Screaming Divas Part 19

The club was clearing out quickly. Alan appeared, trailed by Gretchen. The two of them slumped down against the wall. Next John showed up, his shirt unb.u.t.toned, revealing a line of fuzz. "We've got to make a tape soon," he said, cracking his knuckles. "We could make lots of money. These people loved us. We could have had them eating off of our b.u.t.ts."

"They loved us, too," Trudy said, c.o.c.king her hip. "Pretty soon you'll be opening for us."

John rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

Harumi yawned widely. "I think I'm going to crawl into the van and sleep," she said.

"Me, too." Esther slid off her stool.

"What's wrong with y'all? Don't you want to celebrate?"

"We did already," Harumi said. "Backstage. Where were you?"

How could they be such deadbeats? They were on the verge of big time success and all they wanted to do was snooze. This was a time for serious partying.

"Where's Leo?" she asked.

John shrugged. "I have no idea. But he better show up soon because we've got to get paid."

Trudy stormed off down the corridor. The dressing room door was locked. She rattled the k.n.o.b, then pounded on the door. "Who's in there?"

Silence. And then there was a giggle. Ca.s.sie. Who was she in there with? Leo? He'd been seriously checking her out all evening. Well, good for her. She needed to get away from Adam, anyhow. "C'mon. Open up."

Trudy pressed her ear against the door. She could hear grunts and the squeak of vinyl. A rhythmic beat. Then a high-pitched scream. Ca.s.sie was s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g Leo. Trudy smirked and leaned against the opposite wall to wait.

A few minutes later, she heard footsteps, the slip of the bolt, and the door swung open. She froze.

"What?" Noel asked. He stood there in his jeans with the zipper open. Behind him, Ca.s.sie was sprawled nude over the sofa. She was still giggling.

Trudy felt as if some beast was tearing out her stomach. She could feel bile rising in the back of her throat and then the burn of tears. No, d.a.m.n it. She wasn't going to cry. She bit her lip so hard she drew blood. Trudy Sin didn't cry. She was a warrior.

She flew at Noel first, clawing at his bare chest and face. Her fingernails ripped his cheek, trailing a ribbon of blood. Noel grabbed at her, trying to catch her wild hands, but she was too quick for him. She slithered out of his grasp and went for Ca.s.sie.

"How could you?" she yelled. "I thought you were my friend!" She grabbed a fistful of blonde hair and yanked. "You can walk home for all I care 'cause you're not riding back with me. You're out of my life."

She reached for Ca.s.sie's throat, but then Noel was behind her, latching his elbow around her neck.

"Knock it off," he said in her ear. "I never promised you anything, Trudy."

No, he hadn't, but Ca.s.sie had. Maybe not in words, but in spirit. Trudy had considered her a sister, a soulmate. Now she was just a traitor.

39.

When all was said and done, Ca.s.sie wasn't sure why she had done it with Noel. It had been a whim, a good idea at the time.

On the way to DC, when he'd dropped into the seat beside her, she had been surprised. They'd never really talked before.

"You should try to sing more often," Noel whispered to her, his lips brushing her earlobes. "Just tell Trudy what you want. Stand up for your rights."

Ca.s.sie laughed. "Maybe I should just quit and form my own band."

Noel had looked at her for a moment in total seriousness. "Maybe you should."

She knew that he was serious about music, that he was planning on making Ligeia his whole life. He told her that he had dropped out of college after one semester. He'd been working at a print shop to make ends meet. He lived poorly, but he had enough money for new guitar strings. Maybe this recording that they were going to make would change things. Maybe he'd move to Atlanta, or even L.A.

Ca.s.sie didn't know exactly what she wanted, and she wasn't sure that she'd give up her creature comforts for the band. She knew that when she sang, when she was on stage, she felt electrified. When she heard the whistles and the applause, she felt loved. But she didn't have Noel's singular pa.s.sion. She admired him for that. She was even slightly attracted to him for that.

Later, when he'd come into the dressing room, all sweaty and intense, she'd felt that initial spark flare into something else. She wanted what he had. She wanted him.

It had been easy. When Harumi and Esther excused themselves to leave the band in peace for a while, Ca.s.sie stayed. She sat on the sofa as John stuck his head under a faucet and then shook his head, spraying water all over. Gretchen did some yoga stretches to unwind, then changed her clothes and went back into the bar. All this time, Noel stood leaning against the wall, watching her.

