Since I Fell For You Part 9

CHAPTER TWELVE.

The six-hour drive to Summer Lake the next morning-with Suzanne close enough to drag onto his lap and kiss senseless-was a lesson in restraint for Roman. Restraint he'd already proved he sorely lacked.

What the h.e.l.l had he been thinking saying, Do you have any idea what your beauty does to a man? and Any guy who's lucky enough to get to be with you isn't going to want to lose you.

He hadn't been thinking, that was the problem. Not when he'd grabbed Craig by the throat and shoved him up against the wall. And not when he'd nearly pulled Suzanne against him in her office and kissed her until she forgot all the reasons they couldn't be together.

She'd asked him if he was crazy, and the truth was that around Suzanne, he felt that way. One smile from her, one saucy word from her smart mouth, and all his hard-won control disappeared as if it had never been there at all.

And yet, after getting off the phone with Smith, instead of spending any more time confronting him about his unacceptable behavior-which he definitely deserved-she'd been pulled into several overseas calls that went late. He understood that she needed to get as much done as possible before she left town for the wedding. But he also wondered if, perhaps, she was using work to avoid him.

Not that he blamed her for it. Ignoring the attraction between them was the smart thing to do. And Suzanne Sullivan was the smartest woman he'd ever met.

What's more, the stakes were higher than ever now. Not only did he need to figure out how to stuff away his attraction to Suzanne while they were alone together in this car for hours on end-but when they got to the wedding, he needed to make absolutely sure that he didn't give away even one ounce of what he was feeling for her.

If Alec so much as caught a whiff of the thoughts Roman was having about Suzanne, he'd be a dead man. And rightly so. No bodyguard should ever step over the line he'd been on the verge of leaping over outright in her office the previous afternoon.

Being the best bodyguard in the world was what he needed to focus on. Not the fact that she was drop-dead gorgeous, sitting beside him in her formfitting silk shirt and slim black pants, with her dark hair cascading down her back. Not all the places, all the ways, he wanted to kiss her. Not how much he wished he could see her smile again, hear her laugh, if only to know that the day was off to the right kind of start. The best start to any day he'd ever had.

Focus, Roman. Focus.

Roman had already let his investigators know that Craig was a dead end and to dig deeper, and faster, into who might be responsible for hara.s.sing Suzanne. Hopefully, he'd get more solid leads while they were in the remote Adirondack Mountains, a place that was as off the grid as you could get these days.

He was used to driving, but since Suzanne had immediately slid behind the wheel of her car and kicked off her heels, Roman did his best to relax and take in the scenery.

Growing up in the city, there hadn't been much green s.p.a.ce apart from the city parks. For his entire adult life, he'd worked and lived in cities-New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami. The closer they got to Summer Lake, however, the greener it got. So green that soon only the blue sky and the ponds and lakes they pa.s.sed provided contrast. When Suzanne rolled down her window, the air was the freshest Roman had ever smelled.

"Pretty, isn't it?" For the first time since the day before, she smiled. "Summer Lake has always been one of my favorite places in the whole world."

She was in her element in her office, and had been pure strength and energy as she ran through Central Park. But as she took a deep breath of the pine-scented air and looked up at the fluffy white clouds in the blue sky above the two-lane road, he watched her finally relax. Almost as though she'd just let the weighty responsibility of being the owner of a game-changing digital security company fall from her shoulders.

Though he knew she'd only be able to take a small break for this wedding, considering how hard she ran herself, every break she could get mattered, no matter how small.

"How long have you been coming here?" The more Roman knew about his clients, the better he could protect them. He swore to himself that he was asking because she was his job, rather than because everything about her intrigued him.

"As long as I can remember. After my mom died-" She paused for long enough that he knew she still grieved the loss. The same way he missed his mother every day, even when he tried to tell himself that he didn't. "Once she was gone, Summer Lake was where my dad wanted to be, so this is where we spent most of our school vacations. When we were in school in the city, he'd come here whenever he could find someone to take us to our music lessons and after-school games, so that he could work on the house he was building. Pretty early on, he connected with a small home building company and began to help out with their projects. And as soon as Drake went to college, he moved full time to the lake. I think coming back to the city haunts him to this day, because all of his worst memories of losing my mother are there. Anyway," she said as she obviously tried to pull herself out of the dark places her story had taken her, "we'll be staying at the home he built. It's really nice, all done in knotty pine with views out across the lake from every window."

