Roll Me Up And Smoke Me When I Die Part 3

MARCH 2012 2012.

We just put Luke on a plane to Los Angeles. He has gigs to play up and down the coast, and then he goes to NYC to do the Letterman show, ho-hum. He has every right to be a spoiled little-I mean big-brat. But he is not. He has a really good heart and loves everyone; he gets that from his mom.

ANNIE NELSON.

While raising our boys, I pretty much considered myself a married single parent. Don't get me wrong, I have the best husband in the world, but he was gone a lot, and when we weren't with him, I was on my own. People ask me, "How do you do it?" but the truth is we both love it. I think one of the secrets to our longevity is the fact that we are basically both gypsies in our souls, so traveling is in my bones, and I am okay on my own-in fact, I enjoy it. I am excited to see him when he comes home, and about the time he's got to go and is ready to go ... he's really got to go! The trick, I think, is that he feels the same way. Willie is always happy to come home and to have time off, but if he's off too long he starts to go through "picker's withdrawal" and needs to play music somewhere-anywhere!

TODAY IS IS T THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 2012 24, 2012.

These dates are more for me than for you. It's good for me to know what month, year, date, and time of day it is, and oh yeah ... where I am."Beautiful" is not a good enough word for Maui. It is breathtaking, healing, addictive, and a lot of other wonderful descriptions, and I still haven't completely described Maui. I have lived here many years, and in some ways it reminds me of Abbott, Texas, my hometown. Paia, Maui, Hawaii, is a great place.Annie is in the house cooking up a storm with Woody's wife, Laura, and a bunch of our kids. It's nice to have extended family here, or as we call it, the Tribe. We even have a room in the house called the Woody Wing. When he's winning, he goes home; when he's losing, the Woody Wing is occupied.Now it's poker time. Six twenty-two P P.M., also known as "dark thirty."

IT'S 7:13 7:13 P P.M., SAt.u.r.dAY, APRIL F FOOL'S D DAY.

Don't believe a word I say from here on. Just kidding. Trying to get this day started; it ain't easy. Maybe I'll go back to sleep and try again later.

APRIL 2012 2012.

Annie and I head to Los Angeles tonight. It ain't easy leaving heaven on earth, aka Maui, Hawaii. I start playing on the fifth in Texas. That will be good, because I'm ready for a great Texas crowd. Texas crowds get into it pretty good, and I love it when they do. The people put on as good a show as we do, and I feel the vibes. We send out good ones and they send them right back.That means it all worked out right.

Lukas, Micah, Annie, and me.

WHEREVER YOU YOU ARE ARE RIGHT RIGHT NOW NOW, SEND SEND OUT OUT SOME SOME GOOD GOOD VIBES VIBES. Energy follows thought, and when you send it out, it keeps going. Every thought you have had is still spinning in the universe, so keep them positive. What goes around comes around, the law of karma-for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, and I will keep saying this a lot, not for you, but for me. I need to hear it often. Earth is a school for dummies. We keep coming here to prove why we need to keep coming here. If we get it right just one time, I don't think we come back unless we just want to. Knowing what we know, I don't want to. It's too hard. Living is hard enough, dying really sucks, and I don't know, do the good times outweigh the bad? f.u.c.k, I hope so.

GOOD TIMESWhen I rolled rubber tires in the drivewaypulled a purse on a string across the highwayCla.s.sify these as good times good timesWhen I ran to the store with a pennyand when youth was abundant and plentyCla.s.sify these as good times good timesGo to school fight a war working steadyMeet a girl fall in love before I'm readyCla.s.sify these as good times good timesHere I sit with a drink and a memorybut I'm not cold I'm not wet and I'm not hungryCla.s.sify these as good times good timesGood times are coming hum it um huhGood times FOR THOSE THOSE OF OF YOU YOU WHO WHO MIGHT MIGHT BE BE OFFENDED OFFENDED BY BY MY MY BAD BAD LANGUAGE LANGUAGE, I do apologize. There are so few words that I want to be able to use them all if I can, cuss words too. The most holy word of all, G.o.d, cannot be used in vain if it is the most holy word. There is no way to say it in vain. When you say the word G.o.d, you vibrate at eighty-two billion times per second. That's why preachers say G.o.d and hold it a long time. It feels good to say it: GOOOOOOOOD. That's cool. G.o.d, good, it all means the same. It's the most powerful word in the English language-except for love. And G.o.d is is love, so there you have it. Love is G.o.d, and G.o.d is love, end of story. love, so there you have it. Love is G.o.d, and G.o.d is love, end of story.

The first three letters in the universal language are "I am love," or "I am G.o.d," if you want to shake up the right a little. I am love, I am G.o.d, I am I, or if you think you feel bad, feel of me, or take your tongue out of my mouth, I'm kissing you good-bye, or I can't get over you so you get up and answer the phone, or I hate every bone in your body but mine, or take your love and stick it up your heart.

It's a nice plane ride. Nice plane, nice people taking care of you. That's nice. Thanks, American."Life is a b.i.t.c.h and then you die." Zeke really did say that.There is a movie playing on the plane now, about people in a zoo of some kind. The star is very popular. I can't think of his name, but he went down with the t.i.tanic. I met him once at a fund-raiser ... hmm. Oh well. I had a friend who went down on an elevator and another one who blew a safe, but that's another story. Was it Leonardo da Vinci? Maybe, I don't know ... DiCaprio! He's a good actor, and I'm so proud of me for remembering his name. Oh yeah, that Da Vinci guy is a painter. Now I remember; I think he painted The Last Supper. The Last Supper.

