River's End: River on Fire Part 3

"Afternoon, Mrs. Starr," he said smiling as he approached her while glancing over her body, but in a friendly, casual way. He was definitely not checking her out or being lecherous at all; although he clearly let her know that he was well aware of who she was. When he glanced over at Brianna and Jacob with the same expression, Hailey was relieved.

"h.e.l.lo, Joey. You remember Brianna, and this is my son, Jacob."

Jacob stepped forward and grinned. His swim trunks slid down his slender, skinny waist as he asked, "Can I row?"

Joey smiled and easily ignored Jacob's lack of manners as he stepped around him to enter the building. He began hauling out some equipment. "You can. But I'll do the main steering, deal?"

Jacob whooped with joy and grabbed a loose lifejacket, quickly covering his scrawny chest. He wasn't a big kid for his age, and usually the shortest boy in every cla.s.s he had. It was something that made him rather self-conscious. He was not only smart, but highly intelligent and it showed ceaselessly in his performance at school, but his quiet disposition and shyness hindered him socially, and he was not totally accepted by his peers. He wasn't a dork or a whiner or someone who never knew how to fit in at all; he was just so quiet and overlooked that most of the other children didn't seem to know what to make of him.

With only two close friends, his social life was limited. He consequently spent most of his time at home. A total homebody. He was often buried in his room where he made elaborate models out of Kinectics or Legos. To see him now, getting so excited about something beyond the scope of his room, was more than enough to make Hailey fall to her knees in relief. He was excited. Everything about the Rydell Ranch was drawing Jacob out of his sh.e.l.l and state of near apathy. Yet it wasn't quite apathy. Depression? Anxiety? Hailey knew Jacob suffered from both of those as a result of the divorce and living without his father. The children saw him every other weekend and every Wednesday night. It wasn't enough, but going back and forth was even harder on Jacob. He always looked mildly confused and it literally tugged at Hailey's heart. He seemed like he was physically grasping her heart in his hands and pulling it towards him. He was so lost. Always worrying about what would happen next? What new disaster would change his life? The sense of worry seemed to emanate from him, judging by his demeanor. So for Hailey to now see Jacob showing any interest in something new made their trip there worth it. Despite Brianna. Getting through to Brianna was beyond Hailey at this point. All she could do was to keep trying. That's all she had left. She would never stop trying.

The three of them were all rigged out in the necessary gear before Joey brought out an already inflated red river raft. Hailey met a worker named AJ, a big, muscular man, who was quiet and efficient. He helped Joey lift the raft into the back of the long bed truck, and tied it down. AJ jumped into the cab and started the truck while Joey waved at them to head over to an SUV and indicated they should all pile inside it. They did so, Hailey entering first of course, even though her edgy nerves made her wish she could hide in the back seat. Why was she having such a strange reaction to Joey?

His gaze slid over her legs and landed on her face as though he were checking to see if she were ready to go. She couldn't see his eyes through the mirrored gla.s.ses but his jaw locked when he flipped the gearshift into reverse and reached his arm towards her armrest before looking over his shoulder and executing a turn. A small smile brightened his face as he focused on the road ahead and followed AJ's trail of dust.

"How far do we have to go? I hope it's forever! Hours and hours," Jacob was saying. Hailey glanced over at him. When was the last time she'd heard him talking like that, without any inhibition? And his excitement emphasizing every word?

Joey watched him in the rearview mirror. Hailey noticed how small the interior of the cab was and instantly became uncomfortable. She scooted towards her pa.s.senger door to get more breathing room. "We'll launch from a spot that takes us about four hours before we get back to the beach here. Will that be enough river-rafting for you?"

She gulped. Four hours? With him? No! Four hours, floating down a treacherous, bouncing river? The idea was gradually inducing her to change her mind due to its effect on her nerves. She wasn't sure, since she hadn't reacted to someone's mere presence like that in a good fifteen years. She forgot how it felt. Her utter awareness of every single movement this man made was annoying her.

