Rushed: Hushed Part 23

Maddie had hurt me. Hurt me so bad. To the core. Buying wine ahead for our one-year anniversary. What a douche I was.

My phone buzzed with a text. Maddie. My heart felt tight in my chest. I almost ignored the message. But Maddie was impossible for me to resist. Deep down, I wanted her to explain. I wanted her to be innocent. A victim of circ.u.mstance. I wanted to believe she hadn't meant to hurt me. But how could I trust a girl who didn't share important c.r.a.p like this? We were supposed to face things together.

s.h.i.t, I still needed her.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this. I learned the truth bit by bit, piece by piece until it became a mountain of evidence. I only came to the full realization over the weekend. I had to talk to my brother before I went to you with my suspicions. I was meeting him at his office to tell him and get his advice when you walked in.

Ian didn't know anything about you or us. He's totally innocent in this. He's always believed my dad is his dad. From what I've pieced together, I don't think Rick knows Ian even exists, either. Please, let's talk about this before you tell him.

Just know, you and I aren't related. And I love you.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I slid the phone back in my pocket without answering and pounded my fist against the hood of my car.

How was I supposed to deal with this? I had been dating my brother's sister. My girlfriend and I shared a brother. What kind of crazy s.h.i.t was that?

I needed to think. I just needed to think.

Maddie After I left Ian, I went back to my apartment and told Olivia the whole sad story.

"So Ian suspected your dad wasn't his and took the whole thing well?" She sounded dumbfounded.

I nodded. "He's always been intuitive. I think he likes the idea that he has a little brother, too. He's always wanted one. Though maybe not this way." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my laugh.

"And Seth didn't take it so well?" Olivia frowned.

I shook my head. "I wish I knew why he'd come to the office. It was totally unexpected and caught me off guard. I thought by going to Ian and telling him, I had everything under control." I sighed and gave her a sad look. "You and I never practiced this scenario."

"Fate can be a real b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" Olivia spat.

"Seth isn't responding to my texts. Ian says he needs time. What do you think?" I asked her.

"Don't give up on him," she said. "If he loves you, he'll come around. And I'm sure he does."

"But how can I explain if he won't see me or respond?" I was desperate for an answer that would put us back together.

She shook her head gently. "He doesn't necessarily have to respond. You just have to tell him the story. And hope he comes to terms with it."

I gave her a well-duh look. "You're right. If I lay it out like it unfolded for me, a little bit at a time, then he has to understand."

"And if he doesn't, he's a douche and doesn't deserve you." She gave me a hug.

"True." I fought back tears. "But now that he and Ian are related, it's going to be kind of hard to completely cut him out of my life if he doesn't."

"Take the chance," she said.

I grabbed my phone and began texting Seth.

On the first day of the semester, I took a seat in HBM 225, totally believing that cla.s.s would change my life. And then, in walked this hot, charming guy who lit up the room. And who just happened to look a lot like my older brother. My brother who all the girls fall over because he's so handsome. The brother I idolize. Who's charming and loving. The brother I used to tease when I was young and pretend was my boyfriend to make the rest of the girls jealous.

As I stared at this new guy, and tried to not to drool all over him, I thought, Life is a full of irony. How can I be so attracted to someone who looks so much like Ian?

But it never crossed my mind that you two could be related. Why would it? As far as I knew, my dad was Ian's. So life had a sense of humor, throwing a guy like my brother at me. But that was it, as far as I was concerned.

I didn't realize until later that was the beginning of a mound of circ.u.mstantial evidence that would surface one pebble at a time...

Seth Someone pounded on our apartment door loud enough to make me jump. Zach was out and I wasn't expecting anyone. I grumbled as I got up to answer it. It was probably Zach's buddy Dakota stopping by to hang out.

I swung the door open, ready to chew Dak out for interrupting my studying.

Ian Foster stood outside the apartment, an intense look on his face. "h.e.l.lo, little brother." He grinned, but his eyes and voice were hard. He filled the doorway, standing tall, like he was trying to intimidate me. Like he was challenging me to turn him away.

"How the h.e.l.l did you find out where I live?" My voice was as hard as his eyes. I wasn't ready to deal with him. I wasn't ready to deal with any of this s.h.i.t. I'd even been ignoring texts from Dad, afraid I would lash out at him.

Ian didn't wait to be invited in. He brushed past me into the tiny entryway with a shove, an intentional foul. "I have my sources."

