River's End: River on Fire Part 11

"Did you tell Dad what... what I did?"

"We discussed it. You need to tell him what you did and why. We're both so worried about you. We are always concerned about you, Bri. We love you so much, we can't stand the pain you're in and we both are suffering from deep-seated guilt over what we did to cause it. All we can do now, however, is try to find a positive way to heal it."

"I miss him. And... and he didn't want us there. I mean, I didn't want to watch him marry someone else..." She sucked in a deep breath. "But he didn't want us there."

Jacob listened, taking it all in. Hailey sighed. "There's no owner's manual on how to thrive or even survive after divorce. Maybe Dad just screwed up too. You know? Perhaps he wasn't sure what to do, so he thought it would be easier on everyone not to include you. Not that he didn't want you there or intended to exclude you. Does that make any sense?"

Brianna hesitated but finally nodded, her tears still washing her eyes. "Do you really think so?"

"I know so, honey." No. Hailey really didn't think so. Tonight's conversation with her ex was the first she could remember since they separated when he sounded like the father she used to know. What could she say though? No, my darling children, your dad was so wrapped up in his new life and marrying his wife he didn't give a second thought to you? She could not say that so... she lied. She hemmed and hawed and quoted ba.n.a.l plat.i.tudes. And she'd proudly own up to that, even if she could not admit it to them.

"I'll go," Jacob said finally.

Brianna glanced at him and then at Hailey, nodding. "I will too. If he wants us."

"He does." Or at least, he had no choice in the matter after Hailey all but insisted upon it. Brent wasn't a bad father; and that was one thing that had always bonded them: their loving reactions and interactions with their kids. But now? He changed. But Hailey didn't feel like it was forever. Perhaps it was mid-life crisis or just a phase, like a freshman at college, eagerly busting out and partying and drinking after fleeing the confines of parental household rules and constraints. As for loving the kids? Of course they both did; and in Hailey's calmer moments, she knew that was never in doubt. Her heart felt heavy, but also more buoyant. Brianna sounded full of remorse, even embarra.s.sment over her actions, which was unprecedented during the last few months. She also seemed to care about the consequences of what she had done. Her tone was spoken with affection and care to Hailey, which was also pretty big nowadays.

"Then maybe we could go see him. And... and Trinity. We'll have to see her too, right?"

She bit her lip. "Yes, of course. She'll be there from now on, I expect."

That part left a bitter aftertaste in Hailey's mouth. Would she send her kids to live with her freaking young replacement? Nasty thoughts and images suddenly filled her heart and head.

But she didn't voice any of them.

She hoped Brent would handle the kids and Trinity with compa.s.sion and sensitivity. As long as he didn't make their current fragile mental states any worse. She could not guarantee good results either way. But right now? She felt desperate for something to change with Brianna, and being here with her wasn't cutting it.

The next day, she drove her kids for several hours to the nearest airport. Brent had pre-purchased the airline tickets for them to join him. She watched both of them disappear into the boarding area after multiple hugs and kisses, which even Brianna tolerated, along with heartfelt goodbyes and I love yous. Tears streamed down Hailey's face and a sudden hollowness utterly consumed her as she stood in the crowded airport, all alone, watching the essences of her heart and soul walking away from her to reunite with their father. The pain slashed through her as fresh and raw as it did the first day she realized this would be their new reality. She hated the separation. Being apart from her kids was physically painful to Hailey.

She hated, no, she detested all the times they were with their dad and not with her. Even if they were inside the house and not even talking, she needed to know they were safe with her, and not off somewhere else. She felt abandoned. She knew it was irrational, but she suddenly felt completely alone and forsaken by all. She didn't want to be with Brent anymore. She accepted that he had another wife now, and it wasn't her. But they were her kids. And they were going to be away from her with his new wife. The jealousy that gnawed at Hailey was almost strong enough to urge her to retrieve them. She hated when their family was not together. But she accepted that Brent and she were no longer an item.

She drove back to the ranch. It was odd perhaps, not to go home right then, but that made her feel almost worse. When she pictured herself going back to her empty house, her life would have felt even more hollow since her home was exactly as Brent left it. Without the kids there to make noise and inhabit it, it would only make her more depressed. Plus, Joey was waiting for her back at the ranch.

