Starkissed. Part 20

"No!" Leith vehemently cut her off. "J'Qhir has made his choice and I have to live with it."

"Very well," Nura conceded. "Will you stay here a while after the conference is over? You may use the guesthouse as long as you like. When this spectacle is over and everything has returned to normal, Artilia is a tranquil place. I would so enjoy spending time with you again."

"I'd like to, but I need to get back to Earth. Dad is ill and although he's recovering, I would like to see him and Mom. I've been away too long."

"Of course. Perhaps later, you'l come visit me. Promise that you will."

"I promise," Leith said and meant it, but she knew it would be a long time before she ever wanted to travel in s.p.a.ce again.

A server appeared with a tray of tea and delicacies. Leith sipped the hot tea and chose a pink confection. The sweet, creamy morsel melted in her mouth, blending perfectly with a sip of the unsweetened tea. She waited a moment but neither caused the nausea to return. Suddenly, she missed the taste of cone nuts and fresh water and set aside the slender cup.

"Is it not to your liking? I can have something else brought."

"No, it's wonderful."

"To be perfectly honest," Nura's voice lowered conspiratorially, "I have Terran cocoa and chocolate chip cookies. I have them smuggled in every so often from that little cafe near the university."

Leith laughed. "Keep your stash. When I'm back home, I'l have Terran food again."

"Now, what are you going to do about J'Qhir?"

Leith sighed. She should have known Nura wouldn't allow the subject to be dropped. "Nothing. As I said, J'Qhir has made his choice. If he wishes to continue the relationship, then it's up to him to him to come to me."

"Leith, you're giving him every reason in the galaxy not to come to you."

"Exactly. If he does, then I'l know he truly wants me, that he doesn't come to me out of his over-blown sense of duty or honor or whatever the h.e.l.l it is the Zi feel." Leith regained her composure and said more softly, "I won't let him see me as an obligation, and that's exactly what he'l do if I go to him now."

Nura nodded. "I see your point. But what if he doesn't, Leith? What if he doesn't think you care?"

"If he cares, then he will come to me and ask me if I care. His duty should allow him that much."

"I don't know," Nura said softly. "He is, after all, male."

Later, Leith walked with her friend through the garden to the waiting aircar.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you like," Nura offered. "Meditating with the Arcs can help."

"They've helped enormously as it is. I do feel better, calmer. I need to return to the guesthouse and get ready for the conference."

"I wish you'd change your mind about staying afterwards. And I wish I could ask you to stay with me, but I live in my parents' home. They find humans emotionally unstable."

Leith smiled. "I really need to get home and see my parents. The guesthouse is very comfortable. I wouldn't want to cause you any more trouble than I already have."

"No trouble, Leith. You are my friend. Artilians, too, know the meaning of obligation. On Earth, you took me in and helped me more than you'l ever know. Whatever I can do while you're here will never begin to repay what I owe."

"Nonsense. You've done more for me than I can ever repay. But we are friends, and friends don't keep score."

"You're right."

"Will you be at the conference tonight?"

"And miss meeting your Zi? Never! Besides," she added with a laugh, "I am Chief Servitor of Security. I have to be there. You know, the Zi Tri-Council of Elders is in Katasa~ri. They arrived from their ship this afternoon."

Leith felt a chill skip down her spine. J'Qhir would never do anything to go against the Council.

"You were always so careful in the giving of your emotions," Nura said. "As if the other person had to prove him or herself worthy."

"What?" Bewildered, Leith puzzled over her friend's words. "Why would you think that? I always felt lucky you chose me to be your friend."

"And I would have done anything to be your friend. You have no idea you're so hard to reach? No matter. I am sorry that you're having difficulty with the male to whom you finally gave your heart."

Leith nodded in agreement, but the implications of Nura's observation made her blink. They said their farewells, and Leith got in the open aircar. As it carried her from Nura's family's estate and through the streets of Katasa~ri at a leisurely pace, she pondered what Nura had said.

Had she really seemed so unreachable? Could Khris and even Steve have been right-to a degree? In the end, was her testing of J'Qhir and his motives merely a way to keep him at a distance and protect her own heart?

