Remember Tuesday Morning Part 17

Holly sighed and let her forehead rest in her hand. In her wildest dreams, she hadn't imagined the person who would rescue her would be Alex Brady. But seeing him only confirmed what she had wondered about before. She hadn't stopped loving him, not even a little. She would always remember the way he looked on the doorstep of the model home, his eyes wide and worried, features drawn and tense. And then the change in his expression, the half a second when the walls came down and she could see clearly what she'd always believed.

That the Alex she loved was still inside him somewhere. The young man he'd once been had risen to the surface instantly in the shock of seeing her at the door. Just as quickly, the walls were up again, but that was understandable. They had been in the middle of an emergency, a disaster that could've wound up very differently. She patted Bo's side, a couple of long, soft pats. Poor dog. The disaster was still playing out around them. And what about Alex? Holly's heart fluttered about inside her, its rhythm nowhere near normal. Alex was crazy to go back up the hill. The winds could shift at any moment, and the fire would tear down the other side of the development, right across the fire road.

The ambulance turned onto a busy street and sped onto a straightaway.

"The staff knows we're coming." The medic was focused on Bo. "They'll be ready for him."

"Thanks." She sniffed twice. Tears slipped onto her cheeks, and she pressed her finger beneath her nose. What was Alex thinking? He should've stayed with his dog and let another deputy get the suspect. The guy couldn't go anywhere trapped in the fire, so why chase after him? She felt a series of sobs building inside her. The answer was as obvious as it was painful. He had to go for the same reason he'd pushed her out of his life. Because he was driven to save lives - even the life of a bad guy. Every life but his own.

Another wave of tears filled her eyes. Watching him tonight, she realized for the first time that he was right. She couldn't have been in a relationship with someone that driven, that focused on solving crime and saving lives. The terrorist attacks had changed him, and this was the result: Alex's crazy determination to keep other people from going through what he went through, so that no one else would have to be the victim of the attacks of another.

A victim like Alex still was.

He found the suspect trying to get away, stumbling down the hill at the top of the fire road, a wet rag pressed to his mouth. The sight of him a.s.sured Alex he'd done the right thing by coming back up. The guy could be killed trying to escape the fire on foot, and if he did make it out, he'd probably be back at his acts of ecoterrorism by next week.

Alex flipped his bright lights on the guy and drew his gun. The suspect froze and raised his hands over his head. Alex ran out, grabbed him, read him his rights, and shoved him into the bed of his Dodge. He didn't have handcuffs, but he wasn't worried about the guy fleeing. Not with his life on the line. Wasting no time, Alex slid back into the driver's seat and hurried up the hill to turn around.

At the same time, he realized what was happening with the firestorm. The wind had shifted, and a towering wave of fire was coming their direction. Alex whipped the truck around as soon as it was physically possible. From the back, the bald guy must've seen the fire coming toward them because he shouted, "Faster!"

Alex tried not to look, tried to stay focused on the road ahead of him because he had to make it down the hill, had to turn the last suspect over to SWAT, and get to the vet hospital. Had to make it back to Bo, back to tell Holly he was grateful for the way she had been there for Bo.

Still he couldn't help but see what was happening.

The fire was spilling down the back side of the canyon at a wicked speed, consuming the brush like a voracious monster and creating an inferno that was now just twenty yards ahead of Alex's truck, pressing its way downhill and edging in on the fire road ahead. He would have to hurry if he was going to make it. Once the fire crossed the road, it would be a sea of flames impossible to drive through.

He gave the truck a little more gas, but as he did, his rear left wheel nearly slid off the narrow road. Alex had to let up on the pedal until he could steer the truck back onto the gravel, and those few seconds were all it took. Ahead, the fire roared across the road and back up the hill on the other side. Before Alex could think of a plan or put his truck in reverse, the flames crossed the road a dozen yards behind him.

"We're surrounded!" The suspect shrieked.

