Risk. Part 6

Backing up I felt the door hit my back but it didn't hurt, my body had already gone numb, knowing what was coming next. "I can't do secrets."

"I know." Jonah said looking up at me with eyes so full of pain I wanted to fling myself into his arms and comfort him.

"We're not even going to try are we?" I asked without hope.

"If we did I would only end up breaking your heart and that is just something I don't want to do."

"Well this is a first. I've never been dumped before the first date." And d.a.m.n did it hurt.

"Let me get changed, I'll take you home."

"Don't worry about it; my car is just down the street."

"Then let me walk you."

"I'm fine." I yelled. He didn't care enough to tell me his secrets so why should he care about my safety.

"I'd really rather you didn't walk alone."

"That's really not your choice." Jonah's face fell further, his yellow-green eyes going back to that haunted look. Breaking my heart a little bit more.

Feeling my eyes fill with tears I grabbed my purse and ran to the front door.

My hand was on the door handle when a strong hand gripped my upper arm spinning me around. "Please don't leave like this." Jonah asked his voice cracking and his body so close I could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest.

His eyes dropped to my lips causing a shiver to run through my body. How could I feel so angry and hurt by him but still want to kiss him like crazy.

Jonah bent his head bringing his lips with in an inch of mine, all I would have to do is pucker my lips and I would be kissing the man of my dreams.

But one kiss from Jonah would never do, it would only make it harder to walk away.

"Please don't." I spoke across his lips as a single tear fell.

Catching the tear with his thumb Jonah backed up opening the door.

Turning around I flung myself through the door and fled from the man I had already fallen in love with.

Vinnie was talking but all I could see and hear was Olivia running away from me down the street without once looking back. Her tortured face and that single tear were running a close second. In a matter of minutes I'd wrecked us both and lost the only girl I could ever see myself loving all because I was in business with a drug lord.

Elbowing me in the side Denny brought my attention back to Vinnie.

"The boss of their business, if we can call it that," Vinnie hissed taking a drink, "Lives out of state. Nick, his right hand man use to run a pretty good business running drugs through the private schools four years ago but left suddenly. Now he's back and he wants the private schools back."

"We don't sell to the teens." I responded immediately a bad feeling hitting me in the stomach.

Giving me an evil smile Vinnie shrugged, "Sure we don't."

f.u.c.k, I was going to be sick I could barely handle the adult sc.u.m we sold to but teens running drugs through their schools...No.

What the h.e.l.l was wrong with me? This was so wrong.

Closing my eyes and trying to breathe through the sick feeling, I did something I had never done before.

Without a word, I walked out.

Chapter 8.

Wet gravel squashed under my boot covered feet, it was a Sat.u.r.day and once again I was at the animal shelter. I was feeling unloved and as lost as all the animals.

It had been one week since I let Jonah go and in that one week he had become the lead role in every dream and in a couple of nightmares too. Even in the day I couldn't get away from him, he seemed to occupy my every thought. And it was the freaking what if questions that had me staring into s.p.a.ce.

I left no room in my life for secrets. Alex had kept a lot of secrets and died because of them. What if I knew his secrets would it have changed the outcome? Would he be alive right now and I would be somewhere warm wrapped around Jonah not caring that he had secrets?

With the sky starting to turn dark and my fingers and toes numb and flirting with frostbite, I called the dog running in the field back to me to return him to the shelter.

Like I'd done almost all week when I got home I went straight to my room and laid on my bed and stared at the walls, wondering if I was truly crazy like my mother said I was. Was it normal to be caught up on someone you never really had? And why him, what was it about Jonah that I just couldn't let go?

I was still thinking about this when Ty and Darcy sat on my bed giving me unhappy looks.

"Are you ready to tell us what happened last weekend?" Darcy asked pulling my feet across her legs to make more room for herself.

"There is nothing to talk about, I barely knew him. I saw him all of four times it's not like he made a dent in my life." No he hadn't made a dent; he had made a huge freaking Jonah shaped hole in my life.

"I think if you're this hung up on the guy after only seeing him four times then he must mean something to you, Olivia." Ty said giving me a look that said he knew just how much Jonah meant to me.

Hating how right he was, as it wouldn't change anything, I pushed myself off the bed marching across the room to my closet.

Taking my anger out on my poor clothes, I tried to find a stupid outfit to go to stupid dinner with my stupid parents. I knocked dresses off their hangers and threw shirts and jeans out of the way. G.o.d I didn't want to deal with them on top of everything else.

Clutching an outfit that I knew would have my mother b.i.t.c.hing up a storm a' a white strapless bustier that showed a little too much cleavage and a black pencil skirt dress that showed a lot of leg a' I turned to Ty and Darcy and asked the question I hadn't been able to answer all week. "What if Jonah has secrets he's not willing to share?"

"Everyone has secrets Olivia, even you." Ty sighed his eyebrows rising in challenge.

"What's Jonah's last name?" Darcy blurted face going slightly pale.

"Diaz I think. At least that's what the bouncer at the door of Club Risk told me."