ONE TIME TIME A A GUY GUY COMMISSIONED COMMISSIONED A A PAINTER PAINTER TO TO PAINT PAINT A A PICTURE PICTUREthat would show what General Custer was thinking at the Battle of Little Bighorn-that would actually show his last thought. show his last thought. When he was through, he had painted a picture of a thousand Indians lying on the ground having s.e.x, and a cow with a halo. The financier asked, "What does this have to do with General Custer's last thoughts at the Battle of Little Bighorn?" The artist pointed to the caption on the painting, which read: "Holy cow, look at them f.u.c.king Indians." When he was through, he had painted a picture of a thousand Indians lying on the ground having s.e.x, and a cow with a halo. The financier asked, "What does this have to do with General Custer's last thoughts at the Battle of Little Bighorn?" The artist pointed to the caption on the painting, which read: "Holy cow, look at them f.u.c.king Indians."

I am part Cherokee, on my mother's side. Of course when she was in Texas she claimed to be Mexican, so I'm not really sure. My mother was a singer, guitar player, dancer, and bartender, and she did them all well. The first song I remember hearing her sing to me was "Ain't n.o.body's Business."

Went downtownrode on a fenderCame back homeKicked out a windowAin't n.o.body's business if I do I loved my mother. She also sang: If you wanna get drunk and blow your topthere ain't n.o.body gonna make you stopThat's your red wagonThat's your little red wagonThat's your red wagon so just keep rolling alongIf you want to go fishing late at nightAnd you lose your bait and the fish don't biteThat's your red wagon and keep on rolling along My mother, Myrle Greenhaw-Nelson, was a great cook. When we were in the northwest around Portland, Oregon, we would pull the bus up to the house and get the best meal we would have on the whole tour. We knew that and always looked forward to it. I was a DJ in Vancouver, Washington, and Portland, Oregon. I loved it. That's wonderful country, and I didn't mind the rain.

My dad, Ira Nelson, and my mother divorced when I was six months old and Sister Bobbie was three years old. I lived with my grandparents Nancy Elizabeth Nelson and William Alfred Nelson. My granddad was a blacksmith.

My dad moved to various places, following his trade as a mechanic. He made it a point to come visit every chance he could. Later on in life, we had more time to spend together. We played music all over the state together, and I was able to more than make up for the time I missed with him when I was a child. He tried to be a good father in every way.

He remarried a pretty lady called Lorraine. You may have heard stories about evil stepmothers, but Lorraine was not not one of them. She loved me and Sister Bobbie, and coming into the family the way she did, "she had s.h.i.t for a point," because in those days divorces and stepparents were hard to accept. Through the years, as we got to know her more and more, we realized what a great lady she was. one of them. She loved me and Sister Bobbie, and coming into the family the way she did, "she had s.h.i.t for a point," because in those days divorces and stepparents were hard to accept. Through the years, as we got to know her more and more, we realized what a great lady she was.

I LET MY MIND WANDERI let my mind wanderAnd what did it do?It just kept right on goin'Until it got back to youI let my mind wanderCan't trust it one minuteIt's worse than a childDisobeys without conscienceIt's drivin' me wildWhen I let my mind wanderTry to keep my mind busyOn thoughts of todayBut invariably memoriesSeem to lure it awayMy lonely heart wondersIf there'll ever come a dayWhen I can be happyBut I can't see no way'Cause I let my mind wanderI try to keep my mind busyWith thoughts of todayBut invariably memoriesSeem to lure it awayMy lonely heart wondersIf there'll ever come a dayWhen I can be happyBut I can't see no way'Cause I let my mind wanderSUMMERTIMESummertime, and the livin' is easy Oh wait, I didn't write that! Okay. Moving on.

DON N NELSON HAS HAS A A POKER POKER GAME GAME NAMED NAMED AFTER AFTER HIM HIM CALLED CALLED D DIRTY Nellie. It is a dirty, unforgiving game. You get three cards-one up and two down-and your bottom hold card is wild. It's a seven-card game, so a lot can go wrong; I hate it. We play dealer's choice, and that can be one of a hundred games, like Spreckelsville; or a game I brought from Texas called Big Mountain or Omaha, where you play two cards only out of your hand; or Baldwin Beach, named after a local beach here and similar to Low Ball; or High Ball; or Paducah, and, honestly, more games than I can remember. Oh yes, and my favorite game is called Hold 'Em and f.u.c.k 'Em. It's a five-card high/low game, hold card wild, buy one at the end, and throw one away. It's a great game. We play all kinds of games, crazy s.h.i.t, but fun. Nellie. It is a dirty, unforgiving game. You get three cards-one up and two down-and your bottom hold card is wild. It's a seven-card game, so a lot can go wrong; I hate it. We play dealer's choice, and that can be one of a hundred games, like Spreckelsville; or a game I brought from Texas called Big Mountain or Omaha, where you play two cards only out of your hand; or Baldwin Beach, named after a local beach here and similar to Low Ball; or High Ball; or Paducah, and, honestly, more games than I can remember. Oh yes, and my favorite game is called Hold 'Em and f.u.c.k 'Em. It's a five-card high/low game, hold card wild, buy one at the end, and throw one away. It's a great game. We play all kinds of games, crazy s.h.i.t, but fun.

My good friend and one of the founding members out the Maui Outlaws, the late and great Spider, gave me a ship bell. We ring it for him every night at Django's Orchid Lounge. LIQUOR LIQUOR UP UP FRONT FRONT-POKER IN IN THE THE REAR REAR.

Mudslide is a good friend who helps me keep Django's running. He sets up the poker table and brings coffee, beer, or whatever, to whomever. He plays and sings for us sometimes. He is a great entertainer and hard worker. He has worked every Farm Aid, helped park cars, buses, trucks, and whatever needs to be done. Slide can and will do it. Thank you, Slide.