Alex was breathing hard, looking first over his right shoulder, then his left. There had to be an escape. He could drive off the fire road if he had to - at least they'd have some sort of chance that way. But the inferno raged on all fronts, every side, and Alex wondered for an instant if this was what h.e.l.l felt like, trapped by a mountain of fire with no escape. They were going to die, so maybe he was about to find out, and it occurred to him that Clay was right about the Bible verse. There was a way that seemed right to him, and he'd done that very thing. But in the end it really was going to lead to death.

He hit the brakes and tried to imagine running through the flames or maybe crawling under them. But there wasn't a single s.p.a.ce surrounding him that wasn't on fire. He gripped the steering wheel, his heart pounding, his breathing fast and panicky as he reached for the radio. "Brady, here. I'm trapped on the fire road. Flames all around us. I need some help here, guys. Send a helicopter, and hurry."

The flames were closing in, so that they were stuck in a circle maybe thirty yards in diameter and getting smaller with every second, every gust of wind. This was really the end. He could still do one thing, so Alex opened the door and shouted at the suspect. "Get inside the truck. Hurry!"

The tall thin suspect vaulted out of the bed and slid into the backseat, brushing tiny fiery embers from his hair. Gone was the c.o.c.ky att.i.tude, the larger-than-life bad guy who had shot a bullet through Alex's dog. The suspect was a quivering ma.s.s of terror. "Listen ... you gotta get us out of here!"

"We're stuck." Alex didn't look back at him, didn't bother to raise his voice. He shut his door and stared at the flames.

In the backseat the suspect was going ballistic now, shouting for him to do something, to drive through the flames, or let him out of the truck. Screaming how they needed to say their prayers, and how he was going to run down the mountainside if Alex didn't do something.

"Go ... you won't get far." Alex leaned his forehead on the steering wheel and tuned him out. They were both going to die, and that meant he'd never know about Bo, never see Holly Brooks again. Never have the chance to thank her and tell her what he knew for sure now.

That his love for her had never died, no matter how he'd tried to suffocate it.

He opened his eyes and felt a burst of the fight that was so familiar to him. Maybe he could drive through the flames and make it out on the other side. He'd done that once tonight already, so why not at least try? But the fire ahead wasn't a thin wall this time; it was an ocean of flames, an inferno. They'd get a few feet in, his truck would explode, and that would be that.

He never should have come back up the hill after the suspect. If the guy had been killed in the fire, it would've been his own fault. Alex wasn't responsible, and eventually the guy would've been caught - by fire or by the SWAT team when he came down - just like Joe had said. Joe had warned him not to come up here again. So Alex would die because of his own stubbornness, his determination to do things his way. That's what would kill him in the end - just like the Bible verse had said. Alex looked over his shoulder again and saw what he already knew. The flames were closer now, the circle shrinking.

But to sit here and wait for certain death went against everything Alex knew. Suddenly, he remembered what the suspect had said a few seconds ago. How they needed to say their prayers ... Whether the guy meant it or not didn't matter. If Alex was going to die in the next few minutes, he had no choice but to talk to G.o.d - the G.o.d he'd walked away from seven years ago.

Whether it was the fire closing in on him or some divine act of the Holy Spirit, Alex wasn't sure, but in that moment he could finally see with clarity that his father hadn't died because of G.o.d's callousness. He died because it was his time, and in a heartbeat he went from the horror of 9/11 to the hallways of heaven. His father never would've blamed G.o.d, and now Alex couldn't blame Him either. Not for one more minute.

He opened the truck door, adrenaline flooding his veins, making it almost impossible to breathe or think or feel anything but overwhelming panic. The wind and burning embers gusted overhead, igniting bushes in the shrinking circle that surrounded his truck. The bad guy was still in the back screaming at him, begging him to do something, but there was nothing he could do.

It hit him then that this must be similar to how his father had felt in the moments before his death, trapped by a wall of flames with no way out, knowing that the fire had been set by terrorists. The difference was that his father had gone out with G.o.d at his side. Alex had no doubt about that.

So why couldn't he cry out to G.o.d even here, minutes before his death? His father had wanted Alex to be a man of faith more than anything else, but all these years he'd refused to think about that. Alex clenched his fists and tried to focus above the roar of the inferno around him. He could almost hear his dad calling to him, telling him to reach out to G.o.d - before it was too late.