She had no idea what would happen next. She did not want to worry about the future. But by the time she returned, she had to sneak the long way around to his house, and didn't show up until seven o'clock. He had no idea what she'd been up to all day or even that her kids were gone. Gone. It was ridiculous for her to act so dramatically about it. They were simply on vacation with their father. And stepmother. But Hailey still mentally rejected that scenario. They were only going to be separated from her for a short time. But their absence left her empty, as if her core had been removed like an apple. When Joey answered her knock, a look of surprise, followed by uncertainty flashed through his eyes. He opened the back sliding door where she crept up to knock. She instantly fell onto him, sliding her arms around his neck and gripping his shoulders. She started to cry against him, almost hysterically sobbing, "They're gone. They both went to stay with their dad in Palm Springs."

Joey didn't question her, but held her tightly in his arms and let her blubber and cry all over him without any admonishment or interrogation. She started to think maybe, just maybe, he could understand her, despite the huge gaps in their life circ.u.mstances and experiences.

If Joey had pointed out the obvious, or casually placated her with, "They'll be back," she would have had to walk out on him. If he'd been overly rational and cool in his response to her nearly ridiculous hysteria, she'd have been done too. But he wasn't. Joey was kind. He rubbed her back until she stopped crying and they sat quietly on his back patio. Night surrounded them and he got up to get her some wine and held her hand. They were speechless. They didn't need to talk. They watched the night silently, listening to the songs of crickets, staring up at the stars in the clear sky, scattered above the tree tops.

Eventually, they started talking. First, they discussed generalities. Then... it turned to something more. So much more. They talked until the middle of the night when it finally got so cold, she started to shiver. But the emptiness inside her decreased. She felt so close to him, knowing she was heard by him, and understood. Not even once did she consider that he was only twenty-six. She seemed to forget about it and instead, just felt him. Just Joey Rydell. Not a younger man. Not a beautiful man. But the man who listened to her, and was there for her right then. The man who so strangely seemed to understand everything about her.

Maybe it wasn't just a fling. That thought startled her as she settled against him, clinging to his body, drawing on his strength, but not having s.e.x with him. Why? Because she didn't feel like it. All she craved from him was his presence and the radiant warmth he offered her. And the thing is he easily gave it to her. No questions asked. No demands. Maybe there was something deeper happening here.

Chapter Ten.

"COME WITH ME," JOEY said to Hailey, nuzzling her neck. They were in his living room, staring at the TV, ignoring the hot, beautiful day outside to revel in the air conditioning and each other. The past week had been unlike anything Hailey had experienced in years. So many years. A week of just them. Together. s.e.x. Cuddling. Intimacy. Conversation. Innovation. Getting to know each other. Falling in like with him. That she readily admitted. She really liked the man she was practically living with. He took a few days off, without saying why to his family. They didn't know any of the details, but had to have a pretty good idea as to what was going on. She was still there, and her kids were gone, although the other Rydells didn't really see much of Hailey.

Joey had a few private, unknown spots on the river to take Hailey where they could escape and enjoy private time together. From swimming to skinny-dipping to huddling on the sh.o.r.e near a cozy bonfire and making out until all hours, everything was exquisite to Hailey. She almost felt like a ghost. Only when she was in his house or when they escaped to places where no one else could find them did she feel human again. They drove up into the hills and mountains, far beyond the ranch, exploring new places, parking, walking, picnicking, and making love. Oh so much of that went on. Outdoors and indoors. They constantly looked for new spots. New ways. Their ceaseless pursuit was practically decadent. And Hailey might never have felt so wonderful before.

Her guilt over how she spent her private time away from her kids was alleviated whenever she spoke to them; they sounded better. Although she was not sure why they seemed so improved, she was glad to hear that Brent was engaging them and whatever else he was doing seemed to be working.

Joey was telling Hailey all about his older brother, Ian, whom Hailey had not yet met. He was coming home this August and getting married to his long-time girlfriend, coincidentally another local girl whom Joey had grown up with. Joey was practically begging Hailey to go to the wedding with him. In public. As a couple. Making it that much more real. She closed her eyes, feeling very unsure of how to reply.

"Your kids aren't around. They won't see us. What other reason could you have to hide this?" Narrowing his gaze on her, he tacitly told her he refused to accept their age difference as her reason. He understood about her kids but he refused to tolerate her hang-ups. She swallowed. He was right; she had no valid reason now. And it seemed really important to him that she attend.

"Okay. But are you sure? You're in the wedding. I mean, it seems so proper..."

"It is. It's very proper and very important to me and that's why I want you there, beside me, as my date."

She nearly shuddered. He often claimed how much he cared for her. It was a lot. And that freaked her out. He seemed much more comfortable with saying it than she. She often wondered where they were headed or if it meant as much as it seemed to. For once, she wanted to remain in the here and now. Enjoying the present in all of its glory became her only goal.

