Shounen Onmyouji Vol 9 Chapter 5

She didn't remember ever giving birth. Neither did she recall ever getting married or seeing them.

The woman's memories had returned to the past, when she was still a teenager.

'I don't remember these children, and I am definitely not married.'

The way she looked at the two kids who missed her dearly was like looking at some unknown stranger. Similarly, to the man she had loved deeply, he was just an annoying and disgusting person now.

"It must be because of the shrine."

The husband wondered what exactly happen with his wife at the shrine.

Both his wife and the little girl found near the shrine seemed like living puppets now.

But still, there was hope. He had heard that near to the bay, east of here, there was a place where a man with amazing powers lived. This man could heal all sickness and even bring the dead back from to the living world. The husband thought that if he pleaded with that man, he would surely help his wife.

He had never believed in miracles. Born in Izumo, he felt close to and believed in the G.o.ds. Chishiki no Soushu, to him, was not to be trusted. But now, he can no longer rely on the spirits that he can't see or the G.o.ds who do no answer his prayers. Instead, he would rather visit Chishiki no Soushu, the man who created miracles.

However, when he reached zuyo, someone told him an unexpected news. For over a month, Chishiki no soushu was nowhere to be seen. By the second month, it seems like he had disappeared completely.

How could this had happened? Where is he? Only this man could save his wife!

He looked around for clues that would lead him to Chishiki no Soushu, but it was to no avail.

He was dejected and returned home with a heavy heart. Still, before he left, he had told the villagers to inform him if Chishiki no Soushu was to be seen anywhere.

That was two months ago.

When he returned home, he had repeatedly told his sons that "there is a person called Chishiki no Soushu. He will be able to treat your mother. But, you have to be patient. Mum can't remember us because she's sick."

The two children gave their father a smile. They have to be strong for their father.

By the third month, he received a terrible news.

The shrine owned by Chishiki no soushu had collapsed and he was not to be seen anywhere. Both Chishiki no Soushu, and the young witch living with him, should not be coming back anymore.

It felt as if he was being pushed into the depths of despair.

Seeing how his sons cry themselves to sleep, how the track of tears flow down their cheeks, he could hold back no more as his tears too, started flowing down.

Anyone would do. As long as someone could save his wife, he would be willing to do anything.

His wife's memories had returned to when she was a teenager, where she was living in another section of the village with her friends. But her friends too, have grown older and look different now, so she could not trust what they were saying. She was simply living in a place full of strangers.

He husband too, was troubled by what happened to his wife. Having also to take care of the two boys now, he had no time for anything else.

He was so busy that he never realised many other people were also losing their memories and some people had even vanished mysteriously...

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On the roof of the hut was a white creature that was staring into the sky. It felt a presence behind it, and so turned around to take a look.

"What's the matter?"

Kochin hovered above the creature. She wasn't trying to attack him. Instead, she had a frown on her face and had crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Touda. He is Seimei's grandson."

"I've heard about that."

"Don't talk to him like that."

"I don't think that there's a need to restrict myself."

After rejecting Kochin, the creature turned around and looked at her.

"Kou, I'm not here by choice. I am here because Seimei ordered me to. Sure. He's Seimei's grandson. But I do not see the need to spend so much effort on him."

So this was how it felt to be "powerless".

Kochin sighed and continued, "Still, he is just a child. He has a fragile heart and is easily hurt. I understand that you do not like children, but you don't have to be that harsh to him either."

The creature stared at Kochin and waved its long, white tail.

The pair of red eyes looked straight into her eyes. But she looked into them without any fear.

Kochin was second in power to Touda. She too was a Shinsou that was more accustomed to fighting. As such, there was no reason for her to be afraid of Touda like Genbu and Taiin do. For her, Touda was someone she could rely on in times of danger. He was an important presence. However, this was a completely different case. In other words, she could not forgive him for treating Masahiro like that.

Yet, Touda would never open his heart to anyone, nor would he ever like anyone.

In their long life, Seimei was the only exception.

Kochin, who was still staring at Touda, suddenly remembered Seiryuu.

