Sex-education Part 13

(7) Young men should be impressed with the idea that their s.e.xual functions should be held sacred to affection; in other words, that s.e.xual union is moral only as love interchange. In so far as young men may be led to this interpretation of the relation of s.e.xuality to the best conceptions of life, there will be no danger of prost.i.tution and there will be a guarantee of marriages that give completeness to affection. The men who are safeguarded against unchast.i.ty are those who have learned to think of love and marriage and s.e.xual functioning as interdependent and coincident elements in the great drama of life and who feel the impossibility of their personal interest in marriage without love or in s.e.xual union except as expression of deep affection.

Such men are by no means as rare as the sensational reports of the social evil lead many people to believe.

[Sidenote: Some men beyond appeal.]

I realize that all these seven reasons for continence will fail with that large group of young men who have persuaded themselves that they will never marry and thus they shake off all responsibility such as appeals to the man who looks forward to love that culminates in marriage. No one has yet suggested any line of appeal to the men who are physically or psychically or morally so abnormal that they have no interest in the possibility of marriage; but fortunately such individuals const.i.tute an insignificant minority.

-- 33. _Essential Knowledge Concerning Prost.i.tution_

[Sidenote: Safeguarding boys.]

(1) The adolescent boy should be safeguarded by the knowledge that in every city and in most towns there are women who for financial gain are constantly seeking to entice young men into immoral s.e.xual relations; and that many unwary men are involuntarily entrapped, especially when influenced by alcohol.

[Sidenote: Prost.i.tution a business.]

(2) The young man should know that the selling of woman's virtue is an organized business known as "prost.i.tution" or "the social evil," words which stand for indescribable degradation and degeneracy that no beast could possibly imitate. Moreover, the young man should be informed that all immorality is not prost.i.tution, but that most of the immoral relations of men are purchased directly or indirectly by money or its equivalent.

[Sidenote: Some causes of prost.i.tution.]

(3) The young man should know that the great majority of prost.i.tutes do not willingly undertake the shameful business of selling their virtue.

He should know that the majority have gone downward for such reasons as follows: Many a woman has been betrayed by some detestable man who pretended to love her. Poverty has forced many other women to the first downward step. Many are easy victims because they belong to the feeble-minded cla.s.s. Others have been driven into immoral life by parents and even husbands. Still others have been drugged, and raped while insensible. A limited number have begun prost.i.tution as "white slaves" kept as prisoners until all hope of a better life has vanished.

A few have deliberately begun to accept the attentions of lewd men in order to get money for luxurious dress and finery. And relatively very few have started downward because of s.e.xual pa.s.sion such as commonly influences men. In short, every young man should be informed that most women living by prost.i.tution have begun innocently or unwillingly; but having made one false step, society has shunned them, even near relatives have cast them off, and a career of prost.i.tution has appeared the only way of making a living, vulgar and unspeakably sordid though it be. It is evident that the responsibility for prost.i.tution rests almost entirely upon men. Unfortunately, society does not recognize this fact and has no way of dealing legally with both men and women found a.s.sociated in houses of prost.i.tution. At present the women arrested for prost.i.tution are treated as criminals, while their male a.s.sociates in vice are allowed to depart as if they were respectable citizens.

[Sidenote: Appeal to men.]

Tell young men these facts as to why women become prost.i.tutes. Help them to realize that most of these women are pitiful victims of man's worse than brutal s.e.xual pa.s.sions. Then add the astounding fact that very many of the women of the underworld have short lives, their health being undermined rapidly by dissipation, by alcohol used to bury their shame or to stimulate their flagging energies, and by the two loathsome diseases, gonorrhea and syphilis, which relatively few prost.i.tutes escape--tell young men such facts which eminent physicians and sociologists have often verified, and there are good chances of striking sympathetic notes in their young manhood.

[Sidenote: Danger of social disease.]

(4) And there is one other line of facts concerning prost.i.tution that the developing young man should know well, namely, that every prost.i.tute is likely at any time to be infected with the social diseases, and that no ordinary medical examination can prove that she will not transmit these awful diseases to men who consort with her. In fact, within an hour after most careful medical examination she may become infected by some diseased man, and then she is capable of inoculating other men. Such facts, for which the greatest of special physicians vouch, will eradicate from the young man's mind the widespread notions that prost.i.tutes are safe if they carry a physician's certificate, or one of the official cards given in some European cities. Many a young man of sixteen to twenty has not heard that prost.i.tutes as a cla.s.s are universally dangerous as distributors of the most terrible diseases, and his education is incomplete until he knows the exact truth from reliable sources.