While doing his research into Suzanne and her past, Roman had been surprised to learn that when her father had stopped painting at the height of his international fame, he'd become a home builder instead. "It sounds like your father is as talented with a hammer as he was with a paintbrush."

"He is, although most people think it's really sad that he never painted again."

"Do you?" This was exactly the kind of question that he didn't need to know the answer to in order to do his job. But he had to ask it anyway, if only to get a deeper glimpse into what made Suzanne tick.

"I understand pa.s.sion. I know how deep it can go. How it can drive you."

"It's how you feel about what you do."

"Yes."

She kept her eyes on the road, which let him drink in her every expression as she drove. He relished the chance to learn the curve of her dark eyelashes, how they rested for the briefest instant on her high cheekbones when she blinked. He let himself take in the slight flush that had begun to brush over her skin as she answered his questions. He was mesmerized by the pulse point at her neck, a gorgeous inch of skin that he was desperate to taste.

"But," she continued, "if my pa.s.sion ever became obsession-if it ever started to destroy me or the people I love-I would walk away from it. In a heartbeat." She sighed. "My father feels his pa.s.sion for painting my mother is what destroyed both their relationship and her, so I understand why he moved on to something completely new. Besides, there are so many amazing things out there to focus on. Why do we have to choose only one?"

With every word she spoke, he was more and more drawn to her, despite knowing better. Roman's father had taught him that women couldn't be trusted, that one was as good as the next. But Roman was positive his father had never met a woman like Suzanne.

"I've seen pa.s.sion destroy people before," he found himself saying.

When she briefly took her eyes off the road to look at him, he could read the unspoken questions in her gaze. He'd never shared details of his past with other clients, but any way he tried to spin it to himself, it was impossible to deny that Suzanne would ever be just another client.

"My mother left us when I was ten." It wasn't just clients to whom he hadn't divulged his past. He'd never shared this with another woman either. But if anyone would understand, it was Suzanne. "My father was as pa.s.sionate about claiming he'd never loved my mother as it sounds like your father was pa.s.sionate in his love for yours. He nursed that hatred for her until it began to destroy him in a worse way than her leaving ever had. Everything you're saying about shifting gears when you've taken something too far makes sense. My dad should have shifted gears a h.e.l.l of a long time ago."

The pity he expected to see on Suzanne's face never materialized. Instead, she said, "Our childhoods sound pretty similar. My dad and your dad came at things from opposite directions, but it still meant neither of them were really there for us, were they?" She was silent for a moment before adding, "Although we had a pretty big family breakthrough a few weeks ago, so now my dad is finally trying, at least."

"That's good." He was happy for her. At the same time, however, he hoped her father wouldn't end up disappointing her more than he already had. Roman hated the thought of anyone hurting Suzanne for any reason, family or otherwise.

She shot him a questioning glance. "What about your dad? Do you have a better relationship now than you did when you were a kid?"

"No." The word came out curt. Hard. The only way it could.

"Do you see him anymore?"

He could have shut her down the way he had when they'd been running and she'd suggested that they should get to know each other better since they were going to be spending so much time together. But that had been before he'd really begun to understand her.

Roman had never wanted to dwell on his childhood by spending hours in a psychologist's office rewinding through it. Nor had he been tempted to get drunk with the guys and joke about the s.h.i.tty way his life used to be. Now, he found himself wondering if he'd been waiting for Suzanne to understand everything in an instant-because she'd been in similar situations with her parents.

"He pops up from out of the blue from time to time." Roman left out that it was always when his father needed money to bet on boxing matches.

"What about your mom?" When he didn't answer right away, she said, "Sorry. I didn't mean for this to turn into twenty questions. I know how you feel about personal boundaries with your clients, and you've already told me so much."

She was right-this conversation had already gone way past professional lines. But wasn't crossing the line into becoming friends better than crossing any other lines with her? Maybe, he told himself, being friends with Suzanne would be his best shot at fulfilling a need for her that was growing by the minute.

