So Alone Part 4

"Well, Sunville is thirty-five miles from a city of any size. But that's not the only reason. While we can provide the live-in kind of help your grandmother needs, it may prove difficult to find someone who wants to live and work in Sunville because the medical support out there isn't as good. They might not be comfortable with that."

Carrie felt tears sting her eyes. She had had no idea it would be this hard to find someone to live with Maddie. This was the second agency she'd talked to. "I understand."

They made an appointment for Wednesday morning, but when she learned the applicant didn't own a car, she decided the care-giver really needed one. She canceled the appointment.

By the time Carrie had canva.s.sed doctors who specialized in geriatric care, she had a list of three women she could interview. At least she could hope one of them was right. She wasn't going to waste time and energy worrying what she would do if that didn't prove to be the case.

By that evening, though, Carrie was in search of some quiet down-time to relieve the stress she couldn't repress. She took a gla.s.s of lemonade out to sit on the porch swing after Maddie was in bed. She stretched out her legs and crossed them at her ankles. She bent her lower foot on her heel to give the swing just a little movement. Trying to relax the tension she felt in her neck, she rotated her head in circles.

The air felt hot and more humid than usual, but she was thankful for the perpetual prairie breeze that moved the heat around so it felt cooler. She held her cold gla.s.s, already wet with condensation, in both hands on her thigh. She ran her thumb down the side and idly watched the drops fall to darken her tan cotton slacks.

"Come back. Come back, wherever you are."

Carrie jumped at the close deep voice. The lemonade sloshed out of the gla.s.s and made an even larger wet area on her slacks. She barely saved the gla.s.s from crashing to the wooden floor by catching it against her leg.

"Peter!" Carrie cried, releasing the air she'd gulped. With her hand over her rapidly beating heart, she collapsed back against the swing.

"Would saying that I startled you be an understatement?" he jested. "Hey, I'm sorry." He hurdled over the railing and dropped down beside her on the swing.

"I only jumped a mile."

He dispatched the nearly empty gla.s.s to the floor beside the railing where it would come to no harm before he took her hand in his and stroked the back. "I really am sorry. I thought you heard me coming across the lawn."

One look at how seriously concerned he appeared was all she needed. She had to laugh. "It's okay. I wasn't expecting anyone, that's all. I'm all right. Really."

He leaned back, dropping her hand and putting his arm on the back of the swing behind her, not quite touching her. "I'm surprised you didn't hear me coming. But then you've got a lot on your mind. If there's anything I can do to help, I hope you'll call on me."

"Yes. Yes, of course. Thank you," she added politely.

"How's it going? The church secretary said you had called and asked about women in the congregation who might move in with Maddie."

She nodded. "I hoped I might find someone locally who would be interested in the job."

Carrie wished she hadn't looked at him. The errant strands of hair that seemed to prefer falling across his forehead were covering part of one brow. She turned away. She didn't like the way her fingers itched to push it back. She stood up and walked to lean her thighs against the railing, looking out toward the deserted street.

"I wish I could think of someone else to suggest. No luck since then?" He rose and stepped over to stand beside her.

"I... I have two interviews tomorrow and one on Wednesday." She moved backwards a couple of little steps and then turned to face the railing again when he stopped advancing. She could think better when she was farther away from him.

"That's good. One of them will be perfect for Maddie."

She looked at him, her head c.o.c.ked to one side, her brow wrinkled with doubt. "Perfect? I sure hope so because I'm not willing to settle for less. But it'll be tough to take more than a week off from work in case I have to look further."

"You'll find someone," he reiterated confidently, as he flipped his hair back off his forehead with a jerk of his head. The strands in front began to slide back down slowly across his temple.

"I'll find someone. Simple as that, huh?" She wanted to laugh, but shook her head instead. He probably really believed that solving all her problems would be easy.

"Ya gotta have faith," he said simply.

"No such luck for me anymore. They were fresh out when I went to the market last week," she quipped.

He frowned.

"So now I suppose you'll tell me I can solve everything by praying about it," she said as she looked away.

