Southern Boys: Finding Gavin Part 1

Finding Gavin.

(Southern Boys).

C.A. Harms.

Dedication.

I do honestly believe that all things happen for a reason. The bad may seem at the time like the end of your world. It may feel as if it will never get better and your soul is falling apart but it leads you on to your next chapter. It gives you the push to hold your head high and show life you are strong, and nothing will knock you down. This one is for all of you who have had those moments when you feel you are at your lowest. Stand tall and show everyone you can't be knocked down.

Prologue.

Maria.

I had to believe he came into my life for a reason. Whether to jump start my heart or crush it, there was a purpose behind our encounter.

Gavin Wyatt Tennison was a cowboy from Savannah with a broken heart. He set forth my destruction. He had never made any promises. In fact, he made it a point to tell me he wanted no ties with any woman. Not after what his wife had put him through. Nicole had destroyed him, by sleeping with his boss. A man he thought to be a friend helped destroy his marriage.

Gavin now believed faithfulness and true love were only a lie-a plan set forth only to make us feel weak right before the attack, leaving behind its wounded victim, only jagged pieces of someone who at one time was whole.

So falling for him was all my fault. I let my guard down and let him seep into my soul. Now I was the one suffering, feeling tattered and bruised. The entire situation left a G.o.d-awful taste in my mouth. An ache so deep it was impossible to reach, unable to be mended.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, as it appeared to be the story of my life. After all, I was the girl whose daddy ran off, leaving her behind without thinking twice. I was the mid-life crisis baby. He had his boys, all four of them-Randall, Billy, Jacob and Colton-my brothers.

When my father left I was four; my youngest brother, at eighteen years old, had been convinced it was in his best interest to go along too.

The only two brothers I occasionally heard from were Colt, who was the youngest of the boys, and Jake, who was just shy of a year older than Colt. They lived near my dad and spent most of their time trying to please the man who has always been impossible to please. It was his way or no way, no exceptions.

My father was a mean, cold-hearted man; that was the easiest way to categorize him. He was stubborn and pigheaded and has only ever thought of himself. He never cared who he hurt along the way, as long as he had what he wanted. I was more than sure he didn't have a compa.s.sionate fiber in his body.

Because I was the little girl that my own dad didn't really want, Gavin's rejection shouldn't have been a surprise. It hurt like crazy, though. It wasn't hard to fall for him, not hard at all. He was mighty fine to look at; those eyes of his could melt any woman's soul. That d.a.m.n adorable grin he sported made my body weak. His lips were so d.a.m.n appealing-I could have dreams about them alone. In fact, I did often, and they were always some of my most favorite dreams.

It took nothing at all for him to capture me, even when he wasn't trying. Gavin had told me from the beginning that, if anything happened between us, it would only be for fun. He refused to let me in, and I just kept hoping that one day he might.

I was just the dumb girl who thought one time with a man like him would be enough to scratch the itch.

But one time with a man like Gavin only sealed my fate. I was now, and would forever be, addicted to his touch. No one would ever be able to make me feel what he had. No one would ever give me the sense of completion the way that man had. And he wasn't even trying; it was just uncontrollable.

From the first kiss, I knew that Gavin Tennison would only make every other man feel like a waste. He had ruined me. Although I thought I had already accomplished that on my own, I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It has been two weeks since he left. Two very long weeks since he went back to Savannah. Two weeks since I had gone to his house and gave in to the undeniable temptation.

When I woke up in his bed that last morning, beside a very naked Gavin, I internally cursed myself. I had once again given in to the desire I felt for him. I had told myself after that first time together I wouldn't allow myself to give when I got nothing in return.

But the moment his lips skimmed over my neck and his hands gripped my hips, I was lost in the heavenly bliss he always brought upon me.

The words he spoke that morning before he left pulled at my heart.

"I wish I could give you more, Maria." Gavin whispered as he held me in a tight embrace, with his face buried against my neck and his hot breath fanning out over my chest.

"I wish more than anything that things were different. That this whole mess was behind me. There are just some things that need to be taken care of, before the divorce goes through. I don't want to drag you along. I just don't know if I have it in me to give my all to you right now."

Gavin pulled back and tilted my chin upward, looking in my eyes with sadness. "It just isn't fair of me to put you through that. It isn't fair to give you false hope."

I couldn't speak, so I only closed my eyes tight as his lips touched mine gently.

I felt his body pull back from mine and I knew he was leaving. I couldn't watch him leave. It hurt too much to think of him walking away from me. I didn't know from this point what to expect when it came to us, and that was devastating.

Nicole had flipped things on him completely. She was doing everything she could to hold on. She would call him and text at random times. I could sense the irritation in his voice every time they talked. She was pulling out all the stops, attempting everything possible to draw him back in, and my biggest fear was that she would win.

I know he said right now he couldn't offer me anything, but the last thing I wanted was for that cheating little b.i.t.c.h to get her claws back into him.

My heart honestly hurt for him; she was playing him so much. I just wished he would wake up and see what I could see. Gavin was too kind-hearted, in my opinion. He owed her nothing, but she took what they had and threw it away, and now she just needed to allow him to find happiness with someone else.