Seiryuu disliked Touda, though, in some sense, these two were pretty much alike. They both disliked each other. Perhaps this is how opposite attracts and those of similar personality repel? No matter how cold they seem to be, how annoying their words are, both swear absolute obedience to Seimei. They never defied his orders.

"Kou..." the creature closed its eyes slighty and said, "You are really supportive of that child."

"...Like you had the rights to say that to me."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I was just kidding. Pretend that I'd never said it before."

She flicked her wrist at the troubled creature and suppressed her urge to sigh. Blaming Touda now would not change anything.

If they had continued with this conversation, it would still just be beating about the bush. Kochin shrug her shoulders and ended the conversation.

The creature did not seem to mind the fact that Kochin did not answer his question and continued to stare at the eastern skies.

Seimei was there, in the east.

Kochin knew that Touda deliberately avoid Taiin and the rest of the shinshou. He sould feel Taiin's fear and so choose to keep out of her sight. He did not want those around him to be scared of him, and Kochin understood that. Yet, those around him would still subconsciously be afraid of him.

Kochin turned to leave, but stopped. She tilted her head and face Touda.

"Touda..."

The creature moved its back a little.

"I f you don't like the way you are now, why don't you return to your original form?"

She was not blaming him. It was just that a long time ago, a short period to the Shinshou, Touda was just like the rest. He would repress his aura and be invisible unless there was a need to show himself.

There was silence, then the creature said "... that's right."

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Masahiro, who had collapsed onto the ground earlier, was carried by Rikugo back into the hut. Both Taiiin and Genbu had ordered him to stay in bed.

He looked pale and felt cold. The light in his eyes had also faded away. Under such circ.u.mstances, he had no strength to think and could only just follow what they said.

Staring blankly at the ceiling, he wondered how long had pa.s.sed.

When he regained his senses, it was pitch black around him. Still, his heart felt cold and hard.

Both his heart and mind were cold and exhausted. Yet his senses were strangely acute as he felt his heart pumping up and down.

Due to the loud noise of his heartbeat, it was difficult for him to fall asleep.

He knew he shouldn't call that name.

His grandfather gave Touda that name. It was something that was special and important to Touda. Deep in his mind, he knew, he shouldn't call that name anymore.

However, he still called it out subconsciously. Every time when he was in trouble, when he was forced into a corner, Touda will be there to help him.

His fingers felt colder and colder as blood flowed away.

He thought that it was an amazing thing.

Even though he knew that his blood was flowing away, he also knew that he was not bleeding. So where was the blood flowing to?

He laughed. He laughed at his own amusing and funny thoughts. To him, it was really funny.

Then, an image of a gentle smile flashed across his mind.

"..."

He searched for something that could not be on his chest and held on tightly to his chest. He remembered their last embrace and bit his lips.

"... I want..."

He missed Akiko.

He wanted to see her.

He really wanted to do so.

__________________________________________________________________________________

It was getting darker and it was a little dim indoors.

There was light in Masahiro's room. Akiko made use of the light to look at the Kariginu.     
(**The Kariginu was a hunting outfit; sleeves were narrower and attached by sewing under the arm, but not on top of the shoulder. They had cords at the end of the sleeves to draw them up if necessary. In other words, the kind of shirt(red) that Masahiro wears in the cover page of the novels.)

"Uh. That should be okay."

She checked it again and tug at the Kariginu.

Good. There's no problem now. The string did not come lose and the tears were not clear anymore.

"Hu." Akiko sigh as she felt that this was a great accomplishment.

Just then, someone called her.

"Oi, Akiko!"

Akiko jumped.

"Ah!"

She got such a shock that it felt as if her heart was going to stop. Turning her head around frantically, she saw Seimei pushing the wooden door ajar and looking in.

Akiko heaved a sigh of relieve.

"Seimei-sama, please don't scare me like that." She rolled her eyes slightly to protest and the old man laughed.

"Aye. That was so rude of me."

The old man walked into the room happily and picked up the shirt that lay besides Akiko.

"It is really well-sewn!"

"Thanks. But I still think that I've a long way to go."