"I haven't seen her since I was ten. She jumped around the country for a few years, chasing whatever guy she decided she was in love with and sending me postcards, but the postcards stopped coming when I was eighteen."

"I'm sorry, Roman."

He was too, more than he'd ever wanted to admit to himself.

"I used to wonder," she said softly, "what it would be like to grow up in a normal family. Used to yearn for a mom who was waiting after school with a snack, and for a dad who didn't always look at his kids as a reminder of the woman he'd lost."

He felt every painful word Suzanne spoke like a punch to his gut. He wished he could rewind time to give her what she'd so badly wanted. What they'd both wanted. Because she wasn't the only one with unanswered questions. For the past twenty-six years, he'd wanted to know-had his mother regretted leaving? Had she missed her son when she'd gone off to chase after "love"?

Then again, he already knew the answers, didn't he? If she had missed him, if she had loved him, she would have come back to see him again. She hadn't.

"But maybe," Suzanne continued, "having to learn resilience from all the craziness around us as kids is what made us strong enough to go out there and fight for the lives we wanted as adults."

Roman didn't believe in feeling sorry for himself. He wasn't surprised that Suzanne hadn't wasted any time on self-pity either. She'd yearned, but she hadn't let unfulfilled yearning hold her back.

"If she were here now, your mother would be proud of you," he had to tell her. Because for all the professional boundaries this conversation was smashing to smithereens, it was the truth. A truth he needed to make sure she knew. "d.a.m.ned proud."

"I hope your dad is proud of you," she said in a heartfelt voice. "He should be."

Roman could have let it go there. Should have let it go. But he couldn't stand feeling as though he was lying to her by leaving out the reality of his past. "When I was younger, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of." Even now, he didn't exactly treat the women he dated like a prince-at least, not the ones who wanted more than he did. Which was all of them.

At a stop sign, she turned to look him in the eye. "Who didn't do stupid stuff as a kid? I didn't know you back then, but Jerry from the pizza place did, and I see how much you mean to him. And we both know my brothers don't trust me with anyone, so if they're willing to trust me with you, you must be a pretty great guy."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying your opinion of me has changed since Monday night?"

"Maybe a little." It was obvious that she was trying not to smile, but the way her lips twitched at the corners gave her away. "Although, I really didn't like you forty-eight hours ago, so the only way to go was up."

Her honesty surprised a laugh out of him, which in turn made her laugh too. He truly had never met another woman like her, who laid everything out on the line with no pretense.

Between the sweet sound of her laughter and her excitement at seeing Summer Lake suddenly appearing through the trees, the tightness inside his chest that he had come to believe would always be a part of him suddenly began to loosen.

Until he remembered they were going to be seeing her brothers and father soon-which made everything inside of him tighten right back up. The Sullivans trusted him to take care of Suzanne, not to use her the way he'd used every other woman in his life.

Just friends with Suzanne sounded good on paper, and her brothers wouldn't be angry with him for being her friend. But he knew d.a.m.n well that he was walking a slippery slope.

One where wanting to be friends with Suzanne could all too easily turn into wanting everything.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

"Dad, isn't this surprise wedding wonderful?" As soon as William Sullivan opened the front door, Suzanne threw her arms around her father, who had already been reaching for her too.

"It is," he agreed, holding her tightly. "Even better because you're back at the lake again so soon."

In the car, she'd said that her father was working toward a better relationship with her than they'd had when she was growing up. Roman was really glad to see evidence of how much her father loved her simply from the way he held her-as if he wished he didn't ever have to let go.

When it came to Suzanne, it was a feeling Roman understood all too well...

"I wanted to tell you as soon as Smith asked me to help him put the wedding together a couple of weeks ago," her father explained. "But with the paparazzi always barking at his heels, I understood the risks of spreading the word at all."

"If anyone could understand the downside of fame," she murmured, "it's you." A flicker of deep-seated grief moved across her father's face before she added, "Don't worry about not telling me-I'm just glad to be here to celebrate with them. And, of course, to help with the wedding in any way I can."