It was because of that b.i.t.c.h and what she had done to him that he was so withdrawn. I don't know if he will ever be willing to love again, but I couldn't stop myself from believing that one day he might.

Chapter One.

"Maria, your phone is ringing again." My momma called out from the next room.

I made no attempt to rush to answer it. I already knew who was calling. It was Kori. She calls every day around the same time.

I had done a decent job avoiding her lately. I know she meant well, but d.a.m.n it, it was hard to talk about everything. In the end, it only made her mad to see how I was allowing this all to destroy me.

A girl could only take so much rejection before she felt defeated. I had reached that point. I felt as if I no longer had a fight in me. My feisty go get'em att.i.tude had depleted to a mere nothing. I just didn't care anymore.

I was miserable about the fact I could not stomach my best friend's picture-perfect life. It disgusted me that I felt jealous of something she deserved so much.

Reed and Kori were perfect together. I wanted a life like that so much. I wanted that undeniable love, that 'can't breathe without you' kinda love. I wanted a man who would look at me the way Reed idolized Kori. He was in awe of her-it was written all over his face. There wasn't a d.a.m.n thing he wouldn't do for her.

"Maria." My momma stood in the doorway of my room, holding my phone in her hand. I looked up to find a concerned look on her face. "Sweetheart, are you okay? Did something happen between you and Kori? Is that why you don't want to talk to her?"

I shook my head and attempted a smile. "No momma, Kori and I are fine. Really."

She stepped into the room and took a seat on the bed next to me. Brushing my hair back away from my eyes, she tucked it behind my ear. "I'm not sure what's going on with you, sweet girl, but I'm worried about you. I can tell you're hiding something. You can't hide things from me; you know I'll just worry. I can tell something heavy is weighing on your mind."

"Momma," I said, as my eyes met hers and I took a deep breath. She watched me quietly, waiting for me to continue. I knew that I needed to provide her with some sort of explanation. She wouldn't be happy without something to ease her mind.

"Sometimes I feel like I just don't deserve happiness. I mean, I guess I look for it too hard or something. I don't know what it is, but I just don't think I was meant to find that happy ending we all strive for." I took a deep breath, nervously twisting my hands in my lap. "I'm supposed to be helping Kori plan her wedding, but instead I'm hiding out."

I shook my head is disgust. "What kind of person avoids her best friend because she's jealous of her? I mean, that's just awful momma, admit it. I should be helping her, but I just keep avoiding it all instead."

My momma was the sweetest, gentlest person I knew. She was also very strong-willed and had survived some very dark days of her own.

She laid my phone down on the bed next to her and turned back to face me. Taking my hand into hers, she squeezed it gently. "Sweetheart, we all are tested. Every last one of us is faced with struggles we must overcome. Kori had some pretty hard times. She fell to the bottom and had to fight her way back up. You watched as the girl fell apart day after day."

She wiped the tear from my cheek. "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You deserve everything good; please don't say otherwise. Your daddy was the fool, and I know that's what this all boils down to. You have let that man's mistakes control your choices. Stop with all that nonsense. It had nothing to do with you. You were just a child, Maria; you did nothing wrong."

I looked down at my lap, doing everything I could to avoid the truth. "He was and still is a stubborn ole' jacka.s.s, and he missed out on an amazing experience. He has missed out on the beautiful, strong woman you've become. You did nothing wrong, please believe that."

She reached out and tipped my chin upward, forcing my eyes to connect with hers. "One of these days, you're gonna find a man who cherishes the love you give him. He'll realize that a life with you will be one of the greatest gifts he could ever receive. Don't for one second think you deserve anything less."

All I could do was nod. I needed to snap out of this. This pitiful form of myself wasn't me at all. I was stronger than this and I knew how to fight back. I learned from the greatest woman I knew that you should never let anyone knock you down.

I needed no man to make me feel whole. I was and would forever be the girl who stood tall, and it was time to stop letting Gavin consume my world. If he was determined to keep me at a distance, I would stay away. I would move forward without hesitation.

I wouldn't force any man to love me. I would no longer hold out for the hope that he would realize I was not like her. I was nothing like the woman who broke him.

"Well, it's about time you stop avoiding me. I've missed you." Kori reached across the table top and took my hand in hers. "Do you remember when I came back home and you wouldn't let me fall deeper than I already had?" I looked up to meet her determined eyes. I must have my mood written all over my face. She read me so well. "Well, be prepared for payback. I will not sit back and allow you to lose yourself. I am and will always be here for you. No matter what, I'm in your corner."

"I'm fine, Kori, really. Okay, so yeah, I fell for a guy who didn't return those feelings. I fell for a guy who told me from the beginning he wasn't ready for anything more than that one night. I was the one who willingly dove in head first, even though everything inside me screamed not to. It's my fault, all mine. Now I just have to move on from it. It's been two weeks, and all I've gotten are a few short text messages."

