Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend Part 20

"I couldn't wait to tell you. I finally got you an appointment with Yvonne!"

Ah, I'm slippin'. I adjust so I'm not hangin' off the edge.

"Um, who?"

"Don't you ever listen to me?" Something creaks, and I slip some more. "The health specialist. She said she can get you down to a size two in a year! Isn't that great news? I can finally introduce you to Daniel."

Who the h.e.l.l is Daniel?

"Yeah, that sounds great."

If Hayles is goin' for the sarcastic *great', she nailed it.

"Don't do that. You know how important this is to me."

Silence. I slip again.

"Your appointment is next Monday. If you are eligible, you'll be an official client and meet with Yvonne every Monday and Thursday. Try not to be a lost cause. This is our chance to make you... better."

I hear Hayles' bedroom door shut seconds before I lose my grip and fall flat on my back on the ledge outside her window.

Ouch.

"Oh my gosh, Brody! Are you okay?" She's whispering, but her face is crazy frantic.

"Uh huh."

"Sorry, I thought you'd hop down onto the shed."

Yes. That would've been the smart thing to do.

"It's okay." I sit up and rub the back of my neck. I'll be sore tomorrow.

"I'd invite you back in, but..."

I throw her a smile and a shrug. "Don't worry about it. I'll see you at school."

"Okay."

Eyeing my target, which is the shed about four feet down from where I'm at, I get ready to jump, but her voice stops me.

"You didn't... you didn't hear that did you?"

I'm about to tell her the truth. Her mom is dead wrong about whatever it is because Hayles doesn't need to get *better.' She's already perfect. But Hayles' face looks terrified. Worse than the nervous face the other day at the tatt parlor. Worse than when she told me about that punker, Jason. Worse than the look she gave me on Friday when I told her I wanted to be with her.

How can I tell her I overheard something she didn't want me to? Something I had no right to know until she was ready to tell me? Something I'm still a little confused about?

I can't. So I lie.

"Hear what?"

Reason 18: You make me nervous, but not nervous.

"Andy Grammer."

"Hmm..." I flip through the choices on the iPod. "Fine by Me?"

Hayles takes a sip of her Pepsi and mashes the earbud farther in her ear. "That's two for you." It's technically three, but she didn't count when I guessed Snow Patrol, because I said Snow Police, but she knew what I was talkin' about. "Gosh, do you have everything on here?"

Pa.s.sing the iPod to her, I say, "You won't find your precious Katy Perry."

"Okay, then explain to me how the heck you knew every word on our date."

Shoulda kept my mouth shut. "Uh, a friend used to listen to a lot of that s.h.i.t." Whoops. "I mean c.r.a.p."

She raises her eyebrow. "Was this friend a girl?"

"Why do you a.s.sume that?"

"*Cause you've got that look on your face like you don't want to tell me *cause you think I'll get jealous or something." She nudges my shoulder. "Plus, what guy listens to Katy Perry with his bro buddies?"

I chuckle. "Good point."

We sit and listen to "Fine by Me" which is still more popish than I'd like. Quynn was the one who put it on my playlist, and I kept it on there *cause of the words and junk. For some reason I thought it meant somethin'. Now as I'm listenin' with Hayles, it does mean somethin'.

It's rainin' again today, and I'm waitin' with her in the doorway for her mom to show up. I offered a ride-I'm not bein' a jacka.s.s today, but she kept shrugging me off. Darn stubborn girl.

"Can I ask you somethin'?" Duh, I just did.

She nods, sticking a piece of gum in her mouth and offering me the package.

d.a.m.n it, I'm shakin'. Didn't know it till I slid the gum out, and I couldn't get the wrapper off.

"You busy this weekend?"

How can this girl get me so nervous and not nervous at the same time? Her forehead crinkling like she's confused I want to spend time with her. Her big eyes blinking so fast like she's not sure I'm real. Then her chest flushing-because I can't help myself by lookin' at her all the time-like the simple thing of me askin' her if she has plans, that I care about what she's up to, gets her fl.u.s.tered.

She's got me hooked, but does she even know?

No. She doesn't. She thinks she's a cow who doesn't deserve to be thought about the way I'm thinkin' about her. If that makes sense.

*Course it doesn't. She's made me insane.

"Nothing. Why?"

"Because you never answered me on Friday."

"About...?"

"About goin' out with me again. So I thought I'd give it a shot." Man, I'm not doin' this right. I sound like a major d.i.c.k. That it won't matter if she says yes or no because I couldn't give a c.r.a.p.

But I give a whole lot more than a c.r.a.p.