As soon as they were alone, he crossed the room. He sat down beside her and unzipped her dress. And then they were pawing at each other, sucking, devouring. The whole thing was over in five minutes.

Later, sitting alone and abandoned in the dressing room, after the van had already left, Ca.s.sie was sorry. She really hadn't meant to hurt Trudy. But to tell the truth, she had probably done her a favor. Maybe now she'd be able to get him out of her blood and find someone who really loved her. Anyway, she'd apologize. They'd patch things up.

"You got a place for me to stay?" Ca.s.sie asked Leo when she found him in the bar. She had changed into a sweatshirt and jeans. The lame dress was stuffed into her bag again.

"You're still here?" Leo asked.

Ca.s.sie nodded. "Trudy and I had a fight. My band left me behind."

He took it all in stride. He was probably used to the crazed antics of musicians. "You can take the Greyhound tomorrow," he said. "I'll even drive you to the station."

Ca.s.sie wasn't ready to sleep yet, so when Leo suggested dropping in at a party, she agreed.

An hour later, she found herself in a house with a bunch of other night owls. They probably worked in clubs and restaurants and slept during the day. Leo fell into conversation with some people he knew and Ca.s.sie wandered through the rooms on her own. A half-naked couple was making out in one corner. Ca.s.sie almost tripped over them. She saw a closed door and knocked. When no one answered, she let herself in.

Two guys and a stubble-headed girl were sitting in a circle. There was a candle at the center. Ca.s.sie recognized their gear-the spoon, the belt, the syringe.

The three of them turned their heads in slow motion when she walked into the room.

"Hey," one of the guys said. He was wearing a stocking cap over long greasy black hair. "You're a Screaming Diva. I saw your show tonight. Far out."

"Want to join us?" the other guy asked.

Ca.s.sie hesitated for only a moment. Her head was starting to ache. She wanted to forget about the whole scene with Noel. She was no longer part of the band, but she'd deal with that later. Right now she was craving sweet forgetfulness. She wanted that singing in her veins. She moved to the circle, and they made room for her. She sat down and rolled up her sleeve.

40.

It was nine o'clock on Sunday morning, and Harumi was sitting on the edge of Esther's bed, the same bed that they had shared during childhood sleepovers. Esther had just opened her eyes, and she thought she might be asleep still, in the midst of some crazy dream.

"Harumi. What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"Chip gave me a ride," she said. She hooked a long black strand behind her ear and took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you. It's about Ca.s.sie."

She's been kicked out of the band, Esther thought with a sinking feeling. Well, then, I'll quit, too. She hadn't been in the dressing room when Trudy had tried to wrap her hands around Ca.s.sie's throat, but she'd heard about what had happened. Trudy had raged all the way home about Ca.s.sie's betrayal. Or at least it seemed as if Trudy had never shut up. Amazingly, Noel had fallen asleep, but Trudy's anger had unsettled Esther. It had been impossible for her to relax.

Esther couldn't believe that they'd just left her behind. If Ca.s.sie had tried to get into the van, she doubted that Trudy would have been able to stop her. After all, it wasn't Trudy's van. Ligeia had rented it for the road trip. But when they were all packed up and ready to roll, Ca.s.sie was nowhere in sight.

Esther had worried about her all night. How would she get back to Columbia? Did she have enough money? Would Leo take care of her? Now, struggling into a sitting position in her canopy bed, she heard Harumi say, "It's bad. Are you ready?"

Esther nodded.

Harumi studied her face for a moment. She hadn't looked at Esther so closely in a long time. Even though they'd been together in Trudy's living room for hours on end, Esther felt that they hadn't been in such close proximity in years. "Tell me," she said.

"Ca.s.sie went to some party up in DC," Harumi began. She reached out and took Esther's hand in hers. "Leo was with her, I guess, but he ran into some old girlfriend and they went out for coffee and then he lost track of Ca.s.sie. There were drugs at this party. Some people were shooting up and Ca.s.sie walked in on them and they invited her to join them. And she did."

Esther could feel her bowels freezing. Fear was tightening her chest.

"I don't know exactly what happened," Harumi said. She sniffled then, and reached up to brush away a tear. "She took too many drugs and someone found her in the bathtub. Her skin was all blue. An ambulance came, but she was already dead."

