River's End: River on Fire Part 7

She shook her head, looking confused and unsure. "I can't just let things be. I'm too old. I'm the mother of those kids. I am too old for you." There. She outright said it. She threw down the gauntlet and acknowledged the elephant in the room and why it was so impossible for her to believe.

"Yes, you are their mother. That doesn't detract from your appeal. Do you want it to? Is that what puzzles you? Because I'm not as shallow as you pegged me to be?"

He stared at her, and the porch light reflected the dark depths of his eyes. But still, the mature, deep, s.e.xual stare that captivated her didn't seem like it belonged to any kid or young, clueless guy. He was the one in control between them. He had all the power and authority. It befuddled her how she so readily turned into a puddle of nerves and raw feelings... yes, all kinds of feelings. She bit her lip, trying not to cry.

"We don't match."

"We don't have to match. We just have to like each other."

Her shoulders sagged. Yes, she expected him to be shallow and shortsighted. Knowing she was the mother of teenagers, not young kids even, should have mattered to him. So what if she pegged him? He refused to stay pegged.

"And you could quit insulting me with all your hang-ups. It's starting to p.i.s.s me off now."

She watched him cross his arms over his chest as a cold look produced by his raised eyebrows and twisted mouth appeared on his face. She shook her head. He was right. She owed him the apology. She was just as attracted as he was, she just didn't expect hers to be returned. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered, heaving her chest up and down in a big sigh. She shook her head. "I didn't expect anything like this. You. Not now, or here, or so soon..."

"I know. That's why I stopped back there." He stepped forward and invaded all of her precious personal s.p.a.ce. Now, she could not breathe. Not when he was right there in front of her, making her chest heave with nervous anxiety. His hand came up to cup her jaw and pull her forward. No hesitation. All at once, nothing about him seemed young. He was taking the lead and she was as helpless as a sheep bleating after her shepherd. His lips barely touched hers. When she felt his warm breath, she looked up and was helplessly caught in a long, bold eye lock.

"When it happens, you won't be confused or unsure."

He let her go, stepping back and simply walking away as she stared after him. His final statement to her, emphasizing when, seemed to echo through every single cell in her body. Her brain was buzzing with white noise and her heart was full of... antic.i.p.ation. Zinging, singing, crazy-hot, deliriously happy antic.i.p.ation. Maybe something had finally changed in her life. In her. But then again... no. It couldn't be. Not with Joey Rydell. Nothing like that could happen to her.

Chapter Six.

HAILEY COULD NOT GET the kisses she shared with Joey out of her brain. All night long, she lay there tingling, turned on, thoughts of pa.s.sion and desire coursing through her as well as the thrilling sensation of being desired. He stopped. Why did he have the wherewithal, the maturity, and the sense to stop? Because seeing how unsure she was actually mattered to him. Her cynicism, skepticism, and disbelief were insulting, but that was how she considered his interest.

Why should she believe it?

Now, however, she had to put it all away. All the lovely, unparalleled new feelings. She had to ignore them and focus on her usual routine. Her kids. Getting Jacob's breakfast. Brianna surprised her by coming out of her room early, and was pleasant enough while talking to both of them. She did not roll her eyes or reply with sharp retorts. She didn't even swear.

After they both had a great time with Charlie and Cami, they were going swimming in an hour. No wonder Brianna was up so early. She shrugged at Hailey's inquiry, stating, "Cami's pretty cool. She didn't grow up here so she's a lot more worldly than I expected. We always have a lot to talk about." Brianna hesitated, then added, "She just met her dad two years ago. She said it was hard for her at first. Can you imagine not knowing your dad until you're thirteen years old?"

"No. I'm glad you know yours."

"I am too. I-well, I might call him today. Okay?"

Hailey wanted to grip her daughter's hand and squeeze it. She almost sounded like a little girl when she asked, "Okay?" So rarely did she let her feelings out, especially with Hailey.

"Of course, honey. Anytime you want to call him. He'll be glad to hear from you."

"Will he?" Brianna asked softly. Hailey froze. Never before had Brianna shown any signs that she wondered if her dad wanted her. Or loved her. Or cared for her still. Was it just the same as always? His actions of late might have contradicted that, but to date, Brianna hadn't expressed that she noticed or even felt it. It was a new reality and he was caught up in his new life, with his new wife, almost to the exclusion of his old life. Their life. Even his kids.

