Someday I'll Find You Part 6

There stood Sarah Connelly smiling and holding out her clean shirt.

Her smile faded as she noticed Rae's red eyes and the beer in her hand. "Special delivery."

Rae frowned as she stepped back. "Did Delia tell you where I lived?" she asked angrily.

Sarah raised an eyebrow as Rae closed the door. "No, why? Is it a military secret?" she asked lightly as she looked around.

The living room was s.p.a.cious and looked lived in. Overstuffed chairs situated themselves nicely on either side of a huge comfortable-looking couch. All faced a nice fireplace. Sarah shivered; it was getting chilly outside, but the fireplace looked as though it had never been used.

"Very funny," Rae grumbled.

"What's wrong?" She set the shirt on the back of the couch and faced Rae.

"Nothing. I just don't like surprises. Is that all right?" she snapped and drank her beer.

"Perfectly. Me? I love surprises. Are you going to offer me one or throw me out?" Sarah asked, refusing to be rankled.

Rae ran her fingers through her wet hair. "Oh, sit down," she grumbled and walked through the dining room.

"Thank you," Sarah said and looked around. "Needs a woman's touch," she whispered to herself. "Or a woman who likes to clean." Dust was everywhere. She followed Rae and noticed an open kitchen off the dining room with a small counter with two barstools. She hoisted herself up on one and drummed her fingers on the counter. She watched Rae as she got a beer. Rae turned around and saw her sitting there watching her.

"Let's go in the living room."

"Yes, Commander," Sarah said gravely, then smiled.

Rae ignored her as she led the way back to the living room.

Sarah glanced down the hallway and saw two bedroom doors and the bathroom at the end of the hall. "Hmm, cozy. Small, but cozy."

"Well, it's just me," Rae said defensively over her shoulder. Sarah opened her mouth to say something, then looked to the heavens and thought better of it as she sat on the couch.

Rae stood there. "Give me a minute. I'll change." She turned and walked out of the living room without another word.

"Good grief, what a grump." Sarah took a drink of her beer and walked to the bookcase. "Hmm. Oscar Wilde, Sh.e.l.ley?" she said in amazement. Then she looked around and noticed the pictures. "Georgia O'Keeffe?" her voice squeaked out as she looked down the hall. Okay, who stole Commander Rae Jefferson?

Rae came back into the living room a few minutes later. "See anything you like?"

Sarah jumped and whirled around. Rae was sporting a smug frown. She wore a pair of tan slacks and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing muscled forearms. Sarah smiled inwardly; she cleans up nice.

"Everything actually. Do you honestly read Sh.e.l.ley?"

"On rare occasions, when I'm not bedding young women," Rae said sarcastically.

Sarah gave her a curious look. "And do you bed young women often?"

"Yep, two, three a day," she said and raised her beer.

Sarah stood there, looking at the books. "You must give me the vitamins you take. May I?" She pointed to a book.

"Sure, why not?" Rae watched her as she gently handled the book, smiling as she read.

"Love's Philosophy?" she said softly, almost to herself. She closed the book, caressing the cover.

Rae cleared her throat and took a big drink. "Sh.e.l.ley was a brooding jacka.s.s," she said rudely.

"Unlike certain retired naval commanders," Sarah countered, smiling.

Rae said nothing and took another long pull from the beer bottle.

Sarah glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "So are we going out for dinner or not?" Sarah stood by the fireplace. "And why don't you have this going? It's cold outside. I have a fireplace, and I have it going nonstop. Nothing nicer than a roaring fire..."

"If I start one, will you keep quiet?" Rae asked smugly.

"Probably not. I could never promise something like that."

Rae hid her smile as she drank the remainder of her beer. "Another?"

"No, I'm fine."

Rae walked away, and Sarah watched her retreating figure, noticing her flexing her shoulder as she walked out of sight. She came back with a beer and some firewood. Sarah smiled happily as she sat on the couch and watched Rae build a fire. When she was finished, the fire was roaring. She stood there staring at the flames.