It was impossible, Esther thought. Things like that didn't happen here, not to people that she knew. Dirty strangers OD'ed in dark alleys or abandoned houses. She'd seen it on TV, in movies. Girls like Ca.s.sie became airline attendants or movie stars.

"It must have been a mistake," Esther said. She was wide awake now, sitting straight up in the bed. "It must have been someone else, some other blonde girl."

"She's got that scar," Harumi said, touching her own face. "Who else has a scar like that?"

Leo had called Trudy, and then Trudy had called Harumi. Esther wasn't sure if anyone had notified Ca.s.sie's parents, but she figured someone had.

"She's-her body's being flown back today," Harumi said. "I guess the funeral will be tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday."

There were tears running down Esther's face now, though no sound came from her throat. She leaned toward Harumi, and Harumi opened her arms. They embraced on the bed.

"I know that she was special to you," Harumi said.

"I loved her. She's the reason I joined the band."

Harumi nodded. "Yeah, me too."

There was no band now. It was all over. They'd never cut a record or be on MTV. No one would ever ask for her autograph. She didn't think she'd ever touch those drums again.

Esther thought that she had never felt so alone in her life. She suddenly wanted to call Rebecca. But then she remembered Harumi. She breathed in Harumi's skin and shampoo. "Thanks for coming over to tell me."

"It was the least I could do," Harumi said. "As your oldest friend."

Later, when she was once again alone in her room, when she'd cried all the tears she could cry, Esther opened her notebook and started to scratch out a song: SCAR GIRL.

She was there on the stage Spinning in the light We thought we knew her so well We thought that we were tight.

But under that skin Beyond those flashing blue eyes Her heart was etched with scars Her cries were stifled by lies.

Where was her mother?

Where was her father?

Where was her lover?

Why didn't we bother?

Scar Girl, we're sorry ...

41.

Harumi stood in front of the mirror in her black dress, staring at her freshly scrubbed face. Should she wear lipstick, or not? Was it better to appear haggard and bereaved, or to make oneself presentable? Harumi didn't know. She'd never been to a funeral before.

Ca.s.sie would try to look nice, she thought. She'd cover up her scar and line her blue eyes. Harumi twisted the lipstick tube and smeared on a layer of Pa.s.sion Punch.

She wondered if she would cry, if her mascara would run. How the h.e.l.l did she feel, anyway? She couldn't decide. She was in shock, maybe. Grief and sorrow had yet to sink in. Right now she felt something that was oddly like relief. The band would fall apart; she could go back to the violin.

When she was finished with her face, she checked in on Mrs. Harris, found her engrossed in some black-and-white movie on TV, and went outside to wait at the curb for Chip. He had volunteered to accompany her.

It was warm outside, the air full of birdsong and lilacs. The sky was blue. Harumi tried to feel sad, but she couldn't.

Chip's Saab appeared a few minutes later. He jumped out and opened the pa.s.senger door for her, escorted her into the car. He was wearing a dark gray suit and a drab, striped tie. He handled her elbow like an egg. "How are you?" His eyebrows scrunched together. "Holding up okay?"

Harumi shook her head. "I don't know. It doesn't seem real."

They didn't speak all the way to the church. Chip left the radio off. Harumi kept flashing through scenes in her mind: Ca.s.sie at the lakeside party where they'd first talked, Ca.s.sie pounding the stage with her combat boots, Ca.s.sie and Trudy laughing in each others' arms. People were saying that Trudy had killed her, had driven her to her death, but Harumi didn't believe it. It had to have been accidental. Trudy would have let her back in the band eventually, no matter what had happened between her and Noel.

The church parking lot was full. There were BMWs and Mercedes Benzes-Ca.s.sie's father's friends, Harumi figured. She thought she saw Esther's hatchback off in a corner. Chip parked across the street, in the shade of an oak, and they made their way to the sanctuary.

The pews were full of kids from school. They probably hadn't even known Ca.s.sie, but here they were, wallowing in the melodrama. Sobs broke through the mellow organ music. One girl was near hysteria. Trudy was up in the front. She was wearing dark gla.s.ses, as if she didn't want to be recognized. Adam was nowhere in sight. Neither was Noel.

The mahogany coffin was open at the altar. Ca.s.sie's blonde hair shone in the light. Her cheeks were a little too rosy. Sleeping Beauty, Harumi thought. Any minute now, she'll sit up and start singing "Lady Lazarus Rises Again."