Romantic Interludes Part 14

"I'll count the minutes."

"You save those lines for you wife, mister."

"Yes, ma'am," Ike said with a wink.

I smiled and followed Carrie to the nurses' station.

"He's a cutie. I bet he was a looker in his day," Carrie said.

"His wife, too."

"They're so cute together."

"Mmhm," I said, feeling melancholy for some reason.

"I hope I'm that happy at that age. Retired, in love, with all my parts still working."

The rest of my afternoon came and went. I had the rest of my patients treated and streeted by lunchtime. At two o'clock, I sat down in the break room with a cup of coffee-my first of the day-and to say I had a bit of a withdrawal headache was putting it mildly. With elbows resting on the table, I pressed my fingertips to both my temples, hoping to relieve some pressure in my throbbing noggin. My appet.i.te had gone bye-bye, and in its place sat a gnawing ball of nerves and what-ifs. I hoped once the coffee zinged through my system and killed the monster of a migraine, I'd be able to eat something. Maybe then I could think straight and get this situation with Mitch worked out through my warring thoughts and emotions. Wishful thinking.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I glanced up from the spot on the table I'd been zoned out on. Mitch stood beside me. We were alone in the break room, everyone having cleared out long ago.

"I'm sorry if I said or did something to hurt you."

"Mitch-"

"No, Christine." He pulled out the chair beside me and sat down.

The screeching of the legs against the hard floor set off a round of pulsating pain through my head, but Mitch didn't seem to notice. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Whatever it is, I'm sorry. I've been thinking about the last time we were together, but I can't come up with anything I did. You seemed happy when I left . . . but you didn't return my phone calls the next day, so something must have happened, and I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything, Mitch."

"Then what is it?" he asked, almost begging. "Come on, Christie. I don't want to lose you. We can fix whatever happened, I know it. We're worth it."

My stomach lurched. He didn't know it, but those were the exact words I'd heard a very long time ago from a man who told me he loved me more than anything. A man who I'd given my heart to completely. A man who I thought I was going to marry some day. A man who turned out to be a lying, cheating b.a.s.t.a.r.d-who'd destroyed my heart implicitly.

Jonathan Meeks and I had started dating my first year in college. He was two years older than I was and well into the party scene. He didn't drink to the point of oblivion like other people we hung out with. Actually, I'd initially been attracted to him because I'd never seen him lose control of his inhibitions. I respected the fact that he could stay so focused on his studies as a business major and yet be a part of the college scene. He excelled in school, came from a wonderful upper middle-cla.s.s family from Orange County, and had a great sense of humor. To me, he seemed to have it all, and the fact that he looked like a young Brad Pitt only added to everything he had to offer.

When he asked me out one night after a football game, I was over the moon. I thought I'd lucked out that he'd chosen me out of all the co-eds vying for his attention. For our first date he took me to a concert at the California Mid-State Fair. I felt like a kid again, as we rode carnival rides and stuffed our faces with tons of junk food. When the lights went down, he took me on the Ferris wheel, and that's when he kissed me for the first time. To say I saw fireworks . . . Well, I hadn't had much experience with boys, but that kiss made me feel things I'd never felt before.

Need, desire, desperation.

We quickly lost control with the pa.s.sion of first love, or so I'd thought.

Six months into our love affair I'd found him sleeping with my best friend on the bed I'd lost my virginity in. The soft click of the door behind me caught their attention, but the sob that tore out of my throat brought me to the brink of destruction. I ran out of that room as fast as I could and never set foot in his apartment again.

My heart had been shattered into a million pieces. Every waking minute I thought about the two of them together. Images of their naked bodies defiling the bed I'd given myself to him on tormented me during the day and woke me in tears every night. I'd hated both of them for a long time, but I despised myself even more for being so d.a.m.n naive. I became an introvert, throwing myself into my studies and keeping my weekends reserved for visits back home.

Eventually, I got better. I found a few friends that had similar interests to mine and kept far away from the party scene. Instead of the Friday night keggers, we'd go to a cla.s.sic movie marathon at a local outdoor theater or an open mic night hosted by the student center. Gradually I found myself smiling and even accepted a date with a philosophy student.

A couple months later I came home from the library to find John standing outside my door with a bouquet of flowers and a tormented expression. It looked like he hadn't changed or shaved in a few days. It shocked me, really. He'd always been so put together.

"Can I talk to you, please?" he asked me, holding out the flowers like some kind of sign of peace.

"What are you doing here, John?"

"I had to see you."

"Why?"

"We never talked."

"We didn't need to."

"Yeah, we do. It didn't mean anything to me, Chris."

"Well, it meant plenty to me."

"Come on, Chris. I don't love her."

"But you love me?"

"Yes, baby." He'd reached for me, but I stepped away. "I know we can fix this. We are worth it!"

We are worth it.

Turns out we weren't. I'd been dumb enough to give him a second chance, and the second time I'd caught him cheating nearly broke me for good. As a result, I grew a thick skin. I vowed to be strong and to never let a man defile me like that again.

Yet, here I was, staring another cheater dead in the face.

"Just stop, please . . . I can't do this here."

"Later, then. After work. I'll take you to dinner."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Take out, then."

The door to the break room slammed open before I could reject him again.

"Christine, Dr. Peterson is ready for you in bed B."

Thank G.o.d for small favors.

"Thanks, Carrie."

I stood and poured the remainder of my lukewarm coffee down the drain and rinsed out my mug.

"Chris." Mitch stood behind me, blocking any attempt at a quick exit.

"Mitch, I know it may seem to you like I'm blowing you off," I said, keeping my back to him. I felt the sting of tears p.r.i.c.k my eyes, the pain of losing him hitting me harder than I wanted it to. "I'm not trying to. And I like you a lot. Probably too much."

