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"No, I had to write it on the back of an advertis.e.m.e.nt. She didn't even see the note, she just crushed it and threw it away. Kind of like our relationship."
"Excuse me?" Matt asked, trying not to get angry.
"I'm sorry. I know, I'm all screwed up."
Matt threw the car into park and turned to Chris. "You know, I really didn't want to get in the middle of this, but I guess I'm going to be anyway, so just let me ask one question, Chris." Matt paused, trying to get his thoughts in order, then continued, "Why is it exactly that you want to see Lynn? Is it because you want to apologize for that ridiculous accusation you made? Because if that's the only reason, just write a note and leave it for her on Sunday."
"I can't explain it, I just really need to talk to her. Matt, just tell me where she is. Or give me her phone number," Chris pleaded.
Matt shook his head. "I can't do that."
Chris crossed her arms. "Can't, or won't?"
Matt sighed, trying to make eye contact with Chris, but she would not meet his eyes. "Look, whatever happened between you two has made it so Lynn can't just be friends with you anymore. She wants to be more than your friend, Chris, and unless you feel the same for her, you just need to apologize and walk away."
Matt took a deep breath before asking the next question. "How do you feel about Lynn?"
Chris, still not malting eye contact, replied, "I'm not sure. I just know that I miss her."
"Well, maybe I can help. What exactly do you miss about her?"
"That's what I'm not sure about."
The two sat in silence for a moment, then Matt sighed with frustration. "Then I guess I can't help."
Matt put the car into reverse and backed up. Calming down, he switched the gear into drive. He placed his hand on Chris's and said soothingly, "Sometimes you just have to follow your heart."
The evening over, Chris flopped onto the couch as Matt shuffled through the day's mail.
"Matt," Chris began with hesitation, "please answer just one more question for me. Then, I promise, I won't mention it again."
Matt briefly raised his eyes from the piece of paper in his hand, then nodded.
"I just don't understand why she won't even talk to me."
Matt stood and dropped several unopened envelopes on the table. "I don't know, Chris." Running his fingers through his hair, he continued, "I guess in her business she's learned it's better to just cut your losses and move on."
As he began his way down the hall, he realized how cold his last statement had sounded. Turning back, he leaned over the back of the couch. "That didn't come out quite the way*"
Chris lowered her eyes and raised her hand to stop him. With a tearful voice she choked out, "I got the point, Matt."
Hearing Matt's bedroom door close, Chris wiped the tears from her eyes. She was glad that it was so easy for Lynn, she thought sarcastically, Just cut your losses and move on. Well, maybe she had overestimated Lynn's feelings for her. Maybe Lynn didn't call it a game, but a rose by any other name is still a rose. Chris vowed to begin the next day with a new att.i.tude. After all, if Lynn could do it, so could she.
Chapter Eighteen.
Chris threw off the covers and reached to turn off the alarm. Today she would not roll over and dwell on her misery, she had promised herself the night before. She was a strong, self-sufficient person. She just had to keep reminding herself.
She pulled on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and rushed to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, she grabbed eggs, bacon, and milk, and began preparing one of the only things she knew how to cook*an omelette.
"A great breakfast to begin a great day," she said out loud to herself.
"Who are you, and what have you done with Chris?" Matt chuckled as he entered the room and observed her activity.
"Good morning!" Chris sang out cheerfully. "Would you like some breakfast?"
Matt looked at her with confusion. "Sure*"
"What's the matter?" Chris questioned as she added more ingredients to the bowl before her.
"Nothing. Just glad to see a smile on your face."
"Well, it's time that I stop moping around and move on," Chris said with a hint of sarcasm.
Matt nodded in understanding. This must be another of her defense mechanisms. He wasn't going to complain. At least he got food instead of tears out of this one.
He did, however, place a call to Sam as soon as he arrived at the shop.
"Hey, Sam, this is Matt. Do you have a minute?" Matt headed to the phone before he had even put the Open sign on the door.
"Sure. What's up?" answered Sam.
"Chris is driving me crazy, Sam. She's miserable, Lynn's miserable, between the two of them, I might end up in the looney bin."
