Small Town Sinners Part 21

It's two a.m. by the time I leave. Ty drives me home in his aunt's car so we won't wake my dad, but I already know that I'm in trouble. I have twelve missed calls.

Sure enough, the living room light is on.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Ty asks. "I could explain or-"

"No," I say. "I'll handle it."

I walk up the front steps feeling empty, hollowed out by the emotional wallop I experienced tonight.

When I sit across from my dad in the living room, he puts down his book slowly and takes off his reading gla.s.ses.

"I was at-" I start.

"I know where you were," Dad says. "So don't bother telling me you were with Starla Joy."

"I wasn't going to, Dad," I say. "I was at Ty's."

"Well, that's an honest beginning," says Dad.

"How did you know?" I ask.

"Vivian called around ten thirty," he says. "She wanted me to know you were okay."

"Oh," I say. "Well, I'm not sure that I am."

"She also updated me on Ty's ... situation," he says. "And she told me that you were counseling him through some of his grief about his transgressions."

"I was being a good friend," I say. Then I look in my father's eyes. "A good Christian."

"I know you were, Lacey," Dad says. "You should have called-you know that-but I was proud to hear that you were helping Ty tonight."

My heart softens a little and I smile at my father. "I learned it from you," I say.

He smiles back, but it's a tight-lipped version of his usually wide-open grin.

"Well, now I'm going to have to say something to you that you won't want to hear," he says.

"What?" I ask, my spine straightening.

"I don't want you spending time with Ty Davis anymore," he says.

My mouth opens in objection, but Dad holds his hand up and silences me with a motion, just like he does with rowdy kids in Sunday school.

"I know that you two have become close," he continues. "I don't object to a friendship."

"Then what do you object to?" I ask, my skin p.r.i.c.kling a little.

"Lacey, I know you've been out late at night with Ty," he says.

I look down at the carpet.

"You've been deceiving your mother and me," he adds. "I don't know what else has been going on, but that's enough evidence to tell me that you're getting too close to a boy who has a history of problems."

"A history?" I ask. "Dad, he made a mistake! He's asked for forgiveness, Dad. And you should see how sorry he is."

The words tumble out of my mouth and even I'm not sure how I feel about them. I find myself wishing I could talk to my dad, be open with him about the confusion I've felt, which is only getting bigger instead of smaller.

"That's between Ty and G.o.d," Dad says. "I'm glad he's seeking forgiveness, and I will happily be there for him should he need my counsel."

"So why can't I be there for him?" I ask. "What if he needs my counsel?"

"I'm sorry, Lacey," Dad says. "But you've changed in these past few months. My little girl would never sneak out like you have, she would come to me with problems and talk to me about things that are going on in her life. You've become a mystery to your mom and me. You've been deceptive. And it all started with Ty's arrival."

"I'm sixteen," I say. "I'm finding my way."

And when I voice that, I know it's true. And then it's like I'm channeling the words to say to my father.

"You've raised me with G.o.d and the church and a huge network of community support: good people who saw me grow up, friends I've known since I could crawl, a safe small town to explore," I say. "But you've also shown me the way all along-your way."

Dad starts to interrupt me, but I use his hand trick and it works.

"It might be my way too," I say, "but it might not be. I can't go on being protected and sheltered from life. People I care about are in pain. I have to be able to make my own choices about how to respond and who to help. You should trust me to do that."

Dad pauses, lost for words for a moment, and I think I've gotten to him.

"You're very eloquent, Lacey," he says.

"That's from you too," I say, chancing another smile.

He frowns. "Unfortunately, you're also sixteen, you've been lying to us, and you're just not emotionally equipped to deal with some of these things right now."

I feel my heart cramp. He doesn't hear me. He doesn't trust me. I find myself wishing I hadn't snuck out, wishing I'd just been honest with my parents all along. But they wouldn't have let me spend time with Ty. I know they wouldn't have. And I don't regret that. It's like I can't win.

I'm so tired tonight, so emotionally drained. When Dad stands up and holds out his hand to me I take it, and join him on the walk upstairs.

"Good night, sweet daughter," he says to me when we reach the landing. He kisses the top of my forehead. "We'll let tonight go, okay?"

I look at him, and I realize he thinks he's giving me a great gift. A pa.s.s. He won't punish me for being out late with Ty, but he's also banning me from being near him. Dad thinks it's a fair trade.

"Good night," I say.

I walk into my room and close the door. Then I lean against it and sink to the floor. What I said to Dad tonight may not have gotten through to him, but it rang very true within me. And I won't abandon my friends when they need me.

Chapter Twenty-seven.

The next day at school, I'm relieved to see Ty in a Carolina blue polo shirt, smiling and laughing as he walks down the hall. The news has spread, slowly and then rapidly, like a fire racing through a forest, by now-everyone knows about his accident. But I know he's sorry. I know better than anyone.

