Rest Harrow: A Comedy of Resolution Part 30

"Do you wish it repeated?" He was perfectly cool by now. "I'll put it categorically. I have wronged you, and wish to repair my fault: will you allow it? I love you more than before: will you permit me to prove it? I believe that I can make you happy: may I try?"

She had scarcely listened, and when she answered him, did not lift her head. "I can't answer you now, Nevile. Don't ask me."

"I have not asked you. I have simply put my questions fairly. I will come for my answer next Sunday afternoon. Good-bye, Sanchia."

He held out his hand and received hers, which he kissed. Then he turned and left her alone.

"I should swallow him, if I were you," was Lady Maria's spoken reflection upon what her young friend was able to tell her. "I should swallow him like a pill. You won't taste him much, and he'll do you worlds of good.

The world? I'm not talking of the world. I never do. He'll put you right with yourself. That's much more to the point. He's in love with you, I believe. From what you tell me, that's new. You suppose that he was in love with you before. I do not. He was in love with himself, as you presented him. Most men are. Now you are to occupy that exceedingly comfortable position of a woman out of love with her husband, extravagantly beloved by him. Next to being a man's mistress there's no surer ground for you than that, with respectability added, mind you. No mean addition. Take my advice, my dear, and you won't regret it."

But Sanchia knew at the bottom of her heart that Ingram was not in love with her. He wanted her restored to his collection.

IX

On the Monday morning, after a night of broken sleep, she received a letter from her mother.

"MY DEAR CHILD," Mrs. Percival wrote, "I met Nevile Ingram, _quite unexpectedly,_ on Sat.u.r.day evening. Yesterday he called here, after he had seen you in the house where you choose to remain. Our interview was naturally distressing, and I should be glad to feel sure that you could spare me a _third_. I need not remind you of the first.

"But I feel bound to own, from what I could learn from him of his _discussion_ (as I must call it) with you, that I am most uneasy. If I were to say _unhappy_, tho' it would be less than the truth, you might accuse me of exaggeration. That I could not bear. Therefore, let 'uneasy'

be the word. Is it possible, I ask myself, that my youngest child--my latest-born--can find it in her heart to _torture_ the already agonised heart of her mother? I put the question to you, Sanchia, for I am incapable myself of finding the answer. I blush to write it--but such is the terrible fact. I can only beg you to put me out of suspense as gently as may be. I am growing old. There are limits to what a grey-haired mother's heart can bear.

"Mr. Ingram's proposals towards a settlement of the untold _ruin_ he has wrought in a once smiling and contented household were (I must say) liberal. That they were all that they should be, I must not declare--for how could that ever be? He put himself, however, and his extremely handsome fortune unreservedly in my hands and those of your father, who was not present at our interview. He was _resting,_ I believe--his own phrase. Philippa came in to tea, with her trusty, honourable Tertius, and was more than gracious to N. You know her way. She _stoops_ more charmingly than any woman I have ever met. Her manners, certainly, are to be copied.

"His position in the county--I return to Nevile--I need not dwell upon. It may be _brilliant._ A Justice of the Peace at thirty-two! I leave you to imagine what he might become, building upon that, if he were blessed with the loving companionship of a _tender, chaste and Xtian wife._ Such an one could guide him into Green Pastures--and such an one only. Secure in the grat.i.tude of his inferiors, the respect of his peers, reconciled to the Altar, and his G.o.d, one sees before Nevile the upright, prosperous, honoured career of an English Gentleman. There is no higher, I believe.

But it is clear to all of those who truly love you, my child, that you only can ensure him these advantages. He is sincerely penitent now--of that I am sure. Who can tell, however, what relapse there may be unless he is taken in hand?

"You have been his curse, but may be his Blessing. You have my prayers.

"I beg my compliments to Lady Maria Wenman if she condescends to recognise the existence of--Your affect. Mother, CATHERINE WELBORE PERCIVAL."

"_P.S._--Nevile a.s.sures me that his cousin, the Bishop, would perform the rite. This would be a _great thing_. One must think of N's position in the county."

"Venus, wounded in the side ..." is the opening line of an old poem of Senhouse's, one of those "Greek Idylls" with which he made his bow to the world--old placid stories illuminated by modern romantic fancy; nursery- rhyme versions, we may call them, of the myths. "Venus, wounded in the side," recounts how the Dame, struck by a shaft of her son's, ran moaning from one ally to another seeking Pity, the only balm that could a.s.suage her wound. To the new lover, to the old, to the fresh-wedded, to the long- mated: from one to the other she ran--hand clapt to throbbing heart. None could help her. "Pity! What's that?" cried the first. "I triumph: rejoice with me. Is she not like the sun in a valley?" The second cursed her for a procuress. The bride stirred in her sleep, and whispered, "Kiss me again, Beloved." As for the fourth, he said, "All my Pity was for myself. It is gone; now I am frost-bound." Venus wept: Adonis healed the wound.

Sanchia, reading long afterwards, saw in it a parallel to her case, when she, stricken deep, ran about London ways for a soothing lotion. She saw herself trapped; felt the steel bite to the bone. Tears might have helped her, but she had none: pray she could not, nor crave mercy. It was not Ingram who held her caged, but Destiny; and there's no war with him.

She thought of Vicky, of Melusine. Their kisses would have been sweet, but she knew what they would say. Melusine's sideways head, her sighed, "Dearest, how sad! But life is so serious, isn't it?" She saw the gleam in Vicky's eyes, and heard her "Dear old Sancie, how splendid! Now you'll be all right." Then she would clasp her round the neck and whisper in her ear, "Do make me an aunt--I shall adore your baby. Quick, darling!" She turned her back on Kensington and Camberley, and went into the City, to The Poultry, with her griefs.

