Speed the Plough Part 20

_Handy, jun._ No, sir; for a parent's best plan is his son's happiness, and that it will establish. Come, give us your consent. Consider how we admire all your wonderful inventions.

_Sir Abel._ No, not my plough, Bob--but 'tis a devilish clever plough.

_Handy, jun._ I dare say it is. Come, sir, consent, and perhaps, in our turn, we may invent something that may please you.

_Sir Abel._ He! he! he! well--but hold--what's the use of my consent without my wife's--bless you! I dare no more approve, without--

_Enter_ GERALD.

_Gerald._ Health to this worthy company!

_Sir Abel._ The same to you, sir.

_Handy, jun._ Who have we here, I wonder?

_Gerald._ I wish to speak with Sir Abel Handy.

_Sir Abel._ I am the person.

_Gerald._ You are married?

_Sir Abel._ d.a.m.n it! he sees it in my face.--Yes, I have that happiness.

_Gerald._ Is it a happiness?

_Sir Abel._ To say the truth--why do you ask?

_Gerald._ I want answers, not questions--and depend on't 'tis your interest to answer me.

_Handy, jun._ An extraordinary fellow this!

_Gerald._ Would it break your heart to part with her!

_Sir Abel._ Who are you, sir, that----

_Gerald._ Answers--I want answers--would it break your heart, I ask?

_Sir Abel._ Why, not absolutely, I hope. Time, and philosophy, and----

_Gerald._ I understand--what sum of money wou'd you give to the man, who would dissolve your marriage contract?

_Handy, jun._ He means something, sir.

_Sir Abel._ Do you think so, Bob?

_Gerald._ Would you give a thousand pounds?

_Sir Abel._ No!

_Handy, jun._ No!

_Sir Abel._ No; I would not give one; but I would give five thousand pounds.

_Gerald._ Generously offered--a bargain--I'll do it.

_Sir Abel._ But, an't you deceiving me?

_Gerald._ What should I gain by that?

_Sir Abel._ Tell me your name?

_Gerald._ Time will tell that.

_Lady H._ [_Without._] Sir Abel, where are you?

_Gerald._ That's your wife's voice--I know it.

_Sir Abel._ So do I.

_Gerald._ I'll wait without--Cry, "Hem!" when you want me.

_Sir Abel._ Then you need not go far-- [_Exit_ GERALD.

I dare not believe it--I should go out of my wits--and then if he fail, what a pickle I shall be in! Here she is.

_Enter_ LADY HANDY.

_Lady H._ So, sir, I have found you at last?

_Handy, jun._ My honoured mamma, you have just come in time to give your consent to my marriage with my sweet Susan.

_Lady H._ And do you imagine I will agree to such degradation?

_Ash._ Do'e, Lady Nelly, do'e be kind hearted to the young loviers.--Remember how I used to let thee zit up all night a sweethearting.

_Lady H._ Silence! and have you dared to consent? [_To_ SIR ABEL.

_Sir Abel._ Oh, no, my Lady!

_Handy, jun._ Sir, you had better cry--"Hem."

_Sir Abel._ I think it's time, Bob--Hem!

_Handy, jun._ Hem!

_Lady H._ What do you mean by--Hem!

_Sir Abel._ Only, my dear, something troublesome I want to get rid of--Hem!