Sejanus: His Fall Part 5

Sej.

Is this?

Give me your hand--we must be more acquainted.

Report, sir, hath spoke out your art and learning: And I am glad I have so needful cause, However in itself painful and hard, To make me known to so great virtue.----Look, Who is that, Satrius? [Exit Sat.]

I have a grief, sir, That will desire your help. Your name's Eudemus!

Eud. Yes.

Sej. Sir?

Eud. It is, my lord.

Sej.

I hear you are Physician to Livia, the princess.

Eud. I minister unto her, my good lord.

Sej. You minister to a royal lady, then.

Eud. She is, my, lord, and fair.

Sej.

That's understood Of all her s.e.x, who are or would be so; And those that would be, physic soon can make them: For those that are, their beauties fear no colours.

Eud. Your lordship is conceited.

Sej.

Sir, you know it, And can, if need be, read a learned lecture On this, and other secrets. 'Pray you, tell me, What more of ladies besides Livia, Have you your patients?

Eud.

Many, my good lord.

The great Augusta, Urgulania, Mutilia Prisca, and Plancina; divers----

Sej.

And all these tell you the particulars Of every several grief? how first it grew, And then increased; what action caused that; What pa.s.sion that: and answer to each point That you will put them?

Eud.

Else, my lord, we know not How to prescribe the remedies.

Sej.

Go to, you are a subtile nation, you physicians!

And grown the only cabinets in court, To ladies' privacies. Faith, which of these Is the most pleasant lady in her physic?

Come, you are modest now.

Eud. 'Tis fit, my lord.

Sej.

Why, sir, I do not-ask you of their urines, Whose smell's most violet, or whose siege is best, Or who makes hardest faces on her stool?

Which lady sleeps with her own face a nights?

Which puts her teeth off, with her clothes, in court?

Or, which her hair, which her complexion, And, in which box she puts it; These were questions, That might, perhaps, have put your gravity To some defence of blush. But, I enquired, Which was the wittiest, merriest, wantonnest? H armless intergatories, but conceits.---- Methinks Augusta should be most perverse, And froward in her fit.

Eud. She's so, my lord.

Sej. I knew it: and Mutilia the most jocund.

Eud. 'Tis very true, my lord.

Sej.

And why would you Conceal this from me, now? Come, what is Livia?

I know she's quick and quaintly spirited, And will have strange thoughts, when she is at leisure: She tells them all to you.

Eud.

My n.o.blest lord, He breathes not in the empire, or on earth.

Whom I would be ambitious to serve In any act, that may preserve mine honour, Before your lordship.

Sej.

Sir, you can lose no honour, By trusting aught to me. The coa.r.s.est act Done to my service, I can so requite, As all the world shall style it honourable: Your idle, virtuous definitions, Keep honour poor, and are as scorn'd as vain: Those deeds breathe honour that do suck in gain.

Eud.

But, good my lord, if I should thus betray The counsels of my patient, and a lady's Of her high place and worth; what might your lordship, Who presently are to trust me with your own, Judge of my faith?

Sej.

Only the best I swear.

Say now that I should utter you my grief, And with it the true cause; that it were love, And love to Livia; you should tell her this: Should she suspect your faith; I would you could Tell me as much from her; see if my brain Could be turn'd jealous.

Eud.

Happily, my lord, I could in time tell you as much and more; So I might safely promise but the first To her from you.

Sej.

As safely, my Eudemus, I now dare call thee so, as I have put The secret into thee.

Eud. My lord----

Sej.

Protest not, Thy looks are vows to me; use only speed, And but affect her with Seja.n.u.s' love, Thou art a man, made to make consuls. Go.

Eud.

My lord, I'll promise you a private meeting This day together.

Sej. Canst thou?

Eud. Yes.

Sej. The place?

Eud.

My gardens, whither I shall fetch your lordship