Going to a family wedding seemed so much like a statement. It made something out of their togetherness and imbued it with deeper meaning. And she had no idea how to fit that into her future. Not yet, at least. Having people, outsiders, knowing about them and seeing them together made her uncomfortable. She could not voice her hesitation to Joey, or describe how much it freaked her out whenever she imagined it. The first reason was because she was considered one half of a couple for over sixteen years with another man. And the idea of appearing connected to a new man, as in a date, made her feel odd and gave her misgivings. Her second reason was just as valid: by coming out and dating, if that was the right word, it was the same as admitting she was sleeping with a man twelve years her junior. Although she sometimes managed to get over it, just between them and in the privacy of the bubble they created, it wasn't real life, of course. However, she knew if she mentioned that again, he'd probably tell her to get out. He had zero tolerance for her former insecurities about being with him. He was strangely cognizant of her worries concerning her kids and even her confused feelings over Brent. She tried to explain how odd it felt for her to be with a new man. But Joey refused to let her indulge any hang-ups about him being younger.

Of course, all the River's End citizens were going to attend the wedding, although that really didn't mean a whole lot to her. What did she care if his family saw them? Or his friends and neighbors? She was unknown to everyone except as a random guest at the Rydell resort. She'd go home afterwards and what? What would happen afterwards? She wasn't sure, but she wouldn't be staying there or interacting with any of these people... or Joey.

She turned and cuddled into him. "Okay, I'll go with you. If you really feel the time is right to introduce me to your friends and neighbors and family members."

"I do. Most of them know you already."

"Yes, but not as your..."

He raised his eyebrows, waiting. "My what, Hailey?"

"Your temporary liaison. Your fling. Your summer flirtation."

He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her forward, locking his eyes on hers. "You're not anything temporary. And this is not temporary."

Her lump of discomfort lodged in her throat, making her feel almost breathless. "How do you figure?"

"I'm not sure how to refer to you yet, but I won't pretend that I feel nothing significant towards you. How about girlfriend? I'm going to say you're my girlfriend and you can deal with it however you like."

Girlfriend? Hailey nearly gulped at the juvenile label. It made her feel silly and kind of stupid. Brianna would soon become some kid's girlfriend. Hailey was a grown-a.s.sed woman, a divorcee, and not some fresh, young innocent entering her first relationship. But Joey kind of was. None of his former dates meant much to him. Hailey had to admit it often seemed like it had real substance. But she felt so odd to go from being Mom and running errands and carpooling according to her kids' schedules to being called someone's girlfriend.

"You don't give a woman much of a chance to waffle or try to figure things out, do you?"

"Not when I know what I feel."

"Don't tell me," she muttered softly when his eyes lingered on her mouth before rising up to her eyes. "Please don't tell me."

She was afraid he'd discuss the future or even... love. And she definitely wasn't ready for that. She was so far from being ready for anything like that. They were meeting on a new level, like pa.s.sengers on a plane with diverse baggage and preconceived a.s.sumptions.

"I won't tell you," he mumbled, leaning forward and placing his lips on hers. It was long and lingering, just the touch of their lips, but it left her sighing against his mouth.

"I won't tell you either," she finished with her lips still over his.

Ian's smile lit up his face. His eyes twinkled and his teeth gleamed between perfect lips that widened into dimples in his cheeks. Joey walked up to him with his own grin, although he felt sure he'd never seen his older, solemn, reserved brother so happy. It was obvious. He was so out there. He wore a black, traditional monkey suit to marry his long-time girlfriend, Kailynn Hayes.

They got engaged the previous Christmas. Kailynn graduated from the University of Washington in June and they came back to the ranch only two nights before. They were planning to have their wedding on the front lawn of the house, inviting all of their family and friends from River's End.

Ian stepped forward and startled Joey by embracing him tightly and slapping him with a hard thump on his shoulder. "How the h.e.l.l are you, Jo?"

"I'm good." Better than before. Ian glanced beyond him toward Hailey. She stood back on the porch, politely giving them a minute alone. She was wearing a summery white dress with large flowers on it. The jagged hem ended mid-calf and her heeled sandals made her almost as tall as Joey. Her blond hair swung free, brushing her bare shoulders.

"So I see. Is it serious?" Ian asked, nodding towards Hailey. "You've never shown up at any important event with anyone special. She must mean something pretty big."

