Simply Magic Part 12

aIt would be a shame,a he said, raising his voice and getting to his feet at the same time, ato have an orchestra and the use of one of the most famous ballrooms in the country and not dance. I shall instruct the orchestra to play a waltz. But we must remember that this is a wedding celebration. The bride must dance first. Will you waltz with me, Anne?a Sydnam stood up too.

aThank you, Kit,a he said firmly, abut if it is not the custom for the bridegroom to be first to dance with his bride, then it ought to be. Anne, will you waltz with me?a It was a courageous offer, Peter thought amid the general buzz of excitement as chairs sc.r.a.ped back and guests got to their feet to remove to the ballroom, from which music had been wafting all during tea. How did one waltz when one was missing a right arma"as well as an eye?

aYes, I will,a Mrs. Butler saida"and it struck Peter at that very moment that theirs was a love match.

He watched them waltz alone together a few minutes later, a little awkwardly at first, then more smoothly and confidently. And then Hallmere led the marchioness onto the floor to join them, and Kit and Lauren, Edgecombe and the countess, Bewcastle and the d.u.c.h.ess, followed after them. Other gentlemen were taking their partners.

It was a waltz.

Peter never missed an opportunity to dance it at any of the b.a.l.l.s he attended. But he was actually remembering the last time he had waltzed. He had enjoyed it enormously even though it had been at a small, unsophisticated country a.s.sembly. It had also been a prelude to all his woes, thougha"well, to the worst of them anyway. Without that waltz, there would probably have not been that kiss. And without that kiss, there probably would not have beena Well.

Greeting her at the tea table had simply not been enough, had it? That atoned for absolutely nothing. Having made the decision to come, he must now make the further effort to find out what he had come to learn. And what better time than now?

He strode over to where she stood watching the dancers, between Miss Martin and Miss Thompson, who in his fancy resembled two stern avenging angels, except that Miss Martin had tears in her eyes as she watched the bridal couple dance and Miss Thompson looked amused.

He bowed in front of them and donned his most disarming smile.

aMiss...o...b..urne,a he said, awould you do me the honor of waltzing with me?a He was aware of the eyes of the headmistress suddenly turned on him, sharp despite her tears though he looked only at Susanna, whose green eyes were fathomless as she gazed back at him.

He thought she was going to refuse him. Dash it, what an unexpected humiliation that would bea"but one he doubtless thoroughly deserved.

aYes,a she said then and licked her lips. aYes, thank you, my lord.a He held out his hand, palm-up, and she placed her own on it.

And he was immediately a.s.saulted by familiar words speaking loudly and distinctly in his heada"though one word was different from usual.

Here she is, the voice said.

And it was quite indisputable, was it not? Here she was indeed, her hand on his, about to waltz with him.

Susanna had been trying to convince herself for the past two and a half months that she was not nursing a broken heart.

Now, finally, she had succeeded.

Viscount Whitleaf was in no way worthy of the tears she had shed over him, the painful dreams she had woven about him, the guilty memories of him in which she had sometimes indulged.

He ought not to have come without any warning like this. He must have known that she would be here. What interest could he possibly have in Anne? Or in Anneas husband either, even if Mr. Butler was Viscountess Ravensbergas brother-in-law?

When she had looked around the tearoom after hugging Anne, feeling completely happy for once because it had been instantly apparent to her that Mr. Butler did indeed care for Anne and that Anne was happy and that even David was happya"when she had looked around and seen Viscount Whitleaf standing in the shadow of the doorway at the far side of the room, she hada Ah, but it was impossible to put into words what had been a purely physical reaction. Her knees had turned weak, her heart had hammered at her throat and in her ears, her hands had become clammy, her breath had seemed suspended. It had taken her brain a second or so longer to catch up.

And then he had stridden confidently into the room, and he had been smiling, as if he did not have a care in the worlda"as doubtless he did not. He had approached with his cousin on his arm and turned his smiles on Anne and Mr. Butler. He had even paid attention to David, lest one person in the tearoom not become his adoring admirer. When he had come to speak to her and spend a few brief, polite moments standing by her table, he had turned on the full force of his charm, especially upon Claudiaa"and had then gone away to sit with his back to them all through tea.

A man without a care in the world, indeed. He probably scarcely remembered her.

Claudia had not been taken in by his charm.

aThere is a gentleman who thinks a lot of himself,a she had said as he walked away from the table.

aAh, but I believe he is genuinely amiable,a the Earl of Edgecombe had said.

aI have always found him unfailingly cheerful and courteous,a Miss Eleanor Thompson, the d.u.c.h.essas sister, had added.

Susanna had said nothinga"though she had been feeling inexplicably grateful to the earl and Miss Thompson.

Neither had Frances.

The whole tea, to which Susanna had looked forward so eagerly for a whole week, had been ruined for her. She had been quite unable to swallow more than a few mouthfuls of food or to relax into the pleasure of being in a room with her three closest friends again, Frances and Claudia at the same table with her, Anne not far away with her new husband, looking flushed and very happy. She had not been able to marvel in peace that she was in the same room and at the same entertainment as the Marchioness of Hallmere, whom she had recognized instantly as that long-ago prospective employer.