Hailey bit down on her lower lip. She could not lie to Brianna; that would undermine any thawing towards her. Hailey said the wrong thing about seventy percent of the time. She almost wilted, thinking there was no way this wouldn't escalate into a fight no matter what her reply.

"I think he will be. I suppose he's just as confused as we are, what with trying to get used to our new lives."

But to her shock, Brianna didn't sigh or roll her eyes or walk out. "He's married now."

"Yes, honey, he is." Brianna knew that glaring fact, but until then, hadn't acknowledged it.

"I didn't want to be there or anything, but don't you think it's weird that he didn't want me there?"

Hailey's arms ached to embrace her daughter. She had to clutch the counter edge to keep her body still and struggled with the impulse to comfort her hurting daughter. She knew Brianna didn't want that, not right now. Hailey had to also withhold what she really thought of her ex-husband, since he was her kids' father.

"Maybe he just didn't think you'd want to see it. You know? Perhaps he was sparing you?" Hailey knew it was a lame excuse and just as transparent to her ears as it had to have been to Brianna. No wonder the girl disdained her so.

"Maybe. But it's weird, right?"

"It's definitely weird," Hailey finally agreed.

Brianna got up and turned to leave, stopping dead at the doorway to her bedroom and flinging a glance over her shoulder toward Hailey. "You would never do that, would you?"

Hailey wasn't sure what she meant. Marry again and not invite her kids? Not even consult them? The desperate need for rea.s.surance fairly dripped from her teen's question. "No, sweetie, I wouldn't do that."

"Good," she mumbled from the doorway. Then she added softly. "I don't want you to."

Hailey's breath expelled slowly, and she blinked in shock. Brianna slammed her door shut almost as if she were mad, but strangely, for once, she wasn't. Or flaming with indignity toward Hailey. Hailey nearly fell onto the bar stool with astonishment. Brianna needed her still. She trusted her still. And counted on her still. That's why she took everything out on her, and spared her father. Brianna didn't trust Brent anymore. He seemed to prefer his new life now and was no longer there for her. Brianna cherished his crumbs of attention and ignored his carelessness, because she was so scared to lose him totally. But her anger and resentment burned as hot as a nuclear core inside her. And it spilled out with the parent she trusted, the one who stayed there.

Hailey lay her head on the counter. It wasn't fair, or pleasant, but it sh.o.r.ed up her sense of resolve and love for her daughter. She could be the steadfast parent. She could handle it, especially if it helped Brianna get through it. She would convince Brianna that she was with Hailey no matter what, and forever. Always. She did the right thing in coming to this place. She was even acknowledged and appreciated by this intermittently angry, rude daughter, who didn't mean half of what she said or did. Brianna was just scared and lost and unsure. For now, Hailey was content to live with that.

She straightened up. She had to stop being distracted by pretty boys whom her daughter had a crush on. d.a.m.n. What had she been thinking last night? Temporarily sidetracked by a face that was model-worthy handsome and yes, understandably distracting. But Joey was not for her. Not now. Her kids were in crisis, and she had to fix it for them and herself. She had to gradually work her way through a marriage gone bad; and there was no room for someone like Joey Rydell. She nearly laughed out loud. What was she thinking? He'd be what? Her boyfriend? And do what? Date her? It was impossible for her to imagine or comprehend. As if. Thank G.o.d they stopped before anything happened. Okay, to give credit where it was due, he stopped them, but still, it was the same results. Nothing much happened. She had to make sure nothing more ever did. She was grateful for this little bit of thawing in Brianna toward her and the unbridled explosion of smiles and fun she saw in her son.

Yes, that was what needed to happen in their lives now. Not have Joey Rydell as her boyfriend.

When she ran into Joey, Hailey's entire body flooded with heat and her raw nerves tingled. There was no way it wouldn't have happened eventually, considering he worked there and she was living there for now. They went into the cafe because Brianna requested it. How could she explain that she wanted to avoid Joey for very personal reasons? Her children didn't need to be horrified by the reasons she had. So they entered the cafe. A tall girl with funky, short hair and a strong, athletic build seated them. She chatted pleasantly about their stay as she took their orders. The food was fresh, as usual, and plentiful and filling. All of their meals had been first rate in this place to date. Joey walked in, oblivious to them at first, his gaze was focused elsewhere. When he finally glanced around and spotted them, his eyes skipped over the three of them before remaining steadfastly on her. Hailey flushed and squirmed as if she'd been caught doing something wrong by an authority figure, rather than enjoying lunch with her kids. And despite her ragged nerves and worrying if she might run into Joey, since his office was just a few doors away, she was actually enjoying her kids. Brianna, from the time she got up, had been nice. She was interesting and talkative. Hailey wanted to immerse herself in all the positivity she felt coming from Brianna.