"You seem to know the answers. That one's a given, Carolyn," he said softly. "Hey, what can I say?" he added with a little shrug. "I'll put in a good word for you with the Boss."

Carrie startled herself with a bright laugh. "Thanks. I needed that."

"But don't let that stop you from praying yourself. Prayer is a powerful thing. Turn your problems over to G.o.d and let him solve them."

"You make it sound easy. Like I'm supposed to believe He doesn't have more important things to spend time on than my little life's problems. He sure hasn't had time to help me before when I needed it. It's a waste of time asking any more."

"I don't know about what happened before, but I know your problems aren't little to Him. They're very important. You're very important to Him. Give Him a try. So often people make their lives a lot tougher than they have to be."

"I sure wish mine would get easier about now," she said to close the subject. "But I don't think your method would work for me anymore. Thanks for trying to help though," she added with a smile.

"That's better. A smile belongs on your face. You're even more beautiful then."

Her smile disappeared in a flash. Feeling uncomfortable with his compliments because she didn't want to encourage any personal relationship between them, Carrie turned away and walked to the door. "Thanks for stopping by, Peter, but you'll have to excuse me. I have to go in now."

"Wait."

Carrie's hand stilled on the screen handle. Without looking at him, she was aware that Peter was moving

toward her. Her hold on the escape handle tightened until her knuckles were white.

"You forgot this." He held out her gla.s.s where she could see it.

Releasing the breath she'd been holding, she reached an unsteady hand to take the sticky gla.s.s. "Oh, thanks."

Instead of surrendering it, he held on and circled her hand with his other one. Her gaze rose instantly to his.

"Tell me something?" he asked questioningly, his gaze locked on hers, denying her the chance to look away.

This is Peter. He's not a man, he's just Maddie's pastor, she told herself. She nodded to him with one quick dip of her head.

"I have no information other than you were once engaged, but you must have been hurt badly. I'd be happy to help if you want someone to talk it through in order to get past it."

As if talking would help, she thought. The only thing that would help would be to go back five years and handle the situation very differently. Since that was impossible, she just wanted to forget. "Thanks."

He looked at her several moments, still holding her gaze. "Or is the reluctance I see in you because of something I've done, or said? I'm getting the feeling you don't want to be around me tonight."

Unable to face his intense gaze, her eyes closed. Her head shook side to side, and she looked down at the gla.s.s.

"Whatever you're avoiding each time you change the subject and I see a shutter close over your eyes, it's not me in particular?"

Tears stung her eyes. She shook her head and looked out into the night. "I just don't like being in Sunville, so I... I don't allow myself to ah... make any ah... attachments that would make leaving difficult for me."

"But I'm your grandmother's pastor. There's no reason we couldn't be friends, is there?" he asked.

She dared to look back at him. "I guess not, if I can think of you that way," she managed in a whisper.

"I... I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind now."

His warm grin filled his face. "That's okay. I understand. At least you're not still angry with me for waking you up Sat.u.r.day morning."

She shook her head. "No, not at all. I don't carry grudges. My area of expertise is carrying guilt for a very long time," she tried to jest with a comment closer to the truth than she should have uttered.

"So you're not upset because I asked about your former fiance?"

She inhaled sharply and then shook her head. "That was years ago and he... he died. End of story." Carrie held his gaze and watched as his face reflected his indecision.

"Well, I'm happy I haven't been the cause of any more upset for you."

She exhaled the breath she'd been holding when she realized he wouldn't ask her any more questions.

He squeezed her hand around the gla.s.s and then dropped his arms to his sides. "Well, good night, friend," he said softly before he stepped back and jumped over the railing behind the swing and jogged toward the backyard.

Carrie turned and leaned against the wall beside the door. Her heart was beating rapidly. She was so relieved that he hadn't asked about Ralph. She didn't think she could ever tell Peter what she'd done. Slowly her heart quieted and she became aware of the summer evening.

The crickets were making a racket, and the clean smell of freshly mowed gra.s.s sweetened the air. Waving away the pesky mosquito that threatened her forehead, she listened until she heard Peter's car pulling out of the church parking lot.

