Rewards and Fairies Part 14

He waved a trumpet at him, and the men at the gate shouted, "Don't touch it, Doctor! Don't lay a hand to the thing."

'"Come, come!" said Rene. "You are not so big fool as you pretend, Dr.

Break. No?"

'Dr. Break backed toward the gate, watching Jerry's pistol, and Rene followed him with his trumpet, like a nurse trying to amuse a child, and put the ridiculous thing to his ear to show how it was used, and talked of _la Gloire_, and _la Humanite_, and _la Science_, while Dr. Break watched Jerry's pistol and swore. I nearly laughed aloud.

'"Now listen! Now listen!" said Rene. "This will be moneys in your pockets, my dear _confrere_. You will become rich."

'Then Dr. Break said something about adventurers who could not earn an honest living in their own country creeping into decent houses and taking advantage of gentlemen's confidence to enrich themselves by base intrigues.

'Rene dropped his absurd trumpet and made one of his best bows. I knew he was angry from the way he rolled his "r's."

'"Ver-r-ry good," said he. "For that I shall have much pleasure to kill you now and here. Monsieur Gamm"--another bow to Jerry--"you will please lend him your pistol, or he shall have mine. I give you my word I know not which is best; and if he will choose a second from his friends over there"--another bow to our drunken yokels at the gate--"we will commence."

'"That's fair enough," said Jerry. "Tom Dunch, you owe it to the doctor to be his second. Place your man."

'"No," said Tom. "No mixin' in gentry's quarrels for me." And he shook his head and went out, and the others followed him.

'"Hold on," said Jerry. "You've forgot what you set out to do up at the alehouse just now. You was goin' to search me for witchmarks; you was goin' to duck me in the pond; you was goin' to drag all my bits o'

sticks out o' my little cottage here. What's the matter with you?

Wouldn't you like to be with your old woman to-night, Tom?"

'But they didn't even look back, much less come. They ran to the village alehouse like hares.

'"No matter for these canaille," said Rene, b.u.t.toning up his coat so as not to show any linen. All gentlemen do that before a duel, Dad says--and he's been out five times. "You shall be his second, Monsieur Gamm. Give him the pistol."

'Dr. Break took it as if it was red-hot, but he said that if Rene resigned his pretensions in certain quarters he would pa.s.s over the matter. Rene bowed deeper than ever.

'"As for that," he said, "if you were not the ignorant which you are, you would have known long ago that the subject of your remarks is not for any living man."

'I don't know what the subject of his remarks might have been, but he spoke in a simply dreadful voice, my dear, and Dr. Break turned quite white, and said Rene was a liar; and then Rene caught him by the throat, and choked him black.

'Well, my dear, as if this wasn't deliciously exciting enough, just exactly at that minute I heard a strange voice on the other side of the hedge say, "What's this? What's this, Bucksteed?" and there was my father and Sir Arthur Wesley on horseback in the lane; and there was Rene kneeling on Dr. Break, and there was I up in the oak, listening with all my ears.

'I must have leaned forward too much, and the voice gave me such a start that I slipped. I had only time to make one jump on to the pigsty roof--another, before the tiles broke, on to the pigsty wall--and then I bounced down into the garden, just behind Jerry, with my hair full of bark. Imagine the situation!'

'Oh, I can!' Una laughed till she nearly fell off the stool.

'Dad said, "Phil--a--del--phia!" and Sir Arthur Wesley said, "Good Ged!"

and Jerry put his foot on the pistol Rene had dropped. But Rene was splendid. He never even looked at me. He began to untwist Dr. Break's neckcloth as fast as he'd twisted it, and asked him if he felt better.

'"What's happened? What's happened?" said Dad.

'"A fit!" said Rene. "I fear my _confrere_ has had a fit. Do not be alarmed. He recovers himself. Shall I bleed you a little, my dear Doctor?" Dr. Break was very good too. He said, "I am vastly obliged, Monsieur Laennec, but I am restored now." And as he went out of the gate he told Dad it was a syncope--I think. Then Sir Arthur said, "Quite right, Bucksteed. Not another word! They are both gentlemen." And he took off his c.o.c.ked hat to Dr. Break and Rene.

'But poor Dad wouldn't let well alone. He kept saying, "Philadelphia, what does all this mean?"

'"Well, sir," I said, "I've only just come down. As far as I could see, it looked as though Dr. Break had had a sudden seizure." That was quite true--if you'd seen Rene seize him. Sir Arthur laughed. "Not much change there, Bucksteed," he said. "She's a lady--a thorough lady."

'"Heaven knows she doesn't look like one," said poor Dad. "Go home, Philadelphia."

