Risk Assessment Part 20

She gestured at the ruined building. 'Not every day is like this, I a.s.sure you. Wednesdays are reliably unremarkable.'

'Noted,' he said.

'Forgive me,' she said, feeling a polite impulse. 'You've saved my life, but you haven't told me your name.'

He smirked, a little forwardly, she thought. 'Captain Jack Harkness,' he said. 'h.e.l.lo!'

She stuck out a gloved hand. 'Then welcome to Torchwood, Captain Harkness. I'm sure we're going to get on famously.'

They were back at the Hub. Rhys had gone home to watch footage of the burning beach on the news. Agnes had insisted that George Herbert Sanderson go down to the cells, 'pending his debriefing'. She had ordered everyone else to the Boardroom.

She had even made tea.

As they walked in, she looked calmly at all of them. At Ianto, slightly green in the face, but somehow still neat in his crumpled suit, Jack buoyed and smug in his greatcoat, and Gwen battered, hair all out of place, and clothes burnt and torn.

'I'll be mother,' Agnes said, pouring and handing round cups.

There was a moment of silence as she watched them all, smiling broadly. The moment stretched a little, and Ianto coughed awkwardly.

'Well,' she said. 'My a.s.sessment is at an end.'

'Oh come on!' protested Jack. 'You can't seriously still be-'

'Captain Harkness,' continued Agnes, with a touch of her old steel, 'I have a function to perform. You might argue that it is all I have left. It is my job to a.s.sess how well Torchwood functions under your command. And to that end, I have observed all of your performances against the tests that I have devised.'

'What?' gasped Ianto.

Agnes smiled at him sweetly.

'Oh, so that's it,' laughed Jack bitterly. 'You nearly destroy the world twice, and then you claim that it was all a test? That's rich! Not even you can pull that one off you, my lady, are going back to Swindon and I'm locking you up for good!'

Gwen hushed him, frantically mouthing 'Cowper Key' at him. One word and Agnes could seal them in the Hub. It was important that Jack didn't forget that now. 'Er. . . what Jack means to say,' she said gently, 'is that it's been a taxing few days.'

'Oh, of course,' Agnes beamed. 'Testing, you might say.'

'You're going to let her get away with it,' murmured Jack under his breath.

Gwen silenced him again. 'And that we're all naturally interested to know the outcome of your a.s.sessment. Both for us, and, of course, for George Herbert.'

'Ah, indeed,' smiled Agnes. 'Well, naturally he must be thoroughly debriefed. I am not immediately satisfied over his conduct in this affair. He will not escape scot-free. And, indeed, if there are questions arising over my own behaviour, then they, naturally, must also be held to account. But there are more immediate and pressing matters.' She tapped a folder beneath her hand. 'This is my dossier on your a.s.sessment. And I have to say that, while a lot has alarmed and worried me, overall I must admit I am very impressed by your performance. . .'

Jack puffed himself up.

'... Mrs Cooper.'

'What?' Jack barked.

'Quite,' said Agnes, looking at Gwen with a smile. 'Torchwood has a long history of brilliant leadership under messy but imaginative women. And I truly believe that you are one such. Gwen Cooper, I am putting you in charge.'

'Um,' said Gwen, looking around the room. Jack was a shade of purple, Ianto was stirring his tea over and over again.

'No, no, my dear, don't thank me. Harkness has done wonderful work for Torchwood in his day, to be sure, but the time has come for a fresh grip on the reins, I'm sure you'll all agree.'

Jack stood up, glared at Agnes, and then sat down.

'I firmly believe that the moment has come for Jack to offer more of an executive, consultative role, perhaps even return to a freelance basis. Under you, Mrs Cooper, Gwen dear, I truly believe that the twenty-first century can be when everything changes for the better.'

Agnes stood, indicating the folder on the desk. 'It's all here in more detail, but it has been a true privilege working with you. I shall be in my office if you require any clarification.'

She swept from the room.

There was stunned silence for ten seconds.

Gwen sat on her hands.

'Congratulations,' muttered Jack, not looking at her.

'Oh, come on,' protested Gwen, blushing. 'It's. . . er. . . she's. . . Well, look, it's not like what she says is enforceable.' She stood up and crossed over to Jack, who spun his chair away from her. 'Honestly, Jack. This is all her way of setting us against each other. She just doesn't want us coming back at her for nearly getting the Earth invaded. Once she's gone, it'll be business as usual. Jack,' she said soothingly. 'You are Torchwood.'

Jack murmured something.

'Gwen has a point,' said Ianto reasonably and sadly. He opened the folder and then closed it again hurriedly.

'I think that's intended for me,' said Gwen quickly, and then apologised. 'I'm sorry, Ianto, I mean Jack, if you wouldn't mind me having a look?'

Jack made a theatrical gesture. 'Oh, be my guest, Gwen Cooper, sir.'

'Don't be like that,' said Gwen.

Ianto slid the folder across the desk.

Gwen paused.

She opened the folder.

'Oh,' she said.

'It's blank,' said Ianto.

Jack laughed.

'What does it mean?' asked Gwen, staring at the blank sheets of paper in the folder.

Jack drank his tea with a grimace before replying. 'I think you put your finger on it. It's about setting us against each other, boss.'

Gwen stood up. 'Stop that. And what do you mean?'

'You tell us.' Jack's tone was sweetly sour.

Gwen sipped her tea and grimaced. 'Eurch, no offence, Ianto, but this tea tastes worse than yours. It's vile.'

'I know,' said Ianto sadly. 'That'll be the Retcon.'

'What?' Jack spat out a mouthful. And that's when the alarms went off. He ran over to a monitor. 'Total systems shutdown! No! No! No! She's used the Key!' He bolted from the room.

'What do you mean, Retcon?' Gwen yelled at Ianto, before running after Jack.

Woozily, Ianto stood up, glanced again at the empty folder, giggled, and then walked unsteadily from the room.

They stood in the Hub, leaning against each other as the drug began to take effect. As the Torchwood systems shut down, the whole chamber was bathed in a pulsing red light.

They'd arrived just in time to see Agnes and George standing together high up on the invisible lift, gliding towards the tiny patch of sky that was Cardiff Bay. Agnes was smiling and waving.

'I am not amused,' said Jack.

And then the lights went out.