"I'm happy to help too," Roman offered. And while he certainly was, a large part of his offer stemmed from wanting to make sure that Suzanne didn't take on yet another ma.s.sive project at this wedding when she needed some downtime to relax and recharge.

As Suzanne's father turned to Roman, she finally stepped all the way out of his arms.

"h.e.l.lo, I'm Roman Huson," he said, putting down their bags to shake her father's hand.

"I'm Suzanne's father, William."

Roman was impressed with William's firm grip. Building houses had kept him strong. This was a father a guy didn't want to mess with.

"Come on in," William said as he stepped aside to let them into the house that was far more impressively built than Suzanne had let on. The knotty pine rafters rose at least thirty feet in the living and dining rooms, and the large windows had a direct sight line to the sun setting over the lake, with rolling green mountains beyond the blue waters. "You're both probably hungry and thirsty after your long drive. What can I get you?" Without missing a beat, he added, "And then you can tell me how you met." So that I can determine if you're good enough for my daughter was the clear subtext.

Suzanne put a hand on her father's arm. "I didn't want to try to explain over the phone, but you should know that Roman is here because he's working. As my bodyguard."

"Your bodyguard?" Her father instantly looked alarmed. "What's going on, honey? Why didn't you tell me you were dealing with trouble and needed a bodyguard?"

"I'm not in trouble," she said, her automatic reply. But then, after a pause, she added, "Not much, anyway. Just some weird technical stuff going on at work and with my cell phone."

"So then why did you need to hire Roman?"

"I didn't." Her full mouth set into the irritated line Roman had become rather familiar with over the past two days. And that he found far too s.e.xy. "Alec, Harry, and Drake hired him behind my back. I found out Monday night at Drake's gallery show."

"The whole situation should have been handled much better," Roman agreed.

William hadn't stopped frowning since the moment his daughter had said the word bodyguard. And no wonder-what parent wanted to think their child might be in danger?

Roman instantly ricocheted to a memory of being fourteen years old and in the boxing ring with a guy who was five years older and fifty pounds heavier. A boxing ring his father had put him in to win a bet. Funny how Roman being in danger never seemed to bother his dad at all.

"Even though your daughter didn't hire me herself," Roman said as he grounded himself back in the present, "I want you to know that if anything should escalate, I'll make sure she remains safe and sound."

"Safe and sound." Suzanne repeated his words in an irritated voice. "Of course I'm going to remain safe and sound, just the way I always have. Because I can take care of myself."

The look her father shot him was almost a mirror image of Alec's. One that said, Suzanne means the world to us. If I'm going to trust you with her safety, you'd better be sure to earn that trust every G.o.dd.a.m.ned second.

"Of course you can," her father said in a gentle voice, "but someone still should have told me what was going on." It didn't escape Roman's notice that William seemed more than a little hurt to be left out of the family loop.

"I didn't want to worry you. I'm sure the boys didn't either."

"I'm your father. Worrying is my job. If you need my help, I want to know."

While a part of Roman was impressed by how William was trying to step up after not being there for Suzanne and her brothers when she was a kid, another part of him was wary. Roman wanted to protect Suzanne from everything, including the possibility that her father might hurt her more than he already had.

Just then, Alec, Harry, Drake, and Rosa came in through the front door, likely having been on the same plane. "Let's get this party started," Alec said by way of greeting as he dropped a leather travel bag by the door.

As Suzanne and her father went to greet the new arrivals, Roman had a minute to take in the family as a whole. They were a great-looking-and obviously successful-bunch, but far more impressive was how close they all seemed to be. Even with William slightly on the fringes, Roman could see that they had a real bond. A strong bond. The kind of bond he and his own father had never forged, no matter how many beers they drank together, or how many boxing matches they won.

"Perfect timing," William said. "Smith and Valentina are hosting c.o.c.ktails and dinner at the inn for whoever can make it tonight. They said to come by as soon as we're ready."

"I've got to change out of my jeans," Suzanne said, "and then I'll be ready to go."

As if her brother had finally noticed what she was wearing, Alec did a double take at her curve-skimming silk shirt, sleek black jeans, and heels. "Why are you wearing something so revealing in the first place?"