I just hope Dean and Starla Joy can understand.

"So?" Dean says when I sit down in the courtyard for lunch. "Last night?"

Starla Joy stares at me intently.

I try to think of how I want to describe it, how I can convey the sympathy that I felt without sounding like a pushover. But I also don't want to tell them everything-I don't think Ty would like the crying part to get around.

"He was at a party, drinking," I say. "His judgment was impaired and he drove his ex-girlfriend home. They hit a tree and she was hurt-a broken leg."

Starla Joy shifts in her seat, but I ignore her.

"She's okay now," I continue. "Everything's fine."

The three of us are outside having lunch on campus. Dean's mom packed a bag of carrot sticks and a Fiber One bar, so Starla Joy hands him half of her sandwich.

"You're not upset that he kept that from us?" Starla Joy asks. "From you?"

"Of course I am," I say. "But he's asked for forgiveness and he's here to start over-or start from the beginning again. He's trying to do the right thing and be the person he really is."

"I don't get it," Dean says. "You're the girl who gets upset when I say *s.h.i.t' but you're going to let Ty off the hook for keeping this secret?"

"Dean, don't curse," I say.

"I was making a point," he says. "And I think you just made it even stronger."

"Truthfully, Dean, did you know?" I ask him.

"Me?" Dean asks. "No! Ty and I hang out sometimes, but we don't really talk or anything. I mean, not about serious stuff like this."

"More about how to get to the next level of World of Warcraft?" I ask.

"Yeah," says Dean, laughing.

"Well, now we all know," I say. "And if someone really wants to be forgiven, and is truly sorry, how can you deny them that?"

"Are you giving us the WWJD talk?" Dean asks. He laughs again and swats Starla Joy's arm. And that's when I notice she's looking down, her face drawn.

"You're right, Lace," says Starla Joy. "He's trying to find himself again, back here, where his past lives. When bad things happen, I think people want to go back to before ... like with Tessa."

Dean and I both look up at the sound of Tessa's name. Starla Joy's eyes sparkle a little, wet with tears that aren't falling.

I reach out for Starla Joy's hand. She pulls away as she grabs a napkin from her lunch bag and dabs at the corner of her eye.

Dean and I are still silent.

"She wants to pretend it never happened," Starla Joy says. "I can tell when I see her. She talks about school; she wants to hear gossip and find out what's going on with the winter basketball season and whether prom planning has started yet."

"Isn't that a good sign?" Dean asks. "She'll come back to normal here, and it'll all be okay."

"She's not acknowledging reality or being honest about what's happened," I say, understanding. "Just like Ty wasn't."

"Maybe she just doesn't want to talk about everything out loud," Dean says. "Did you guys think of that? Maybe she wants to have a normal conversation with her mom and her sister without being surrounded by reminders that she's different, that she's somehow tainted. I'm sure she gets enough of that just being at Saint Angeles!"

I'm surprised at how worked up Dean is getting. From across the field, Laura Bergen waves at us. I'm the only one who waves back, but it breaks the tension a little bit.

"We should go see her," Dean says.

"I go every weekend," says Starla Joy. "It doesn't help."

"You have to go," I say. "You're her sister. But Dean's right-we should all go. We can let her know that she's okay, that this is okay."

"Right," Dean says. "She's still Tessa to us-not some s.l.u.t or sinner or whatever dumb thing people are saying."

Starla Joy looks down.

"Not that they're saying that," I say hurriedly, throwing a look at Dean.

He shrugs. "It's just the truth," he says. "We all get called stuff."

"It's okay, I hear it too," says Starla Joy. She tears at the napkin in her hands and we let her think for a minute.

"Please, Starla Joy," I say after a while. "Let us go see her. We can go on Sat.u.r.day before the evening h.e.l.l House rehearsal."

"Okay," she says. "I think she'd like that."

I nod. This is important.

"Let's invite Ty," I say. "He'd want to come, I bet."

"Yes," Starla Joy says instantly.

"Cool," Dean says.

And I feel a surge of affection for my friends. They're forgiving, they're understanding, they're caring. And we all understand that Ty is Ty is Ty. And he's our friend.

"I'll talk to him," I say.

I don't see Ty for the rest of the day. I figure he avoided us at lunch because he wanted to give us s.p.a.ce-time for me to help Starla Joy and Dean understand.

I call him as soon as I get home. It rings and rings, but voice mail picks up. I don't leave a message, I just wait ten minutes and then call again. This time, when I hear his simple, "Hi, it's Ty. Talk to me," I don't hang up. I don't want to seem crazy by letting him see multiple missed calls from me, so I just say, "Hey, it's Lacey. Starla Joy and Dean and I want to go see Tessa on Sat.u.r.day. Are you in? Call me back."

I try to keep my voice light.