The odd thought flashed into her mind that the preacher got Mondays off because he had to work on Sundays. What had he been doing at the church on a Monday night?

Maybe extra work had piled up in his office. She would rather think the work had brought him than to believe he'd come just to see her. While she couldn't deny an attraction she felt toward him, he was the wrong man, the wrong place, and the wrong time for her.

That would never change because she was absolutely the wrong woman for him.

Chapter Five.

"Thank you for coming."

Carrie had to admit to herself as she left that the first woman did more to interview Carrie than Carrie did of her. When it was over, she'd decided neither of them felt comfortable with the other. She hoped she had better success with the other two.

If not? Well, for now, she would try to think positively and believe that it would work out like Peter said it would. For a few moments she thought how wonderful it would be to have that strong a faith again. She missed a closer relationship with a church--with G.o.d. She sighed and went back to ch.o.r.es until the second appointment.

That applicant, Joyce Barret, came right on time. Carrie watched her walk up the sidewalk and cross the porch. Armed with a ready smile, she returned Carrie's greetings.

"Come in. I've just been going over your references from the agency. They're excellent."

"My last patient had broken her hip and recovered to the point that she didn't need my care anymore. I love it when the patient gets well even if it means I'm unemployed again." She chuckled. "When the agency said you had a position available in Sunville, I thought it might be a nice change from living in the city most of my life."

Carrie felt a spark of excitement. Could Joyce be the one? "If you like quiet living, you'll love it here. We'll start with a tour of the house and that way, if you have any questions, you can ask them."

"This is a lovely house, but so big. So much fancy woodwork to dust."

Carrie frowned. "And I'm afraid during the summers dust is a problem, especially at harvest time. When they combine the durum fields around town, you'll know it."

"Then you get the little triangle piles of dust at the corners of your windows on the sills. Yeah. We got those where we lived before my husband pa.s.sed away."

Carrie nodded. "The rest of the year you'll find it's actually easier to keep the house clean here. Even less air pollution to dirty windows. But cleaning would be your responsibility." She took a deep breath. "Do you think you could handle that?"

"Never could abide a dirty house. Messy is one thing, but dirty is another. When my Harry was alive, he might have left his papers on the table so it didn't look right orderly, but the table was dusted, sure enough, before he dropped 'em there. We were married twenty-seven years when he died," she added proudly.

"You don't have any family now that is depending on you to be somewhere else?"

"I've got a daughter and a son with families of their own in d.i.c.kinson. They live nice and close so they can see each other often. It's not too bad a drive, and I go visit regularly."

"If you take this position, I'm sure that could be worked out. If the agency can't provide someone for your vacation time off, I think I could come if I had enough notice to arrange taking vacation time from work."

They walked in and out of each of the other bedrooms, the bathroom, and then they stepped into Maddie's bedroom. She was lying in bed, idly threading her fingers in and out of her favorite shawl that she'd crocheted years before. A Straus waltz was playing quietly and Maddie looked content.

"Grandma? I have someone to meet you." Carrie walked over to the bed, took Maddie's hand, and sat at her side. "Grandma, this is Joyce Barret. She's come to visit us for a little while. Joyce, this is my grandmother, Madeleine Whitmore. Her friends call her Maddie."

A broad smile filled Joyce's face as she leaned over to give Maddie's arm a gentle pat or two. "It's lovely to meet you. May I call you Maddie?"

Maddie smiled.

"You wouldn't mind? Good. I think I would be quite lucky to be included in the group known as your friends."

"Is that you, Harriet?" Maddie asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"No, dear. My name's Joyce. How are you feeling today?"

"All right, I suppose. I was too tired to get up this morning though. I'm old, you know."

"Well, you deserve to have a lovely lazy morning, Maddie. It does us all good to have a lazy day once in a while. Maybe you'll feel up to coming downstairs later today."

"Yes, a lazy day." Maddie lay her head back against the pillow and looked out the window beyond the

bed.

Carrie lifted the shawl to cover her arms. "I'll look in on you later. If there's anything you need, just call me, Grandma. I'll hear you and come a runnin'."