It was simply not fair.

And nowa"ah, now he had asked her to waltz with him and she had said yes.

She had come into the ballroom with Claudia and Miss Thompson, smiling brightly and knowing that she was going to have to stand and watch Anne waltz with Mr. Butler and Frances with the earl. She had been feeling more wretchedly bleak than she had felt since the end of August, especially knowing that he was in the ballroom too and would probably dance with one of the other ladies.

And now?

Now, as she turned to face Lord Whitleaf on the dance floor and fixed her eyes on a level with his chin, a smile on her lips, she felt nothing at alla"except happy to know that her heart was not broken after all.

His hand came behind her waist, and she lifted her hand to his shoulder. His other hand clasped hers.

He still wore the same cologne, she noticed.

The waltz was already in progress. They moved into it without further delay.

The memory of that other waltz was still precious to her despite everything. She did not want it to be overlaid with this memory. But now it forever would be, she supposed.

It was not fair. He ought not to have come. And now she would remember him harshly because he had come, without any regard to her feelingsa"probably not even remembering that there was anything about which she might have feelings.

And yet, she thought, if that last afternoon at Barclay Court had proceeded differentlya"if Frances and the earl had come with them, if they had kept walking across the bridge and down to the waterfall instead of sitting on the hill, if she had said stop instead of donat stopa"if any of those things had happened, she would have been very happy to see him this afternoon. She would not have blamed him at all for coming. He would have been no more than her dear friend.

She lifted her eyes to his as he twirled her about one corner of the ballroom and found that he was looking back, a smile on his own face too. But how could they not smile? They were surrounded by wedding guests.

aSusanna,a he said softly, ayou look as lovely as ever.a aIs the day warmer and brighter for my presence in it?a she asked him, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

He tipped his head slightly to one side as he gazed back into her eyes.

aYou are not happy to see me,a he said.

aOught I to be?a she asked him.

aI thought perhaps you would not be,a he admitted. aBut it was a wedding celebration, you see, and involved a number of people whom I know and like. How could I have resisted coming?a And that was the trouble with him, she thought. He could not resist being blown along by any wind that happened in his direction. She had once told him that he was a kind man. But was it kind of him to come here today only because there was to be a party and congenial company?

aYou knew I would be here, then?a she asked him as they twirled about another corner.

aYes,a he said. aIt is why I came.a And now he was contradicting himself. Was there any firmness of character in him at all?

aSusanna,a he asked even more softly than before, aare you with child?a If she had been, the child would surely have turned over in her womb. Every other part of her insides seemed to somersault as she drew breath sharply and stumbled slightly. He drew her closer until she had regained her balance and fitted her steps to his again.

aNo,a she said.

His eyes found hers and searched them. His smile had slipped, she noticed. So had hers. She donned it once more.

aI am glad,a he said.

aNo doubt.a She lowered her eyes and tried to recapture some of the magic she had felt the last time they waltzed. She deliberately let her attention move to their fellow dancers and could see Anne and Mr. Butler dancing with surprising grace despite the fact that his right arm was missing. Anne was looking a little less slender than usual, especially below the high waistline of her dress. The d.u.c.h.ess was laughing up into the austere face of the duke, whom Claudia detested so fiercely. His pale silver eyes looked back at her with a total absorption that spoke of emotions burning just behind the autocratic faade. Frances twirled in the earlas arms, and it was obvious that they had eyes for no one but each other.

The world was filled with happy couples, it seemeda"and her very lone self.

Ridiculous, self-pitying thought!

aYou are bitter,a Viscount Whitleaf said.

Was she? She had no reason to be, had she? He had not seduced her. He had given her the opportunity to stop him. He had asked her afterward to go away with him and had promised that he would look after her even when all was over between them. She had said no. They had parted as friends. Ah, that partinga"that memory of him riding away across the terrace and down the lane until he was out of sight. It was a memory that had always gone deeper than pain because she had thought she would never see him again.

Now she was waltzing with him once more in the Upper a.s.sembly Rooms in Bath. The reality of it, she felt, had still not quite hit her.

aSilence is my answer,a he said. aAnd I cannot blame you. It would be trite of me to say I am sorry. But I do not know what else to say.a aYou need not say anything.a She looked back into his eyes. aAnd you need not feel sorrya"any more than I do. It happened. Our friendship had to end anyway. Why not that way?a aDid it end?a he asked her.

She gazed back at him and then nodded. Of course it had ended. How could they even pretend to be friends now?

aThen I really am sorry,a he said. aI liked you, Susannaa"I like you. And I thought you had come to like me.a She swallowed.

aI did.a aPast tense?a he said, and after a short silence between them, aAh, yes, past tense.a They stopped dancing for a few moments while the orchestra ended one waltz tune and prepared to play the next one in the set.

Did she not even like him now, then? Because he had come here today to disturb her peace again? He had come because she was to be here. He had come to ask her if she was with child.

What would he have done if the answer had been yes? Would he have gone away again faster than he had come? She knew he would not have.