Joey shrugged, but it was impossible to hide his grin so he turned his head, shielding his face. Ian laughed. "Holy s.h.i.t, little bro! Did you finally go off the deep end and fall in love? I wasn't sure you'd ever do that."

"What makes you think I did?" he muttered in reply. Taking in a breath, he was not ready to admit what made his heart keep swelling with joy. He felt something big and different and inspired and good. It was so d.a.m.n good whenever he was with Hailey, even when he simply thought about her. Everything about Hailey caused an immediate reaction of happy eagerness in him.

Ian sucked in his breath. This time, he had no grin and no teasing tone in his voice. "Really, bro, is it for real?"

"Yeah, on my end anyway. But she's got... Well, things might not work out."

"It took me four years before mine finally worked out and we got here. I was ready to marry Kailynn the first week I convinced her to date me. I was sure from the very first time. But she wasn't. She had things she had to do and work out, and time was what she needed most of all. Time can really solve a lot of problems and work wonders."

"I appreciate that, but you have the patience of a saint. What if I don't? I mean, that's actually one of your best a.s.sets. You have endless patience to wait forever if it's something you want. But Ian, you know that's not me."

"Do I? You've grown up a lot. I think with the right motivation... yeah, you could do it. What're the issues?"

"For one, she's only a guest of the resort. She extended her vacation time, but she'll have to go home eventually."

"Long distance is navigable. We did it for a while."

"She's also got two teenage kids."

"She's older than you?" Ian's expression could not conceal his surprise. "I didn't guess that. What? A few years difference?"

"Twelve. It's a huge deal to her. She tries to pretend it doesn't bother her, but she isn't very good at it."

"And what about the kids? You ready for that much responsibility?"

"Her divorce is pretty recent, and she's still traumatized and bitter from it. It soured her on future relationships and all that. The kids are a mess from it. So it's much more than just living with extra people around all the time. I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"The only things you can control are your own reactions and what you're prepared to handle. You have to decide could you deal with all that?"

Joey bristled at his inference. "Erin did it with Jack's kids. They were about the same ages as Hailey's kids are, and Jack was about as old as Hailey is while Erin was only twenty-six too. No one questioned if she could deal with the situation. Why are you asking me? Do I come off as that much of a jerk? h.e.l.l! I even have a decent job, my own house, and a stable, foreseeable future with predictable earnings."

"No, you're right. Maybe it's because she's a woman and you usually hear about older men being with younger women. You know, sure, it's a double standard, but it's also a very real one and she most likely feels pretty weird about that."

Joey fidgeted. "I like her younger child, he's twelve. Quiet. Shy. But lots of fun; he and Charlie hit it off as great friends."

"And the elder?"

He sighed. "I could grow to like her... maybe. But when I met her, she had this-this thing for me. It's grown way out of proportion since then and she acts out all the time. It's bad. Like she's coming onto me at every opportunity. My biggest fear is that it could become a deal breaker and it wouldn't be my or Hailey's fault. In fact, she's sort of the reason we got to know each other, she was kind of commiserating to me about Brianna's behavior. That's her daughter, who's fifteen and a volatile mess from the divorce. The divorce's effect on Hailey has made her unsure. She wonders if what we have is just a fling and she is still on the rebound. Her reaction to her divorce alternates from grief to anger so she has trouble deciding if we should pursue it."

Ian winced. "Those are, ah... some serious issues. I have no advice insofar as the girl-gone-wild coming after you, but if she's worth it-Hailey, I mean-then figure it out. Together. Don't give up so fast."

Joey punched his brother's upper arm. "Listen to you with all the wine and roses. Takes you all this time, until your wedding day, literally, before you finally manage to give me some d.a.m.n advice."

"Was I really that bad?"

"Yeah, Ian, you were. You had this live-and-let-live, isolationist thing going on. You didn't really confide in anyone or ever mention what you truly thought or felt. There's nothing wrong with being like that, but I was a screwed up kid seeking guidance. I wished you would have spoken up during that time. Just some words of advice from your little brother that may become relevant when you have kids of your own. a.s.suming, of course..."

"Eventually." Ian smirked.

"And we're right back to the familiar Ian we all know and love. You still refuse to give us any information or hints about your future plans. Might I note, you're not getting any younger?"

"Ah, but my... wife, I suppose I finally get to call her that, has some hang-ups about getting pregnant... It's a long story. So really, all I can say is, it's a maybe."