Alex crouched down beneath the swirling fog of smoke and for a few seconds - like the suspect - he thought about running. But there was nowhere to go. Then, without giving the act another thought, he dropped to his knees. The small gravel and rocks dug into his knees through his jeans, but he didn't care.

"G.o.d!" The cry was desperate as it rose above the sound of the firestorm. "I'm sorry!" He shouted the words, but the fire and wind were so loud even he could barely hear them. He had blamed G.o.d and in the process he'd lost the life his father had wanted for him. He'd shut out everyone who loved him, and he'd tried to be G.o.d, the sort of Almighty he thought G.o.d should be. But he could see it all now, the fact that Clay was right. With Christ's strength, the only evil that could ever be conquered was the evil within him.

He lifted his hands and face to the fiery sky. "Help me, G.o.d! I'm not ready to die! Please ... forgive me."

A release exploded in his heart and soul, and like a scene from long ago he recognized the feelings, because they were the ones that had defined him before 9/11. Feelings of love and hope and longing, a desire for the kind of life his parents had shared. A favorite Bible verse from long ago came rushing back - For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. He'd shared it with Holly one day when the world was his and summer lasted all year long. And suddenly in the midst of the gravest danger he'd ever faced, it was all there again, flooding over him. Thank You, G.o.d ... I feel You here with me.

He could do this, because with every breath Christ was giving him a strength he hadn't known these past seven years. Alex remembered something his father had told him. That there was a party in heaven whenever one sinner turned back to G.o.d. Alex smiled despite the terror around him. Let my dad be part of the celebration, G.o.d ... I see it so clearly. Thank You ...

He could almost hear the band.

But even as he prayed, the fire moved in closer, sucking the air from the small pocket and making it hard to breathe. Alex wasn't afraid, wasn't panicked anymore. He didn't want to die, but there was no way out. The end could be any moment now, the next gust of wind and the raging inferno would close in on top of them. Alex stayed on his knees and thought again of Bo and Holly and his mom. At least he'd had the chance to tell his mother he was sorry. The heat of the flames was suffocating now, and Alex had a final thought - something good would come from him dying this way.

In a matter of minutes, he would see his dad again.

TWENTY-EIGHT.

Jamie was listening to radio updates of the fire as Eric drove her to the hospital. It was still dark outside, and the smoke was thick across the freeway, the orange glow eerie in the western sky, especially since the sun was still hours from rising. Jamie replayed the events of the last half hour. She'd been awake, sitting up in bed when Joe made the initial update. He told her what had happened and how violent the guys from the REA had been. And he told her about Clay.

"You need to get to the hospital, Jamie. As soon as you can."

Jamie's first call was to Eric and Laura, and they had come immediately. Laura was at her house now with the still-sleeping CJ and Sierra, and Eric drove her to the hospital. After Joe's call, Jamie had heard from the doctor. Clay was in critical condition, and she should hurry. But with all the terrible news, Jamie clung to one single hope, something else the doctor had told her.

They expected Clay to pull through.

That alone kept her sane as they sped along the Ventura Freeway to the Los Robles Medical Center; it was the only reason she could listen to the radio for updates. The fire was raging out of control, ripping through the hillsides at incredible speeds and spreading in all directions. The most recent news stated that an entire neighborhood at the base of the mountain had been evacuated. In addition, firefighters were evacuating other neighborhoods - well in advance of the blaze reaching them.

The news reporter kept stating what anyone listening already knew. That the fire was set by members of the REA, and that one of them had been shot and killed by a K9 deputy. The reports didn't say the name of the officer, but Jamie already knew it was Alex. What other K9 officer would've been at the scene of the fire, working to apprehend the suspects?

The number of homes that could burn in the process might reach into the thousands, according to officials. Already - because of the shifting winds and the amount of dry brush in the Las Virgenes hills, the fire had the potential to be one of the area's worst ever - and one of the most violent. The suspects had shot the security guard, then Clay, and finally Bo. Joe had told Jamie all the details he knew. The security guard was in surgery, but he was going to be okay. No one was sure about Bo.