[Sidenote: Limited reading.]

(5) It is not desirable that the young man should be set to read the numerous books packed with more or less sensational reports on the social evil, for these may sometimes tend toward morbidity. Any young man who is not effectively appealed to by the above facts will not be influenced by the most voluminous reports on prost.i.tution ever published. Such reports are not useful for young men. They serve a good purpose by informing mature men and women and awakening them to the necessity of legislation, education, and other weapons with which we may fight the great black plague of social vice. For the average young man the books recommended in -- 8 will give sufficient information and viewpoint.

[Sidenote: Liaisons.]

(6) Finally, the young man of adolescent years should be made to understand his responsibility for immorality that is not prost.i.tution, that is, extra-marital relations with his girl friends and without pecuniary considerations. He should know the probability that he will ruin a girl's life, either because illegitimacy occurs or because her reputation suffers. Even if such immoral liaisons are kept private, both persons concerned are likely in after years to regret their illicit intimacy, especially if either marries another person.

-- 34. _Need of More Refinement in Men_

While refinement is a part of general culture, it is beyond doubt an important phase of the problems for the larger s.e.x-education.

Elsewhere I have referred to the need of better understanding and better adjustment between men and women, especially in marriage.

Towards such a desideratum refinement of men will contribute immensely.

Many cultured women avoid marriage and many are unhappy in marriage because men, sometimes even educated men, lack refinement in manners, language, and personal habits. In fact, "lack of refinement" is altogether too mild an expression, for many men are positively crude in manners, coa.r.s.e and vulgar in language, and disgusting in personal habits.

[Sidenote: Manners and chivalry.]

In referring to manners, I am including not only the thousand and one little customs of everyday life among refined people, but also chivalric att.i.tude towards all women. The world has changed vastly since knighthood was in flower, but many men of to-day might well take lessons in the art of courtesy to women as practiced by the famous knights of the age of chivalry. This problem of manners will be an increasingly important one, for here in America there is growing up a generation of boys who are far from chivalrous even to their mothers and sisters; and at the same time, the industrial compet.i.tion and daily a.s.sociation of the two s.e.xes is making young men realize that women are simply human beings and not super beings.

[Sidenote: Language.]

With regard to language, I am thinking not so much of the general need of speech that is grammatically, rhetorically, and vocally polished, which no doubt determines many a woman's estimate of a man, as I have in mind the repelling effect upon sensitive women of language that is coa.r.s.e, vulgar, and profane. Hence, quite apart from the effect of low language on character, I believe it worth while to work for refinement of language of young men.

[Sidenote: Personal habits.]

And now with reference to personal habits, including cleanliness and refinement of actions, the average women of all cla.s.ses set splendid examples for men of the same groups. It seems scarcely necessary to explain in detail concerning unclean personal habits and vulgar actions. It requires no keen observer to find plenty of examples. Those who have the training of boys should lose no opportunity to impress them with the importance of refinement, and especially in all phases of their home life. It is in the most intimate life of the home that refinement of personal habits of husbands may mean much to sensitive wives.

-- 35. _Dancing as a s.e.x Problem for Young Men_

[Sidenote: Dancing not to be eliminated.]

It is more than useless to discuss the question whether dancing ought to be eliminated from the social life of young people, for it has physical, social, and aesthetic or dramatic values which will make dancing in some form or other coextensive with human life.

[Sidenote: Young people and dancing.]

Those who deal with adolescent boys and girls ought to have some understanding of the facts for and against dancing as it may influence the s.e.xual control of young people, men especially. It is no longer sufficient to say, even to the young members of certain religious denominations, that "good people must not dance because it is wicked,"

for in this doubting age young people will ask first what we mean by the word "wicked" and then for proof that dancing is wicked. The time has come when young people must be shown the scientific reasons if we want them to avoid dancing or to dance with certain approved movements.

[Sidenote: Dancing a s.e.xual stimulant.]

It seems to be an accepted opinion among physiologists that dancing of any of the types that involve more or less closeness of contact between men and women in pairs is likely to lead to s.e.xual stimulation that at times may be consciously recognized by normal men, but probably is not identified other than as general excitement by most women.