She looked up at him again as they resumed their dance.

aI do not dislike you,a she said.

aDo you not?a He was smilinga"no doubt for the benefit of those around them. She smiled too. And then, because they were still looking at each other, both their smiles became more ruefula"and then more genuine.

aI have told myself,a he said, athat it would have been far better for mea"and considerably better for youa"if I had left Hareford House two days after your arrival at Barclay Court, as I had originally planned. I would have remembered you, if at all, as a rather straitlaced, disapproving, humorless schoolteacher.a aIs that how I appeared to you?a she asked him.

aAnd as someone who made an already glorious summer day seem warmer and brighter.a He whirled her twice about a corner, startling a laugh out of her. aBut then another part of myself answers with the a.s.sertion that I would hate never to have got to know you better.a She looked about with leftover laughter on her face. Mr. Huckerby, she could see, was watching her feeta"to see if she remembered the steps correctly, no doubt. She caught Claudiaas eye as she danced past and smiled at her.

aDo you wish,a Lord Whitleaf asked her, athat I had left when I intended to do so?a Did she? She would have been saved from a great deal of heartachea"and from a great deal of vividly happy living.

aNo,a she said.

aWhy not?a He bent his head a little closer.

aYou once told me,a she said, athat in your childhood you were surrounded by women. It is what has happened to me since I was twelve. I have had almost no social contact with men. I have been shy with men, unsure how to talk or behave with them. I was terrified when I first met you because you were handsome and self-a.s.sured and t.i.tled. And then I learned that you were amiable and kind and really rather easy to talk with. And then I came to genuinely like you and look forward to seeing you each day and spending a short while in conversation with you. Knowing you brightened my life for a time and provided me with memories that will give me pleasure in future yearsa"riding in a curricle with you, racing a boat against you, climbing to the waterfall with you, waltzing with you.a Kissing you.

Making love with you.

aI am not sorry you stayed,a she said.

aAre we friends again, then?a he asked her.

She smiled back at him and then laughed softly.

aOh, yes, I suppose so,a she said, afor what remains of this afternoon, anyway.a Though it struck her that the celebration would probably not go on much longer and that then she would go back to school and he would go away somewhere with the Ravensbergs and that that would be the end of ita"the real end this time.

And there would be pain all over again.

But pain was something that life inevitably brought with it. If there was no pain, there was no real living and therefore no possibility of happiness. She had been happya"truly, exhilaratingly happya"on a few occasions in her life, almost all of them with Viscount Whitleaf. She must remember that. She must. There were two particularly perfect incidents that had drawn her so completely into happiness that no unhappiness had been able to intrude. One had occurred at the a.s.sembly rooms when she had waltzed with him. The other had occurred on the hill above the river and the little bridge when they had made love.

It was so easy to remember that lovemaking as the worst thing that had ever happened to hera"because it had brought her a far deeper unhappiness than she would have felt otherwise in saying good-bye to him. But actually it was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened too.

It was. That had been easily the happiest half hour or so of her life.

Now she was waltzing againa"with the man who had waltzed with her then, and with the man who had been her lover on that hill. And if she was not perfectly happy now, the reason was that she was allowing past pain and future unhappiness to encroach upon the magic of the moment.

It was magical.

aLetas just waltz,a she said to him.

The smile deepened in his eyes.

aYes,a he said. aLetas.a And for what remained of the set they did not speak at all but just danced and smiled into each otheras eyes.

She was glad he had come, Susanna thought. Ah, she was glad. There was surely something healing in his being herea"he had not just carelessly dismissed both her and their lovemaking from his mind. She thought she would be less unhappy after today. Or perhaps she was just fooling herself. Tomorrow her life would be without him again.

But she would not think of tomorrow.

She danced, aware of their splendid surroundings and of the company and the music, all her senses sharpened. And she was aware too that the man in whose arms she danced was the man who had kissed her and caressed her and been deep inside her body.

She could never ever regret that she had had that experience once in her life.

Once was enough.

It would have to be.

He laughed aloud as he took her into a swooping turn before the orchestra dais, and she laughed back at him.

15.

aAnd so that is that,a Claudia said with a sigh as she stepped inside the school with Susanna and the door closed behind them. aToo many good-byes. It does nothing to buoy the spirits, does it?a They had just said good-bye to Frances and the Earl of Edgecombe, who had insisted upon giving them a ride back from the Upper Rooms in their own carriage despite Claudiaas protestation that she and Susanna were perfectly capable of walking. The Edgecombes were leaving Bath for London early in the morning. And before they all left the Upper Rooms, they had said good-bye to Anne and David, who were also setting out in the morning with Mr. Butler for their new home in Wales.

aBut it was very good,a Susanna said, ato see Anne so happya"and David too. Mr. Butler must have been kind to him.a aWell, now it is back to business,a Claudia said briskly, taking off her cloak and looping it over her arm. aWe have a school to run, Susanna. I happened to mention to Miss Thompson after tea that I was looking for another teacher and was quite taken aback when she expressed an interest in the position for herself.a aDid she really?a Susanna asked.