"Bravo. I'm impressed," Sarah said. "Now how about I make dinner? You don't seem like you want to socialize with the human race right now."

Rae started to say something, then looked down into those gray eyes and sighed. "Fine, it's all yours." She pointed to the kitchen. Sarah rubbed her hands together and headed for the kitchen. She turned and grabbed Rae by the arm.

"Oh, no, you don't. I'm sure you had K.P. duty in the navy."

Chapter 9.

Sarah opened the fridge and gave a shocking look. "Good heavens, woman, do you eat?" Sarah pushed the beer bottles out of the way.

Rae was picking out a bottle of wine from the wine rack. "Sorry, I didn't do any food shopping this year."

Sarah laughed quietly and looked through her cabinets. "Well, let's see. You have pasta, pasta... I say pasta for dinner."

Rae shrugged and opened the wine, pouring two gla.s.ses. Sarah eyed her cautiously.

"Don't say it. I know you think I drink too much. If I hadn't quit, I'd smoke too much, and I chase young women."

"Sounds like most of the men I know." Sarah opened the can of tomatoes and poured them into the pan. She threw a towel over her shoulder and got to work.

Rae leaned against the counter and watched her. She was humming quietly, feeling very much at home. Rae was staring at her hips again.

Sarah Connelly was not your typical lesbian, whatever that was. She looked like she could be someone's mother. She seemed comfortable with herself and the world, Rae thought and winced at her own mistrust of the world around her. Sarah was average height and was certainly shapely, for the shape she was in, Rae thought with a nod. All of the sudden, the color rose in her face as she realized she wasn't listening.

Sarah was sporting a happy smile as she asked again, "Garlic?"

"Oh, I-I," Rae stumbled pathetically.

Sarah raised her hand. "Never mind. How long has that bread been in...? Never mind," she said again and took out the long loaf. She turned on the oven, then cut the bread and spread it with b.u.t.ter and wrapped it in foil and placed it in the oven.

"We eat in fifteen minutes," she said happily. Rae handed her a gla.s.s of wine. "Thank you."

Dinner was actually delightful. They talked of their childhoods, their lost loves, and college days. Rae was enthralled as she listened to the eloquent manner in which Sarah spoke. Her soft lilting voice lulled Rae completely. She thought at one point she actually sighed openly.

"So after I graduated from Boston College, I got my master's and did my dissertation at Northwestern. I've been there ever since." Sarah smiled across at Rae. "And that's it in a nutsh.e.l.l." She finished and raised her gla.s.s.

Rae smiled back and watched her. "Why didn't you stay out East?"

Sarah thought for a moment. "I missed the Midwest. It's my home, and I had no reason to stay out there. I love Chicago. I can't imagine living anywhere else. Unless of course, I fall madly in love again. Then I suppose it wouldn't matter where I lived," she said with a chuckle. "However, I'd have to be madly in love."

Rae continued to smile and said nothing.

"Have you ever been in love, Rae? I mean madly, head over heels in love?" She rested her chin on her hand. "Or do you 'wander lonely as a cloud' as Mr. Wordsworth says?"

Rae stopped smiling and thought of all the women she'd known. "I guess I've been wandering like your clouds. So, no, I have to be honest with you. I don't think I've ever really fallen in love. Oh, I've stepped in it a few times up to my a.s.s but never fallen."

Sarah let out an amused chuckle and nodded.

Rae gave her a curious look. "What's it like?"

Sarah raised her eyebrows in contemplation. She then sported a wistful look. "When it works? There's no feeling like it in the world." She stared at her gla.s.s.

Rae c.o.c.ked her head and noticed the forlorn look on her face. "And when it doesn't?"

Sarah blinked, and for a moment, a tear welled in her eye. She then smiled. "There's no feeling like it in the world," she whispered sadly. "But perhaps someday..."

"Someday what?"

Sarah looked into her eyes. "Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I think of a certain someone, and I tell her, someday I'll find you."