Joey stopped courteously and rested his hands on the back of the empty chair. "h.e.l.lo, Starr family. Enjoying your meal?" His tone was so casual. He seemed so at ease and normal, but his gaze? Oh, his gaze was so not. His eyes seemed ember-hot and heavy as he stared at her, and she wasn't imagining that. She nearly asked him outright, Why? Why did he have to look at her in such a way? She wasn't really worthy of so much scrutiny. She was just an average, middle-aged, mommish woman. Why? Her ordinary thoughts nearly screamed to be noticed as perfectly normal.

Brianna, however, instantly sat up higher in her seat and turned on her smile. Flipping her hair, and fluttering her eyelashes, she tipped her chest forward just enough to reveal a few more millimeters of alabaster cleavage. Hailey frowned at her daughter, and a spurt of anger flashed through her. Even worse, she was jealous. She tightened her fists. No. No. Nope! She refused to be jealous of her daughter's interaction with the man who merely ran the resort where they were staying. The same man whose hands had recently, oh-so-recently, been cupping her a.s.s. She nearly clamped a hand over her mouth. She needed to get a grip.

Joey made amicable conversation for a few lingering moments, in which Hailey partic.i.p.ated before he disappeared behind the kitchen doors. Hailey's breath nearly whooshed into her chest after the encounter. She had to do something different to end it. She couldn't continue to indulge this surprisingly odd attraction, flirtation, or whatever one wanted to call it. She could not let it come between them, her kids, with whom she had already gained so many points. Like she needed to add her daughter's d.a.m.n crush into the mix.

After eating, they left and she and Jacob wandered down to the beach. Brianna eventually joined them. It was the best, most relaxed, and easiest day they'd spent together in months, maybe even longer. It was the closest thing to heaven for Hailey. Then Charlie and Cami came down to the beach, specifically searching for her kids, and they all went off together. She warned them to be careful but could not help smiling with satisfaction as she watched them scurrying off together through the trees. Of course, they were headed down to the better swim area, the personal beach of the Rydell family. She sighed, watching them vanish before heading up the path back towards her cabin. Her heart swelled with joy and nearly lifted upwards. Brianna was so nice to her today. That was a huge breakthrough for them. Truly.

Lost in her thoughts, relishing her happiness, Hailey nearly screamed when she rounded a corner and ran smack dab into Joey Rydell. He stopped dead, and his hypnotic gaze sought hers, holding it as she stared at him and felt the same gut-deep, gnawing hunger, connection, and embarra.s.sment. Nearly blushing as usual. A grown-a.s.sed woman who still blushed over a guy's smile at her? Get over it. She wanted to scream at herself for not stopping it, but how could she, especially when he looked into her eyes so sincerely like that?

He didn't say anything, but glanced around, then stepped forward, taking her hand in a subtle, gentle clasp and pulling her forward. When he turned and began to walk, she strangely followed him. She should have stopped, and tugged her hand back, but no, she didn't. She chose to blindly stumble after him. He was surefooted as a mountain goat, and his hand, oh, that hand gripped hers tightly as she clung to it. She followed as he led her to his house. She realized it was his when they came down a path that wasn't heavily trampled. It circ.u.mvented the guest paths and even those of the family ranch. It ran below the ranch, along the river, and Joey paused only when the back side of his house came into view.

Stopping dead on the edge of his gra.s.s, he spun her towards him. She practically melted into his arms, and he slid his hand into her hair as he stared into her eyes. "Do you want to come in?"

No. Remember, no. She had to tell him she absolutely could not do that... whatever that was. Brianna needed her too much. Brianna liked Joey still. Brianna was talking to her for the first time in months. Why would she jeopardize it all just to go into his house?

He kept his dark, copper-colored eyes boldly fastened on hers. What did he intend to do? She held her breath. "I don't know... my kids..."

"Are off playing with my nephew."

She held her breath. "Did you come looking for me?"

"Yeah, duh. It was no accident I found you just now. You really don't get this, do you?"

