Retief - Retief of the CDT Part 32

"We missed it," Retief rea.s.sured his chief. "There was just enough power left on our plates to cushion our touchdown. That and a lot of springy foliage saved our necks."

"Where are we?"

"On a small island in the northern hemisphere, which seems to be the only land on the planet. That's about as specific as I can be, I'm afraid-and I designated the North Pole arbitrarily at that."

"Well-let's get it over with," Magnan sighed, looking around. "Where are they? I suggest we throw ourselves on Slith's mercy. Frankly, I don't trust that Okkyokk; there's something shifty about those cantilevered oculars of his."

"I m afraid we won't be able to surrender immediately," Retief said. "Our captors haven't arrived yet."

"Hmm. Doubtless they're making a somewhat less precipitous approach than we. I suppose we might as well make ourselves comfortable."

"On the other hand," Retief said reasonably, "why wait around?"

"What other hope of rescue have we?"

"I don't think either party would make the ideal host-a.s.suming they bother with live prisoners in the first place."

"You're implying that Slith-a fellow bureaucrat-a being with whom I've shared many a convivial cup-would acquiesce in our execution out of hand?" Magnan gasped.

"He might-if he didn't do the job himself first."

"Heavens, Retief, what are we to do? How far do you suppose it is to the nearest native village?"

"I didn't see any signs of civilization on the way down: no towns, no roads or cleared fields. Let's give a listen on the long-wave bands."

Retief climbed back inside the wrecked craft, investigated the shock-mounted TRX, spliced a number of broken wires, and twirled the k.n.o.b. There was nothing but faint static to be heard. He switched to the ship-to-ship frequency.

"-blundering two-eyed imcompetent!" Slith's furious voice came through loud and clear. "Your broken-down excuse for a flagship was closer to them than my own superb standard-bearer! It was your responsibility to blast them from s.p.a.ce-"

"My indignant! My furious! Heck! Darn! This accuse from a Five-eyes margarine-fingers! I intolerate! Too bad!"

"Have done!" Slith hissed. "These vituperations avail us naught! If the Soft Ones survive to make known that we fired on a Terran vessel-in self defense, of course-a horde of their execrable Peace Enforcers will descend on us like bim beetles in grub-harvest time!"

"I proposterate! My laughter! Your numbskull! Alive, oh! After such crashing, entirely! No, unpossible; I rediculate! Au contraire, I suggestion my resumption our dispute. Where were? Indeed, yes-my descriptioning your ancestry-"

"Hark, mindless one! Like other low forms of life, the Soft Ones are tenacious of vitality. We must make sure of their demise! Hence, I shall descend to administer the coup de grace to any survivors, whilst you stand by off-planet-or, preferably, withdraw to neutral s.p.a.ce-"

"So you enable to theft these planet, unoppositioned? My amuse! My hylerical! Goodness me! I accompanate, quite so!"

"Very well-if you insist. You may accompany me aboard my personal gunboat. I'll designate a modest destroyer escort to convey us down to the surface."

"Nix. I preference to my own vessel, grat.i.tudes anyhow. And my bring few Slox cruiser in order to not lonesome."

"Cruisers?" Slith said harshly. "In that case, I think a pair of Groaci battleships would be in order-just to balance the formation, you understand."

"Combination operate incompletion unless Slox battlewagon also include!"

"Actually," Slith hissed, "I see no reason not to bring my entire fleet along-just in case you should entertain ideas of a sneak attack during my absence!"

"My agreeness! I, too! The more the merriment! Gracious me! Full speed ahead! Devil take the hind parts!"

"Agreed! Roger and out," Slith snapped.

"Good heavens. Retief," Magnan muttered, "those two madmen are going to stage a fullscale invasion, just to keep an eye on each other-"

"No one could accuse us now of having failed to influence the course of Slox-Groaci relations," Retief said calmly. "Well, let's be off. We have about an hour before they arrive."

Quickly, he detached the compact radio from its mountings, extracted an emergency ration pack from the debris.

"Which way?" Magnan queried worriedly, staring at the deep-orange shade of the forest all around.

"Take your choice, Mr. Magnan," Retief said, indicating the four points of the compa.s.s. "Eeenie, meenie, miney, or moe."

"Hmm. I think perhaps due meenie; it looks a tiny bit less forbidding; or possibly just a few points to the miney of meenie."

"Meenie by miney it is," Retief said, and led the way into the tall timber.

4.

"Retief-I'm utterly exhausted," Magnan panted three quarters of an hour and three miles from the wrecked scout boat.

"We're not clear yet," Retief said. "We'd better keep going, and rest later."

"I'd as soon face a Groaci firing squad as die of heart failure and heat prostration." Magnan sank down on the yielding turf, lay breathing in great gulps.

"How about a Slox skinning party?" Retief suggested. "I understand they start with the scalp and work downward, like peeling a banana."

"j.a.pe if you must," Magnan groaned. "I'm past caring." He sat up suddenly, staring suspiciously at a small, bell-shaped blossom, with petals of a delicate shade of coral pink.

"Bees," he said distastefully. "Allergic as I am even to Terran insects, a sting from an alien form would probably be instantly fatal."

"Still, as you pointed out, one demise is pretty much like another." Retief consoled his superior. "If it actually was a bee you saw, it's the first native animal life to make its presence known."

"I didn't see it-but I heard it distinctly," Magnan said severely. "It buzzed practically in my ear."

"This is a rather curious forest," Retief observed. "Only one variety of tree, one kind of gra.s.s, one type of flower, in a.s.sorted sizes and colors. But no weeds. No parasitic vines. No big trees crowding out smaller ones, no stunted growth. Not even any deadfalls."

"Ummp," Magnan grunted. "Retief, suppose for the nonce we succeed in eluding capture; what then? n.o.body knows we're here. How will we ever be rescued?"

"Interesting question, Mr. Magnan."

"Not that it matters a great deal," Magnan went on morosely. "With my mission a failure-worse than a failure-my career is in ruins!"

He groaned. "Do you realize that if it hadn't been for our meddling, this invasion would probably never have come to pa.s.s?"

"The thought had occurred to me," Retief conceded.