Six Plays by Lady Florence Henrietta Fisher Darwin Part 46

JOHN. I baint going no further than where I be a-standing now, mistress.

JULIA. It would appear that your business was with me, then?

JOHN. Ah, you've hit the right nail, mistress. 'Tis with you. 'Tis a straight offer as my master have sent me out for to make.

JULIA. Now I wonder what sort of an offer that might be!

JOHN. 'Tis master's hand in marriage, and a couple of pigs jowls, home-cured, within this here basket.

JULIA. O my good man, you're making game of me.

JOHN. And that I baint, mistress. 'Twas in the church as Master William seed you first. And 'tis very nigh sick unto death with love as he have been since then.

JULIA. Is he too sick to come and plead his cause himself, John?

JOHN. Ah, and that he be. Do go moulting about the place with his victuals left upon the dish--a sighing and a grizzling so that any maid what's got a heart to th' inside of she would be moved in pity, did she catch ear of it, and would lift he out of the torment.

JULIA. Well, John, I've not seen or heard any of this sad to-do, so I can't be moved in pity.

JOHN. An, do you look within this basket at the jowls what Master William have sent you. Maybe as they'll go to your heart straighter nor what any words might.

[JOHN sits down on the bench by JULIA and opens the basket. JULIA looks in.

JULIA. I have no liking for pigs' meat myself.

JOHN. Master's pig meat be different to any in the county, mistress.

"Tell her," says Master William, "'tis a rare fine bit of mellow jowl as I be a sending she."

JULIA. O John, I'm a very poor judge of such things.

JOHN. And look you here. I never seed a bit of Master William's home-cured sent out beyond the family to no one till this day. No, that I have not, mistress.

JULIA. [Shutting the basket.] Well--I have no use for such a gift, John, so it may be returned again to the family. I am sorry you had the trouble of bringing it so far.

JOHN. You may not be partial to pig meat, mistress, but you'll send back the key of Master William's heart same as you have done the jowls.

JULIA. I have no use for the key of Master William's heart either, John. And you may tell him so, from me.

JOHN. Why, mistress. You don't know what you be a talking of. A man like my master have never had to take a No in place of Yes in all the born days of him.

JULIA. [Rising.] Then he'll have to take it now, John. And I'm thinking 'tis time you set off home again with your load.

JOHN. Well, mistress, I don't particular care to go afore you have given me a good word or sommat as'll hearten up poor Master William in his love sickness.

JULIA. Truly, John, I don't know what you would have me say.

JOHN. I warrant there be no lack of words to the inside of you, if so be as you'd open you mouth a bit wider. 'Tis not silence as a maid is troubled with in general.

JULIA. O, I have plenty of words ready, John, should you care to hear them.

JOHN. Then out with them, Mistress Julia, and tell the master as how you'll take the offer what he have made you.

JULIA. I've never seen your master, John, but I know quite enough about him to say I'll never wed with him. Please to make that very clear when you get back.

JOHN. 'Tis plain as you doesn't know what you be a talking of. And 'tis a wonder as how such foolishness can came from the mouth of a sensible looking maid like yourself.

JULIA. I shall not marry Master William Gardner.

JOHN. I reckon as you'll be glad enough to eat up every one of them words the day you claps eyes on Master William, for a more splendid gentleman nor he never fetched his breath.

JULIA. I'll never wed a farmer, John.

JOHN. And then, look at the gift what Master William's been and sent you. 'Tisn't to everyone as master do part with his pig meat. That 'tisn't.

JULIA. [Rising.] Well, you can tell your master I'm not one that can be courted with a jowl, mellow or otherwise. And that I'll not wed until I can give my heart along with my hand.

JOHN. I'd like to know where you would find a better one nor master for to give your heart to, mistress?

JULIA. May be I have not far to search.

JOHN. [Taking up the basket.] You're a rare tricksy maid as ever I did see. Tricksy and tossy too.

JULIA. There--that's enough, John. Suppose you set off home and tell your master he can hang up his meat again in the larder, for all that it concerns me.

JOHN. I'll be blowed if I do say anything of the sort, mistress. I shall get and tell Master William as you be giving a bit of thought to the matter, and that jowls not being to your fancy, 'tis very like as a dish of trotters may prove acceptabler.

JULIA. Say what you like, John. Only let me bide quiet in this good forest now. I want to be with my thoughts.

JOHN. [Preparing to go and speaking aloud to himself.] Her's a wonderful contrary bird to be sure. And bain't a shy one neither, what gets timid and fl.u.s.tered and is easily netted. My word, but me and master has a job before us for to catch she.

JULIA. I hear you, and 'tis very rudely that you talk. There's an old saying that I never could see the meaning of before, but now I think 'tis clear, "Like master, like man," they say. I'll have none of Master William, and you can tell him so.

[JOHN goes out angrily. JULIA sits down again on the bench and begins to sing.

JULIA. [Singing.]

My gardener stood by And told me to take great care, For in the middle of a red rose-bud There grows a sharp thorn there.

[LAURA comes slowly forward, carrying the basket of vegetables on one arm. She holds a handkerchief to her face and is crying.

JULIA. Why, Laura, what has made you cry so sadly?

LAURA. O, Julia, 'twas a rare red rose as I held in my hand, and a rare cruel thorn that came from it and did p.r.i.c.k me.

JULIA. And a rare basket of green stuff that you have been getting.

LAURA. [Sinking down on the seat, and weeping violently.] His dear gift to me!

JULIA. [Looking into the basket.] O a wonderful fine gift, to be sure. Young carrots and spring cabbage. I've had a gift offered too--but mine was jowls.