"This just in regarding the deadly fire burning out of control in the Las Virgenes Canyon area," the announcer interrupted Jamie's thoughts. "A spokesperson for the sheriff's department says that at this very moment they have a K9 officer and a suspect trapped on a fire road somewhere on the mountain." Her voice took on a grave tone. "Officials are doing everything they can to make a rescue, but the flames are too intense and the terrain too rugged for emergency vehicles. We'll keep you posted as we receive developments on this tragic story."

"Dear G.o.d ... no, please." Jamie whispered the desperate words. "Eric, we need to pray."

Eric kept his eyes on the road, but he reached out and took her hand. "G.o.d ... we need a miracle. We think Alex is trapped, but you know right where he is." Eric's voice was tense, and his mouth sounded dry. "Be with him, please ... clear the fire in a way that only you can do."

After the prayer, Jamie wanted to call someone - Joe or another of the SWAT guys, because like before she knew that the officer trapped on the hillside had to be Alex. He must've gone back into the flames after the suspect, and now ... G.o.d, he has so much to live for ... give him a miracle. Put up a hedge of protection around him and stop the flames from reaching him. Get him out, G.o.d ... please.

She pictured Alex trapped in the middle of a firestorm, and the image made her sick to her stomach. She couldn't think about it, not now when she was so worried about Clay. Alex would be okay ... he had to be okay. She'd be at the hospital soon, a few minutes at the most. She was anxious to be with Clay, to touch him and see for herself that he was going to be okay.

Outside her car, the wind felt worse than before, and all along the freeway they were pa.s.sed by fire trucks and emergency vehicles. A shudder ran through her arms. This moment felt eerily like seven years ago when she raced to a New York hospital in search of Jake. Only that time, the person fighting for life in the hospital bed hadn't been Jake - but Eric Michaels. This was different, everything about it. They'd already been through so much. She couldn't imagine losing Clay now, not Clay or Alex. Eric turned into the hospital parking lot, and she had to blink so she could see the building clearly, that it was Los Robles Medical Center and not the hospital in New York City. It's not the same ... this is a different day, G.o.d, help me hold onto the truth. This isn't 9/11.

Daughter, breathe ... my peace I give to you ... I don't give as the world gives ...

Eric parked the car, jumped out, and hurried to her side. He helped her to her feet and led her across the parking lot. The whole time she kept thinking about the gentle response to her prayer, the words about peace. G.o.d's peace. That was exactly what she needed right now. Whatever happened today, no one could take that away from her. As she walked, she willed herself to believe that very soon G.o.d would grant a miracle for her and for Clay.

And especially for Alex.

The flames were right on top of them now, and Alex wondered if they might die from the heat before the fire reached them. He'd radioed down to the command station, but it hadn't done any good. The inferno was too deep and wide, too all-consuming for any of the firefighters to reach him. His only hope was a helicopter, and so far he hadn't seen a single drop of fire r.e.t.a.r.dant. That wasn't surprising, really. The helicopters were already in use, so after his first call it could've taken fifteen minutes or more to get a drop overhead.

He was still on his knees, his face still raised to the burning sky. He'd lost out on seven years of talking to G.o.d, doing the thing his father had taught him to do. Seven years of being angry at the G.o.d who had created him and given him his family - even if that wonderful life hadn't lasted as long as Alex wanted. This was only the bus stop, right? Wasn't that what his father used to say? The great and joyous life everlasting was on the other side. His father had taught him that, and now it was what Alex once more believed. What he had always believed, even while he let his pain and sorrow cloud out the truth. Seven years were gone, but every second he had left in this life, he would spend talking to G.o.d.

Thank You, Lord ... because I feel You here in this inferno. I feel Your peace and Your forgiveness, Your salvation and certainty. I never should've blamed You, G.o.d ... He opened his eyes, and the fire was almost close enough to touch. The suspect in the back was quiet now, uttering only an occasional whimper, too terrified to speak.

Alex could die and be with his dad and his Heavenly Father, now that he had made his peace with G.o.d. He would finish well, far better than he would've if this had been a sudden accident or a bullet to his head, the bullet Bo took. But he had one regret, one area where he had failed. And once he was dead he would never have the chance to make it up again.

