Shanji. Part 27

"The border post we came through is entirely manned by Moshuguang forces," said Mengmoshu. "Any messages you leave there will be immediately relayed to us over closed channels. The Emperor must hear nothing. Say nothing to anyone who's not Moshuguang."

"I understand," said Goldani. "I hope you're not too disappointed. It was the best I could do. Another thing, Kati; the women want to see you at Festival next year. If you are not, they will say you are no longer Tumatsin, but have become a foreigner."

"I'll be there," said Kati.

"Alone," said Goldani. "No escort, and no flyers like the one that's been hovering around since you arrived here. You must come alone."

"I'll ride the route I remember as a child," said Kati, "and I'll be armed with sword and bow."

Goldani nodded, and smiled. "Baber will be here soon, and tomorrow morning we'll escort you back to the border. I'm sorry Baber had to tell you about your father, Kati. I simply couldn't force myself to do it. He's a fine young man, and I love him. He's the child I never had, and now he has his sister back. I'm happy for both of you."

"Thank you for caring for him," said Kati, and they embraced warmly, holding each other for a long moment.

"Baber will meet you at your sleeping quarters, and we're finished here," said Goldani. "I wish you well, Kati. You're one of us, and if Mandughai has called on you to be Empress of Shanji, I hope it will come to pa.s.s. You have your mother's heart, and she was a loving and fair person. I think we can work together, if there is fairness and justice in the rule of our world."

"It's what I want, too, Goldani. In less than two years it will be decided. Please communicate with us at anytime."

"We will."

Goldani released her, and Mengmoshu said, "I'll stay here awhile."

Kati went back to the log house, and Baber arrived within an hour, bringing with him a beautiful sh.e.l.l glistening in a rainbow of colors. "We cultivate them in the shallows," he explained. "The meat is sweet, and rich. Even a grown man can only eat two of them."

He gave her the sh.e.l.l. "It makes a good dish. Take it with you."

"I've nothing to give in return; I'll send something," she said.

"It's no matter. Knowing I still have a sister is enough."

He seemed so serious, so adult as they sat down by the hearth. "The men were all talking about you. They say you have great powers and might be Empress of Shanji. They asked about your childhood, and I could only remember how well you rode a horse. Were there other things?"

"I could probe minds and hear thoughts like the Searchers. That's how they discovered me."

"I didn't know," said Baber.

"Ma did. It frightened her, and she made me keep it secret, but there were times we talked without

words. I think she felt the Searchers would kill me if they discovered my abilities."

"I wonder what she would think of you now."

"I think she'd be happy for me, and support me like Goldani is doing. We've been lucky, Baber. We've

both had good people in our lives, people who care about us. Not everyone has that."

"What now?" asked Baber. "Did you get what you came for?"

"No, but it's what Mandughai told me to expect. We'll have to fight Her armies, and it could be very

bad."

"I'll be involved, then. All boys over fifteen are in the home guard. I'm a bowman." He paused, sober.

"My arrows are no match for laser weapons."

"She might not use them. We'll have to wait and see. We'll both be in danger, brother. I'll fight with the

Moshuguang. They've trained me for battle, and I'll use that training, but Mengmoshu will try to prevent it. He worries over me too much."

"He's a good man?"

"Yes. Formal, and stern, but lonely inside. I'm very fond of him."

"A Searcher."

"A Moshuguang, Baber, and I'm one of them."

"But how? No other Tumatsin has the mind of a Searcher."

"I don't know. Perhaps Mandughai made it happen. I am what I am. I don't question it. I'm still your sister, Baber. I'm still Kati."

Their shoulders touched. "I know," said Baber, "and I'll fight by your side when the time comes."

Kati hugged him, felt the hard muscle in his arms, shoulders and back, and they sat that way, silently, until Mengmoshu arrived.

Baber left, and it was growing dark. They would leave early in the morning, and Kati went to bed early.

Mengmoshu sat on his bed next to hers.

"We did as well as could be expected," he said reflectively, "perhaps even better, if they strengthen their home guard. We still need to talk about you fighting along with the troopers."

"Not now, Mengmoshu, I'm tired."

"It makes no sense for an Empress to be killed in battle. The risk isn't necessary."

"I'm trained as well as any trooper. You worry too much."

"Yes-I worry."

He was still sitting there, watching her as her eyes closed. His face was solemn, and there was a roiling

within him, something left unsaid as she drifted into sleep. It was only a short time before the dream came, a dream that brought her fully awake with a moan. It began with Ma's face smiling at her, and then another scene. Ma was on her back, naked, and a man was on top of her, rocking to and fro, copulating with her. Ma looked very frightened; she scratched at the man, but he held her hands down, rocking harder, and then there was his release, and he turned his head, gasping.

The man was Mengmoshu.