"Have you told him about Alex or Nicky or were you planning on telling him about them?" Darcy asked causing me to drop the hangers I was holding and Ty to take a sharp intake of breath.

"Please, don't say his name." I said my voice high-pitched and shaky. It hurt just to hear his name and saying it out loud was something I hadn't done in a very long time. There was no question; I wouldn't be telling Jonah about him, ever. Maybe one day I would tell him about Alex, but never him.

"You don't have to answer that Liv." Ty hissed staring at Darcy with hatred, "But answer me this are you going to let him get away just because he has some secrets?"

"Maybe you should just bang him out of your system, I'll find you someone hot." Darcy smiled.

"You just can't help yourself can you?" Ty yelled.

"It's not a bad solution Ty." Darcy shouted back.

Shaking his head Ty look back at me "Do you remember our first hangover?"

Surprising them and myself I started to laugh. "G.o.d, yes." I laughed some more as the memory played out in my mind, "I made you go wake up Alex because I thought I was dying from alcohol poisoning."

Slipping off the bed Ty took my free hand, "Remember you asked him why people drink if they're just going to feel like death after it."

"Yeah, he said the good times were always worth the risk." I answered smiling.

"So isn't Jonah worth the risk?" Ty asked.

Letting the smile drop I answered honestly, "I don't know."

"I don't think he is Olivia." Darcy said with hatred in her voice.

"What is wrong with you Darcy?" Ty snapped.

"I have to get ready for dinner." I whispered leaving them in my room.

Running from their yelling voices I locked myself away in the bathroom.

Alex was a risk taker and where did that leave him? But I wasn't Alex and this was not the same kind of risk, so could I take a risk on Jonah?

I stayed locked in the bathroom for over an hour waiting for Darcy and Ty to stop fighting with each other and to leave for the night so I wouldn't have to face them. This however, made me late for dinner. Nevertheless my parents started without me, not even caring to order me something, and spent ten minutes yelling at me for being late.

Unfortunately for the couple sitting next to us my mother turned her attention on them. "Look at them they're acting like they're in a bedroom not a public restaurant where others are trying to eat."

A young couple sat close together; their foreheads almost touching as the guy fed the girl fruit from his plate. As she ate he kissed her nose and looked at her like she was everything he would ever need.

A stab of jealousy sliced through me. But as my mother was talking loud enough for them to hear I couldn't help but stick up for them. "They're happy and in love, it's beautiful."

Huffing my mother shook her head. "I hope you never act like that Olivia."

I would if I could, I would do anything to be loved like that.

Isn't Jonah worth the risk? Ty voice sounded through me head. If I took a risk, would Jonah love me like that?

"I wonder what his parents think; he is obviously too high cla.s.s for her."

"I have to go." I said pushing my chair back so fast I almost knocked it over.

"Oh don't get on your high horse Olivia, we both can see that girl has cheap written across her face."

The couple obviously heard; as the girl threw her napkin on the table and ran to the bathroom, with the guy following close behind.

My mother was such a b.i.t.c.h.

"For once mother I'm not running away from your mouth. I just have somewhere better to be."

I'd been in a terrible mood all week, so Denny had become my shadow to keep my temper in check. It was annoying the first, second and third day, now a week on; it was just plain p.i.s.sing me off. Denny was acting like I was just going to grab someone and start taking my rage out on them. The idea did sound pleasant but it was my bad life choices that caused this mood in the first place, so adding to them by getting in a fight wouldn't change anything.

Olivia was out of reach no matter what way I looked at it.

I was involved in a business Olivia should never be a part of and considering her brother was on drugs if she found out what I did she would hate me.

To have any relationship with me would be based around lies and secrets and that's something Olivia said she wouldn't do.

It was for the best.

So why couldn't I stop thinking about her?

"You still in a mood brother?" Denny asked facing the room while I chose to watch the bar as the only thing the dance floor did for me was make me think of that erotic dance Olivia had been doing.

"What the f.u.c.k do you think?" I growled.

Chuckling Denny drained his drink, "I think your mood is about to improve."

"What?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him.

"Jonah." The sweet voice I'd been dying to hear sounded above the music.

"Olivia?" I turned saying her name like a question not quite believing she was standing in front of me.

"You're worth the risk Jonah. Am I worth the risk?"

Was she worth the risk? The risk to love? Yes, there was no question; I could see myself loving her for the rest of my life. Was it worth risking her to a drug business? No, for a million different reasons. But did I want to risk losing her forever because of Vinnie? Vinnie had already taken so much from me was I going to let him have this too? There was only one thing to say to that and I sure as s.h.i.t didn't need words.

Cupping her cheeks I pulled her lips to mine crushing our lips together doing something I should have done the first time we met.

Clearing his throat Denny smacked me on the back, "Take it outside lover boy I'll cover for you."

Reluctantly I pulled away, with a nod at a smirking Denny I grabbed Olivia's hand leading her to the back of the club and out to the alley behind.

"G.o.d I've missed you." I said pushing her against the wall and taking her lips once again.

"This week sucked." She whispered across my lips causing my whole body to shiver.

"I know baby." I whispered back, unable to give up her lips.