'So I went home, my dear--don't laugh so!--right under Sir Arthur's nose--a most enormous nose--feeling as though I were twelve years old, going to be whipped. Oh, I _beg_ your pardon, child!'

'It's all right,' said Una. 'I'm getting on for thirteen. I've never been whipped, but I know how you felt. All the same, it must have been funny!'

'Funny! If you'd heard Sir Arthur jerking out, "Good Ged, Bucksteed!"

every minute as they rode behind me; and poor Dad saying, "'Pon my honour, Arthur, I can't account for it!" Oh, how my cheeks tingled when I reached my room! But Cissie had laid out my very best evening dress, the white satin one, vand.y.k.ed at the bottom with spots of morone foil, and the pearl knots, you know, catching up the drapery from the left shoulder. I had poor mother's lace tucker and her coronet comb.'

'Oh, you lucky!' Una murmured. '_And_ gloves?'

'French kid, my dear'--Philadelphia patted her shoulder--'and morone satin shoes and a morone and gold c.r.a.pe fan. That restored my calm. Nice things always do. I wore my hair banded on my forehead with a little curl over the left ear. And when I descended the stairs, _en grande tenue_, old Amoore curtsied to me without my having to stop and look at her, which alas! is too often the case. Sir Arthur highly approved of the dinner, my dear: the mackerel _did_ come in time. We had all the Marklake silver out, and he toasted my health, and he asked me where my little bird's-nesting sister was. I _know_ he did it to quiz me, so I looked him straight in the face, my dear, and I said, "I always send her to the nursery, Sir Arthur, when I receive guests at Marklake Hall."'

'Oh, how chee--clever of you. What did he say?' Una cried.

'He said, "Not much change there, Bucksteed. Ged, I deserved it," and he toasted me again. They talked about the French and what a shame it was that Sir Arthur only commanded a brigade at Hastings, and he told Dad of a battle in India at a place called a.s.saye. Dad said it was a terrible fight, but Sir Arthur described it as though it had been a whist-party--I suppose because a lady was present.'

'Of course you were the lady; I wish I'd seen you,' said Una.

'I wish you had, child. I had _such_ a triumph after dinner. Rene and Dr. Break came in. They had quite made up their quarrel, and they told me they had the highest esteem for each other, and I laughed and said, "I heard every word of it up in the tree." You never saw two men so frightened in your life, and when I said, "What _was_ 'the subject of your remarks,' Rene?" neither of them knew where to look. Oh, I quizzed them unmercifully. They'd seen me jump off the pigsty roof, remember.'

'But what _was_ the subject of their remarks?' said Una.

'Oh, Dr. Break said it was a professional matter, so the laugh was turned on me. I was horribly afraid it might have been something unladylike and indelicate. But _that_ wasn't my triumph. Dad asked me to play on the harp. Between just you and me, child, I had been practising a new song from London--I don't always live in trees--for weeks; and I gave it them for a surprise.'

'What was it?' said Una. 'Sing it.'

'"I have given my heart to a flower." Not very difficult fingering, but r-r-ravishing sentiment.'

Philadelphia coughed and cleared her throat.

'I've a deep voice for my age and size,' she explained. 'Contralto, you know, but it ought to be stronger,' and she began, her face all dark against the last of the soft pink sunset:

'I have given my heart to a flower, Though I know it is fading away, Though I know it will live but an hour And leave me to mourn its decay!

'Isn't that touchingly sweet? Then the last verse--I wish I had my harp, dear--goes as low as my register will reach.' She drew in her chin, and took a deep breath:

'Ye desolate whirlwinds that rave, I charge you be good to my dear!

She is all--she is all that I have, And the time of our parting is near!'

'Beautiful!' said Una. 'And did they like it?'

'Like it? They were overwhelmed--_accables_, as Rene says. My dear, if I hadn't seen it, I shouldn't have believed that I could have drawn tears, genuine tears, to the eyes of four grown men. But I did! Rene simply couldn't endure it! He's all French sensibility. He hid his face and said, "_a.s.sez Mademoiselle! C'est plus fort que moi! a.s.sez!_" And Sir Arthur blew his nose and said, "Good Ged! This is worse than a.s.saye!" While Dad sat with the tears simply running down his cheeks.'

'And what did Dr. Break do?'

'He got up and pretended to look out of the window, but I saw his little fat shoulders jerk as if he had the hiccoughs. That _was_ a triumph. I never suspected him of sensibility.'

'Oh, I wish I'd seen! I wish I'd been you,' said Una, clasping her hands. Puck rustled and rose from the fern, just as a big blundering c.o.c.kchafer flew smack against Una's cheek.