I squared my shoulders and forced back the impending tears. "I'm done pining over it all. Enough about Gavin and my nonexistent relationship; it's time for me to move on from it."

I forced a smile, "I have a date tonight, and I refuse to continue to dwell on the heartache I have for the blue-eyed cowboy."

I waved my hand to the side as if to brush the subject away. "Besides, we have a beautiful wedding to plan."

With this, Kori's face lit up. She had it all, and she beamed from the bliss of it.

"Okay," she smiled big. "But don't you go thinking I'm not gonna have you filling me in later about this date. You'll have to tell me all about it." She winked before grabbing the folder that held all of her wedding plans. We were quickly distracted, no longer dwelling on my love life-or lack thereof.

Reed's love for Kori was beautiful. You could see it in his eyes that she and Rhett were his world. That man loved her with everything inside him, with no reservations. A love like they share is amazing and so hard to find.

They got a second chance at love. They completed one another, and the love they shared made me realize that there were beautiful moments hidden within the darkness. The unhappy darkness that had lately surrounded me.

It was time I occupied myself with something other than the cowboy I can't have.

What better way to do that than plan a beautiful wedding, for two people who were made for one another?

Chapter Two.

Kori and Reed would be married in a June, which left less than two months to get everything in line. I had been dragging my feet, and that wasn't helping matters much.

Today was definitely one of those days I could live without. We were taking a trip into Savannah-Leann, Kori, and me.

I had to admit the idea of Savannah only made me think of Gavin. He was there still trying to settle everything with Nicole. The idea of him and her, together, made my skin crawl.

He had yet to contact me. I had only gotten a couple of random texts from him over the last couple of weeks. They were very short and to the point. Nothing elaborate or extra special, just 'how are you' and 'missing your smile.'

He didn't owe me anything, but it would have been real nice to hear his voice.

When he left, things with him and me were a little strange. He was one confusing man. One moment he would look at me as if he wanted to throw me up over his shoulder and lock me away for hours, just the two of us. Then it would all change, and he would barely even make eye contact. It was as if he would suddenly remember he still had things holding him back. It was a struggle within him I didn't quite understand.

I pulled into Kori's driveway and found both her and Leann already waiting on the porch. Reed stood at their side holding Rhett in his arms. They all turned to look in my direction as my tires crunched along the gravel.

Slapping on the best happy face I could manage, I opened my car door and walked toward them. Leann and Kori had already been texting me to get a move on. The both of them had been waiting on me for close to an hour.

As I stepped up onto the porch, Rhett let out a squeal and reached out for me. Kori laughed and Reed shook his head. This little man could take all my hurt and anger and turn it right into smiles and giggles. He was without a doubt a cure for my current heartache. I was putty in that little boy's hands, and I loved him dearly.

I took him from Reed, and he wrapped his arms around my neck tightly. "Hey, buddy, thanks for the lovin', handsome." I kissed his cookie-covered cheek and he giggled. Kori continued to watch me closely, and I refused to meet her gaze, but I could feel her stare.

After a few minutes of some much needed snuggles from my sweet little man, Reed took Rhett back into his arms. Kori stood from the chair to give her son a kiss goodbye.

Reed watched, in awe of the two of them, and it made my heart melt. "You girls be careful and have a good time. Rhett's gonna go fishing with me and Dad, so we'll keep busy. Enjoy your day." He winked at me and gave Kori a kiss before turning to take Rhett inside.

"I gotta stop by Momma's place to pick her up, then we'll head out," Kori said as she continued to observe me with an odd look on her face.

I raised my shoulders in question. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

A few silent moments pa.s.sed before she spoke again. "Gavin got back this morning. I was trying to weigh it out, see if you knew."

I fought against the disappointment that was now taking me over. I could only shake my head lightly as I turned toward the driveway and walked in the direction of the car. What the h.e.l.l was he planning on doing, avoiding me? I did my best to appear as if the news had absolutely no effect on me.

When Kori and Leann climbed into the car, there was an uncomfortable silence. It was really irritating and only seemed to make it harder for me not to scream. "You do know I'm not gonna break, right? I'm fine, and if he doesn't want to talk or see me, then to h.e.l.l with him. I won't give him that control over me. He doesn't deserve it."

"Do you want me to call her and tell her to just meet us at the end of the lane?" Kori asked. "Gavin is there helping with the things that piled up while he was gone."

I shook my head and forced a smile. "No, I am not gonna hide Kori. I heard from him three times while he was gone. Three blunt, nothing special text messages were all I was worth to him. But there has been nothing for the last week, so I got the hint. I won't force anything from anyone. I am fine with it all, no need to dwell on it," I insisted.

"Please just stop worrying about me. I had a really good time with Aaron the other night, and I plan on seeing him again. I am not sitting around waiting on Gavin. I'm good, really."

I loved Kori to the moon and back, but she was driving me insane. Her mothering tendencies were enough to make me want to strangle her at times. I didn't need a mother hen; I needed a friend. And right now I needed her to stop pushing.

I think I may have held my breath during the entire drive to her parents' house. My heart was racing and my stomach was flipping like crazy.