Bill Mack and I have been great friends for fifty years at least. He was on the radio when I was just getting started, and he played all my records, from the first ones, like "Mr. Record Man," "Half a Man," and "Turn Out the Lights." He helped keep my name and music out there when I really needed it. He was the Midnight Cowboy at WBAP's Fort Worth, Texas, late-night show that everybody listened to.

In those days a radio station could make you or break you; I guess it still can. He was on SiriusXM Radio for years, and I believe he is coming back again. I sure hope so, anyway. We had a show on Wednesday together, called Willie Wednesdays. Willie Wednesdays. I hope we can do that again soon. I hope we can do that again soon.

I JUST JUST READ READ WHAT WHAT M MELONIE C CANNON WAS WAS SAYING SAYING ABOUT ABOUT THE THE 2012 CMA award show. It wasn't a good review, but it was a funny one! I didn't watch it, so I don't know for sure what went on, but it wasn't great according to Melonie. I think she was frustrated because she was raised on cla.s.sic country music. I love Melonie and respect her opinion. She is a great singer and the daughter of one of the best writers, musicians, and producers in music, Buddy Cannon, so call 'em like you see 'em, Melonie. 2012 CMA award show. It wasn't a good review, but it was a funny one! I didn't watch it, so I don't know for sure what went on, but it wasn't great according to Melonie. I think she was frustrated because she was raised on cla.s.sic country music. I love Melonie and respect her opinion. She is a great singer and the daughter of one of the best writers, musicians, and producers in music, Buddy Cannon, so call 'em like you see 'em, Melonie.

PICKERS.

I will not say anything bad about another picker, but we do know who the good ones are, and they were/are: will not say anything bad about another picker, but we do know who the good ones are, and they were/are: Django ReinhardtBob WillsRay PriceGeorge JonesVern Gosd.i.n.kitty WellsLoretta LynnConnie SmithLittle Jimmy d.i.c.kensFloyd TillmanLeon PayneTed DaffanSpade CooleyTex WilliamsTennessee Ernie FordChet AtkinsGrady MartinHank GarlandTommy JacksonJerry ReedErnest TubbRed FoleyThe Louvin BrothersThe Wilburn BrothersRoy AcuffPee Wee KingLulu Belle and ScottyMarty RobbinsWaylon JenningsKris KristoffersonJohnny CashBilly Joe ShaverMerle HaggardHank LocklinCarl SmithRoger MillerCarl and Pearl ButlerJimmie RodgersLefty Frizzell These are some of the pickers who influenced me along the way, and I'm sure I am leaving somebody out, but these are the people I learned from, and whatever I am, I owe a lot to my teachers. Thank you for showing me the way.

IF YOU YOU WANT WANT TO TO BE BE A A STAR STAR, YOU YOU SHOULD SHOULD START START ACTING ACTING LIKE LIKE ONE ONE now, so that when you become one, you will already know how to behave, and maybe you won't blow it. For instance, I don't know anybody who is better drunk than sober. You might get by a while, but sooner than later it will take you down. I know. I tried it. now, so that when you become one, you will already know how to behave, and maybe you won't blow it. For instance, I don't know anybody who is better drunk than sober. You might get by a while, but sooner than later it will take you down. I know. I tried it.

n.o.body can stay drunk and make it for long. Alcohol and drugs will win. I have a high tolerance for pot, but I still forget "Whiskey River" if I smoke too much before a show. I don't drink anymore, so that's a plus, but I still have to watch it.

POT IS IS LEGAL LEGAL IN IN A A LOT LOT OF OF PLACES PLACES AND AND ONE ONE DAY DAY WILL WILL BE BE LEGAL LEGAL EVERYWHERE EVERYWHERE. If you make pot legal, and tax it and regulate it like alcohol and tobacco, you will stop the dealing on the borders and save thousands of lives!

THE NEXT NEXT SONG SONG IS IS ON ON MY MY NEW NEW RECORD RECORD. I PLUG PLUG MY MY MUSIC MUSIC ANY ANY TIME TIME I can. I know it's commercialism at its lowest form ... Bite me, again. It's beginning to feel good. I can. I know it's commercialism at its lowest form ... Bite me, again. It's beginning to feel good.

ROLL ME UP AND SMOKE.

ME WHEN I DIERoll me up and smoke me when I dieAnd if anyone don't like it, just look 'em in the eyeI didn't come here, and I ain't leavin'So don't sit around and cryJust roll me up and smoke me when I die.You won't see no sad and teary eyesWhen I get my wings, and it's my time to flyJust call my friends and tell themThere's a party, come on bySo just roll me up and smoke me when I die.Roll me up and smoke me when I dieAnd if anyone don't like it, just look 'em in the eyeI didn't come here, and I ain't leavin'So don't sit around and cryJust roll me up and smoke me when I die.Well take me out and build a roaring fireAnd roll me in the flames for 'bout an hourAnd then pull me out and twist me upAnd point me towards the skyAnd roll me up and smoke me when I die.Roll me up and smoke me when I dieAnd if anyone don't like it, just look 'em in the eyeI didn't come here, and I ain't leavin'So don't sit around and cryJust roll me up and smoke me when I die.I didn't come here, and I ain't leavin'So don't sit around and cryJust roll me up and smoke me when I die.And I say unto any man or woman, let your soul stand cool and collected before a million universes.

-WALT W WHITMAN.

LITTLE OLD FASHIONED KARMAJust a little old fashioned karma coming downA little old fashioned justice going roundIt really ain't hard to understandIf you wanna dance you gotta pay the bandJust a little old fashioned karma coming downComing downComing downJust a little old fashioned karma coming downIt really ain't hard to understandIf you wanna dance you gotta pay the bandJust a little old fashioned karma coming down G.o.d.

