Revised Edition of Poems Part 14

She'd French and German, Dutch and Swiss, And other nations too; So poor old Mrs. Europe Had lots of work to do.

I cannot just now name her beds, Her number being so large; But five she kept for deputies, Which she had in her charge.

So in this famous Lodging-House, John Bull he stood A1; On him she always kept an eye, To see things rightly done.

And Master Louis was her next, And second, there's no doubt, For when a little row took place, He always backed John out.

And in her house was Alex. Russ; Oft him they eyed with fear; For Alex. was a lazy hound, And kept a Russian Bear.

Her fourth was a man of grace, Who was for heaven bent; His name was Pious William, He read his Testament.

Her fifth, too, was a pious Knave, And 'tis our firm belief, He once did rob the Hungary Lads Of hard-earned bread and beef.

These were Dame Europe's deputies, In whom she put her trust, To keep her Lodging-House at peace, In case eruption burst.

For many a time a row took place, While sharing out the scran; But John and Louis soon stepp'd in, And cleared the _padding can_.

Once, Alex. Russ's father, Nick, A bit before he died, Did roughly seize a little Turk, And thought to warm his hide.

But John and Louis interfered, Declaring it foul play; And made old Nick remember it Until his dying day.

Now all Dame Europe's deputies, They made themselves at home; And every lodger knew his bed, Likewise his sitting room.

They took great interest in their beds, And kept them very clean; Unlike some other _padding cans_, So dirty and so mean.

The best and choicest bed of all, Was occupied by Johnny; Because the Dame did favour him, He did collect her money.

And in a little bunk he lived, Seal'd up with oak, and tarr'd; He would not let a single one Come near within a yard.

A Jack-of-all-trades, too, was John, And aught he'd do for bra.s.s; And what he ever took in hand, No one could him surpa.s.s.

When tired of being shut in the bunk, Sometimes he went across, To spend an hour with Master Loo, And they the wine would toss.

So many a happy day they spent, These lads, with one another; While every lodger in the house, Thought John was Louis' brother.

The Dame allowed John something nice, To get well in her rent, Which every now and then i' t'bank, He put it on per cent.

And working very hard himself Amongst his tar and pitch; He soon acc.u.mulated wealth, That made him very rich.

Now Louis had a pleasant crib Which was admired by lots, And being close by a window, He had some flower pots.

The next to Louis' bed was Will, The biggest Monitor And though he did pretend a saint, He was as big a cur.

He loved to make them all believe He was opposed to strife, And said he never caused a row, No, never in his life.

He was so fond of singing psalms, And he read his testament; That everybody was deceived When he was mischief bent.

He seldom pa.s.sed a lodger's bed But what he took a glance, Which made them every one suspect He'd rob if he'd a chance.

Now Louis had two flower pots He nourished with much care, But little knew that Willie's eyes Were set upon the pair.

In one there grew an ALSACE ROSE, The other a LORRAINE, And Willie vowed they once were his And must be his again.

He said his father once lodged there, And that the Dame did know That Louis' predecessors once Had sneaked them in a row.

In Willie's council was a lad Well up to every quirk; To keep him out of mischief long, Dame Europe had her work.

To this smart youth Saint Willie Did whisper his desire, One night as they sat smoking, Besides the kitchen fire-

"To get them flowers back again,"

Said Bissy, very low, "Meet Louis somewhere on the quiet, And try to cause a row.

"But mind the other deputies Don't catch you on the hop, For John and Joseph you must know Your little game would stop.

"For Joseph he has not forgot The day you warmed his rig; And christian Denmark still thinks on About his nice Slesvig."

"By your advice, my own Dear Mark, I have been guided on, But what about that man i't'bunk?"

(Pointing o'er to John.)

"He's very plucky too is John, But yet he's very slow, And perhaps he never may perceive Our scheme about the row.

"But not another word of this To anybody's ears, The Dame she plays the list'ner, I have my doubts and fears.

"So let us go upstairs at once, I think it will be best, And let us pray to Him above, Before we go to rest."

So with a pious countenance, His prayers as usual said, But squinting round the room the while, He spied an empty bed.

"What a pity that these empty stocks Should be unoccupied; Do you think my little cousin, Mark, To them could be denied?"

"'Tis just the very thing," said Mark, "Your cousin, sir, and you, Would carry out my scheme first-rate, One at each side of Loo."

The Dame being asked, did not object, If he could pay the rent, And had a decent character, And Louis would consent.

"But I do object to this," says Loo, "And on this very ground, Willie and his cousins, ma'am, They soon would me surround.

"They're nothing in my line at all They are so near a-kin, And so if I consent to this, At once they'll hem me in."

"Oh! you couldn't think it, Master Loo, That I should do you harm, For don't I read my testament And don't I sing my psalm."

"'Tis all my eye," said Louis, "both Your testament and psalms; You use the dumbbells regular To strengthen up your arms.

"So take your poor relation off, You pious-looking prig, And open out Kit Denmark's box, And give him back Slesvig."

"Come, come," says Mrs. Europe, "Let's have no bother here, You're trying now to breed a row, At least it does appear."

Now Johnny hearing from the bunk What both of them did say, He shouted out, "Now stop it, Will, Or else you'll rue the day."

"All right, friend John, I'm much obliged, You are my friend, I know, And so my little cousin, sir, I'm willing to withdraw."