Red, White and Dead Part 22

"Excuse me, you guys, I should take this."

I felt Theo watching me, wondering. He didn't even know who Sam was, but it was probably pretty easy to figure out that he was someone important to me. And that was still the case, no matter what had happened at his apartment, no matter what our status. Sam would always be important to me.

I gave Theo a smile, then I took the phone in the hallway and answered it. "Hey," I said.

"Hey," Sam said back.

We were silent. I walked down the hallway of the villa and into the breakfast room. It was a lonely room at that moment, only one weak lamp lighting the yellow wood tables and the blue plates stacked on a side table.

"So," Sam said. "How are you?"

"Well..." I sat down at one of the tables, put my elbows on its painted yellow top. What should I say? I'm freaking out right now, because I just got chased by some guys with guns, but other than that I'm peachy. "It's been a little tumultuous."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Sam exhaled. "I've been so d.a.m.ned sad since I saw you. I mean, I feel like...I don't know...We broke up a while ago, but for some reason I feel like the other night...I guess I felt like that was..."

"Yeah, I know. For some reason it felt like that was it." I swallowed hard, fought back a rush of tears.

Sam sighed again. "I love you, Iz."

"I love you, too."

More quiet. The rain tapped, tapped, tapped on the windows.

"So what have you been up to?" Sam asked.

I paused, then ignored his question and instead spoke what was on my mind. "We would have been married right now," I said. "And now we're down to this. Down to small talk."

He said nothing. I said nothing. I think we both knew what the other was thinking. I was thinking that the reason we weren't married right now was Sam's fault, and he was thinking that although he'd done some things that were tough to get over, I should have gotten over them, and therefore, it was my fault.

But we'd had that conversation ninety-seven times before, so I just said, "I'm in Italy."

"You're kidding? That's great. What made you decide to go there?"

"I wanted to ask my aunt Elena some questions about my dad. And after seeing you at your apartment, I decided I needed a vacation."

"Jesus, Red Hot, I'm so sorry about that."

Red Hot was what Sam had always called me when we were dating. Now the nickname, coming from his lips, sounded wrong, awkward. "I'm sorry," he continued, "that you had to see Alyssa."

The image of her flashed across my brain, then returned to stab me a million times. "Yeah, me, too."

"I don't know how in the h.e.l.l that happened."

I laughed. It sounded bitter. "You don't know how that happened? You're dating your ex. You let her sleep in my T-shirt. That's how that happened."

"Izzy, you're the one who stopped by without calling."

"Yeah, Sam, because that's what we always used to do. I know we're broken up, but I didn't know I had to be careful of that." I said that as if I were saying the worst word possible. And Sam knew that in my world, Alyssa was the worst thing I could have seen in his apartment.

Sam started to say something then stopped, then tried again. "Look, I'm really sorry. But I'm not going to apologize for dating her. You and I are broken up. But it killed me that you had to see that."

There was a pause. Neither of us knew what to say.

Finally Sam spoke. "So who are you with in Italy?"

"Maggie's here."

"And who else?"

Sam knew me so well. He knew when I was leaving something out.

"Well..." How to say this?

At that moment Theo appeared in the hallway outside the breakfast room. He looked at me with raised eyebrows, as if wondering if I was all right. He held up a thumb and gave a questioning expression. I nodded and returned the thumbs-up. I'm okay, I mouthed.

As Theo turned away, Sam spoke again. "So who else are you with? Charlie?"

"No. I asked Charlie to come. But he's got a job."

Sam coughed as if he was choking, then laughed. "Charlie has a job?"

"I know, I know. I couldn't believe it, either. It's at WGN, the radio station."

"Incredible."

"I know."

"So who are you with then?" He never was able to leave any detail unresolved behind when we were dating, and apparently he wasn't going to break that habit now.

"He's a friend of mine."

Through the silence, I could almost hear Sam stewing.

"Who is he?"

In our life together I'd never wished that Sam and I had known each other less, had understood each other less, but now that's exactly what I wished for. I really didn't want this conversation. "It's just someone I'm dating."

"Huh. I guess I don't have to feel so bad about Alyssa."

"I don't know about that. I wouldn't have had this person come to Italy if I hadn't seen what I'd seen in your apartment."

"So it's my fault?"

"There is no fault here. He's a friend and he's visiting me. That's all."