I wanted to shove him back in the worst way. But I resisted. For now.

He was carrying an innocuous brown paper bag. He lifted it and shook it. "Close the door. I brought you a present."

"I don't want your d.a.m.n present." I glared at him and balled my fists. I'd always wanted an older brother. Now I wanted to punch the smug look off his face.

Maddie would be furious with me if I did. And somehow that still mattered and kept me in line.

Ian seemed amazingly calm. And confident. Almost amused beneath a veneer of deadly seriousness, like this was some sort of bad joke. He reminded me too d.a.m.n much of Dad. Which made me even angrier.

"You'll want this one." He rattled the bag again. "We can settle this now."

I made a fist, ready to defend myself. d.a.m.n, I wanted to shove him and take a swing at him. For me. For Maddie. For everything.

"You want to step outside?" I reached for the doork.n.o.b. "Let's go."

He laughed harshly. "Calm down, big shot. I'm not afraid to fight you. If that's what you want, I'm happy to oblige. For my sister. You've been s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g with her. And you broke her heart. It's my duty to break your nose in return." He stared me down, looking like he meant it. "But before we engage in brotherly horseplay, let's find out if we really are brothers."

I stared at him. "What do you mean, find out? I haven't told Dad about you yet. If you're planning to waltz in and introduce yourself to him, forget it." For some crazy reason I felt suddenly protective of my father. The old man had had a lot to deal with. I wasn't sure I wanted to throw another possible son at him.

My potential older brother rattled that d.a.m.n paper bag again. "I brought an ancestry test."

"Don't you need my dad for that?" I stared him down, jealous and defensive.

Ian shook his head. "Not for this. I ran a paternity test on my dad after he died. I'm not his biological son." He looked genuinely sad about that. "I've known for years. I have the test results. All we need is a sample of your DNA to run through an ancestry DNA test. If our paternal line DNA matches, bingo! We're brothers."

I frowned at him, liking him and hating him at the same time. "No need to involve Dad?"

He shook his head. "Not until we know for sure I'm his son. This test solves all your problems. If we're not a match, this mess goes away-"

"And if we are?" I stared at him, knowing we were. Looking at us, it was obvious. And once you threw in the d.a.m.ning circ.u.mstantial evidence, I figured the odds of us not being brothers were about a million to one.

"We deal with it." He sounded calm and a.s.sured.

I tried to match his confidence. "I'm not sure I want to be brothers with a guy who would steal his dead dad's DNA."

He shook his head like he was humoring me. "I got the DNA from my uncle, my dad's brother. Without his knowledge, if that adds to my allure as your sibling. You can trace paternal DNA to find your ancestors. My uncle and I should have had a long line of paternal DNA in common. We didn't. We're not related. Not even slightly."

I studied Ian, intrigued and begrudgingly respecting him. "What did you do-pull a hair from his brush?"

He laughed robustly. "h.e.l.l no! I've seen Harry Potter and the dire consequences of getting the wrong hair."

I liked him even more, and couldn't help smiling a little.

"I slipped in and got a swab of his saliva while he was napping and snoring like a dog. He never even knew I took it."

"You're a sneaky b.a.s.t.a.r.d." I admired his courage and ingenuity.

He shrugged, at least acting modest. "I didn't want anyone to know what I suspected, that Dad wasn't my biological dad. Skeletons in closets, embarra.s.sment for my mom, and all that. And I couldn't ask him for one under false pretenses, either. What if he wanted to know who we were related to and there was no 'we'? Just him and me and two separate biological lines?"

He paused. His face clouded. "I suspected while my Dad was still alive, but I refused to disrespect him or hurt him by asking. If he hadn't died young, I never would have acted on my suspicions.

"Mom still doesn't know. It will kill her when she finds out. For obvious reasons, I haven't asked her about my real father, either. For a while I imagined all kinds of horrible scenarios. Like she was raped or forced."

I felt the anger rise again. "My dad would never-"

"I didn't say he would. I meant before, when there were no suspects. On one level, what Maddie told me after that scene at my office about Mom and your dad was a relief. If Mom loved my biological father, or at least had a crush on him, at least that wasn't the nightmare I'd imagined over the years. Even if he broke her heart."

s.h.i.t, there was obvious pain in his voice. I knew that feeling, being the cause of my mother's pain and suffering. I couldn't help flashing him a sympathetic look.