Akiko shrug her shoulders and look up at the roof.

"My mum could sew three sets of clothes for my dad in a day. And all of them are well-fitted and detailed. Tsuyuki auntie could also sew very nicely. I want to be better at it, but there's still a long way to go."

Akiko sighed again and pouted her lips. Seimei sat beside her. He thought that this was really interesting.

"Women always say that. That's what my wife said too! But she wasn't that good at sewing, so it was difficult for her to complete sewing any clothes."

This was the first time Akiko had heard Seimei talked about these things and so she opened her eyes wide in surprise.

"Really? Semei-sama's wife must be Wakana grandmother..."

"Yup."

Seimei seem to miss the old days.

He smiled and continued "She was always trying her best at everything, trying to use hard work to make up for her clumsiness. I always told her not to overwork herself."

Every time Seimei told her not to tire herself out, she would always refuse to listen.

She said that it was something for her husband, so she has to make it as perfect as possible.

The clothing that she had toll hard to complete, the one that she had p.r.i.c.ked her fingers many times to complete, was still lying in Seimei's wardrobe.

Seimei returned Masahiro's Kariginu to Akiko and surveyed the room.

His grandson had been gone for more than ten days. Yet there was not even a speck of dust. This is because Akiko cleaned the room everyday to prepare for Masahiro's return.

Masahiro would be back around the fifth month of the year. Then, it would be raining, so Masahiro would have to travel in the rain.

Of course, there was always Taiin's wind. But if they got back to early, the officials may get suspiciously. This is because the official reason was that Masahiro was send there by the Onmyou dorms and another reason that no one in the dorms knew.

Seimei then picked a book from the pile of books lying nearby. It was the demon guide (it's the one Masahiro used to learn more about Kyuuki and Ban Ban, but I'm not sure what it is called in j.a.p) that he had copied a long time ago. Since last summer, when Masahiro took them back for reference, the books seem to have become part of his personal collection.

He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. Akiko, who was staring at Masahiro's Kariginu, looked troubled.

"Semei-same..."

"What's wrong?"

Akiko stop her hands from kneading the Kariginu, then said "Did Masahiro reach Izumo safely?"

"Why did you ask?"

Akiko looked even more worried as she lifted her head to look at Seimei.

"I had a dream. It was a dream, just a dream, but..."

There was sadness in Masahiro's eyes. He looked troubled and like he was trying to suppress his emotion.  

Akiko felt as if her path was blocked by something. She could neither reach out to him nor call out his name.

Through her clothes, she held on to the scent bag that Masahiro had handed over to her before he went off. How she wished that she could return it to him personally.

A scent bag has the ability to ward off evil, so at least this would keep him from having nightmares.

Another thing on Akiko's mind was when Mokkun would return.

Would it be back with Masahiro? Where is it now? n.o.body told her anything, so she did not know of what had happed.

She hoped to see Mokkun happy and full of spirit, just like she wants to see Masahiro safe and sound.

They have been seeing each other daily since last November, so she felt really lonely now.

In the Abe household, there's always Semei, Tsuyuki and Yoshimasa around. The twelve shinshou also appear now and then, but without Masahiro and Mokkun here, she felt really lonely.

To encourage the depressed Akiko, Semei took out a book from the pile.

"Akiko, let me teach you a spell."

"A spell?"

"Yes. A spell to get rid of your uneasiness."



____________________________________________________________________



He did not know when he had fallen asleep.

He just knew that when he opened his eyes, he was lying in an open s.p.a.ce.

He looked up at the open skies. No matter how he thought, he felt that the only reason for him being here was that this was a dream.

This was very much different from what he sees when lying in the small hut. Unlike the roof, the sky was limitless. It would be even better if the moon and stars were visible, but it seems like this was not the case in this dream.

He wrenched himself up from the lying position and placed his hands between his feet. Then, he sighed deeply.

His heart was in pain. It was as though something heavy was pressing on his chest, and he had difficulties breathing.

Touda's cold words kept repeating itself in his mind.

--What are you? You're not allowed to use that name.

