Solomon Vs. Lord Part 28

"Yeah, what was that all about?" Steve held the brown plaid jacket up to the mirror. "You know better than to interrupt me when I'm rocking."

"I wanted to tell you something-"

"Dr. Kranchick, you look lovely tonight," Steve practiced into the mirror.

"-about that Breitling watch."

"Did I look like I was lying just then?"

"No more than usual. Are you listening, Uncle Steve?"

"Yeah, the watch Katrina bought for Charles. Maybe I should ask Victoria what she's wearing. We could be color-coordinated."

"Then you'd be super dorky." Bobby slurped the shake, a glob of peanut b.u.t.ter stuck in the straw. "What I wanted to tell you, I looked at all the pictures, and Mr. Barksdale had skinny arms and wrists."

"So?"

"All his other watches were thin, but the Breitling Superocean is thick. It's heavy-duty, good to like three thousand feet."

"So it's a dive watch. What of it?"

"In those pictures on the beach and on boats, why wasn't he ever wearing it?"

Steve was looking for a tie to match the brown plaid. "Like you said, it wasn't his style. Maybe he didn't like it."

"So why'd Mrs. Barksdale buy it for him?"

"Because she's a ditz. What difference does it make?"

"Was Mr. Barksdale a scuba diver?"

"I doubt he ever got out of the Jacuzzi. Can you wear a striped tie with a plaid-" Steve stopped. A feeling of dread crept over him. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"If you ask me, Uncle Steve, Mrs. Barksdale bought the watch for somebody who wasn't her husband."

At about the same time as Steve was trying to match a plaid suit with a striped tie, Victoria was dressing in Jackie Tuttle's Grove Isle condo. They had played two hours of tennis, Victoria rushing the net whenever possible, and sometimes when it wasn't. Jackie had been content to stand at the baseline and hit a variety of d.i.n.ks, drops, and dipsy doodles, expending as little energy as possible while talking nonstop. Flying to the net was not only draining, it could also break a girl's nose if she got walloped by one of Victoria's powerful volleys.

Now, after showering and downing a pair of gin and tonics each, they were slipping into their clothes while chattering about work and men and a shoe sale at Bloomingdale's. Jackie had changed into a Roberto Cavalli black spandex top with open shoulders, dripping with gold-tone chains. Examining herself in the mirror, she cupped both hands under her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and lifted them. "How do my bazooms look?"

"Big and bodacious," Victoria said.

"That's the idea."

Victoria chose a consignment-shop Ralph Lauren dress, white silk from the waist down, a s.e.xy silver mesh racer's back on top. Like a wrestler's singlet, it was scooped low, leaving her shoulders and most of her back bare.

"You can't wear a bra with that," Jackie said, pouring herself into tight, stretchy black and gold jeans that picked up the gold chain motif.

"Wasn't planning to. Do I look too flat-chested?"

"Not a bit. It's great on you. Really hot. You just don't usually . . ."

"What?"

"Dress like that. But it's terrific."

Victoria borrowed a pair of Jackie's shoes-ankle-wrap champagne sandals with three-inch heels-then spent longer than usual on her makeup, trying the chestnut lip liner before starting over with red chocolate, a perfect match with the naked pink lipstick. Jackie watched, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"What now?" Victoria demanded.

"Nothing. You just seem different tonight. Less inhibited."

"I'm playing a role, that's all."

"Uh-huh."

"I need to make an impression."

"On the doctor or the Bad Boy?"

"Don't start with that. I'm playing the kind of woman Solomon would marry."

"When you're with Bruce, do you play the kind of woman he'd marry?"

"What's that mean?"

"Don't take this wrong," Jackie said, "because I'm your absolutely best friend and I'm not being catty. But I'm just wondering. Which is the real you?"

An hour later, the two women were sitting at a table for five at the Coconut Grove Yacht Club, a pleasantly aging relic of a more genteel era, just yards from the marina. The sun was just setting over the Everglades, but Victoria and Jacqueline already had downed two martinis each. Knowing how much Steve was depending on her, Victoria was starting to feel the pressure. She also had doubts about her mission: How on earth could she reverse whatever lousy impression Steve already had made? She signaled the waiter. Maybe another drink would settle her nerves.

"This time," Jackie said, "I've really sworn off men. That's why I'm reading Life Without d.i.c.k."

"That's a book?" Victoria said.

"In the self-help section, right next to Slouching Toward Celibacy."

"This doesn't sound like you."

"All these years I've been looking for a genius with a p.e.n.i.s. Then I figured I'd settle for either one. Now I'm torn between flying solo and m.u.f.f diving."

"No way."

"You don't think I'd make a good lesbo?"

"Definitely not."

"It's that or nothing. Unless the Bad Boy turns me on."

Two more martinis arrived. Victoria was feeling a pleasant buzz, and the tension started to ease. Sure, she could wow this doctor. Just bring her on. Outside the yacht club windows, the moored sailboats were bathed in a pink glow.