Kati sat up on the bed with a moan, her breath coming in short gasps. Torchlight from outside leaked

past the doorflap, and the air was cold, making her shiver. She pulled the blanket up to her chin, and turned to see if she'd awakened Mengmoshu.

He was still sitting there, as he'd been when she'd fallen asleep, watching her with glistening eyes.

"Mengmoshu!" she gasped. "I-I had a dream-it disturbed me-"

"It was not a dream," said Mengmoshu softly, "but a vision from the past. I cannot wait any longer to tell you."

"What? What I saw was-"

"What you saw was something that happened to a young Moshuguang captain when a Tumatsin spy was captured near the cliffs twenty years ago. His men would have raped the spy, then killed her, but she was

young, and beautiful, and he wished to spare her life. He used his rank to rape the woman in place of the men, and pretended to kill her, temporarily paralyzing her with his own mind. He forced himself into her, using her l.u.s.tfully, and rationalizing his disgraceful act by saying he was saving the woman's life and doing First Mother's work by spreading the seed of the Moshuguang."

"It was Ma I saw in my-"

"A child was conceived, and the woman's husband didn't know it was by another man. The captain rose in the ranks of the Moshuguang, and then one day an exceptional Tumatsin child was standing before him, showing him the images of the woman he'd disgraced, and he knew-he knew-"

Mengmoshu's voice cracked, and broke, and now he was sobbing. He held his head in his hands, body heaving with sobs. Kati reached out to touch him, but he jerked away, his voice a strangled whisper.

"I am your father! It was I who disgraced your mother that night, and then you were there, and all the guilt came back, and yet there you were, so exceptional, and somehow it was good. I-I confessed to First Mother, but she already knew, and said the secret must be kept. And then-when I felt your grief yesterday-I couldn't-I couldn't-"

Mengmoshu buried his face in his hands, and sobbed again. Kati just sat there, stunned, clutching the blanket to her. What was she feeling? Anger? No, strangely not. Surprise, yes, and relief, for now so many questions she'd had about herself were suddenly answered: the source of her childhood powers, Ma's fear and anger when discovering them, then Mandughai saying she had the blood of two sons, not one, all the little things unanswered till now.

"Mengmoshu," she said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. This time, he didn't move away from her, but kept his head bowed.

"I've loved you since you came to us, but I could say nothing. I could only be your teacher, watch you grow, feel your pain, your happiness, and be proud of my daughter in secret. It's been tearing at me for years, and then yesterday -your sense of loss-I couldn't hold back any longer. If you hate me, I accept it. I deserve it."

Kati pressed her hand on his shoulder. "I cannot hate you. How many times have I accused you of acting like my father? And now I finally know why. I know why I'm so different, Mengmoshu. That's important to me."

Mengmoshu took her hand in his, and held it tightly. Tears were streaming down his rugged face.

"You are unique, Kati. Juimoshu came from a liaison between a Tumatsin man and an adventuresome Hansui girl, but there has never been someone like you. First Mother has forgiven me because of you, but can you forgive me for what I've done? Your mother's face, it's been in my dreams for years. If only it could have been different, the way we met, I could have-"

Kati dropped her blanket, put her arms around his neck and hugged him. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You're my father." She was amazed how comfortable she felt saying it, how natural it seemed. Suddenly she was totally centered and at peace with herself, all her questions answered. Mengmoshu put his arms around her, his cheek wet against her face.

"I think of the coming battle. I don't want to lose you, not now."

"We do what Mandughai directs us to do. The task is much bigger than the two of us, and everything that can be done has been done to prepare me for it. Your daughter is a woman, Mengmoshu. I'm also chosen to serve Mandughai, and now you must let me do it. I'm not Mandughai. I'm Kati. I'll join the battle, and not stand idly by as a symbol."

"If you're killed, First Mother will choose another for the throne. Shan-lan can't do it; the n.o.bles will

lead him by the nose."

"I intend to be alive," said Kati. "You're underestimating my abilities again, Mengmoshu, or should I call you father?"

"No. Never. The secret must be kept, even from the Moshuguang."

"Have you been sitting up all night?"

"Yes."

"If you don't sleep, I'll have to pick you up when you fall out of the saddle."

Mengmoshu leaned back from her, and smiled. "The Empress orders me to sleep?"

"I do." Kati helped him slide beneath the blanket. For the moment, he seemed very old, but she felt his

relief from sharing a thing that had happened long ago, a release of guilt as he looked at her. He reached up, and touched her cheek.

"I obey the Empress-and my daughter."

He closed his eyes. Kati leaned over, and kissed his forehead, then got back into her own bed, and listened to his breathing slow. She had a sudden urge to contact Mandughai, but knew she couldn't, not now. Mandughai would not be there for her. But her true father was there, close by, snoring now softly.