If we are children of G.o.d, then we must be G.o.ds too. Very small children must be G.o.d also. We were made in His image, duh. Why don't we know it and act like it? I don't know, maybe we do know and are afraid to accept the responsibility. If we admit that we are children of G.o.d, we can go a long way toward fixing what's wrong. Maybe that is our reason to be here, end of story.

TURN OUT THE LIGHTSTurn out the lights the party's overThey say that all good things must endCall it a nightThe party's overAnd tomorrow starts the whole d.a.m.n thing againOnce I had a love undyingDidn't keep it wasn't tryingLife for me was just one party then anotherBroke her heart so many times had to have my party wineThen one night she said sweetheartThe party's overTurn out the lights the party's overThey say that all good things must endCall it a night the party's overAnd tomorrow starts the whole d.a.m.n thingAgain JAMEY J JOHNSON CAME CAME BY BY TODAY TODAY. HE SAID SAID HE HE WAS WAS CAMPING CAMPING OUT OUT now, way out in the woods where he could be alone. You get that way sometimes. He is trying to write songs, so I told him what Roger Miller said: "Sometimes the well goes dry, and you need to stop and let it fill up again." With me, writing songs is not a choice. It's like labor pains, and they have to get out. It doesn't matter whether they are great ideas or just mind-farts, they just have to get out. now, way out in the woods where he could be alone. You get that way sometimes. He is trying to write songs, so I told him what Roger Miller said: "Sometimes the well goes dry, and you need to stop and let it fill up again." With me, writing songs is not a choice. It's like labor pains, and they have to get out. It doesn't matter whether they are great ideas or just mind-farts, they just have to get out.

APRIL 5, 1:30 5, 1:30 P P.M.

We are headed to Odessa, Texas, for a show tonight.

APRIL 6, 12:20 6, 12:20 A A.M.

Odessa was a really great crowd. Everyone came to have a good time, and I think they did.We are now on our way to Oklahoma.I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU, LORDI thought about treesAnd how much I'd like to climb oneI thought about friendsAnd how rare it is to find oneAnd I thought about youThe most gentle, sweet and kind oneI thought about you, LordI thought about youThere's breaking news on CNN, I'll be right back ...Okay, so it turns out there was an airplane that crashed into a bunch of houses. n.o.body died, so that's a good thing.

APRIL 6 6.

I went for a bike ride. It's kind of cool outside in Concho, Oklahoma-not bad, it could be worse, but I am glad we are playing inside tonight. We are playing a casino. Lana and her friend just went in to play the slots. I used to love to do that, even though I never won. They have to pay the light bills, I know, but no more with my money. Cold weather is much harder on the fans than the band. We have lights, heaters, etc., but the fans are right out there in it.The Red Rocks Amphitheater is a good example of a perfect venue: the sound is great, and it's a beautiful location. The alt.i.tude is a little tough to sing in, but after a while you adjust to it.Now I have ACL Live at the Moody Theater in Austin to play in too. The sound there is amazing, and even the farthest seat is up close. For me, Austin, Texas, is hard to beat. I love hot, dry weather, and being raised in Abbott, Texas, where it can really get hot, I survive pretty well. In Austin and the Hill Country. I'm like a lizard. Bring it on!I'm trying to stay in warm country as much as I can, like Texas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana, but Texas mostly. At some point I'll work closer to home in Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, and Fort Worth. We are doing the Fourth of July picnic at Billy Bob's in Fort Worth this year, and that should be a blast. The whole family will be there. It will be me, Lukas, Micah, Amy, Paula, and many more. There will be three stages inside and out. I hope it's hot!I might decide to do a yearlong tour overseas. Amsterdam, London, Paris, Rome, Amsterdam, Belfast, and then maybe Amsterdam again. I love Europe, because the fans are fantastic. Amsterdam is heaven. I wish Amsterdam was warmer country.HEAVEN OR h.e.l.lSometimes it's heavenSometimes it's h.e.l.lAnd sometimes I don't even knowSometimes I take it as far as I canAnd sometimes I don't even goMy front tracks are headed for a cold-water wellMy back tracks are covered with snowSometimes it's heavenAnd sometimes it's h.e.l.lAnd sometimes I don't even knowHeaven ain't walking on a street paved with goldAnd h.e.l.l ain't no mountain of fireHeaven is lying in my sweet baby's armsAnd h.e.l.l is when baby ain't thereMy front tracks are headed for a cold-water wellAnd my back tracks are covered with snowSometimes it's heaven and sometimes it's h.e.l.lAnd sometimes I don't even know EXERCISE.

Work out, work out, and work out. If saying it again would convince you, I would gladly say it again ... Work out! Work out! Exercise, exercise, exercise, but don't overdo it. Exercise, exercise, exercise, but don't overdo it.

If you pull a muscle, rest until you heal, then work out some more. It's the best thing you can do for your sanity, not to mention your body. Exercise is good medicine, so follow your body-it won't lie. Do what it says. If it says move, then move. If it says rest, then rest. It's not that hard; your body does not lie, it does not know how to know how to lie. If it hurts, it complains; if it feels good, it says, "Give me more of lie. If it hurts, it complains; if it feels good, it says, "Give me more of this. this."

I SEEM SEEM TO TO HAVE HAVE BEEN BEEN ADDICTED ADDICTED TO TO SOMETHING SOMETHING MOST MOST OF OF MY MY LIFE LIFE. I started out smoking cigarettes. It bears repeating that I was about six when I started smoking cedar bark and grapevine, and rolling up Bull Durham. I was trading a dozen eggs for a pack of Camels. Then I ran into beer and whiskey, pills, and then pot. By then I was twenty-five years old and my lungs were killing me. Then came Percodan and painkillers of all kinds, just to keep my lungs from hurting. So then I said to myself, "Hey, you're not getting high on cigarettes, and they killed half your family." They just hurt my lungs. I would take a drag off a cigarette and my lungs would kill me. So I started quitting everything. No more cigarettes at all. I started running again and getting back in shape. I took my cigarettes and threw them away. I rolled up twenty joints and put them in the cigarette package, and every time I wanted a cigarette, I smoked a hit or two off a joint instead. One joint would last all day and it worked for me. Now I use a vaporizer, because it is easier on a singer's lungs.