"Four hours? Yes!" Jacob made a fist b.u.mp in the air. Brianna rolled her eyes at him before she tousled his hair with obvious affection and averted her gaze out the window. Something b.u.mped in Hailey's chest. That. That right there was the faint hope still alive inside her. Seeing Brianna's small display of affection toward her little brother reminded Hailey of the familiar girl who resided somewhere inside Brianna. That girl, the loving, adoring, helpful girl was roaming around in there somewhere, temporarily lost in her rebellion and overwhelming, hurt feelings. Somehow, Hailey had to find that girl again. She felt something bubbling in her veins. Was it hope? Angst? Whatever. She almost fisted her hands, trying to think of a way to get through to Brianna again. Maybe being together here would work. Already, they spent the day in a different way than they usually did, and they were still together.

She glanced at Joey, who was now engaged in a full conversation with Jacob. He was explaining the kinds of rapids they would encounter on the stretch of river they were to ride down. Maybe Joey's advice was correct. Being away, and connecting with each other through fun, might possibly lead to a deeper sense of bonding between them. Maybe it could even establish a bridge to compensate for what they lost and what got swept away from them. Hailey took in a deep breath, sighing and hoping that would happen, because she wasn't sure where to go or what to do if it didn't work.

They pulled into a small parking lot that allowed river access. It belonged to the Department of Natural Resources and was designed for public use. The guys quickly got to work, first throwing the raft down and swiftly a.s.sembling the oars. It had a center plastic chair and two long oars, thereby providing one person a captain's control over the entire raft. She stood off to the side, clutching her life jacket and helmet, observing how the two guys worked in such synchronicity and so quickly. She'd probably just have gotten in their way. She slipped the jacket on, snapping it over her chest and replacing her baseball cap with the helmet. She also wore water sandals and sungla.s.ses. Brianna tried again to avoid wearing the helmet but Joey simply motioned towards AJ's truck. "Then get in the truck and go back with AJ because you're not coming with me if you don't put it on right now."

Simple. Direct. Done. Brianna tapped her foot and scowled at him but slipped the helmet over her blond hair and obediently snapped the strap under her chin.

Joey nodded, satisfied. He did the same with his own helmet. "We all look the same, Brianna, so get over it."

She rolled her eyes but seemed to take some solace from seeing him wearing it too. AJ called out. "I'll come back for the other vehicle. Plan on seeing you in four?"

Joey waved. "Yup, send out a posse if we don't show up." He glanced at Hailey while the kids were busily settling themselves inside the raft. Jacob sat in the front and Brianna sat next to him. "Nothing will happen, it's just a normal precaution. Better safe than sorry."

She nodded. Joey seemed pretty safety-conscious and her esteem of him only continued to grow as she observed his manner of handling things. Especially where her children were involved.

Joey threw a spare oar to her son. "Here you go, Jacob. The oar as promised. You need to try and keep the front of the boat pointed straight downriver at all times. Think you can manage that?"

Jacob reached for it and caught the oar mid-air with a wide grin. "Sure." His casual reply could not mask or diminish the excitement in his huge grin. He was very amped up about this.

Joey glanced over at Hailey and flashed a grin. "You get in the back seat."

"Okay." Hailey's heart was thumping harder, not so much in response to Joey's blinding smile, but the efficient way in which he was engaging her son, not to mention that he remembered the oar. The stinking, spare oar that she was sure was not necessary to "keep the boat pointed downriver."

She took her seat inside the raft bottom, while Brianna sat with one leg swung over the lip of the raft and other leg in, straddling it. Joey held it steady until they all got settled. Then, with a collective "Ready?" he launched the boat from the rocky sh.o.r.eline, instantly catching the shallow current. Scrambling past her, Joey landed in the gray chair and immediately started working the oars in tandem routine. The strength that he possessed in his chest, shoulders, back and biceps did not fail to engage Hailey's attention. From her special vantage point, all she could see were his silken muscles moving under the smooth sheen of his tanned skin. But the strength he showed in his control against the rapidly increasing current made her extra relieved he was so skilled and so strong.