"Will you make my day and say you'll go out with me again on Friday?" Gag-worthy line, but screw it. I'll lay on the cheese if it'll make her clue in.

She rolls her eyes and nudges me with her elbow, then shocks the c.r.a.p out of me by resting her head on my shoulder.

"I really wish I could, Brody, but Friday's not good for me."

Boo.

"Oh, okay."

Her body pulses, and I think it's *cause she's cold her somethin', then I realize she's laughin'.

"I'm not saying *no'. Can we just go out Sat.u.r.day instead?"

I seriously almost fist pump the air. Instead I try to play the cool guy card and end up mumbling some incoherency about how she's awesome and stuff. Ugh.

Some big gold SUV pulls up and judgmental mom looks at me and Hayles like we've been puked on or somethin'. Hayles jumps off my shoulder and drops her books as she fumbles to get them in her bag.

I crouch down and help her. When she stands and shoulders her backpack, I go in for a hug, but she ends up doin' this handshake thing that's completely awkward.

"Um, call you later."

"Sure." Better make sure my phone isn't on silent. "See ya."

Can't help but watch her walk away. She plops in the front seat, and I hear Crack Cruella's voice tell her to be more graceful or some c.r.a.p like that. Hayles hides her face with her hair and doesn't give me a second glance as they drive off. I can hear her mom lecturing the whole way out of the parking lot.

Sometimes I wish it was okay to punch a grown woman.

I'm like a d.a.m.n girl takin' out the phone every five minutes like somehow the action will magically make it ring. I'm also stupid enough to try to send out mind waves in the direction of her house saying, *Call Brody. Call Brody.' Telepathic my a.s.s.

Then it hits me and I whack myself in the forehead. She had that appointment with Yazzie or somethin'. The health specialist. No wonder she was a tiny bit off today. Not lettin' me take her home, playin' games but not smilin' her Hayley smile, and not even a flinch when I swore.

Is there anything I can say? Do? Dude, I'm not even supposed to know about it.

"You all right there?"

Dad leans against the door frame, Mom punchin' him in the gut. He pretends like it really hurts when it probably didn't even make a dent. She rolls her eyes, stalks over to the window and flings it open.

Huh. Thought I sprayed enough cologne to cover up the smell.

Mom's mumbling under her breath as she crosses the room. Her hands shove all my clothes I got piled on the bed before she sits next to me. "Don't know how he can live in this filth."

"I'm fine," I finally answer Dad. "You guys need somethin'?" They rarely come to my room. You know, the smell and all. Now they're both here and it makes it feel like I'm in trouble.

"We just wanted to give you a heads up about our plans this week."

"And to make sure you'll be okay without us."

This week? c.r.a.p, is it Spring Break already?

Mom pats the spot next to her on the bed and I plop down, ready for the *itinerary' since they'll force me to listen to it sooner or later.

"So, our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon. We were going to take a cab, but do you think you could drop us off?"

"Can we take the Dodge?"

Dad chuckles and air fist b.u.mps me. "Yeah. You can borrow it while we're gone too, but only if you're picking up some hot ladies."

"Mark!"

"He knows I'm kidding."

We both laugh, and Mom mumbles something again, but I don't catch it.

"Anyway... we trust you, honey. Even with everything that happened with your brother, we know you'll be okay... not throw any wild parties or anything."

She makes it sound like I'm a saint. I smile and sling my arm around her shoulders.

"I may have game night here, but that's it. Just a few friends, a few beers, and some condoms for the orgy."

Dad busts a gut while Mom threatens to shove a tomato in my face.

"I told you, the boy will be fine."

"Really, Mom. It's not like you guys have never left town before."

The corner of her mouth twitches, and Dad's there in a second, sitting on the other side of her and grabbin' her hand. I pull my arm off her shoulders, lettin' him be the one to do the comfortin' c.r.a.p. She's Mom, and I'd do it, but she has him. And I'm glad she has him. He gives me a head nod *cause he knows I get that.

"I just... if Gabe shows up..."

Ah, the douche brother is the problem.

"I'll control myself." I put my hand over my heart and the other out like I'm givin' a bike signal. "No more busted noses or sore knuckles."

Instead of laughin', like I expect her to, like she normally would have, her eyes get shiny before she buries her face in her hands. I give Dad a look that says, *What the h.e.l.l?' He's rubbin' her back, shushing her and shruggin' at me.

"I just wish our family was... why can't we...?"

Dad smirks. "All just get along?"

Her laugh comes out like a rush of air, and she nods. "I know it's stupid."