APRIL 9 9..

Oxford, Mississippi, is nice. We are having great weather, so I had a good bike ride today. It's 7:56 P P.M., and almost showtime.

APRIL 12 12.

Here we are in Illinois now. I spent the last several hours in a bus garage. Some kind of wheel problem. Tony and Gator got it fixed, and now we are sitting in a parking lot somewhere. Somebody on TV is talking about Rick Santorum dropping out of the presidential race. It's a crazy time politically. All the Republicans are chopping each other up pretty hard. Romney is going be the guy, so it's an Obama and Romney shoot-out."Shoot low, Shirley, she's riding a Shetland."I like Obama a lot. I met him first when he was a senator from Chicago. He came to the bus and we became friends. I am also a Hillary Clinton fan, so when they both ran for president, I knew I couldn't lose. Either way we'd win. As it turned out, Obama couldn't do everything he wanted to, but Hillary probably couldn't have either.I think that once you become president, the first thing you realize is that you can't do s.h.i.t. I envision them getting the new president in a little round room and letting him know that he has no power and will do what he is told, just like Bill Hicks said, years ago. Or like my old friend B. C. Cooper used to say, "The town's fixed, the mayor is queer, turn the crank!"It's kind of like Texas, where no one is in control. Texas has the right to secede from the union, and one day it might. Texas has a lot of oil, wind, sun, and plenty of other natural resources, so it would do okay, I think, but I don't want Texas to secede from the union. Texas can help keep America moving forward. Texas farmers could help make America become more energy independent by growing our fuel and developing more of our alternative energy. We could run the world on hot air alone.Texas is really better than we say it is. Oh, I could go on and on, but I won't. I wrote a song about Texas ... I called it "Texas."TEXASListen to my song and if you want to sing alongIt's about where I belong: Texa.s.sometimes far into the nightAnd until the morning lightI pray with all my might to be in TexasIt's the only place for meIt's where I want to beWhere my spirit can be free: Texas.Lord, look what time it is. I better go to bed so I can get up again.

COULD BE EVERY DAY.

We got Wild Bill Elliott on the TV in the back of the bus, Randi Rhodes and Mike Malloy on SiriusXM Radio, and Emmylou up front on the other station. Life is good. Rick Santorum is talking now on the radio about his sweater vest. He has a sweater vest, I have a bandanna. Cool.

Speaking of Mike Malloy, I was listening to him one night and he said, "Come on back, Jesus, and get rid of some of these b.a.s.t.a.r.ds!" It made me think to write this song: COME ON BACK JESUSCome on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)Come on back JesusAnd pick up John Wayne on the wayThe world's done gone crazy,And it seems to get worse every daySo come on back Jesus,And pick up John Wayne on the wayTime to take off the gloveThey just don't respect peace anymoreBut if we have old John WayneWe know he can swing from the floorWhile he kicks their b.u.t.tWe'll just stand there and watch him and praySo come on back Jesus,And pick up John Wayne on the wayCome on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)Come on back JesusAnd pick up John Wayne on the wayThe world's gettin' crazy,And it seems to get worse every daySo come on back Jesus,And pick up John Wayne on the wayIt's getting real hairyIf only old duke man was hereHe'd call me old b.a.s.t.a.r.dFrom out past the atmosphereLord the news looked so scaryWhen I glanced at the paper todaySo come on back Jesus,And pick up John Wayne on the wayCome on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)Come on back JesusAnd pick up John Wayne on the wayThe world's gettin' crazy,And it seems to get worse every daySo come on back Jesus,And pick up John Wayne on the wayCome on back Jesus, come on back JesusCome on back JesusAnd pick up John Wayne on the way WHAT DO DO YOU YOU CALL CALL A A GUITAR GUITAR PLAYER PLAYER WITHOUT WITHOUT A A GIRLFRIEND GIRLFRIEND? Homeless. One of the main reasons I played guitar was because the girls liked guitar players, and I liked girls. I had a fan club when I was in high school, so you see why I'm so conceited. Wait, I said that already. Seriously, I'm really not conceited at all. If you don't believe I'm good, just ask me ... just kidding.

HEROWhere is our hero tonightThe bars are all booming and he's nowhere in sightWherever he is Lord I hope he's alrightWhere is our hero tonightHe used to be king of the barsHe's opened and closed 'em from Waco to MarsNow he sings in the street and he sleeps in his carBut he used to be king of the barsWhere is our hero tonightHe left here at midnight he was high as a kiteWherever he is Lord we hope he's alrightWhere is our hero tonightAnd where is our hero todayCan we just tag along we'll stay out of his wayDoes he still write the sad songsAnd can he still playWhere is our hero today

I LOVE LOVE R RACHEL M MADDOW. SHE IS IS ON ON TV TV NOW NOW WITH WITH M MAYOR A ANTONIO Villaraigosa. They are taking about same-s.e.x marriage and Obama, etc. It's pretty cool, and a good MSNBC program. Okay, now what? Oh, Rachel is on Leno tonight. I'll have to watch her again. Villaraigosa. They are taking about same-s.e.x marriage and Obama, etc. It's pretty cool, and a good MSNBC program. Okay, now what? Oh, Rachel is on Leno tonight. I'll have to watch her again.

PHASES AND STAGES/WASHING.