Sam sighed. "I know, Matt. I've heard all about it on my end, too. But what can we do?"
"Well, I promised Lynn that I wouldn't do anything. But you haven't, have you?"
Sam chuckled. "No. What do you have in mind?"
Chris went through her day with a purpose*to forget about Lynn, to get on with her life, to move on. She tried desperately to concentrate in cla.s.s, met with some friends for lunch, dropped by her apartment to pick up her mail, and by the time she got back to the house she was fairly pleased with her progress.
As she walked through the house after changing into her running clothes, the light on the answering machine caught her attention. Chris listened to the recorded voices as she retied her sneakers. The first message was Matt; he was spending the evening with Paul. The second message was from Sam inviting Chris to dinner the following night. She immediately dialed the number and left another message, accepting the invitation. Upon hanging up the phone, Chris strode outside ready for a nice long run.
Chris slowed her pace to wind down her run. She stretched several times on the sand and had just begun opening the gla.s.s door when she heard it. Lynn's voice rang through the s.p.a.ce inside.
Chris's heart dropped as she hurried inside only to discover the voice was coming from the answering machine: "Leave your name and number and we'll get back to you." All of Chris's hard work on her att.i.tude went down the drain in a matter of seconds. Her heart began aching all over again. She winced when she heard the message that was left.
"Lynn, G.o.ddammit! You're not showing for rehearsal either! We understood about Friday and Sat.u.r.day night, everyone has conflicts, but this has got to end. We're going to have to discuss this as a band. We got along fine without you before, and we'll do it again if you don't stop s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g with us!" The recording echoed from the sound of the receiver being slammed down.
Chris's anger flared. She knew why Lynn wouldn't be at rehearsal. Lynn wouldn't want to be at the bar if Chris showed up. But Lynn wasn't considering the other band members' feelings. How selfish could someone get? Did she abandon her responsibilities every time she had lost at her little game? Or had this been the first time that Lynn had lost? Great, Chris thought to herself, now her heart was an aching, angry mess. She grabbed a beer and headed toward the shower.
Lynn wasn't doing any better. Finishing off the beer in her hand, she set it down on the table already filled with empty bottles. She had made it a point to go to the office again today, anything to take her mind off Chris. But now that she was back at her makeshift apartment, she felt the loneliness overwhelm her again. She was glad that Sam and Beth had invited her over for dinner the next night; they had always been there for her. Hearing the knock on the door, Lynn arose to retrieve dinner from the awaiting delivery person.
Back at Lynn and Matt's house, Matt shut the door and walked quietly over to the couch. Gently removing the book from Chris's hands, he set it on the table and turned off the television. He watched the woman curled up on the couch. If he had been stronger, he would have carried her to bed. Unfortunately he never had been the weight-lifting type. Slipping the afghan over her body, he wondered if she wasn't more comfortable out here on the sofa anyway*closer to her memories of Lynn. If Mart's plan was a success, everything would be worked out between the two of them the next night at Sam and Beth's place. Otherwise, he might just have to get tough.
Chapter Nineteen.
"I really appreciate the invite," Chris said as she sat down on the couch in Sam and Beth's place. "It's pretty lonely at the house, especially when Matt's gone. I could use the time to study but I just can't seem to concentrate lately."
Beth sat down beside her. "Because of your argument with Lynn?"
Chris nodded. "I should have known that you would know about it."
"I told her that she should've told you sooner," Sam said.
"I feel like there's a whole part of her that I don't even know."
"You should be thankful," Beth commented.
Chris looked at her with confusion. "What?"
Beth clarified her statement. "You don't really want to know that side of her." Still seeing confusion in Chris's eyes, she explained further. "Lynn Gregory, aeInvestment a.n.a.lyst,' is a cold, manipulative b.i.t.c.h!"
"Beth!" Sam admonished.
"I'm sorry. I'm just telling her like it is!" Beth continued, "We've seen her in action. She's a completely different person than the Lynn Gregory that we've come to know."
Sam nodded in agreement. "She's a totally different person. That's why she had to walk away from it. She didn't like who she had become."