Poor Mr. Percival's rosy gills and white whiskers, his invariable, "Well, Sancie--well, my dear, well, well--" called her home. She ran forward, clung to him, and lay a while in his arms, short-breathing, breathless for the advent of peace. To his, "What is it, my love? Tell your old father all about it," she could only murmur, "Oh, dearest, what shall I do?" He urged her again to tell him what the matter was--"What has hurt you? Who has dared to hurt my darling? Show me that scoundrel--" but she was luxuriating in new comfort and would say nothing. Into her false peace she snuggled and lay still; and the honest man, loving her to be there, let her be.

Presently she opened her weary eyes, looked up, and smiled, then snuggled again. He led her to his office chair, and took her on his knee. "Lie here, my bird, make your pillow of my shoulder. That's more comfortable, I hope. Why, Sancie, you've not been here, in my arms, since you hurt your foot at Sidmouth deuce knows how long ago--and I kissed it well! Do you remember that? Ah, but I do. I'm a foolish old chap, with nothing else to think about but my girls. And you're the only one left--the only one, Sancie. And I always loved you best--and behaved as if you were the worst --G.o.d forgive me!" She put her hand up and touched his cheek. "Hush, dearest. We don't talk about that."

"No, no, my darling--that's over, thank G.o.d. You have forgiven me, I know --my great-hearted Sancie. Now, if you feel stronger, tell me all your troubles." She murmured what follows.

"He came to see me. Nevile came."

"I know, my love. Your mother told me."

"She wrote to me. Rather a dreadful letter. She's on his side--she talks about his position in the county."

"I daresay, I daresay. But you know, your mother thinks a great deal of that kind of thing. She says we owe a deal to our station, you know.

There's something in it, my dear. I'm bound to say that."

"Papa, he--wants me again. He thinks he does."

"Oh, my dear, there's no doubt about that--none at all. He proposes--well, it's _carte blanche_; there's no other word for it. A blank cheque, you know. We must do Master Nevile justice. It is the least he can do; but he does it."

"What am I to do, Papa?" The poor gentleman looked rather blank.

"Do, my dear? Do?" He puzzled; then, as the light broke on him, could not help showing his dismay. "Why, you don't mean to say--Oh, my child, is that what you mean?"

She clung to him convulsively, buried her face.

"G.o.d help us all!" His thought, his pity, his love whirled him hither and thither. He shivered in the blast. "'Pon my soul, I don't know how we shall break it to your mother. I don't, indeed." He stared miserably, then caught her to him. "It breaks my heart to see you like this--my child; it cuts me to the heart. Sancie, what are we to do?"

She sat up and brushed her dry eyes with her handkerchief. "I know.

There's nothing to do. It's my fate."

This was rather shocking to old Mr. Percival, who shared the common opinion of matrimony, that it should be marked by champagne at luncheons.

It was a signal for rejoicing--therefore you must rejoice. White stood for a wedding all the world over, black for a funeral. To go scowling to church, or tearless to the cemetery, was to fail in duty.

"We mustn't look at it like that, my darling. I don't think we ought, indeed. Fate, you know! That's a gloomy view of an affair of the sort. I don't pretend to understand you, quite, my love. You see, a year or two ago, you would have asked nothing better--and now you call it fate. Oh, my dear--"

She could not have hoped that he would understand, and yet she felt more like crying than at any time yet. "My heart is cold," she said. "It's dead, I think."

He echoed her, whispering, "Not dead, Sancie, not dead, my child. Numbed.

He'll warm it asleep, he'll kiss it awake. He loves you."

She moaned as she shook her head. "No, no. He wants me--that's all."

"Well, my dear," pleaded good Mr. Percival, "and so he may. We do want what we love, don't we now? He's come to his senses by this time, found out the need of you. And I don't wonder at it. You're a beautiful girl, my dear--you're the pick of my bevy. But I must bring back the roses to those cheeks--Mildred Grant, eh? Jack Etherington used to call you that: he was a great rose-fancier--old Jack. Do you remember our tea-party last summer?

And how happy we were? Let's be happy again, my lamb! Come, my child, can't you squeeze me out one little smile? You'll make the sun shine in this foggy old den of mine." He pinched her cheek, peered for the dimple which a smile must bring; then he drew her closer to him and whispered his darling thought: "Shall I tell you something, Sancie? What your old dad prays for when he's by himself? I want another grandchild, my dear--one I can spoil. I ought to be a happy man with what I've got--I know that. But you were always the pet, my love; you know you were--until, until--ah, Sancie! And one of yours! Aren't you going to indulge your old father?

He's only got a few years left, mind you. Don't want any more. To see his darling happy, smiling down on her baby--bless me, I'm getting foolish."

He blinked his bravest, but had to wipe his gla.s.ses. She rewarded him with a kiss, and did not leave till she could leave him at ease.

X

Sanchia, after many nights' stony vigil, decided that she must fight her beasts by herself. She was going to make her parents and sisters happy; she was going through with her bargain; but there was no need to tell them any more about it. In her hard mood she told herself that that was the only wear. If she should be wept over, she might well recant. When the fatal word was once spoken, she would write to her mother--that was all that she could do. For the same reason--that she dreaded a tender moment-- she did not go to church with her griefs. The G.o.ds there were too human-- the Man of Sorrows, the Mother with the swords in her bosom. It was Destiny that had her by the heel. As ye sow, ye shall reap. Vaster G.o.ds, heartless, blind, immortal shapes, figuring the everlasting hills, were her need. She was going to her fate, because the Fates called her. There's no war with them.