He took a deep breath. "I wish I'd been wrong about Dad not being my dad. But it is what it is. I opened Pandora's box. I was happy to keep the lid on it. Until now."

He pulled a DNA test kit out of the paper bag and tore off the plastic shrink-wrap. "I want you to understand something-relief aside, I'm not doing this for me. I could let it lie without ever being certain or confronting your father. I'm doing this for Mads. Only for her. Because she's my baby sis. I'd kill to protect her."

His eyes were fierce. He meant it. "This is nothing compared to that. Mom and your dad will have to pay the price, if it comes to that."

He glared at me. "Maddie loves you, douchebag that you seem to be. I'll give her this chance at happiness."

He pulled a swab from the DNA test kit and held it out to me.

I hesitated.

His gaze was steady. "Are you man enough to do the same?"

I grabbed it from him. "How do I do this?"

"Swab the inside of your cheek." He gave me detailed instructions.

When I finished, he took the swab from me and bagged it up.

"Now what?" I asked.

"We wait. It should only take a few days. I'll get back to you as soon as I get the results." He paused. "I need your number so I can text you."

I bit back a smarta.s.s response and rattled it off.

"I'll text you so you have mine." He typed out a text.

An instant later, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I ignored it.

"I don't want you to be my brother." I blurted it out in anger, without thinking. "No offense. I'd rather avoid the mess. It's weird s.h.i.t, thinking Maddie could be the sister of my brother. It's...almost incestuous."

He put a hand on my shoulder.

"I had this buddy in high school. His mom married a guy with three teenage daughters. One of them was incredibly hot. They all moved in together, one big, happy family.

"Except that they weren't. My buddy l.u.s.ted after the hot one. Had wet dreams about her. It was total s.h.i.t that suddenly she was his sister. Off limits, completely. Drove him crazy seeing her prancing around the house half naked. They finally hooked up. It almost made me sick hearing him talk about her.

"It nearly broke up his mom's new marriage. Everyone had to go through family counseling. His mom didn't forgive him for years. Probably still totally hasn't. His stepdad kicked him out. He had to live with his dad until he graduated. Things are still awkward for all of them."

"Either way the test turns out, Maddie's not your sister." Ian's voice was sympathetic, as if he understood. He sounded so d.a.m.n much like Dad, both the sound of his voice and his inflection. "None of us were raised as siblings or a family. We have no familial bonds. And there aren't any expectations of any. Not by me, anyway. The situation could be cleaner." He squeezed my shoulder. "But if you love my sister, you can overcome it."

He took a deep breath. The pain on his face was a mirror of mine. We looked alike. He even stood like I did. "She feels as bad as you do about all this. As uncertain and scared. Maybe she made a mistake not telling you her suspicions. But maybe she simply loved you enough to hope she was wrong and wish for the best.

"If you love her, and don't want to lose her, don't wait too long to let her know. Don't make the same mistake your dad did." His tone was condemning.

I couldn't tell who he was rebuking-Dad or me. Or maybe both of us.

He slid the swabs into the paper bag and rolled the top shut. "I'd better go."

I walked him to the door without committing to anything, one way or the other. The way Ian walked and carried himself, his stride, it was all Dad's. And mine. If we weren't related, fate had really screwed up.

I held the door open for him. "That test isn't going to tell us anything we don't already know."

He patted me on the shoulder and walked off.

Chapter 19.

Maddie I was desolate. Alone. Seth completely cut me off. He even skipped cooking lab and made me suffer through Chef Steven's scrutiny paired with another student whose lab partner was absent, too. Not only couldn't she cook even remotely as well as Seth, she was a complete disaster. Somehow, I made it through the chicken course and dessert without Seth. Just like I limped through the week.

On Thursday evening, Mom called. When I heard her voice, I wanted to cry and put my head on her shoulder. Let her heal my heartbreak, sympathize and get fierce for me the way only a mother would. But the other part of me was weak with relief that she had never known about Seth. That if this was the way it was going to be, maybe she never had to. That ball was in Ian's court now, not mine.

I put a false note of sunshine in my voice. "Mom!"

"Baby! What are you up to? How's school?" Her voice was as soothing to my wounded heart as when she used to kiss my boo-boos and make them better. It helped, but the wound still hurt. And yet, as she asked all the usual questions, I felt like I didn't really know her at all. That she'd kept some important part of herself from me.