His regret was Holly.

As her sweet face filled his heart and soul, he used his final breaths to ask G.o.d one more time: "Please, Lord ..." he yelled into the roaring fire, "Please save us! Let me have another chance. I have so much time to make up for, G.o.d ... please!"

The noise around him grew louder, as if a speeding freight train was bearing down on them, about to crush them. My son ... I have loved you with an everlasting love ... I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. The words were in the wind, in the fire, as clearly as if G.o.d had stepped down into this terrible moment and spoken them directly to Alex.

He gripped the edge of his truck and lifted himself off his knees so he could see better. A rushing sound added to the noise, and a strange sensation came over Alex, like the atmosphere itself was changing. Something was happening, something with the wind. Around the truck the burning embers swirled and danced and gusted in every direction, and then suddenly, strangely, the fire blew hard to the west and lifted. Alex brought his fist to his mouth. G.o.d, it can't be ... it isn't possible ...

Ahead of them, the fire road was suddenly and instantly clear again, the blaze raising several stories high on the right side, but reduced to almost nothing on the left. Hope shot straight through him, and Alex didn't hesitate. This was a miracle, nothing less. G.o.d had created a path, and this time he was going to take it. He hurled himself behind the wheel and started the engine.

"Go ... drive!" The guy in the backseat must've seen the hole in the flames.

Alex didn't respond. The miracle in front of them was a gift from G.o.d, and if the Lord had opened the hole, He would keep it open long enough for them to get down the mountain. Alex drove with a single-mindedness and purpose that he hadn't known since before September 11. G.o.d had set him free. Not just from the fire, but from himself - and both kinds of freedom could only have come from the Lord.

It took several minutes to get to the bottom of the hill, and as he did he grabbed his radio again. "We made it through. Have SWAT waiting."

For the first time since the fire lifted, the arsonist fell silent, probably with the realization that for him, things had only just started heating up. The charges that would be filed against him would put him away forever, Alex was pretty sure. He reached the bottom just as Joe stepped out of his squad car.

Alex got the suspect out of his truck as fast as he could and handed him over to Joe. "I already read him his rights, and I'll write my report after I check on Bo." He didn't want to spend another minute being angry or full of rage. The system would take care of Owl and his buddy. Alex had more important matters at hand, desperate life or death matters. He waited until Joe had the suspect cuffed in the backseat of his car, then Alex took hold of his friend's arm. "How's Clay?"

"He's in surgery, but it looks good." Joe hesitated, squinting against the blowing wind and smoke. "What happened up there, Brady? You look different."

Alex laughed just once, the sort of laugh that told his friend there wasn't enough time to explain it all right now. "I'm still trying to believe it." He kept his eyes on Joe but started walking back to his truck. "I shouldn't be here; let's just say that." He climbed into his truck and shut the door. Through the open window he yelled once more to Joe as he peeled off toward the main road. "I've gotta go see my dog."

As he drove, he kept both his windows down. The night wind was smoky and warm, but it was fresher than anything he'd been breathing up on the mountain. He let the wind dust off the grit and ashes that covered his face and tried to get his mind around what had just happened. He should be dead, in heaven with his father. But G.o.d had heard his cry and granted him the precious gift he'd begged for.

More time.

It was just after four in the morning, still dark outside. He would get to the vet hospital and see how Bo was doing, and sometime before sunup he would tell Holly everything he should've told her years ago. She had probably moved on by now, and there was nothing he could do about that. But she needed to know what had happened on the hill, how he'd come face-to-face with the same kind of terrorist-set inferno that had killed his father, and in that horrifying moment the impossible had happened.

He'd found his faith in G.o.d again.

A wholeness filled his soul, and Alex felt the same freedom he'd experienced in the midst of the fire. He didn't need to be so driven any longer. He could capture the bad guys, because that was his job, and it was one he would always enjoy. But he couldn't capture the evil around him. It was a pervasive part of life, and would be that way until Jesus returned. The only evil he could address - like Clay had told him - was the evil within himself.