"Impossible," he whispered. I felt the barest of touches skate across my bare arm, making my skin tingle in its wake. Anger warred with need, logic fought with my heart's desire. In the end, though, the truth was all that mattered. And I couldn't give myself to someone knowing that they'd chosen another behind my back.

I faced him full on. "I just don't want to find myself in a situation like I have before. And to be honest, I just don't think I can be with someone who lies to me."

"Lies to you?" Mitch appeared truly startled. His eyes searched mine for answers, maybe to determine how much I knew.

"Chris, he's waiting," Carrie said brusquely, poking her head inside once more.

"I'm coming," I replied and turned to leave Mitch to stew in his own contemplations.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" he called after me, but I took a deep breath and continued on my way, hoping I'd get my shift over with as soon as possible.

"Dr. Peterson, sorry to keep you waiting."

"No problem, Chris," he said with a curt smile. He'd just finished examining little Kelsey McQueen.

"Well, Ms. McQueen, I believe Kelsey may have a coin stuck in her airway. That's what is making that whistling sound."

"Oh, no!" The poor mother was in near hysterics.

"It's okay right now, but we will have to work quickly in case it advances. What I'm going to do is give her a sedative and oxygen through a small tube we will place in her nose. I'll use an ultrasound to guide a small instrument into her windpipe to retrieve the coin, okay?" Dr. Peterson was never the one to sugarcoat anything, and if he was correct in his a.s.sessment-well, if we were correct-then we needed to remove that coin before we had a more serious issue.

"O-okay," Kelsey's mother said.

"She's in good hands," Carrie said as I began to prepare for the procedure. Rob entered the room with a pediatric set up, along with two other respiratory therapists in order to help ensure Kelsey was properly oxygenated. Carrie escorted the mother out of the room so we could set up a sterile field as quickly as possible. As we worked, I glanced out the door at Ms. McQueen, watching the tears pour down her face as Carrie held her hand, trying her best to rea.s.sure her. It was probably a futile attempt. I know if it were me, I'd want my baby's father with me, to hold onto while our child was treated. But there was no father in the picture because he'd chosen to be elsewhere, away from the responsibility of a wife and child. He left her, and she had to make it on her own, surviving each day by the skin of her teeth.

Lies and deception kept the world turning, for with each untold truth there seemed to spark another avenue of torture.

Love . . .

It seemed like just a fantasy. Not one person around me was lucky in love. Coworkers, family members, even patients appeared to struggle with it. Yet, it looked so easy on television and in movies. Fairytales and romance novels used the unattainable, yet highly predictable, idea of true love as the most rewarding triumph life had to offer. Maybe that was the greatest lie of all, for love didn't seem to last through a decade intact, and the merest of challenges had each person involved second-guessing until they had both sabotaged the relationship to the point of destruction.

Perhaps I'd done that with Mitch-questioning his motives without confronting him. Truth was, I didn't want to hear the explanation. I'd seen what I'd seen, and there was no mistaking it. So his options were clear-lie to me or confirm the truth and rip my heart out. Either way, I'd lose. Life's greatest lie uncloaked revealed a raw wound filled with pain and despair. After years of struggle and perseverance, survivors triumphed through it all only to spend life alone and jaded.

I, for one, wanted to keep away from it all.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Carson?"

I'd walked to bed F for a much needed cool-down. Kelsey had done beautifully and had been admitted to the children's ward for observation. Three more hours and my shift would be over. I counted the seconds.

"A little silly now," Ike replied with a sheepish smile. "Doc says my tests were fine and the pain has gone away. I've caused this whole uproar over a case of indigestion."

"It's okay. Better to be safe than sorry."

"My poor wife is trying to convince the kids not to come to the hospital. I feel like such a d.a.m.n drama queen." He glanced over to where she was speaking on a cell phone just outside his room.

"How many kids do you have?"

"Five-all boys-and they're just like me. Smooth talkers, incredibly good looking, and huge pains in the a.s.s." We both laughed. "It's a good thing they all married quality women, just like their mother."

"How long have you been married?"

"Thirty-two years."

"Wow," I said, a bit shocked. The jaded part of me wanted to make a smart-a.s.s comment, but I refrained. "Congratulations. You make it look so easy."

"Well, it hasn't always been."

"Still, what you have is rare nowadays."

"We've had our issues, and we both have hurt each other a time or two . . . or a gazillion, in my case." Ike gave me a guilty wink.

"Yet, you made it. Seems that kind of love is going extinct."

"No, what's endangered are people who will be patient and fight for the things that are important. If something seems like it's not working, people are quick to throw it away and start over, instead of waiting it out and putting in the hard work."

"Hmm. Never thought of it that way before."

"That's because delayed gratification is non-existent for your generation-and, oh my goodness, I sound like my father. When did that happen?"

I laughed. "I'm sure it happened a time or two with your kids."

"Nah, I was the cool dad. Just ask them."

"I wish I had someone in my life to tell me like it is." And I truly meant that. Right now I could really use some sage advice, or some affirmation that I was doing the right thing by keeping Mitch at arm's length.

"Where's your Pop?"

"With his fourth wife. He has enough going on in his own life to not be any help in mine." I shrugged.

"Sounds like it. And your mom?"

"Died last summer. Breast cancer." Her loss left a vast hole in my heart.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Ike gave me a moment or two to make sure I had my emotions under control. "Any brothers or sisters?"

"Just me." I felt the loneliness more now than I had in a very long time. Part of that was due to Mitch and how close we'd become.

"Well, then," Ike said, sitting up a bit on the hugely uncomfortable hospital gurney. "Let me bestow enough wisdom upon you to last a lifetime."

I chuckled and pulled a stool closer to his bed. "Go ahead. I can use all the help I can get."

"Okay. My first piece of advice is trust him."