She gripped one of the black handles tightly that was sewn into the bottom of the raft to use as either a foot or hand hold. The water was clear, streaming over the speckled river-bottom made up of round rocks in every color of the rainbow, from oranges and reds to blues and greens. The sun-laced water swished over the rapidly changing depths and consistency of the substrate. From shallow river rock to deep pools that turned the water dark green and sandy bottoms to less than two feet of water over rocky bottoms. They glided past it all, mostly staying in the middle of the river. Sunlight cascaded around them in waves of heat. Shimmering and endless, the blue sky was the high, bright, life-affirming backdrop to it all. Her kids were both talking to each other, and smiling, laughing, even talking smack. They were interacting. Something they didn't do very often, if ever, anymore. Joey shared their conversation until he turned back towards Hailey.

"Hold on now, the first rapid is up ahead. It's a good one."

She gripped the handhold until her knuckles turned white. Just when she was beginning to enjoy it. She nodded with dour resolution, ready to face the first obstacle. "Okay. Is it rough?"

He flashed a smile, holding her gaze for a moment before turning back forward. "Well... after this, you'll no longer be considered a river virgin."

Startled at his ominous words, Hailey stared straight ahead. The river grew louder as if it were turning up the volume in a stereo effect around her now. The increasing roars and crashes seemed to heighten her senses along with her fear, which paralleled the noise level. The current quickly accelerated up ahead and all she could see were the foamy whitecaps of rippling waves that were colliding ridiculously close together and becoming deep troughs and tall crests. Hailey screamed out loud and they were only at the first set of rapids. Joey glanced back, but offered no sympathy; smiling, he called out, "Hold on!"

Steering them first through the center, and then quickly towards the left side of the river, he seemed to be following a predetermined trail through it. And the swift decisions he had to make in order to move them past the rocks were no less astonishing. The entire ride lasted maybe no more than a few seconds but they traversed from one side of the river to the other. Sitting behind them, she watched her children bobbing down into the wave and then straight up over her head as they violently swooped down and she was suddenly up. She glanced off to her side and saw the huge boulders sticking out right in middle of the water, some that would have been as high as her waist, making the water swirl all around them in huge, foamy circles of churning soup. She shuddered. If they hit one of those... but all the while, Joey moved them safely away, seemingly in complete control. Hailey had to cling to that belief. Complete control. All the while, she and Brianna screamed in terror while Jacob whooped and hollered in glee. Further onwards, it appeared as if all the water of the river had converged into a series of seven huge waves that toppled them up and down, up and down. Sailing right over the crest of each one, Joey kept their raft centered and straight. However, Hailey was barely conscious of that since she shut her eyes and began screaming. Then... it all stopped. They were all at once floating along in the calm, skimming the water and being pushed by only the gentlest of waves, which carried them until it grew calm again. When Hailey finally opened her eyes, she found Joey and her children laughing at her, all of them together.

After screaming her head off and clutching the bottom of the raft between her legs with all her strength, her throat felt raw. She finally released the strap, just a smidgeon, and blinked them all into focus. "Oh, my G.o.d. Did we survive?"

Joey's sungla.s.ses masked his eyes, but his eyebrows rose above them and his mouth was quirked to the side. "You survived. No drowning victims."

"Don't even say that. Don't jinx us while we still have... what? Three and a half more hours of this?"

"That was about the worst of it. Some rapids are longer or shorter, but the volume, speed, and size of the waves aren't any bigger than that. Right off, we face it, conquer it, and vanquish all your fears. Just look. You did it."

"That's just plain mean."

He laughed again. "Well, it's us versus nature. I can't control where and when the rapids get too rough, now can I? That is called White Canyon, and it's one of the biggest, baddest spots on the entire river. Congratulations, Starr family; you survived it. We should get all of you t-shirts."

He was mocking and snickering at her so she scowled at him, but a small smile tugged at her lips. Jacob interrupted then, "That was so awesome. Did you see us?" Up and down on his knees he bounced, repeating the motion and shaking the raft all the way back to her position.

"I know. It was so crazy. I thought for sure we were going head first right through them." The voice came from her daughter.

