Sixty-One Nails Part 69

"No, but there are other feelings besides l.u.s.t and envy."

"Oh." I wasn't sure how to react to that. I felt very strongly about Blackbird too, but was I ready to hang a name on those feelings?

"Or," she added, "they can lose control of their magic when their bodies change in response to other things."

She turned back to the coffee.

"What kind of other things?"

She muttered something into the coffee pot. "Sorry?"

"I said, it can happen during pregnancy." She turned around with a look of terrible uncertainty on her face. "But you said it was too early, that you weren't even fertile." I was struggling to deal with the implications of this news.

"I said I didn't know when I was fertile and that it was too early to know. I'm still not sure."

"We only did it once." I was trying to get my thoughts straight in my head.

"Actually, from a biological perspective we did it four times, Niall. But I don't think biology was keeping score."

"So how do you feel?"

"I told you, I'm fine, I just feel different."

"Do you want to sit down?"

"No. No I don't want to sit down. Nor do I want to have my back rubbed. If I am pregnant then I am only just so. It could be weeks before anyone can actually see a difference. "

"Of course. I knew that."

"Only, when we discussed this," she continued, "you said you weren't ready to be a father again and I just wanted you to know. You don't have to stay. "

"What?"

"You don't have to be with me, just because I'm pregnant."

"Blackbird, of course I'll stay with you. Why would I leave?"

"I release you from that commitment. Things are different now."

"Yes, they are, but not in that way."

"You said you weren't ready to start another family and you didn't think about the consequences. "

"Whoa. You just took me by surprise, that's all. I'd barely gotten used to the idea that you wanted to, well, you know. I just wasn't prepared."

"And because of that I won't hold you to it. You can leave."

"Don't you want me to stay?"

"If you want to, Niall, but only if you want to."

"I want to. I don't want to leave you, especially like this."

"Really? Think about this and all it means before you decide. Your daughter would have a half-brother or sister. The child will probably be Fey, while your daughter's genes may never express themselves and she may die human, long before you do. This baby may not even look human, particularly to her. Bringing up a Fey child will be different and is bound to split your attention away from your daughter. Is that what you want?"

I thought about it, treating her questions with the seriousness and consideration they deserved, but no matter what else I thought about it, I could not see myself walking away from her and a child that was ours. I thought about my daughter, fourteen years old and almost a young woman. How would she cope with a younger half-brother or sister? What did Blackbird mean when she said it wouldn't look human? What did Fey babies look like? All of these questions a.s.sailed me, but they didn't change how I felt. If she was pregnant then I would stay with Blackbird and see our baby into the world. My daughter could learn to live with a halfsibling if she had to. Other children did. "I'm staying. If you'll have me? "

"You're sure."

"Of course I'm sure. What did you think I would say?"

"I didn't know, Niall, truly. And I may not be pregnant after all, but I wanted you to have the choice. "

"Why? Is it so terrible to have a Fey child?"

"Well, there's the mewling, screaming bundle that cries when it's not sleeping. You feed one end and wipe the other and if you're lucky you might get a full night's sleep once a month." She smiled at me. Some of the uncertainty had gone from her eyes and was replaced by something warmer, something that made me want to hold her.

I held out my arms and she curled herself inside them so I could rest my chin on the top of her head. We were standing there holding each other quietly when Claire came in.

"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were..."

She stopped and looked at us, as if taking in what we were doing.

"I'm sorry. I'm interrupting."

She turned away, but Blackbird called her back.

"It's your kitchen, Claire." She untangled herself from me. "I was trying to make coffee. Would you like coffee?"

Claire turned back and paused in the doorway, there not being room for three of us. "Yes," she said in a distracted manner. "Yes, that would be nice."

Blackbird pottered around, boiling water and putting coffee into a cafetiere she'd found in a cupboard. "I hope you don't mind us making ourselves at home like this," she said to Claire. "Not at all, I was..."

Blackbird shimmered and shifted where she stood, her image blending and shifting between Veronica, the younger Blackbird and various other women I'd never seen. It shifted back to Veronica and held. She turned to me. "You see?"

"What was... What did...?" Claire stepped back slightly as if it might be infectious. "What just happened?"

"It's OK," I rea.s.sured her. "No harm done," I said to Blackbird.

Her form shimmered again and melted into the young Blackbird.

"This might be easier, in the circ.u.mstances," Blackbird muttered through tight lips.

She carried on making coffee as if nothing had changed. Claire looked as if she expected Blackbird to leap over and bite her. I slipped past Blackbird. "She's not having a good day," I told Claire. "Lack of sleep after last night probably isn't helping. Give her a moment or two and a cup of coffee and she'll be fine. "

"The coffee is for you," Blackbird called after me as I shepherded Claire back into the living room. "I don't want any this morning, it tastes acrid."

I stopped. Claire looked at me. "It's the only coffee I have," she explained.