Rhymes of the East and Re-collected Verses Part 1

Rhymes of the East and Re-collected Verses.

by John Kendall (AKA Dum-Dum).

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Nearly all the verses that now make their first appearance in book form are reprinted from _Punch_, by kind permission of Messrs.

Bradbury and Agnew. The rest I have taken from two little books that were published in Bombay during my last (and, I suppose, final) tour of service in India. They contained a good deal of work that was too local or topical in interest to stand reproduction, and--especially the elder, which is out of print--some that I would sooner bury than perpetuate. The rest I have overhauled, and included in this re-collection.

Readers in, or of, India have been kind enough to regard my previous efforts with favour. I hope that this little volume will find them no less benevolently disposed, and that at the same time it may not be without interest to those whose knowledge of the Shiny East is derived from hearsay.

NOCTURNE WRITTEN IN AN INDIAN GARDEN

'Where ignorance is bliss, 'Tis folly to be wise.'

The time-gun rolls his nerve-destroying bray; The toiling moon rides slowly o'er the trees; The weary diners cast their cares away, And seek the lawn for coolness and for ease.

Now spreads the gathering stillness like a pall, And melancholy silence rules the scene, Save where the bugler sounds his homing call, And thirsty THOMAS leaves the wet canteen;

Save that from yonder lines in deepest gloom Th' ambiguous mule does of the stick[1] bewail, Whose _dunder_ craft forbids him to consume His proper blanket, or his neighbour's tail.

[Footnote 1: The _dunder-stick_--an ingenious instrument devised to defeat this extraordinary appet.i.te.]

Beneath those jagged tiles, that low-built roof (Whose inmost secret deeps let none divine!), Each to his master's cry supremely proof, The Aryan Brothers of our household dine.

Let not Presumption mock their joyless pile,-- The cold boiled rice, in native b.u.t.ter greased; Nor scorn, with rising gorge and painful smile, The cheap but filling flapjacks of the East.

Full many a gem of highest Art-cuisine Those dark unfathomed dogmatists eschew; Full many a 'dish to set before the Queen'

Would waste its sweetness on the mild Hindoo.

Nor you, their lords, expect of these the toil, When o'er their minds a soft oblivion steals, And through the long-drawn hookah's pliant coil They soothe their senses, and digest their meals.

For Knowledge to their ears her ample store, Rich with the latest news, does then impart, Whose source, when known, shall chill you to the core, And freeze the genial c.o.c.kles of the heart.

For once, to dumb Neglectfulness a prey, Resentment led me undetected near, To know the reason of this cool delay, And teach my trusty pluralist to hear.

There to my va.s.sals' ruminating throng Some total stranger, seated on a pail, Perused, translating as he went along, My private letters by the current mail.

One moment, horror baulked my strong intent; Next o'er the compound wall we saw him go, While uncouth moan, with hapless gesture blent, Deplored the pressing tribute of the toe.

THE MORAL

To you, fresh youths, with round unblushing cheeks, Some moral tag this closing verse applies; E'en from the old the voice of Wisdom speaks-- Even the youngest are not always wise!

No further seek to probe the Best Unknown, From Exploration's curious arts refrain; Lest Melancholy mark you for her own, And you should learn--nor ever smile again.

TO HIS PECULIAR FRIEND WITHIN-DOORS

_After R. H._

A strong discomfort in the dress Dwindling the clothes to nothingness Saving, for due decorum placed, A huckaback about the waist, Or wanton towel-et, whose touch Haply may spare to chafe o'ermuch: A languid frame, from head to feet Prankt in the arduous p.r.i.c.kle-heat: An erring fly, that here and there Enwraths the crimsoned sufferer: An upward toe, whose skill enjoys The slipper's curious equipoise: A punkah wantoning, whereby Papers do flow confoundedly: By such comportment, and th' offence Of thy fantastic eloquence, Dost thou, my WILLIAM, make it known That thou art warm, and best alone.

VALEDICTION

TO THE SS. 'ARABIA,' WHEN RETURNING WITH HER Pa.s.sENGERS FROM THE DELHI DURBAR

Now the busy screw is churning, Now the horrid sirens blow; Now are India's guests returning Home from India's Greatest Show; Now the gleeful Asiatic Speeds them on their wild career, And, though normally phlegmatic, Gives a half-unconscious cheer.

India's years were years of leanness, Till the Late Performance drew These, whose confidential greenness She has run for all she knew.

Gladly rose the land to bid them Welcome for a fleeting spell-- n.o.bly took them in and did them-- And has done extremely well.

Peace be theirs, important Packet, Genial skies and happy calms-- No derogatory racket, No humiliating qualms!

Gales, I charge you, shun to rouse and Lash the seas to angry foam, While Britannia's Great Ten Thousand Sweep, with huge enjoyment, home!

Let the spiced and salty zephyr Build them up in frame and mind, Till they feel as fresh and effer- vescent as their hearts are kind, And in triumph close their Indian Tour on far Ma.s.silia's quay, Never having known too windy an Offing, too disturbed a sea.

So, when English snows are falling, When the fogs are growing dense, They shall hear the East a-calling, And shall come, and blow expense.

Every year shall bring his Argo; Every year a grateful East Shall receive her golden Cargo, And restore the Gilded--Fleeced!

A SOLDIER OF WEIGHT

In the dim and distant ages, in the half-forgotten days, Ere the East became the fashion and an Indian tour the craze, Lived a certain Major-General, renowned throughout the State As a soldier of distinction and considerable weight.

But though weightiness of mind is an invaluable trait, When applied to adiposity it's all the other way; And our hero was confronted with an ever-growing lack Of the necessary charger and the hygienic hack.

He had bought them by the dozen, he had tried them by the score, But not one of them was equal to the burden that he bore; They were conscious of the honour, they were sound in wind and limb, They could carry a cathedral, but they drew the line at _him_.

But he stuck to it, till finally his pressing needs were filled By the mammoth of his species, a Leviathan in build, A superb upstanding brown, of unexceptionable bone, And phenomenally qualified to carry twenty stone.

And the General was happy; for the n.o.ble creature showed An unruffled acquiescence with the nature of his load; Till without the slightest warning, that superb upstanding brown Thought it time to make a protest, which he did by lying down.