[Sidenote: Danger no reason for condemning dancing.]

The frank admission that dancing may sometimes stimulate s.e.xual emotions is no condemnation of dancing, as many writers seem to think.

We must know first whether such emotions lead to good or harm. s.e.xual emotions are not in themselves wrong from any except a strictly aescetic point of view. The fact that most intelligent men who in general are frankly truthful confess that dancing may sometimes arouse s.e.xual emotion simply raises the question whether such emotions lead directly to immoral relations with women or whether they lead, as does the best social life of men and women together, to a higher aesthetic appreciation of life as it involves the relations of the two s.e.xes.

After discussing this with many--yes, with more than a hundred--men and women, I am now convinced that dancing may have both results, depending upon the individuals. Dancing, then, has its dangers, but so have many other things that go to make up the most complete life. Eating may lead to gluttony, mountain-climbing may lead to a broken neck, swimming to drowning, music and art to sensuality, and even love is not without danger of b.e.s.t.i.a.l degradation. Life is full of dangers and we are constantly striving to reduce them to a minimum. So we must refuse to condemn dancing because of its admitted s.e.xual dangers for young people, unless it can be shown that the danger is so great and so unconquerable as to outweigh all the physical, social, and aesthetic considerations in favor of the pastime.

[Sidenote: Dancing and immorality.]

That dancing is a strong incentive to immorality is contended by many writers. A prominent physiologist has said that "the dance is the devil's procession so far as the young man is concerned." Others have pointed to the immorality that is connected with the dance halls, and to the fact that waves of immorality of young men have often followed the annual b.a.l.l.s given in some high schools and colleges. Contrary to the view which I formerly held, I am now inclined to think that it is not fair to charge such immoral tendencies entirely to dancing, and therefore condemn all dancing as immoral. It is no secret of sociology that similar epidemics of immorality have been known to occur in connection with Sunday-school picnics, camp meetings, expositions, political and other conventions, and religious revivals. Shall we condemn all these along with dancing on the ground that they lead to immorality? We say "no" because immorality is only an incident, not a result in these cases. Likewise, I believe that dancing is but one of several factors that have led to immorality at the time of annual b.a.l.l.s in high school and college. These are times of general tendency towards dissipation. Regular duties are cast aside, all the hygienic rules for eating and sleeping are broken, there is unusual freedom of speech and manners, available alcohol is freely used, emotions and not reason rules--these are characteristic of the college festivals that center around grand b.a.l.l.s. In short, at such times there is a general let-down of usual standards and a swing back towards the barbaric festival of the ancients. It is not surprising, then, that pent-up s.e.xual instincts a.s.sert their force at such times, and dancing, if it occurs under such conditions is, of course, likely to increase the danger of moral collapse because it incites s.e.xual emotions.

[Sidenote: Regulation of dancing needed.]

Our conclusion, then, is that it is unscientific to charge dancing with being the direct cause of immorality, when it has been only one in a series of events. The facts warrant not condemnation of dancing as something utterly bad, but rather of allowing dancing to be a.s.sociated with conditions that are likely to lead to dissipation and immorality.

Unless some argument other than that arising from the coincidence of dancing with dissipation and immorality is brought forward, we must conclude that dancing should be regulated and a.s.sociated so that the admitted dangers will be reduced to a minimum. Recognition of the dangers will lead mature people to see the importance of supervising and regulating dancing as a phase of the social life of young people.

It will lead to dancing that is improved along social and aesthetic lines.

[Sidenote: Self-control necessary.]

While improvement of dancing will reduce its dangers, it will not eliminate the problem of self-control for normal young men. They must learn to understand their own emotions. They should be forewarned that others have found danger in dancing. They should know that some strong-willed men have given up dancing when they found that it made more intense the problem of s.e.xual self-control, both mentally and physically. They should know the increased danger if dancing is a.s.sociated with alcohol, vicious women, immodest dress, extreme freedom of conduct, and other morally depressing influences. Such knowledge along with general s.e.x-education will do much to make dancing not only safe for average young men, but also helpful along social and aesthetic lines.

[Sidenote: Extreme dances.]

With regard to the extreme dances of the past five years, those who are well informed concerning s.e.xual problems know that many of these dances which polite society has copied from the dens of the underworld are vastly more dangerous than the standard dances.