She nearly bit her lip. "No, I really don't."

He tucked her hair behind her ear. "Come in, and sit on the patio. Have a gla.s.s of wine and dinner with me. That's it. Dinner."

She was lulled and intrigued. It made her oh-so-interested to do something as simple as that. It sounded so innocuous, so okay, so innocent. Just sharing dinner.

Joey added, "We can't really do it anywhere else, can we? Not without questions. Questions you don't want, am I right?"

"Yes. But most of them are my questions," she mumbled.

His head tilted forward and his lips kissed hers in a light, lingering, powerful collision. His lips hovered over hers. "I like you, Hailey Starr. I want to have dinner with you tonight. I might even kiss you a few more times. But nothing else, unless..."

She released a deep breath from her lungs. "Okay. I mean, I guess it can't hurt. And drinking a gla.s.s of wine with another adult might be nice."

So nice. With him.

He took her hand again and led her through the back sliding door of his house. There were lots of skylights, flooding the floors with sunlight. Rays of natural light beamed everywhere and shone on the pale flooring, cabinets and walls. It was open and airy, even Zen-like with only minimal furnishings. He ushered her under the covered deck with a patio table. The view was primarily fields of gra.s.s, pine trees and patches of the river through the tree trunks. The front of the house wrapped around the deck, giving it a natural privacy screen and blocking it from the rest of the family houses, the ranch and even the distant resort. It was like they were all alone in the woods there. What a setting. Hailey couldn't believe how lovely it was. Despite the oppressive heat, the ample shade trees made it tolerable. Joey put on some music that softly enhanced the atmosphere. It came from speakers that were installed throughout the overhang. He returned with two stemless wine gla.s.ses and an amber liquid inside both of them. He set them down as he sat beside her.

"It's really something back here."

He nodded. "Private. Far enough away from all them. I need to have plenty of s.p.a.ce. Family is great and all, but I prefer not to involve them in every little thing I do."

He asked about her house, her job, and the town where she lived. They discussed what grades her kids were entering, and how they did in school. It was so natural and easy as the sun hovered over them, and the river echoed further off. Annoying bugs zipped and zapped close by their ears and faces, but Hailey was unbothered by them. The effortless conversation that flowed between them pleased her no end. Joey sat back, crossing one leg over his knee and he kept glancing at her when he wasn't observing the view. He seemed very interested in her kids, and asked all about them, accepting them as part of her, along with her hair color, her age, and her personality.

He got up to grill the dinner on the huge, built-in barbeque. He asked her if steak was okay, which it was. She offered to make a salad and he smiled, blushing even, and admitting he had none of the makings for it. But he did have watermelon. She found that endearing. But scolded her d.a.m.n heart for thumping with glee. She was way too easy.

Hailey began cutting up the watermelon while Joey wrapped some pieces of corn on the cob in foil, but not before bathing them in b.u.t.ter. They drank more wine and talked some more. The sun started to set and she fussed over where her kids might be. Joey texted Charlie and learned they were all still together, heading up to the fire pit. That left her free for a few more hours. She blushed again, thrilled. But she also was slightly unclear as to how she planned to spend that time.

The corn was finally done, and the steaks were grilled to sizzling, mouth-watering perfection. They plied their plates with meat that drizzled yummy juices, with corn and generously added more b.u.t.ter as well as the bite-sized chunks of cool watermelon. It was the best tasting meal Hailey had eaten in a long while. Joey apologized for not planning anything out beforehand and failing to keep a diverse supply of groceries available.

The wine left her feeling warm and pleasant. But now was the time for her to tell him she couldn't do... this. Whatever this was. There were so many reasons. Reasons she'd gone over so many times, she knew them by heart. Except they seemed so fuzzy and lacking just then. She couldn't find the right words, despite the opportunity, so she didn't say anything.

After a while, they got up and took their plates and utensils in. They washed them and put them away, working side-by-side in harmony. There was no discussion between them, and the ch.o.r.e naturally happened in unrehea.r.s.ed synchronization. It was cohesive. And that didn't match their ages, their stations in life, or their paths. But here they were now, as if they were playing two sides of a whole performance.

The dishes were done, and the dark continued its steady descent. Hailey glanced at the stove clock. It was time for her to go back to her kids. Even with Charlie's frequent updates, she didn't know whether or not they might pop back into their cabin; and how could she explain her absence from there?