He understood and knew the consequences, but at that instance, his resolve was crushed by Touda's words.

"Ha. I don't even have the strength to cry..."

As he mumbled to himself, Masahiro felt a warm pair of hands on his shoulders.

He looked up. In the air was the smell of cinnamons which reminded him of the past. (I thought it was cinnamons, but it could be some other scent. I didn't bother to check since it was not that crucial.)

When he saw the person, he moved his mouth slightly. He meant to say "Impossible", but the word was never said out loud.

"Are you alright?" the clear voice said.

Masahiro suddenly turned his head down.

True, he had wanted to see her, very much wanted to see her... but he couldn't let her see him like that.

No, he did not want her to see him in such a sorry state.

Even though he had hoped for such a moment, even if it was just a dream, when it all came true, he could not bring himself to face her.

Only when the hands were moved from his shoulders did he start to relax.  However, soon, there was a heavier weight pressed against his back.

Akiko and Masahiro sat back-to-back. Then she raised her head to look at the empty blue sky.

Masahiro felt something hitting the back of his head, and tilted his head a little to see what was happening.

He saw Akiko's black and silky hair, which he felt was darker that the darkest nights.

Masahiro felt a surge of feelings rushing to him. In order not to let Akiko realise how he felt, he tried regulating his breathing, clutching his hands tightly together and even holding his breath. Then, Akiko chuckled.

"The spell really works!"

"Spell?"

"Yes. Seimei-sama taught me a spell. He said that I could use it to see you in my dreams."

That spell enables people to see the person whom they are unable to meet in real life in their dreams.

The back lying against his felt warm, he did not know what to say, and so took a deep breath instead.

"Do you have any problems? Or are you still not able to tell me about it?"

"..."

Masahiro closed his lips tightly together. He was afraid that if he started talking, he would not be able to stop himself.

Akiko, who did not hear an answer from Masahiro, sighed and continued, "It's alright if you do not want to tell me...I just hoped that I would be able to do something for you."

Masahiro shook his head and turned back to look at Akiko.

There were many things that she could do. In fact, only she could do these things.

Like now, sitting silently beside him and hearing what he has to say.

Like smiling at him and encouraging him to move on.

He really wanted to tell her his feelings for her, he wanted to tell her the truth, he wanted to tell her what had happened to him, what he did and how he felt.

Would she get angry if he told her that? Would she cry? Eventually, he just hopes to gain Akiko's understanding. But is that a selfish thing to do?

Akiko stood up, and the pressure against Masahiro's back was gone.

"I...I will wait for you to return."

From the back, a pair of hands reached out to hold Masahiro's face.

Masahiro turned his head and Akiko rested her forehead on his. She closed her eyes and continued saying "I just want you to be safe, not to have any worries, not to get hurt and... not to forget about me."

I hope that you will not forget about me.

Masahiro nodded his head in response to what Akiko said.

'I will not forget about you, even I want to, I can't.' Masahiro thought.

He placed his hands on Akiko's and finally spoke, "I will come back."

That was all he could say. Even though the feeling was overwhelming, that was all he could bring himself to say.

Akiko let go of her hands on his face, and turned away.

As she slowly faded away, Masahiro mumbled to himself.

"I will definitely come back." He said.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The sky was still dark when Akiko woke up.

Akiko opened her eyes and blinked a few times.

"..."

She then moved her hand from under the blanket and raised it above her eyes. In the darkness, she could barely see the outline of her hand. She then closed her hand into a fist.

Masahiro's face felt cold. His back, with all his burdens make her heart ache.

She really wanted to hug him.

Even if it was just a dream, she should do something for him.

And so she sighed.

That was a dream, just a dream.

But, Mokkun was not beside Masahiro too.

__________________________________________________________________________________

"...!"

Masahiro opened his eyes. The air smelt of the approaching dawn.

Then, he suddenly smelt another scent.

He jumped up, but the smell was already gone.

He frowned and looked down at his fingers. Blood was flowing back to his cold fingers.

His messy hair was made more so as the wind blew past. He slowly looked up and saw that the window was slightly ajar, and so he stood up and peeked out of the window.