Hailey stared at Brianna, her mouth nearly dropping open. She fully expected Brianna to turn towards her and scowl at how lame she was or say something equally horrible. But instead, Brianna was experiencing this adventure with them, as part of the crew, and not some snarky, rude, self-esteem-crushing creature of unfounded apathy. Of late, she acted as if she were there with them, but so disdained everything they were doing that they were ridiculous to actually like it. To see Brianna enjoying something now, let alone, how happy she seemed to be with them, felt like such a novelty. Hailey decided then and there that it was worth facing those monstrous waves again and even risk drowning just to see Brianna acting "normal" and more like the girl she used to be. The kids kept discussing the ride, alternating back and forth in their eagerness to be heard, and Joey even added a few comments while answering their incessant questions about why he chose the route they followed.

"You really must know this river well, don't you?" Hailey marveled.

"Yes. I really do. Every rock and stick and rapid are etched in my memory, and I can almost tell you verbatim where to go at any particular river depth. In a few weeks, the snow melt will begin to diminish, making the river a foot lower or more and it all looks entirely different. Then I have to know how to avoid the shallow spots that would beach us, as well as rocks that we could catch on because there isn't enough water to push us through. Eventually, towards the end of summer, it's just too low for us to get down. Single inner tubes are the only way we can go rafting then. But we never do that with the guests... too much liability."

The river took a sharp turn before the loud rushing increased. "Another set of rapids?" Hailey asked, and Joey grinned.

"Another set is right; hold on, Mrs. Starr."

She rolled her eyes at his formal reply. "Please, call me Hailey. Since my life and those of my children, who seem to love this incidentally, rest in your hands, please call me Hailey."

Joey turned towards her and grinned. "Hailey it is then. Now hold on."

She did. Only this time, she kept her eyes mostly open and her screams sounded more like intermittent shrieks. The kids bounced and tossed and laughed and screamed as well. They loved it. The river waves splashed over them, making them shriek at getting drenched while Joey laughed right along. It went like that for another hour, with brief periods of calm that were deceptive. Sometimes, the river glided as smooth as a mirror, following its gentle sway and pull. Then, they were suddenly surrounded by rushing, crashing, white-water rapids that tossed and churned the water, bouncing all of them like smooth pebbles being skipped over the surface of a lake.

They stopped at a sandy beach and Joey took out a cooler full of sandwiches, drinks, fruit, and chips for a picnic. Sitting on logs of driftwood that were bleached and smooth from decades of exposure to sun and water, Hailey dug her toes into the warm, white sand. Food never tasted so good or satisfying in as long as Hailey could remember. It was as good as any gourmet meal and the view down the river, as it streamed through the mountains, twisting and turning all around them, filled her with a strange sense of serenity. She closed her eyes and leaned back to let the warmth of the sun's rays soak into her skin. Jacob quickly finished his meal before he started swimming, and Brianna wandered off towards a rocky outcropping. She was very intent on exploring the area before she stared down from a cliff and finally jumped into the water with a typical girlie scream. Joey chuckled as he watched their antics with genuine amus.e.m.e.nt and came over to sit beside Hailey.

"They seem to be enjoying themselves."

"First time I've seen both of them smiling together, and with me. Especially Brianna."

"I noticed you were smiling too."

She glanced sharply at his profile, but he was staring out as if his comment was nonchalant, although it felt to Hailey like he noticed something more. "Yes, I admit I was."

"Seems like that hasn't happened too often for a while. They seem to respond to your happiness."

She tilted her head, staring down at her toes, which were now covered by the hot sand. What was he saying? Did they respond to her negative vibes too? He was right: she hadn't smiled so easily in a long while. Unhappiness over the end of her marriage, and the ensuing change it brought to her entire life, was having undesirable effects on her kids. Add into the mix her own crippling guilt over all of it.

"Do they feed on my unhappiness, do you think?" His bare shoulders shrugged up and down and her heart sped up in response to the simple gesture. Lord! Why did she seem to have so much attunement to his body?

"I don't know a thing about your personal lives; I only know I saw you were smiling and at ease and seemed relaxed. They seemed to instantly ease up and act that way too. Their sense of fun was genuine."

She nodded. "Yes, our lives have been overwhelmed by too much stress and unhappiness. It's easy for me to pretend it's all okay, but kids always know it's not real."

He nudged her knee with his own. "It doesn't mean you have to dive into a guilt trip now. Isn't it enough just to have fun? This day? Now? Enjoy that without asking for more."

She tilted her head to glance up at him. "Do you often counsel the women who request your services?"