THE DISHESPhases and stages circles and cycles and scenes that we've all seen beforeLet me tell you some moreWashing the dishes scrubbing the floorsCaring for someone who don't care anymoreLearning to hate all the things that she once loved to doLike washing his shirts and never complaining except of red stains on the collarsIronin' and cryin' cryin' and ironin' caring for someone who don't care anymoreSomeday she'll just walk awayPhases and stages circles and cycles scenes that we've all seen beforeLet me tell you some moreSOMEBODY PICK UP MY PIECESSomebody pick up my piecesI'm scattered everywhereAnd put me back togetherAnd put me way over thereTake me out of contentionI surrender my crownSo somebody pick up my piecesIt's just me comin' downWell, I sure thought I had herLord, I know she had meWhat I thought was heavenIs just falling debrisWell, I may not be crazyBut I got one h.e.l.l of a startSomebody pick up my piecesI think I'm fallin' apartDon't follow my footstepsStep over my trailThe road is too narrowAnd your footing could failAnd the fall to the bottomCould tear you apartAnd they'll be pickin' up piecesOf you and your heartDon't follow my footstepsStep over my trailThe road is too narrowAnd your footing could failAnd the fall to the bottomCould tear you apartAnd they'll be pickin' up piecesOf you and your heartAnd they'll be pickin' up piecesOf you and your heart SUNDAY, APRIL 15 15.

We are somewhere on the road right now, headed to Springfield, Missouri, and listening to Thom Hartmann on SiriusXM Radio. I had a job washing dishes at a restaurant in Springfield, back before I moved to Nashville. My wife, Martha, was working there also. In Springfield, the Ozark Jubilee Ozark Jubilee was a very popular country music show. That's where I became friends with Shirley Collie, Red Foley, Grady Martin, and Billy Walker, who moved to Nashville. Billy Walker let me and Martha and Lana come stay with him until we could find a place to live. He was a great friend, and he was the first guy to record "Funny How Time Slips Away." was a very popular country music show. That's where I became friends with Shirley Collie, Red Foley, Grady Martin, and Billy Walker, who moved to Nashville. Billy Walker let me and Martha and Lana come stay with him until we could find a place to live. He was a great friend, and he was the first guy to record "Funny How Time Slips Away."Shameless plug alert! Speaking of SiriusXM Radio, did I mention that I have my own channel called Willie's Roadhouse (XM channel 56 and Sirius channel 64), where I get to play all the music from my heroes from the past and present?On Willie's Roadhouse you can hear the greatest entertainers in country music, coming to you every week from Nashville's Grand Ole Opry, with people like Little Jimmy d.i.c.kens and Bill Anderson. Little Jimmy d.i.c.kens is ninety-one years old. He says, "When I drop something now, I bend over and look around to see if there's anything else I can do while I'm down there!"

Me in the studioOne time me and Bill Anderson were flying from Nashville to San Antonio. We were talking about entertaining in Texas. Bill said, "Will, I just can't seem to do that well down here in Texas." I said, "Well, h.e.l.l, Bill, they drink beer louder than you sing!"Jeannie Seely and Connie Smith are great singers and good friends of mine. I'm glad to have them singing on the Roadhouse. One of the main purposes for me having my channel was to be able to help touring artists like Amber Digby, Tony Booth, Johnny Bush, Ray Price, Jamey Johnson, Jerry Jeff Walker, Jody Nix, Tommy Alverson, Asleep at the Wheel, Lukas Nelson, Paula Nelson, Amy Nelson (I should have called it the Nepotism Channel), and Leona Williams.I get to fine-tune the channel with my producer Jeremy Tepper, and Dallas Wayne does a great job spinning the country hits from Austin. It's a work in progress, and hopefully will stay that way.

MY NEW NEW ALb.u.m ALb.u.m H HEROES IS IS N NO. 15 ON ON THE THE T TOP 100 100 ALb.u.mS ALb.u.mS, AND AND No. 4 on the country charts in the U.S.! Buddy Cannon and I picked the tunes and, as I said, brought in some great pickers from Nashville to my studio in Austin, where we joined Lukas and Micah and cut the tracks. We also cut some tracks in L.A. with Kris Kristofferson, Lukas, and Micah. I love working with Buddy because he knows all the best pickers to call. He's also a great writer and one of the best producers ever. He's not a bad guitar player and singer either. No. 4 on the country charts in the U.S.! Buddy Cannon and I picked the tunes and, as I said, brought in some great pickers from Nashville to my studio in Austin, where we joined Lukas and Micah and cut the tracks. We also cut some tracks in L.A. with Kris Kristofferson, Lukas, and Micah. I love working with Buddy because he knows all the best pickers to call. He's also a great writer and one of the best producers ever. He's not a bad guitar player and singer either.

Micah, Buddy Cannon, Kris Kristofferson, me, and Butch Carr.

My friend Snoop Dogg was gracious enough to sing with me on my new alb.u.m too. We teamed up on "Roll Me Up" with Kris, Micah, Jamey, and Lukas. Thanks, Snoop!

I had the help of a lot of my heroes on Heroes Heroes: Sheryl Crow (one of my favorite singers), Ray Price, and Merle Haggard, another great singer and writer. Merle has written some of the best songs ever, like "Today I Started Loving You Again," "Ramblin' Fever," "Mama Tried," "Silver Wings," and so many more. We still pick together any time we can.

Merle, Ray Price, and I did a CD called The Last of the Breed. The Last of the Breed. We all sang on the Cindy Walker CD too. I hope we can do more again soon. We all sang on the Cindy Walker CD too. I hope we can do more again soon.

FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAYWell, h.e.l.lo thereMy, it's been a long, long timeHow am I doing?Oh, I guess that I'm doing fineIt's been so long now,But it seems now, that it was only yesterdayGee, ain't it funny, how time slips away.How's your new love?I hope that he's doin' fineI heard you told him,That you'd love him till the end of timeNow, that's the same thing that you told meSeems like just the other dayGee, ain't it funny, how time slips away.I gotta go nowI guess I'll see you aroundDon't know when thoughNever know, when I'll be back in townBut remember, what I tell youIn time you're gonna payAnd it's surprising, how time slips away ...YESTERDAY'S WINEMiracles appearIn the strangest of placesFancy meeting you hereThe last time I saw youWas just out of HoustonSit down let me buy you a beerYour presence is welcomeWith me and my friend hereThis is a hangout of mineWe come here quite oftenAnd listen to musicPartaking of yesterday's wineYesterday's wineI'm yesterday's wineAging with timeLike yesterday's wineYesterday's wineWe're yesterday's wineAging with timeLike yesterday's wineYou give the appearanceOf one widely traveledI'll bet you've seenThings in your timeSo sit down beside meAnd tell me your storyIf you thinkYou'll like yesterday's wineYesterday's wineWe're yesterday's wineAging with timeLike yesterday's wineYesterday's wineWe're yesterday's wineAging with timeLike yesterday's wineI GOTTA GET DRUNKWell, I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread itCuz I know just what I'm gonna doI'll start to spend my money callin' everybody honeyAnd I'll wind up singin' the bluesI'll spend my whole paycheck on some old wreckAnd brother I can name you a fewWell, I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread itCuz I know just what I'm gonna doWell, I gotta get drunk, I can't stay soberThere's a lot of good people in townWho like to see me holler, see me spend my dollarAnd I wouldn't dream of lettin' 'em downThere's a lot of doctors that tell meThat I'd better start slowin' it downBut there's more old drunks than there are old doctorsSo I guess we'd better have another round APRIL 15, 1:30 15, 1:30 P P.M.

I am playing Wii golf on the bus with David, and there is a storm coming. I'm glad the show is inside tonight. It's one thirty P P.M., and so far so good, but it looks like we are still in the path of the bad weather. It's amazing the number of bad storms we are having. We are definitely in a changing world. I've said before that the Earth is a living ent.i.ty, and it takes care of itself. The Bible says, "If thy right eye offend thee pluck it out." It is a huge tiger with a thorn in its paw. Earth will take out the thorn and everything else in its way. Earth is always healing itself, mainly because we are always harming it in some way. The water and air on Earth are being adversely affected by our bad habits. We are f.u.c.king up our home ... d.a.m.n, are we dumb.

2:25 P P.M.

Looking out the window of the bus, David says we have fifteen minutes before the storm hits. The weather is still bad. There have been one hundred tornadoes this week, and five people so far didn't make it to the next day. One tornado destroyed a town and one hundred people have been displaced, from Texas to Wisconsin. Otha Lee Boyd and I were in the middle of a tornado one time. It killed one hundred sixty people. I have the utmost respect for tornadoes. If I were a music fan in this area, and I asked myself where I wanted to be on a night like this, my answer would be home. I wouldn't blame them at all if that's what they decided. I think the worst is over, though. I hope so. But we are all in this sinking ship together.Ahoy, matey!Whew, no problem, we dodged another bullet! Thank you very much, weatherman or weatherwoman, whichever. You who do weather.Bill Cosby is on TV now. He is a great guy and a great friend. One time he asked, "What do you need?" when I needed millions, and I knew he was serious. Thanks, Bill!I haven't quite figured out this walking-on-water stuff. I had a great day of golf today with all the gang. We didn't play that well, but we had fun and got some fresh air. I needed to get off the bus for a while.

I WOKE WOKE UP UP ONE ONE NIGHT NIGHT ABOUT ABOUT TWO TWO IN IN THE THE MORNING MORNING, IN IN R RIDGETOP, Tennessee. I was reading in the paper where some guy killed his girlfriend, so I wrote: I JUST CAN'T LET YOU.

SAY GOODBYEI had not planned on seeing youI was afraid of what I'd doBut pride is strong and here am IAnd I just can't let you say goodbyePlease have no fear you're in no harmAs long as you're here in my armsBut you can't leave so please don't tryI just can't let you say goodbyeWhat force behind your evil mindCan make your lips speak so unkindTo one who loves as much as II just can't let you say goodbyeThe flesh around your throat is paleIndented by my fingernailsPlease don't scream and please don't cryI just can't let you say goodbyeYour voice is still it speaks no moreYou'll never hurt me anymoreDeath is a friend to love and I'Cause now you'll never say goodbye There was a guy in the Junction Bar in San Antonio who loved that song. He would come walking toward the bandstand choking himself, with his hands around his throat, which is how I knew that he wanted me to sing that song.

TUESDAY, APRIL 17 17.

We play St. Louis tonight, then on to Austin. I'm ready to see my ponies.I'm back in the cabin, and there's another great sunset. When Waylon Jennings, Larry Trader, and I first came up here, I knew I had found a spot. This is it, and it don't get no better than this, end of story.There is still a little chill in the air. I thought I'd hit the pool ... wrong. I'm real wimpy about cold water. Hot water, that's okay. I like hot water. I get myself in it all the time.

A GUY GUY WENT WENT TO TO THE THE DOCTOR DOCTOR FOR FOR A A CHECKUP CHECKUP. THE DOCTOR DOCTOR SAID SAID, "Well, first of all, sir, you'll have to stop masturbating." The guy said, "Why?" The doctor said, "So I can examine you!"

This is a good time for a hit and a hot coffee. I call it hillbilly heroin.