Beth continued, "When she's in that business mode, I just back away."
All three heads turned to the sound of a knock on the door. Taking a deep breath, Sam looked at Beth, rose, and walked to the entryway. Sam swung open the door and stepped aside to let Lynn pa.s.s by Lynn stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Chris sitting on the couch. "What's she doing here?"
"Me? What are you doing here?" Chris exclaimed.
Sam looked at Lynn, then at Chris. "I think you two need to talk this thing out."
"Hey, I wanted to talk," Chris said sarcastically. "But obviously all she wanted to do is get in my pants!"
Lynn gave Sam a look that could kill. "f.u.c.k you Sam!"
"Oh, I guess she wants to f.u.c.k you now, too!" Chris snapped.
"I didn't want to f.u.c.k you, Chris. I wanted to make love to you. I know it's a new concept for me, but for the first time in over a year, I felt like I wanted to make love to someone!" Lynn shouted.
"See"*Sam put her hand on Lynn's shoulder*"at least she helped you to feel again, Lynn."
"Oh yes, and it did wonders!" Lynn flung her arms in the air. "It made me leave my home, my restaurant, and now my friends. Wow, doesn't that sound familiar. You would think I would've learned the first time!" Lynn turned to leave.
Chris was irritated. "Oh, now it's my fault. This never would've happened if you wouldn't have played your little game*"
"Game?" Lynn interrupted. "The only thing that I did was to let you get to know the good side of me. I was honest with you otherwise. I told you that I had feelings for you and what did you do? You snuggled a little bit closer, you whispered in my ear* talk about a game! Who played who here?"
"Chris, talk to her." Beth nudged her.
"Yes, Chris, talk to me." Lynn took a step toward her. "What do you have to say? That you've decided that you're a lesbian? That you want to be my lover?" Lynn said sarcastically.
Chris just lowered her eyes, not knowing how to respond.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I didn't think that you had made that decision." Lynn turned around and headed toward the door. "I'm out of here!"
Sam stepped in front of the door, blocking Lynn's way.
"Sam, don't mess with me," Lynn said sternly.
Sam stood strong. "There's nothing you can do or say that's going to make me move."
"Really?" Lynn looked Sam straight in the eye. "I hold the mortgage on your house."
Sam's face turned white. Lynn b.u.mped the woman's shoulder with her own as she walked past and out the door. Sam didn't try to stop her.
Sam heard the door slam behind her. Lynn could be a real b.i.t.c.h sometimes, but she had never seen her act out as she just had.
She turned to meet Beth's eyes. "Did you have any idea?"
Beth shook her head. "I knew that she was having a hard time getting financing for us, but*"
Sam walked over and slowly lowered herself onto the couch. Beth joined her and put her arm around her partner's shoulder.
"So, now that the shoe is on the other foot, you might understand what I'm going through," Chris stated.
Just then the phone rang. Neither Sam nor Beth budged. The answering machine clicked on; the voice on the other end of the line was familiar.
"G.o.d, you guys, I am so sorry!" Lynn apologized. "I really embarra.s.sed myself back there. I'm afraid that this whole situation has taken a real toll on me. I know that's no reason to take it out on you, I'm really sorry. Please forgive me." After a moment of'silence, the voice continued shakily, "And Chris, honey, if you're listening, I don't want to end our relationship with angry words between us. Look, what I should have said is that I love you. I'm head over heels for you. I thought you felt the same way and your words really hurt me. You've got to understand that I can't just be friends with you now. It just hurts too much. I really just need to stay away from you. G.o.d, please don't hate me* bye."
Beth softy smiled at Sam. "Really, she was just trying to help us out."
Sam shrugged, stood, and wandered out of the room. Beth moved over to sit beside Chris.
"You believe her, don't you? You don't really think this was a game to her?"
Chris stared out into s.p.a.ce. "I don't know what I think anymore." Pausing, she lowered her eyes. "Why did this have to happen? I was content with the way things were."
"Were you, really? You didn't want any more out of your relationship with her?"
"Beth, I'm not a lesbian," Chris stated, although she was unsure that was true.