She winced as soon as she said it. "Services" came out wrong. It sounded distinctly too much like she meant to suggest more, an innuendo. He caught on immediately and a low chuckle preceded his reply. With a moan, she buried her face in her hands and groaned out loud. "Counseling families. You know, families that request your services as a guide. That's what I meant."

"Your first version made me sound a lot s.e.xier."

She burned up and her skin felt hot to her own hands. "You know what I meant," she hissed.

"I do. But you should see how red you are right now." Laughing, he added, "But sometimes, yeah, I notice dysfunctional interactions, but no, I rarely comment on them."

She peeked at him for a just a second and then looked back down. When and why did she ever feel so shy as she did now? Almost like she were dealing with someone much older and very intimidating, when really, it should have been just the opposite. She almost asked him why he chose to discuss that with her. But she knew the reason why: there was an odd sense of ease and compatibility between them that didn't fit their relationship. There was no time for a relationship to even exist from such a brief, random acquaintance.

The rocky outcrop became Jacob's favorite base jump as he and Brianna took turns leaping off, diving, and swimming ash.o.r.e before they climbed up and did it all over again. What mostly amazed Hailey was how freely they were talking and interacting with each other. Despite the typical ribbing of an older sibling to a younger one, it wasn't vicious or out of proportion. They were sharing in fun, rather than suffering from misery; and Hailey hadn't witnessed that between them in years. It was almost shocking to her and startling to see.

"Maybe your theory holds true. Maybe a little fun is what we need before we can start learning to be a family again. You can't imagine how rarely they have been like this together."

"It must be nice for a parent to see."

"It is," she mumbled softly. "If you hadn't suggested that we do this, I'm sure I'd never have come this far with them. So, thank you."

He shrugged. "Sometimes it takes an objective observer to see what's missing, since those things just aren't obvious to the people caught in a given situation."

"May I ask? What was obvious about us?"

"Well, you and Brianna seem to be at cross-purposes, and in a bit of a power struggle. By getting her to act her own age again, perhaps you could re-establish a connection."

"How could you see that?" Hailey was miffed to know that he could figure that out. It didn't really fit his demeanor, to be honest.

"Maybe because I recognized it. It was that way between Jack and me for many years. We had to change the dynamic between us before we could figure out how to live with each other. I was angry at him, for things that were beyond his responsibility, but that didn't change my behavior and att.i.tude towards him. Plus, I knew he was safe for me to do that with. I knew he would never kick me out or give up on me, no matter what I might say or do. So maybe I recognized it; or maybe it was just a lucky guess."

"Is the Army what changed the dynamic between you and Jack?"

"Yeah, but I don't think you need that much of an equalizer here."

"I get some of it. You know, the kids venting and raging their problems out on those who love them most, but sometimes it's very hard to live with that on a daily basis."

Why was she commiserating with a younger man who was neither married, divorced, nor had any kids? He could not even begin to comprehend the struggles of her life. Nonetheless, it kind of felt like he did; why? She instantly banished the odd connection from her mind.

"So, should we continue on with our adventure?"

Joey got to his feet. "Sure, if you're ready."

"I'm ready. I'm getting more used to it."

"I can tell. You scream less." His fast grin did little to conceal his tone, which was almost... suggestive? Yes, for a split second, it seemed rather suggestive, but no way could it be. Just no. From her perspective, she must have been imagining things.

They all reboarded the raft and pushed off down the river. It was far less intimidating than their first launch off the beach. This time, Hailey was able to relax right away, leaning back during the calmer parts, and letting the sun warm her, even trailing her fingers in the water over the side. She lessened her death grip on the handles as she rode the troughs and crests of the white water. However, it was impossible for her to quit staring at Joey as he rowed; and at her kids as they happily interacted. Brianna almost smiled once at her.

Things were good until the last few minutes. Hitting a wave, Brianna suddenly slipped from the boat as easily and quickly as a raindrop slides down a window. She was there one second, and the next, she had slipped away from Hailey. Screaming in real fear as Brianna went under the deep, green water, Hailey saw something that set her veins on fire: a blooming cloud of blood on the raft and surface of the water. That quickly, Joey was up and over the side, yelling at Hailey, "Bring the raft to sh.o.r.e."