APRIL 18 18.

d.i.c.k Clark pa.s.sed away today from a heart attack. He was really one of the good guys and brought a lot of great music together. He was just eighty-two years old. He did American Bandstand American Bandstand starting back around 1956. He created the show, and they called him America's oldest teenager. starting back around 1956. He created the show, and they called him America's oldest teenager.When I was six years old, maybe before, I was writing poems about things like good love, bad love, and broken hearts before I was old enough to know about those things. I do believe in reincarnation and that I came back to write things down-I just started early. I wrote poems until I learned to play guitar; then I started writing songs, and I have never stopped. I had some times when I wrote more. But like Roger Miller said, sometimes the well goes dry and you have to wait till the well fills up again. Roger was great. Mel Tillis said, "Roger could rhyme s.h.i.t and claw hammer," and I think he could.

SISTER BOBBIE Our education was very important to Mama Nelson. It was when Willie was in first grade that his teacher, Miss Dianne, told her of Willie's very noticeable writing ability. He had written a poem that had impressed the teacher a lot. Mama was so proud. She could not wait to tell me. It was at this young age that Willie started writing, first poems and then songs. We would perform his new com-positions for the congregation at revival church meetings. It is obvious today that his writing has continued and we are still performing his compositions. Where we first performed in church, then school, we joined others to play music, from his polka band to our first swing band-with our father and my husband, who formed our first honky-tonk band. We were making music, building a fan base, having a lot of fun and enjoyment, and learning more music and playing it better.Where were we? Oh yes, we are going to Lufkin, Texas.

THURSDAY, APRIL 19 19.

Lufkin went great, and we had a really great crowd. We had good weather, and it was an outside show, so perfect.

4/20, AUSTIN, TEXAS.

Today is my statue day, at the corner of Lavaca Street and Willie Nelson Boulevard, and Johnny Cash's birthday bash in Austin at the W Hotel, in Austin City Limits Live at the Moody Theater. Did I mention the sculpture is on Willie Nelson Boulevard? The sculptor is a man named Clete Shields from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. They are presenting the statue today on 4/20 at 4:20. It will be a good day. My son Micah is with me. He will play with me at the Cash birthday show and at the statue presentation. Then maybe he will paint a picture of it all. He is such a great artist, and I can't draw a circle. It just don't figure. But I can draw a crowd, I guess, and so hopefully they will be there for me today.

CHRIS ETHRIDGE.

Chris Ethridge died today, April 23, 2012, from complications with cancer. Chris played ba.s.s in my band. He was a great musician and a good friend. Chris played ba.s.s with me when Bee took a job with Waylon. Then Bee came back and we had two ba.s.s players, and at one time we had two ba.s.s players and two drummers. Everything was great until we all got on different drugs; then it sounded a lot like a cl.u.s.ter f.u.c.k and a catfight going on at the same time, but we had fun. Anyway, Chris was sixty-five years old. He will be missed.

ONE STEP BEYONDI'm just one step before losing youand I'm just one step ahead of the bluesand I know that there's been pain and miserylong before this old world ever heard of meIt will hurt me so much to see you goBut we'll just add one more heartache to the scoreAnd though I still love you as beforeI'm just one step beyond caring anymoreI guess that you're surprised that I could feel this wayafter staying home and waiting night and dayfor someone who cared so much for meyou'd come home just long enough to laugh at meI don't know just when my feelings changedI just know I could never feel the sameand though I still love you as beforeI'm just one step beyond caring anymore WE HAD HAD A A GOOD GOOD LAUGH LAUGH TODAY TODAY TALKING TALKING ABOUT ABOUT MY MY STATUE STATUE WITH WITH Michael Hall from Michael Hall from Texas Monthly. Texas Monthly. He was here today doing a piece on me and Trigger. Trigger loved it. He was here today doing a piece on me and Trigger. Trigger loved it.

I AM AM THINKING THINKING I I WANT WANT TO TO PUT PUT "Y "YESTERDAY'S W WINE" BACK BACK IN IN MY MY show. I just heard it on my SiriusXM channel, performed by George Jones and Waylon Jennings. Pretty cool. show. I just heard it on my SiriusXM channel, performed by George Jones and Waylon Jennings. Pretty cool.

THERE'S A A NEW NEW MOVIE MOVIE I' I'M IN IN, CALLED CALLED W WHEN A ANGELS S SING. ALL THE THE actors did a great job, I thought. It will be coming out ... duh, around Christmas! I like it because it's a real family movie. I think we need more family movies. I may need to work on scoring the music for it, and that will be easy, but I guess I'm looking old. Did I mention that I was in it? Oh well. actors did a great job, I thought. It will be coming out ... duh, around Christmas! I like it because it's a real family movie. I think we need more family movies. I may need to work on scoring the music for it, and that will be easy, but I guess I'm looking old. Did I mention that I was in it? Oh well.

THERE SEEMS SEEMS TO TO BE BE A A WAR WAR ON ON WOMEN WOMEN, AT AT LEAST LEAST IN IN THE THE MEDIA MEDIA. WE won't win that one ... period. We can't let our mockingbird mouths overload our hummingbird a.s.ses. won't win that one ... period. We can't let our mockingbird mouths overload our hummingbird a.s.ses.

THE ART OF FARTING.

MAY 2012 2012.

We are on a break and flying back to Maui. It looks like the ocean and the clouds are getting closer. I hope we're landing. They say landing an airplane is like a controlled crash. I wish they wouldn't say s.h.i.t like that.We are about three hours out now. Annie has her face covered because there's a little kid coughing openly, really bad, and spreading her germs everywhere. So I just farted and sent it her way. That should kill all the germs on the plane. My farts have been known to kill johnsongra.s.s six feet high. My grandmother slapped a fart out of me one time that whistled like a freight train. It scared both of us really bad. She never hit me again.That little girl doesn't even know to say thank you, but I hope someday she might be able to do the same for somebody else. It's okay, little girl, I'm a pretty nice guy once you get to know me, and if you ever need any more emergency medical help just send me your home address, and I will fart in your general direction. You're welcome.

MAY 6 6.