"Tell me more about him," Jackie said.

"Solomon? He's incredibly compet.i.tive and hates to lose."

"Gee, who does that sound like?"

"No way."

"In the second set, why'd you smash an overhead right at my big b.u.t.t?"

"An accident." She sipped at her drink. "Solomon's a loner. Stubborn and independent."

"No wonder you can't stand him. You're just alike."

"I am not a loner."

"Then why won't you play with me in the Christmas tournament?"

"You know why. I don't like doubles."

"Because you hate depending on anyone else."

Victoria thought about it. True, she wanted to win or lose on her own. Preferably win. What's wrong with that?

"Solomon's stubborn, bossy, and never admits he's wrong. And he loves the spotlight. You should have seen him at the press conference after the bail hearing. He's surrounded by these bimbos he says are his law clerks, but they're really South Beach models he's dated."

"Another guy who's a modelizer? Jeez, I gotta lose weight."

"The bimbos are fighting for face time, and Solomon's spouting off about how we're going to kick the prosecution's b.u.t.t. It was unseemly and borderline unethical."

"C'mon, he sounds like a hoot."

Solomon did something else, too, something Victoria didn't mention because she was still processing it. With cameras rolling and questions firing, he'd veered into a soliloquy about the natural law and the sanct.i.ty of the marital bedroom and other riffs that none of the reporters cared about or understood. Then he noticed Victoria standing off to the side, out of camera range. He pulled her over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Don't forget to mention my partner," he told the reporters. "Victoria Lord. Not 'Vickie.' Victoria. She's gonna be the best trial lawyer Miami's ever seen."

Solomon had surprised her again. Sure, he could be arrogant and a total jerk. But sometimes it seemed that his jerkiness was an act, that the nice guy underneath slipped out when he wasn't looking. The opposite of most men, who worked hard to conceal their truly disagreeable traits.

"In a word, Solomon is maddening," she said.

Jackie nibbled at an olive. "Maddening is first cousin to enchanting."

"Not to me." She vowed to reject any cuddly thoughts of Solomon that might have been brought on by his press conference flattery.

"Does he ride a Harley?" Jackie asked. "I love Harleys." She opened her black satin evening bag and took out her compact. Examining her face in the mirror, she smoothed out the lines in her forehead. "He better show up before we lose that magic hour glow."

"Trust me, Jackie, he's not your type."

"Why not? I won't like him or he won't like me?"

Victoria thought about it and came to a startling conclusion. In all likelihood, they would like each other. They had the same ribald sense of humor, the same breeziness. How could she not have seen it? And now that she had, why was she still reluctant to play matchmaker?

"I don't know, Jackie. It's just hard to fix people up."

"Okay, I'm not gonna beg. But if I can't have the Bad Boy, can you clone Mr. Perfect for me?"

"Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve Bruce." Victoria felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't even thought about her fiance, Solomon being the prime topic of conversation.

"Stop or I'll hurl." Then Jackie's eyes flickered with a mischievous look. "I'll bet Bruce really makes your sheets sing."

"It'll take another martini before I go there."

"Waiter!" Jackie called out. "The way I figure, Bruce tries so hard at everything, he's gotta be great in the sack."

Why were her lips going numb? Victoria wondered. "The only thing I'll say, I'm usually sore for two days."

"He's hung, too? I hate you."

Just then, Steve hurried to the table, looked at Victoria, did a double take, and said: "Wow! You look outstanding."

"Solomon, meet my haid of monor, Jackal. I mean, maid of honor, Jackie."

Jackie bounded out of her chair and threw her arms around Steve, running her hands across his back.

"Where is it?" she demanded.

"You think I'm wearing a wire?" Steve said, bewildered.

"Your fin. Where's the d.a.m.n fin?"

Victoria was laughing so hard she snorted, which caused Jackie to melt into a paroxysm of giggles. The only one not laughing was Steve.

"When did you two start drinking?" He counted the toothpicks, circ.u.mstantial evidence of their guzzling. "I can't believe this."

"Uh-oh," Victoria said. "We violated one of Solomon's Laws." She mimicked his voice. "Never imbibe until sundown." Then, hoisting the martini gla.s.s: "But just like Katrina said, it's gotta be dark somewhere in the world."

"I didn't expect this from you," he said.

"If the law doesn't work, jerk off the law."

"Where's Bigby?" Steve asked, unamused.

"Trying to fit into his underpants," Jackie said, convulsing in laughter, b.r.e.a.s.t.s heaving. She grabbed a baguette from the bread basket, waved it at Steve. "Hey, white shark, how's your package? Are you as big as Bigby?"

"Aw, Jesus," Steve said.

The waiter showed up with a tray of martinis. "Would you like to catch up with the ladies, sir?" he inquired.

"I'd like to horsewhip the ladies."