"What's his name?"

"Theo."

"How did you meet?"

"I don't think we've been broken up long enough to have this conversation."

"We're going to stay friends, right?"

"Yes."

"Friends have these conversations."

I bit my lip. It sounded logical, but wrong. And yet, having this conversation, this awkward and yet normal conversation, appealed to me, felt like a balm in contrast to being hunted by scary men in a city I didn't know.

"Tell me, Iz," Sam said softly.

"Okay, well, I met him when I was out with a friend one night."

"How long ago?"

"It was back in April, but we haven't been dating the whole time."

A silence. "Do you like this guy?" He sounded hurt, and I almost felt bad about it.

"Yeah, I do like him."

"You must. You invited him to Europe with you."

"It's a long story, Sam. I didn't exactly invite him. He has his own plane and so..."

"Whoa. You're dating a dude with his own plane?"

"It's a corporate share."

"How old is he? Sixty?" Sam asked with faint scorn.

"If you must know, he's in his early twenties." I said this with some pride in my voice, then immediately felt embarra.s.sed.

"Well, well, well," Sam said. "Someone in their early twenties."

"Hey." I sounded defensive now. "I'm in my twenties."

"Not for long."

"I'm surprised you remembered." I immediately regretted saying it. "I'm sorry I said that." I stood from the breakfast table and walked to the window, which overlooked a tiny Naples alleyway, dim now but for a few soccer flags flying under a streetlamp. The rain tapped away on the gla.s.s, sounding like a soft but distinct drum.

"Iz," Sam said with weight in his voice, "this whole thing makes me so sad."

"Me, too. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't be happening."

"No. It has to go down this way. This has to be more than a break. This has to be it for now. I mean-"

I interrupted him. "You don't have to say it. I know it as well as you do." I stared down at the cobblestoned alley, watching the rain run in rivulets through the cracks. "We're over."

He said nothing, but I heard, very clearly, his silent yes.

33.

W hen I got back to the room, Bernard and Maggie were on one twin bed, Maggie flat on her back, snoring with her mouth wide-open, while Bernard hung over the side, huddled into a tight ball, apparently trying not to disturb her, and snoring softly himself.

Theo sat on the other bed, and he looked up when I came in. He patted the s.p.a.ce next to him. I sat down.

"This is all so crazy," I whispered. "Are you freaking?"

"I guess I should be, but..." He shook his head. "You gotta tell me, though, are you always like this?"

"Like what?"

"Drama."

"I'm not drama!"

"Shh." He pointed at Maggie and Bernard, neither of whom stirred a bit.

"I am not drama."

"Dude, when I met you-"

"When you met me there was no drama. Not even a little!"

"Okay, I guess that's true, but within a week or so it was Drama Central."

"I'm not like this all the time. I swear." I paused and then thought about it. "You know what? It's true that I'm not usually Drama Central. Honestly." I looked at my left hand where my engagement ring used to be. "But it has been a bizarre year. I've never told you about my fiance. My ex-fiance. There was a lot of stuff that went on there." I waved a hand. "But you know what? Now that I think about it, that craziness has brought me a lot of good, too. It's almost like it pulled a scab off of me, something I didn't know was there, and it opened me up to everything. Everything. I mean, I've been tested in so many different ways, and generally, I'm pretty proud of the way I've responded. But I'm still the same Izzy I always was." I turned to face Theo, crossed my legs. "So it's been crazy, but the crazy keeps bringing interesting stuff into my life."

"And that's a good thing?"

I reached out and tucked a lock of his silky hair behind one of his ears, looked at the pillow puff of his bottom lip. "Yeah. A really good thing. I met you. And I've met some other amazing people, too. And my friends and family have shown me that they're there for me no matter what. I guess I always knew that, but it's nice to see." I held out my hand and grabbed his. I squeezed it. "But, anyway, you're right. It has been drama. I guess. And I'm seriously sorry if it's put drama in your life."

He leaned toward me, kissed my forehead. Then he looked down at my new necklace and lifted the stone. "I've been meaning to ask you about this."

"I got it from my aunt. She got it from her mom, my grandmother."

He tugged gently on my necklace, tugging me with it until we were close, our faces just an inch from each other. He kissed me again, this time on my lips. Slow. "I think we need to find another room."

"Why?"