Seven Short Plays Part 13

_Mrs. Delane:_ I couldn't be rightly sure, Sergeant. But sure it's marked on it, unless the clock I have is gone wrong.

_Sergeant:_ It is marked on it. And I have the time I got it marked on my own watch.

_Mrs. Delane:_ Well, now, I wonder none of the police would have followed you with it from the barracks-and they with so little to do--

_Sergeant:_ (_Looking in at Quirke's shop._) Well, I am sorry to do what I have to do, but duty is duty.

(_He ransacks shop. Mrs. Delane looks on. Mr. Quirke puts his head out of window._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ What is that going on inside? (_No answer._) Is there any one inside, I ask? (_No answer._) It must be that dog of Tannian's-wait till I get at him.

_Mrs. Delane:_ It is Sergeant Carden, Mr. Quirke. He would seem to be looking for something--

(_Mr. Quirke appears in shop. Sergeant comes out, makes another dive, taking up sacks, etc._)

_Mr. Quirke:_ I'm greatly afraid I am just out of meat, Sergeant-and I'm sorry now to disoblige you, and you not being in the habit of dealing with me--

_Sergeant:_ I should think not, indeed.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Looking for a tender little bit of lamb, I suppose you are, for Mrs. Carden and the youngsters?

_Sergeant:_ I am not.

_Mr. Quirke:_ If I had it now, I'd be proud to offer it to you, and make no charge. I'll be killing a good kid to-morrow. Mrs. Carden might fancy a bit of it--

_Sergeant:_ I have had orders to search your establishment for unwholesome meat, and I am come here to do it.

_Mr. Quirke:_ (_Sitting down with a smile._) Is that so? Well, isn't it a wonder the schemers does be in the world.

_Sergeant:_ It is not the first time there have been complaints.

_Mr. Quirke:_ I suppose not. Well, it is on their own head it will fall at the last!

_Sergeant:_ I have found nothing so far. _Mr. Quirke:_ I suppose not, indeed. What is there you could find, and it not in it?

_Sergeant:_ Have you no meat at all upon the premises?

_Mr. Quirke:_ I have, indeed, a nice barrel of bacon.

_Sergeant:_ What way did it die?

_Mr. Quirke:_ It would be hard for me to say that. American it is. How would I know what way they do be killing the pigs out there?

Machinery, I suppose, they have-steam hammers--

_Sergeant:_ Is there nothing else here at all?

_Mr. Quirke:_ I give you my word, there is no meat living or dead in this place, but yourself and myself and that bird above in the cage.

_Sergeant:_ Well, I must tell the Inspector I could find nothing. But mind yourself for the future.

_Mr. Quirke:_ Thank you, Sergeant. I will do that. (_Enter Fardy. He stops short._)

_Sergeant:_ It was you delayed that message to me, I suppose? You'd best mend your ways or I'll have something to say to you. (_Seizes and shakes him._)

_Fardy:_ That's the way everyone does be faulting me. (_Whimpers._)

(_The Sergeant gives him another shake. A half-crown falls out of his pocket._)

_Miss Joyce:_ (_Picking it up._) A half-a-crown! Where, now, did you get that much, Fardy?

_Fardy:_ Where did I get it, is it!

_Miss Joyce:_ I'll engage it was in no honest way you got it.

_Fardy:_ I picked it up in the street--

_Miss Joyce:_ If you did, why didn't you bring it to the Sergeant or to his Reverence?

_Mrs. Delane:_ And some poor person, may be, being at the loss of it.

_Miss Joyce:_ I'd best bring it to his Reverence. Come with me, Fardy, till he will question you about it.

_Fardy:_ It was not altogether in the street I found it--

_Miss Joyce:_ There, now! I knew you got it in no good way! Tell me, now.

_Fardy:_ It was playing pitch and toss I won it--

_Miss Joyce:_ And who would play for half-crowns with the like of you, Fardy Farrell? Who was it, now?

_Fardy:_ It was-a stranger--

_Miss Joyce:_ Do you hear that? A stranger! Did you see e'er a stranger in this town, Mrs. Delane, or Sergeant Carden, or Mr. Quirke?

_Mr. Quirke:_ Not a one.

_Sergeant:_ There was no stranger here.

_Mrs. Delane:_ There could not be one here without me knowing it.

_Fardy:_ I tell you there was.

_Miss Joyce:_ Come on, then, and tell who was he to his Reverence.

_Sergeant:_ (_Taking other arm._) Or to the bench.

_Fardy:_ I did get it, I tell you, from a stranger.

_Sergeant:_ Where is he, so?