"Even a mother's gentlest touch, full of love as it is, is almost rough compared with that of one trained to such careful handling as you are."

He looked gratified, but said:

"I am glad you begin to find that even stones feel, sometimes."

Another time something was said about the fickleness of women. Mrs.

Embury began it. I fired up, of course.

He seemed astonished at my attack.

"I said nothing," he declared.

"No, but you looked a good many things. Now the fact is, women are not fickle. When they lose what they value most, they find it impossible to re place it. But men console themselves with the first good thing that comes along."

I dare say I spoke bitterly, for I was thinking how soon Ch----, I mean somebody, replaced me in his shallow heart, and how, with equal speed, Dr. Elliott had helped himself to a new love.

"I do not like these sweeping a.s.sertions," said Dr. Elliott, looking a good deal annoyed.

"I have to say what I think," I persisted.

"It is well to think rightly, then," he said, gravely.

"By the bye, have you heard from Helen?" Mrs. Embury most irreverently asked.

"Yes, I, heard yesterday."

"I suppose you will be writing her, then? Will you enclose a little note from me? Or rather let me have the least corner of your sheet?"

I was shocked at her want of delicacy. Of course this Helen must be the new love, and how could a woman with two grains of sense imagine he would want to spare her a part of his sheet!

I felt tired and irritated. As soon as Dr. Elliott had gone, I began to give her a good setting down.

"I could hardly believe my ears," I said, "when I heard you ask leave to write on Dr. Elliott's sheet."

"No wonder," she said, laughing. "I suppose you never knew what it was to have to count every shilling, and to deny yourself the pleasure of writing to a friend because of what it would cost. I'm sure I never did till I was married."

"But to ask him to let you help write his love-letters," I objected.

"Ah! is that the way the wind blows?" she cried, nodding her pretty little head. "Well, then, let me relieve your mind, my dear, by informing you that this 'love-letter' is to his sister, my dearest friend, and the sweetest little thing you ever saw."

"Oh!" I said, and immediately felt quite rested, and quite like myself.

Like myself! And who is she, pray!

Two souls dwell in my poor little body, and which of them is me, and which of them isn't, it would be hard to tell. This is the way they behave:

SCENE FIRST.

Katy, to the other creature, whom I will call Kate.-Your mother looks tired, and you have been very cross. Run and put your arms around her, and tell her how you love her.

Kate. -Oh, I can't; it would look queer. I don't like palaver.

Besides, who would not be cross who felt as I do?

SCENE SECOND.

Katy.-Little Emma has nothing to do, and ought to be amused. Tell her a story, do.

Kate.-I am tired, and need to be amused myself.

Katy.-But the dear little thing is so patient and has suffered so much.

Kate.-Well, I have suffered, too. If she had not climbed up on the fender she would not have got burned.

SCENE THIRD.

Kate.-You are very irritable to-day. You had better go upstairs to your room and pray for patience.

Katy.-One can't be always praying. I don't feel like it.

SCENE FOURTH.

Katy.-You treat Dr. Elliott shamefully. I should think he would really avoid you as you avoid him.

Kate-Don't let me hear his name. I don't avoid him.

Katy.-You do not deserve his good opinion.

Kate.-Yes, I do.

SCENE FIFTH

Just awake in the morning.

Katy.-Oh, dear! how hateful I am! I am cross and selfish, and domineering, and vain. I think of myself the whole time; I behave like a heroine when Dr. Elliott is present, and like a naughty, spoiled child when he is not. Poor mother! how can she endure me? As to my piety, it is worse than none.

Kate, a few hours later.-Well, n.o.body can deny that I have a real gift in managing children! And I am very lovable, or mother wouldn't be so fond of me. I am always pleasant unless I am sick, or worried, and my temper is not half so hasty as it used to be. I never think of myself, but am all the time doing something for others. As to Dr. E., I am thankful to say that I have never stooped to attract him by putting on airs and graces. He sees me just as I am. And I am very devout. I love to read good books and to be with good people. I pray a great deal. The bare thought of doing wrong makes me shudder.

Mother is proud of me, and I don't wonder. Very few girls would have behaved as I did when Emma was burned. Perhaps I am not as sweet as some people. I am glad of it. I hate sweet people. I have great strength of character, which is much better, and am certainly very high-toned.

But, my poor journal, you can't stand any more such stuff, can you?

But tell me one thing, am I Katy or am I Kate?

Chapter 10

X