Paranoia : Split Self 23 Deaths

"So you think since you couldn't be there for me in public and publicly, you approved of Anna and in these minutes you became a good friend of hers so you think I should marry her, not to mention she have a very similar personality to you, am I right at this point?" I whispered to Sui who is definitely heard it and I have activated the thought hiding skill by focusing and the feeling of sadness, or better to be said the lack of it.

Is my father not enough to rouse the sadness in me? When Kaori Miyazono died, I shed a tear and some other anime character died, I felt sad but why did I felt no sadness I just realize that my father is dead, he pa.s.sed away that's it... that's it.

Maybe I will feel sad when I see him, I decided that I will not read any novels until take a look at his coffin or his corpse so I spend the whole time arguing with Sui why should I even marry Anna but deep inside I know that me myself is excited about it but… to marry Anna on top of handing almost all my first to her with Sui as my girlfriend I couldn't help but to think I am betraying her, as my principle stand at least my hope, as long as I don't betray you please to never betray me, but I know this is selfish and would never happened in real life however with Sui it can be done.

So, I lash out my last resistance, "If! If... I manage to make a way for you to stay with me publicly and physically, then I will divorce Anna and marry you, alright."

"Hahhahaha… alright hahahaha… don't worry even if it's impossible I am happy for the thoughts alo ne, I will even tell you a cla.s.sic harem member line." Sui knelled in front of me and clasped both of her hand, saying "Darling, as long as you left a s.p.a.ce in your heart for me, no matter how many women you take I will be happy." Sui wiped a corner of her eyes in crocodile tears.

Even I felt embarra.s.sed because I know it's impossible considering what Sui is, no matter what I will try my hardest.

Right after that I kept silent and Sui didn't purse it further and a few minutes more, the announcement come out for the train to stop at the train stop just like a month ago.

Just after I got off from the train, the drizzle of rain come down and I quickly ran, right after that I felt my phone vibrated , I took out my phone and saw that my mom messaged me to just wait until the rain come down before going home so I shrugged and just did it.

I stand there back to talking with Sui casually as if the earlier exchange didn't happen, I think there is many times in real world this happen when people pretend something tense or bad blood between people is not there but I think in our case we are just too casual.

After an hour or so standing talking with Sui I got tired of it so I just sat down near the ticket booth and opened my phone to play CoD while Sui watched and cheered behind me with me, she also cursed when I did which I often do.

Even under that excitement my a.s.s turned numb from siting to long, I looked at the phone it has been two hours since I got off from the train.

I called my mom and said "Still waiting for the rain to stop." I looked at the heavy rain.

"Ah…Umm…" she said with a sleepy voice.

"I am going back, okay it's evening already, I am going back no matter you said." I said flatly.

"Yeah, go back, do whatever you want." It seems my mom is still sleepy so she is too blunt.

I rented an umbrella from a kid while ordering a GoCar but only after 3 times retrying, I could get a driver for me.

After many troublesome things I have pa.s.sed like mud, wet puddle, wrong car, and so. I finally reached my mom's house again and right after she opened the door, she hugged me and cried, even when her father died, she didn't cry this hard.

As I looked at her, I wondered, am I supposed to be this sad, am I supposed to cry like this? But I felt no sadness, I wondered even more how come I felt more sadness for a said to be virtual character who is said to not even exist, perhaps… if my mom who I am close to died or my brothers who I bullied and play with died I will felt sad.

I found out I don't have the talent to be the Main Character at this moment no matter how much I wanted to be one, because unlike the super lucky, strong ,intelligence, preparation or even in term mentality I am so much weak in comparison, and the moment my mom hugged me and cried on my shoulder I thought to 'How troublesome.' and I found out that I just like other "commoner" I like to be the one watching or just spectator.

I patted her then we sat and I listened how she regretted no to be on his side no matter how much he have mistreated her, no matter how much he have cheated on him, no matter how much she hated him, she should have stayed on his side or so she said but I think if…If… he do manage to recover his bad personality have changed into a good one.

But if, if, if, situation didn't apply in real world because those situations already pa.s.sed just like now. It's amazing how people, just one person who die could make people, so many people sad but based on what I have read it's situational thing, they get so sad because they are not used to it if like in post-apocalyptic where so many people have died, perhaps they wouldn't even felt the sadness and even spit on the news of the death.

Then I wonder lastly while absentmindedly listening to my mom, if I died who will be sad for that and how sad they would be.