Something he planned to spend the next few hours working on.

TWENTY-NINE.

Holly had been sitting in the waiting room a long time, too long. By now someone should've come out and told her that the dog was okay, that he was out of surgery and they'd st.i.tched him up. The silence couldn't be a good sign. But since she had no one to talk to, and since she was worried sick that Alex was stuck in the fire at the top of the mountain, she used the time to pray.

Funny how she'd resisted a relationship with G.o.d for so many years, how she'd let her faith grow cold to the point that she no longer wanted to go to church and sometimes doubted G.o.d even existed, but here ... in the face of intense tragedy, surrounded by the greatest fear she'd known since 9/11, prayer came as easily as her next heartbeat.

She prayed for Bo and for Alex and for Alex's friend - the other sheriff's deputy. Once she'd done that, she felt fresh tears on her cheeks and she did what she should've done long ago. She asked G.o.d to forgive her for walking away, for letting her love for Him grow cold.

Of course I believe in You, G.o.d ... she uttered the words silently, and as she did they cast a flicker of light in the dark halls of her soul, where the sun hadn't shone for far too long. I'm sorry, G.o.d ... I need You here with me. Please, G.o.d ... let me know You're here.

As she finished that part of her prayer, a janitor entered the otherwise empty waiting room. Holly felt awkward, sitting by herself and crying. She pulled a tissue from her purse and dabbed it beneath her eyes. There was something peculiar about the janitor, something in his stature or mannerisms. Holly watched him, trying to figure it out. The man was small and hunched, with white thinning hair that poked out from beneath a Yankees baseball cap. A name tag on his flannel shirt read only "Max."

Holly was drawn to the man, but she had no idea why. He didn't seem to notice her as he set to work, lifting the mop into a bucket of water, wringing out the excess, and then flinging it onto the floor. She watched him intently, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar, why his actions seemed so peculiar. He was five minutes into the job when he suddenly stopped and looked straight at her. "You ... you're a believer?"

Holly was startled by his question. She was tempted to look over her shoulder, in case he was talking to someone else, but she recovered long enough to point subtly at herself. "Me?"

"Yes." The man smiled, and again there was something different about him, almost otherworldly. "Are you a believer?"

"I am." This time Holly didn't hesitate. "I was just praying." Emotion spilled into her voice. "It's been a long night."

"You were involved in the fire." It wasn't a question. He rested on the handle of his mop, his eyes looking almost through her.

"Yes. I was." Holly wondered how the man could've known that detail. Did she smell that strongly of smoke? Or was her face smudged with ashes? She searched the man's face, trying to figure him out. Maybe she'd seen him before, at the townhouses where she lived or at the market.

He smiled at her, his eyes boring into hers. "The Lord wants you to know something ... He's never going to leave you or forsake you. No matter what happens, no matter how long."

Holly sucked in a quick breath, and it stuck in her throat. A dozen questions came at her, but before she could voice a single one, the janitor tipped the rim of his baseball cap and shuffled off down the hallway.

As soon as he was gone, she realized something had changed - she wasn't afraid anymore. Sad for the injured dog, deeply concerned about Alex, but she could feel the presence of G.o.d with her, and she remembered something her mom had told her not long ago. You don't have to feel G.o.d to know He's with you. The Bible tells us G.o.d is with us, and that's all the proof we need to know. It's a fact. Feelings or no feelings.

For years G.o.d had been with her, but Holly hadn't wanted to feel His presence, hadn't sought Him out or thought to talk to Him for any length of time. Even so, G.o.d had been with her - the same way He so clearly was with her now. She had asked G.o.d to let her know He was here, and he'd sent Max, the janitor.

She glanced at the check-in desk, at the two women and one man in white coats working on various computers. The doctor and his a.s.sistant hadn't been seen since Bo was wheeled in, and again that told Holly the situation couldn't be good. There had to be some kind of news on Alex's dog, but still no one had come out to talk to her. She prayed some more, but then her prayers did something she hadn't expected them to do. They took her back to the time before 9/11, when she and Alex were sure about life and love and even forever.