Incredibly clumsy and inept, Hailey tried to stand up, but toddled around like a baby taking her first step. Eventually, she plopped into the captain's chair and tried to move through the water with the extended oars. To her utter shock and surprise, it was so much harder than Joey made it appear. All the while, her heart was lodged inside her throat and hot tears filled her eyes. Her fear was so real, she could taste it, like iron or blood on her tongue, and the horrible sensation filled her mouth. She should never have taken her precious children on this wretched river. Glancing around, the chastising thoughts nearly incapacitated her with grief-stricken guilt. Had she gotten her child hurt in the pursuit of a little fun? As if that mattered. Safety should always come first with one's children. What kind of mother could she be to succ.u.mb to her desperation of pleasing Brianna? Did she let it skew her decisions over what was smart?

"Brianna!" Hailey kept screaming her daughter's name over and over until it became a background screech as she fumbled to get the inflatable raft towards the shallow water. By then, Joey already had Brianna in his arms and was pulling her to sh.o.r.e until she could stand in the knee-height water.

The raft hadn't even stopped but Hailey was scrambling over the seats and jumping off the side into the water towards Brianna. Safely embraced in Joey's arms, she was holding his shoulders. Her head was tilting back. All Hailey could picture was a gash on her head, a concussion, severe brain damage... but then, Brianna was laughing. A tinkling bell sound, the little giggle barely audible as she held her head back and plugged her nose with one hand while holding Joey's shoulder with the other. Taller than Hailey, Brianna easily held on to him with their heads nearly at the same level. Hailey stopped up short at hearing Brianna's laugh and her former consciousness started to return after being in a state of total panic.

What a perfect couple they made. That thought stopped her dead in her tracks, shaking off the irrational concept, how well suited they appeared standing together there.

"Are you all right? What's bleeding?"

Brianna barely spared her a glance as she kept her eyes fastened on Joey. He grabbed Brianna's hand, unclamping it from his shoulder, and stepped back to face her. "She b.u.mped her nose on the side of the raft as she went down. It wasn't a rock. It's just a b.l.o.o.d.y nose. They bleed a lot like that."

Hailey's heart almost quit hammering as she asked, "It wasn't a rock?"

"No. She didn't hit the river bottom. I had her." However, his face wasn't smiling and his mouth was in a grim, straight line.

She reached toward Brianna, who merely rolled her eyes and tilted her head backwards. "Quit being so dramatic, Mom. I'm fine."

"Blood was swirling in the water above you. Of course I reacted to it dramatically." Surprising herself, Hailey found her voice along with her ability to convey authority. She stared her daughter down. "Knock it off. You can hate me all you like, and treat me like a parasite beneath you but nothing will change this: I am your mother; and your welfare, physical and otherwise, will always be my upmost concern."

Joey grabbed the raft and beached it. He came back and handed Brianna his shirt. She recognized it from earlier. "Use this," he told her.

She took it, and the glee in her expression made Hailey pause. Brianna sniffed his shirt. She wasn't scared and was obviously enjoying the attention. Joey stared at Hailey, and then at Brianna again. She felt sure there was something more he wanted to say, but held it in for some reason.

Dejectedly, Hailey returned to her seat. All the joy was leached from the breathtaking experience and wonderful day. Everyone was subdued now, even Brianna, whose nose quit bleeding. She tucked Joey's shirt against her, saying she'd wash it and get it back to him. Even Jacob grew quiet after they beached. AJ and another man were sitting on the beach when they came into view. They got up, raising their hands to block the sun. "Right on time, Jo. Only ten minutes late. Your ability to estimate the correct time of arrival is pretty impressive."

Joey responded, but Hailey's interest had already waned. All she noticed now was the lackl.u.s.ter fatigue she felt. Nothing was accomplished, it seemed. The guys carried the raft and Joey said he'd follow them with the long oars. He glanced at Hailey and asked, "Can I talk to you a minute?"

Surprised, she nodded and said to Jacob, "Why don't you go put some sunscreen on? I'll be up there in a few minutes and we'll go swimming, okay?"

"The river or the pool?"

"Whichever you choose."

"River."