Until that moment, she had come to the decision not to attend the conference. If J'Qhir didn't want her, there was no need to torture herself by being near him but unable to be with him. On the other hand, it would be her last chance to see him. Perhaps he hadn't had an opportunity to contact her because of the Council's arrival. She'd give him the benefit of doubt and confront him with her presence, reminding him of what they'd shared.

She stared up into the lavender sky and sighed. Either way, she'd find out tonight.

Chapter 14.

"Leith!"

Everyone called her name except the one she wanted to hear.

As she turned to greet Drew, one of her sandals caught against the floor and nearly sent her sprawling. Drew threw an arm around her shoulders to steady her, and Leith smiled at him gratefully.

"These shoes are catching on everything. Maybe I ought to go barefoot like the Biian monks," she whispered as several of the robed and hooded Biians pa.s.sed by.

"Sorry I'm late. I lost track of the time checking on the Rover. The repairs are almost finished." He looked around at the crowded Hall. "This has turned into a big event."

"I don't understand how so many arrived so quickly. It's only been a few days and half the galaxy is here."

Drew nodded toward a group headed toward them, and his arm tightened around her. "Media reporters, headed our way."

Leith leaned her head close to his. "What could they possibly want with us?"

"Not us. You. Haven't you listened to any of the reports on LinkNet? You're a hero."

"Me? Oh, no-"

"You opened communications with a people that has always been incommunicado. That's news."

"But I didn't do anything. I just told the story that J'Qhir told me. Please make them go away, Drew."

"I can't. Besides, you spent six weeks on a planet alone with a Zi. No, not just any Zi, but the Warrior of Zi. They want to know what that was like."

"No! Drew, please, I can't. Get me away. Now!"

"I'l do what I can. There are enough people here to hide behind." Drew steered her past a group of dignitaries. The reporters trailed close behind, and Leith felt as if she were being chased by the horde of flyers all over again. Except these creatures carried cams instead of stingers and were far more dangerous.

Past the dignitaries, around the refreshment tables, Leith came face-to-face with- "Leith..."

Finally, she heard her name spoken the way she longed to hear. She wanted to fling herself into his arms. He would make them all go away. He would protect her with his life...

As was his duty.

Did she dare show the least bit of intimacy with the Council of Elders and a horde of reporters surrounding them, watching their every move? She could not chance hurting him in any way.

"Commander," she murmured and nodded slightly. Then embarra.s.sment burned her face. She wished she could sink into the polished stone floor under her feet. Why had she reverted to Commander ? She should have called him Warrior. She couldn't look him in the eyes. She couldn't bear to see what she had done to him by using the word that had no meaning for him.

"Msss McClure," he rasped, each syllable precision cut.

The frenzied horde clamored for a picture of them together.

When she finally raised her head to see if he wanted to comply, she saw nothing in his exotic amber eyes. The black slits were narrow, but he only casually gazed at her. There was nothing in his eyes or on his face to indicate she held any special meaning for him whatsoever.

She'd done it all wrong. In trying to protect him, she'd given him the impression that she wanted this cold formality between them. She had fouled it up beyond all repair.

Stiffly, he held out his arm to her and she saw that he had removed his glove. The cool Artilian temperature must be uncomfortable for him. The three Zi behind him frowned and one muttered gutturally. J'Qhir replied sharply and briefly in his own language.

Leith looked at his hand, a hand that had held her breast but didn't know what to do with it...a hand that had explored her intimately and knew exactly what to do. She laid her fingers over his. Their eyes met again, his unblinking. Then she turned and smiled for the cams. Lights flashed and their images were instantly transported over a hundred LinkNet channels to over a thousand worlds.

Questions were thrown at them, so many, so quickly, she couldn't understand one from another. All the while, her fingers lay lightly upon his and his trembled beneath hers. She attributed it to the chill in the room. She wanted to squeeze his fingers, to let him know somehow that what she had said was wrong, but she was too scared to move and afraid whatever she did he would misinterpret again.

Then his hand was gone from hers.

She looked around to find him disappearing into the throng, trailing behind the Council. She reached for Drew.

"Get me out of here now," she whispered between gritted teeth.