"Aye, why not sleep for a while more?"

Standing just outside the door, along the corridor was Kochin. She squint her eyes and turn her sight to Masahiro.

Masahiro walked towards where Kochin was and close the door, then proceed to sit next to Kochin.

"What's wrong?"

Hearing Kochin's voice, Masahiro looked up. He saw Kochin's eyes sparkle in the darkness. There was a warm and gently feeling to it.

"I had always wanted to ask you something."

"Huh?" Kochin tilted her head and urged Masahiro to go on.

"The Touda that I do not know, the Touda that everyone feared...Why is he so different?"

The Touda that Masahiro knew was Gurren.

Gurren never had such a piercing gaze. He was never that harsh, and he was never that cold to others.

Or, was Gurren always like that, just that he never knew?

Was that why Taiin was so afraid of Touda? Was that also the reason why Seiryuu despises Touda so much?

Kochin sat down and crossed her legs, and as if searching through her memories, tilted her head and looked up.

"I..."

She began calmly, and there was a small smile on her face.

"I found out, long ago, that Touda was someone that you can rely on. Before that, I thought that he was more stubborn that Seiryuu, even more isolated from the group that Rikugo, and much more difficult to handle than Tenko. In fact, even as I have understood him more, these things about him very much still remained the same."  

Kochin realised that there were some movements on the roof, and glanced up. She wasn't that bothered about it though. Masahiro, on the other hand, did not realise anything and waited patiently for Kochin to continue.

"Then he changed. If he had not, even in his current form, even if he suppresses his aura, Taiin would not even approach him."

The wind suddenly grew stronger, but it stopped blowing quickly. Kochin's hair moved with the wind and settled down, but Masahiro's hair got even messier.

"Basically, even after he became Seimei's shinkigami, his personality did not change a lot. He was much softer and more relaxed before Seimei, but still kept a distance from the rest, something that we have gotten use to."

He was a fire user. But his heart was as cold as the ice that had been frozen for a million years. Touda never opened up to any one, and was one who rejected everything.

Since the Twelve shinshou were born, they had lived for many years, so what Kochin said must be true.

Kochin placed her elbow on her crossed legs, and placed her hands on her cheeks. She stared straight into Masahiro's eyes, as though there was nothing that could escape her sight.

"Masahiro... you said that you did not know that Touda. Of course you don't know about him."

She smiled again.

"This is because Touda changed. It was not because Seimei gave him a name, but because a baby was born, thirteen years ago."

"Thirteen years ago?"

Kochin nodded, lifted her head up and used her now freed hand to point at Masahiro.

"It was you who changed him, Masahiro."

There was another small movement from the roof. It was being really careful not to be discovered. Of course, this might escape Masahiro's detection, but never Kochin's keen senses.

Masahiro looked at Kochin, and repeated her words...

"Thirt...thirteen years..ago..."

He was born. But what exactly did he do? How did that cold and harsh Touda changed to be the Gurren that he had known? He had to know the reason.

But...

Masahiro shifted his sight down to his feet.

There was a voice resonating deep inside his mind.

--- Go for it! Don't give up! Seimei's grandson!

Don't call me grandson! He had said that many times and even called the creature by the name "Mokkun". Often, it would get angry and yell "don't call me Mokkun!"

He had a dream. In that dream, Mokkun turned away and left. No matter how he called, Mokkun never turned back.

When he woke up, he held on tightly to the white creature. He hugged it until he stopped trembling.

It felt painful.

"...then...in another thirteen years..."

Masahiro's voice trembled as he continued talking.

In another thirteen years, would Touda say his name again?

Would Touda take note of him?

If he continued to hope, would his wish one day be fulfilled?

No matter how unbearable his burden was, Masahiro did not want to let even one drop of tears flow out. For he knew, if he did cry, then he would not be able to control himself any longer.

He would not let himself collapse now. This was the path that he had chosen. It was the seed that he had sown.

Kochin patted Masahiro's head.

This action reminded him of the gentle shinshou who would never be the same again, and his heart wrenched in pain.