"Does that bother you?" Joey asked, tilting his head, and studying his older brother. It was true, he knew Ian the least of all. No one really could predict what his solemn, silent, observant brother thought about or planned to do. They all remained in the dark until he decided to divulge his plans. His girlfriend, Kailynn Hayes, was the first person Joey ever observed getting close enough to Ian Rydell to penetrate his invisible fortress. He nearly melted around her, smiling and talking effusively and answering all of her questions. If the other brothers wanted to know things about Ian, they quickly learned to consult Kailynn and ask her to find out. He only answered to her. Joey never considered the chance that his brother might not be having his own kids.

"Not really. I was aware of that from the start and the reasons behind it. So"-he shrugged his shoulders-"we'll see what happens. There was a time when I doubted she'd actually marry me."

"Did you ever doubt she loved you? Despite her not wanting the typical relationship with you?"

"Never, no."

"Hailey claims she never wants to get married again. And no more kids. She's been very clear on that. She doesn't have the equipment anymore. Anyway, she mentioned all this casually, over the course of countless conversations. I think she was trying to gently warn me, or prepare me, and honestly? I think she was also trying to make sure I wouldn't feel anything serious or real for her."

"Can you deal with all that? You should decide before it goes any further. If you can honestly say not having your own kids wouldn't bother you, and you can live with that without trying to change her mind, then I would say, yeah, you can make it work. But if you need those things out of life-no criticism here, but most people do-then she's probably right. She already did all of that, and probably understands that you should want and have all those things. She obviously did. Then the next challenge is making sure your mutual agreement to all of that doesn't turn bitter later on, and you don't feel like you missed out on all that family stuff."

"What would be the point of having kids if I didn't love the woman I was having them with? If I love Hailey, which I honestly think I do, then no one else will do it for me. I can't guarantee twenty years from now how I'll feel, but who can?"

"Good point. You've convinced me. Sounds like all you gotta do now is say that to her."

"She refuses to hear anything like that right now. Not until this thing with her daughter gets resolved, and then..." Joey shook his head as if the magnitude of their issues were burdening him. "Forget it. This day is exclusively about you and Kailynn. For now? I'm just glad she's here with me."

Ian socked him on the upper arm. "I'm glad to be here too."

Joey laughed out loud. "It's just wrong to have you all touchy-feely. Me too, man. I've missed you. We all have. Glad you decided to get married here."

Ian shrugged. "It's home."

It was home. Joey marveled at the setting as Ian wandered off to mingle with Jack and Shane. His brothers. Something made his chest swell with pride. This was his home and family and their legacy. This was the essence of all of them. The core of them. Before anyone else entered the picture, they were the only occupants of the main ranch house, which now served as his office and also a restaurant. But it was all decked out for today's festivities. There was a long carpet lying across the green lawn out front where Kailynn was supposed to walk from the house. She would descend the front porch steps and proceed down the red runway. It ended in a riot of color from the newly planted flowerbeds. AJ spent a full day planting the annuals in preparation for the blessed event. A trellised archway, the same one Shane and Allison were married under, was interwoven with freshly cut flowers. The chairs were rented, numbering one hundred and fifty, and neatly arranged in rows; and the aisles were decorated with bows and flowers with white balloons at the ends. It was a big affair. The Rydell family and all the townspeople, as well as the friends Ian and Kailynn made in Seattle were there. The guests who arrived from out of town were staying in the resort cabins and some even stayed in the main house bedrooms. Only the guests with longstanding reservations, such as Hailey, were allowed to remain there.

Now, the family and close friends, including most of their employees, were lingering around the porch, the lawn and inside the house. Jocelyn showed up and Joey hurried over to hug her. She looked so different than she normally did.

Marcy and Ben arrived and they smiled, hugging Ian too. They held hands. Joey wondered if they were at all jealous of the day's festivities. They eloped and were married in a county courthouse. It was nothing less than a shock to Jack and Erin when they returned from their adventure and announced they were married. In addition to that, they nearly demanded he provide them a permanent place on the ranch for them to stay in. It all stemmed from a random weekend in the summer, only a year after they graduated high school, and they told no one of their plans or intentions. There was no s.p.a.ce available on the ranch after they eloped, so they had to take a room over one of the outbuildings. Jack kindly spent a significant amount of money and time fixing it up into a one-room apartment. All of Jack's hard work was meant with disdain by Marcy, who fully expected to move into the main house. But not anymore. That was when they were just beginning to convert it to its current state, as part of the resort. It was now officially no longer their family home. No longer the center meeting place of the Rydell brothers, it was solely a place of business now.