Drew hustled her past the reporters, beyond dignitaries and amba.s.sadors. They threaded their way through a sea of beings until Drew stopped short. Two Artilian watchers, who acted as security, stood beside an unmarked door. While Drew spoke to one, Leith frantically searched the floor. No sign of J' Qhir or any of the Zi. Where had they taken him? What would they do to him? Would the Council consider their hands touching a transgression? Would they punish J'Qhir for allowing, even encouraging, the picture taking?

As the reporters descended once again, Drew grabbed Leith's arm and pulled her through the door. They walked down a corridor and Drew opened a door to one side.

"The security guard said you will be unmolested here-that's the word he used. Do you want something, Leith? Something to eat or drink?"

The thought of food made her sick, but she agreed to water and Drew left to get some.

The room was small, its walls colored a soothing pale blue, and muted lighting. The only furnishings were a table and several chairs and a divan. Leith paced a few minutes, then burst into tears and collapsed on the divan.

She had to get control of herself before Drew returned. Oh, what had she done! She should not have called him Commander at that moment. She should have said his name in answer to his using her own. But she was frightened of how the Council of Elders might retaliate if they suspected something improper between them. Of course, she would choose the wrong thing to do.

It would always be so. Why would she ever think she could be competent in anything she did or said? She had failed as she had failed in so many things before. Except in loving him with all her heart and soul.

Perhaps she should perform the Zi failure ritual that she had stopped J'Qhir from carrying out.

Slowly, the door opened. Leith hastily wiped at her eyes. She wished she didn't have to face Drew in this condition, but if he hadn't figured it out by now, he never would. She looked up to find a hooded Biian monk closing the door behind him.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, "but you have the wrong room."

Biian monks took their vows of silence so seriously they had their vocal chords surgically altered so they wouldn't utter a sound. This monk shook his head negatively so that his whole body moved from side to side.

"This is my room. If you'l go back to the watchers, they'l give you-"

"I have the right room, Leith," a familiar voice said from the depths of the cowl, then he lifted his hands and drew back the folds of cloth around his head.

"Steve!" Leith choked on the name. "How- You're dead. J'Qhir blew your ship to stardust."

"I was never aboard that ship," Steve explained. "I created the illusion of being there. I was on another ship, transmitting my image to your ship via the Brimstone. The Rep blew Carter and Phillips to stardust, not me."

Leith made a dash for the door, but Steve caught her and held a Blaser to her neck.

"Blasting you this close, I'l lose a few atoms but don't think I won't do it."

"What are you doing, Steve?"

"Revenge for everything you and the Rep have cost me. I can't get to the Rep, but killing you and his unholy sp.a.w.n will be enough."

It took a moment for the meaning of his words to sink in, but they still didn't make much sense. "His what? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, didn't you know? When Carter scanned the Starfire, it read six lifeforms. Drew, the two Reps, the birdman, and you. That left one unaccounted for. The only answer is you're carrying his half-breed b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Let me be the first to congratulate you," he snarled.

A child! Leith would have dropped to her knees if Steve hadn't been holding onto her. A child...she thought numbly as Steve pulled out another robe. Woodenly, she allowed him to slip the sleeves over her arms and draw up the hood.

Not stress or nerves. It explained her nausea and why her monthly cycle was overdue. Stress or malnutrition or excessive physical strain-she'd come up with a dozen sensible reasons. And the one, burning in the back of her mind, the one she thought impossible because of their physiological differences, the creation of a child, was the answer.

Steve jabbed her with the Blaser again, pressing the heavy material into her neck.

"Drew will be back any minute."

"No, he won't. I've taken care of him."

"You didn't-"

"No, I didn't. I left an emergency message for him to contact McClure Shipping. It will take him a while to get a free line because of the media."

She had to stall for time. Where there's life, there's hope, J'Qhir had reminded her so long ago when Steve had incarcerated them on the Catherine McClure. If she had only herself to consider, she wouldn't go with Steve and dare him to blast her where she stood. She'd lost J'Qhir to his dedication and her own incompetence, she would have nothing more to lose.

Except now she knew she carried a baby-J'Qhir's child-and she couldn't risk that life. Even if the probability factor was high that Steve had lied for his own malicious purposes, the baby, however slight the chance of its existence, came first.

"What are you going to do with me? Whatever it is, you can't get away with it."