When she smiled, Rae noticed the tear almost slip from her eye. Sarah reached up to wipe it away.

"Maybe someday you will," Rae said softly.

"Maybe."

For a moment or two, they just sat, looking at each other. Sarah smiled, her gray eyes sparkling now. Rae just looked, not knowing what in the h.e.l.l she was feeling. She then swallowed and took a deep breath, then drained the contents of her winegla.s.s.

She stood and rolled up her sleeves and started to collect the dishes. Sarah, in a bold move, reached over and held her wrist. Her fingers lightly traced the scar on her forearm.

"Tell me," she said softly as her fingers caressed the jagged scar.

Rae swallowed with difficulty. This is where she usually joked, then made a move, and the young women swooned and followed her right to the bedroom. Instinctively, she knew this would not happen with Sarah, or at least, she didn't want that, not that way. h.e.l.l, she didn't know what she wanted.

"Good grief, what are you thinking?" Sarah asked, smiling.

Rae shot her a look and pulled her arm away. "Nothing. I've got K.P., you sit."

Sarah gazed into her eyes and smiled sadly. "Okay," she said. "For now." She drank her wine and looked at the bottle. It was nearly empty.

Rae noticed her glance. "I really don't drink all that much. I, you..." She stopped and angrily walked into the living room.

Sarah sat there watching her stand by the fire. She walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Rae, look at me."

Rae turned around, and Sarah was shocked to see tears in her eyes. "Please, please, tell me," she begged quietly.

Rae opened her mouth, then quickly shut it. "It's nothing. I'm sorry. You've picked a real a.s.shole to have dinner with."

Sarah angrily pulled her around. "Don't talk like that. Something happened to you. It must have been horribly painful if you can't talk about it. I understand, truly. I'll listen whenever you want to talk."

All at once, Rae got angry. Angry with herself, with the navy. Angry with that young Navy SEAL lying in the sand, angry at everything. She grabbed Sarah by the shoulders and shook her.

"Don't play with me. I don't need you. I don't want you, and I don't need your psycho-bulls.h.i.t." She shook her so hard Sarah's head snapped back. Rae was feeling the drink and the weight of the world. "I know what you want," she said with a snarl, then roughly pulled Sarah into her arms and kissed her. Her tongue a.s.saulted Sarah's mouth, forcing her lips apart as she reached up to cup her breast.

Sarah struggled and pushed her away. "You big conceited a.s.s. How dare you manhandle me like one of your..." Sarah stopped and put her hand through her hair. "You big juvenile. You deserve the young and inexperienced, so you can lie to them and to yourself. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. A grown woman acting like a....man. Oh, if I were a violent person, I'd..." She raised her hands and shoved Rae as hard as she could. Rae reeled backward over the ottoman and crashed to the floor and lay there in stunned silence.

Sarah breathed like a bull, pushing her hair off her forehead. She then started to cry, d.a.m.ning herself as she looked for her jacket.

Rae struggled to her feet, petrified that Sarah would leave, terrified that she'd stay.

Sarah found her jacket and stormed to the door. Rae ran to her just as she opened it. "Wait, Sarah."

Sarah pulled her arm free and looked at her through teary eyes. "I'm sorry for you, Rae, truly I am." She then turned and walked down the steps and out of sight.

Rae stood there and just watched. She then closed the door, walked into the kitchen, and opened a bottle of beer. "Smooth, Jefferson, just like you."

Chapter 10.

Delia dialed Rae again, no answer. Then she tried Sarah. After a brief explanation from Sarah, Delia drove to Rae's house. She had a spare key and let herself in.

"Rae?"

She walked in and looked around the room. There was an empty bottle of beer on the coffee table, but there was no Rae. She walked into the dining room, and suddenly, someone grabbed her from behind. Instinctively, she knew it was Rae.

"Rae. Rae, it's me, Delia." She tried to cry out, but Rae had her in a stranglehold. Just as she thought she would lose consciousness, Rae released her.