The atmosphere became quiet. Too quiet. The silence was as thick as fog hanging in the air between them. She leaned back against the kitchen counter and he hung up a dish towel with exaggerated care. She nearly gulped out loud. She knew she needed to leave. Now. But something held her there; she was practically rooted to the tile floor. Something compelled her to stay. What was it? She had to tell him no, they were nothing to each other. Hailey was almost acting as if she were only a mother and she could not jeopardize that. But yet, there she stood. Not talking. Not leaving. Not reacting.

When she finally cleared her throat, she crossed the room and stared out towards the darkening yard. No lights emanated from it. It was only lit by the stars and the moon. The yard lights from the ranch didn't extend all the way around Joey's house. Hailey was grateful for it as it masked her anxiety.

"Brianna asked me today if I would always be there for her. We were talking about Brent; that's my ex. She sounded so desperate. Asking me to be there for her. I promised her I would, of course. She still needs me. She still needs me to be her mother. That's all. You don't understand perhaps, but she can't have me acting differently, or being distracted. Even if her behavior doesn't send red flags to others, I understand it, and that behavior is not the real her. That is merely a reflection of her pain. Real pain. I can't add to that. Not if I want to continue to live with myself."

She jumped when Joey's hand touched her shoulder. It felt like a heavy weight on the top of her arm. "This because of the other night?"

She couldn't force herself to turn toward him. When was the last time she even dealt one on one with a man? Except for Brent? "Yes," she whispered honestly. She was ashamed, but mostly embarra.s.sed.

"I would never tell your kids anything. Or anyone else. Is that what's worrying you? It happened. It wasn't just a moment, at least, it wasn't for me. It was something I desired, and on so many more levels than what you probably think."

Hidden in the shadows, Hailey nearly thanked G.o.d, because she was pretty sure she could have spontaneously combusted. "I don't know what you mean."

His hand lowered to just above her elbow, where he squeezed. "You think I'm a pretty boy who's just toying with your emotions, or maybe you're just toying with mine."

She bit her lip, staring harder outside. Maybe she was. But then again, no. That didn't fit, and perhaps that's what disturbed her most. She didn't think of him like that.

"I do think that, but then again, I don't. I mean, this is crazy that I'm even here. We are so far apart in the timeline of life. We aren't even traveling on the same highway. What would be the point if it weren't... what you just said?"

"Maybe that's how you see it from your end. But from mine, it's not like that at all. It's so much more. I feel things for you that I've never felt for any other woman. I know it's early, and probably too soon, but you also have a lot on your plate. I don't intend to make that weight any heavier on you. I want you to understand that I don't see you as someone to toy with. I have never felt a fraction of the intense feelings that I feel around you with anyone else."

"But why? I don't understand why. It just doesn't make sense to me."

He leaned in closer, his body behind her, the radiating warmth so hot, she could have sworn it was touching her skin. He lowered his hand from her arm to her wrists in the softest, feather-like manner.

"You tell me. You were married before. You've been in serious relationships before. I have never even felt the desire for marriage. So how can I explain it?"

She shifted her weight and her body was reacting involuntarily to having his so close behind her. She fought with the strongest, almost impossible to ignore urge to nestle into the inferno that was coming off his body. It compelled her body to move closer to him. She had to consciously tell herself to stop it. That would help nothing here.

Except it made her feel so good. Which wasn't exactly the responsible reaction. And when was the last time she didn't do the responsible thing? She didn't, not ever.

She mumbled, "I'm not sure how to do this with you."

"Maybe you don't have to know how. Maybe you could just let things be and see where it goes. Just spend more time with me, if you'd like to."

"I'd like to," she interjected.

He laced his hand through her hair. "I'd like you to also. Maybe we can just let it be as deep as that for today."

She nodded and finally stepped away from him. On the way home, she kept thinking that there was nothing simple about what was starting to percolate in her heart. It was all because of the one man she didn't want it to boil over on.

Chapter Seven.

HAILEY FOLLOWED HER KIDS to the Rydells' beach, feeling so conspicuous, she was almost tiptoeing as if she was worried someone might halt and arrest her for trespa.s.sing. But the kids insisted that Charlie and Cami were meeting them and they had to go there. After she was invited too, she decided to quit being so weird about it. Brianna's words, not hers. She took comfort in the knowledge that Joey was working, and most likely would not be there.