Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend Part 14

"Um," Hayles whispers in my ear. "Bathroom?"

Yeah, I don't blame her. "Down the hall, second door on the right."

"Thanks."

She's gone, and I'm storming into the kitchen. I fight Gabe as he takes things out, and I put them back.

"Dude, chill!"

"You need to get out!"

"Geez, who p.i.s.sed in your lunch?" He grabs a grocery bag from under the sink and starts shoving as much food as he can into it. "I told you to forget I was here."

"You can't just pop in after ten months of nothin' but bein' a complete d.i.c.k to Mom and Dad. Then there's Quynn-"

"Oh, I get it." He pulls up his jeans, which again does no good. "You still into my ex?"

I gulp. "What are ya talkin' about?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about. I don't blame you, kid. She's d.a.m.n s.e.xy. Piece o' work, but she was good in the sack. I say have a go at her if you can. But don't be p.i.s.sed at me for movin' on to richer fish."

Can't take this anymore. I slam him against the fridge, holdin' him by his stupid-a.s.s Korn shirt. "You better shut your mouth before I do it for you."

He chuckles, and I tighten my grip.

"It's not funny, d.i.c.kwad."

"All right, all right." He shakes from my hold, and I reluctantly let go. If it wasn't for Hayles in the next room, I'd beat the c.r.a.p out of him.

He digs through more cupboards and I let him. I just want him out of here.

"Bingo." He pulls out Dad's six pack of Corona. I know I'm going to get an earful from Dad, but I don't care.

"Look little bro," Gabe says, gettin' all his *hard-earned' food together, "learn from my d.a.m.n s.h.i.t and don't get attached too young just *cause your girlfriend's got one h.e.l.l of an a.s.s. Bang any chick who'll give you whatever you want without naggin' your b.a.l.l.s off. And mooch off your parents when they aren't home. Trust me, this s.h.i.t's a lot easier than workin' your a.s.s off for minimum wage."

He opens a beer and slides it across the bar to me, then opens one for himself. "Oh, and stop bein' so d.a.m.n p.i.s.sed all the time."

He slugs me in the arm as he pa.s.ses me, beer in one hand, bag of half the food from our fridge in the other.

I'm not sure how he became such a d.i.c.k. But if it's genetic, I hope it bypa.s.sed me.

"Get out." I don't touch the beer, though I kind of want to once he leaves.

He stops at the door to give me one of those stupid c.o.c.ky smirks. "Have fun with your girl. Didn't peg you as a chubby chaser, but whatever gets you action. Might help with your att.i.tude."

If I was faster, he'd have a broken face. But he's gone before I can get to the door.

"Well," Hayles says from the hallway. Oh c.r.a.p, please tell me she didn't hear that. "He's a real charmer." She smiles, but her eyes are filled to the brim with tears.

c.r.a.p. c.r.a.p. c.r.a.p.

"Hey," I say, closing the distance between us. I don't care how awkward this may be or that she hates it when I touch her. "Don't listen to him, all right? He's a jacka... he's just a jerk."

She nods, attempts another smile and shrugs. "No biggie. I stopped listening after the nagging b.a.l.l.s comment."

She's lyin', but how do I make her feel better without makin' this worse? I go to wrap her in a hug, but she coughs and takes a step back.

"Do you mind if I use your phone?" she asks. "I wanna check and see if mine is ready yet."

"Sure." I tug my phone outta my pocket and slide it into her open palm, ignoring how moronic I feel for tryin' to comfort her and failing.

"Thanks dawg. I'll just be a sec." Another fake smile.

I nod as she presses the phone to her ear and turns around. Better give her privacy, even though I want to wrap her in my arms and apologize over and over for my d.i.c.k of a brother. Stalking to the kitchen, I grab my backpack I dropped by the door and start puttin' away the mess Gabe made. Dad's going to kill me for lettin' him take his favorite beer, but nothin' I can do about it now.

After putting the bread loaf douchebag brother took half of away, I glance at the clock on the microwave.

Where is Mom? She's usually home by now. Actually, she should've been home an hour ago.

Maybe she saw Gabe and took off runnin' while she could. Mom is one smart lady.

A long sigh escapes Hayles mouth as she walks in the kitchen.

"Favor?"

"Sure. What's up?"

She slides my phone across the bar. "My phone's all fixed. Mind taking me to Verizon to pick it up?"

I smirk. "Only if you tell me how it got waterlogged in the first place."

A giggle and an eye roll is the only answer I get.

"All right." Stubborn girl. "Let me leave a note for my ma."

I jot down real quick where I'll be-with her car-and also why there's an open beer on the counter.

"You really don't mind, do you?" she asks as I lock the house up, an unopened can of c.o.ke in her hand.

"Hayles, it's fine." I'm probably more psyched than she is about gettin' her phone back.

"You are freaking wonderistic, Brody. Why the heck did I not befriend you before now?" She laughs and nudges me with her elbow. My stomach knots up and all the p.i.s.sed off c.r.a.p I had from the brief conversation with Gabe just disappears.

She turns, but I grab her hand and whirl her toward me.

Do not bail out this time, Brody.

"Hey, uh..." Brain dead. Going brain dead. Just get it out. "W-what are ya doin'... I mean..." Ugh. Find the words, dude! "I was wondering if, uh, you had any plans yet for your birthday."

Her eyes widen, and she shakes loose from my hold. "Nothing yet. Why?" Her face is pink. It's so cute like that.

"Can I..." Do it fast, Brody. Like a band-aid. "Can I take you out?"

It's out there now. I'm pretty sure it's obvious I'm askin' her on a date for real this time. I'm tryin' to read her expression but it's hard. What is she thinking? At first her mouth pops open, and her eyes light up like I told her she won the lottery-not sayin' I'm the lottery, but you get what I mean. Next second her green eyes brim over with those tears, and I'm not sure what to think.

So I stand here.

Like an idiot.

Waiting...

Waiting...

Stomach twisting.

Ready to hurl all over the porch.

Still waiting.

How long has it been? Feels like hours.

"A-are you serious?"

Whew. I haven't lost my hearing. "Yeah. I want to take you out."

"Like on a date?" Her voice pitches on the word.

"Uh, yeah."

Again, I can't read her expression. But it sort-of looks like she thinks I'm makin' some kind of joke.

"Knock it off, Brody."

Ugh. "I'm serious, Hayles."

Her forehead crinkles, right there between her eyebrows. Does she have any idea how crazy that drives me?

"What? Why?"

Okay, here we go. Can't tell her just how much I'm obsessing over her. She'd bolt from the porch, and I'd never see her again. But I can't be too *whatever' about it either, *cause she'd never believe me.

I clear my throat. "You deserve to be taken out for your birthday. And... and I want to be the guy who takes you on your first date."

She crosses her arms, makin' that cleavage pop. I'm goin' to have to keep my eyes on her face in order to form coherent sentences. "Are you for real?"

"Uh, yeah." Dude, I'm so bad at this. She's going to say no.

Her eyes get watery for the shortest second in the world, but enough for me to worry over it, then... then she's smiling. "So, like, what do I wear on a date?" She giggles and hops down the porch. "I've never been on one, remember?"

Just like that, we're back to normalcy. Well, as normal as it ever is between us.

"Something comfortable."

"PJ's?" she jokes.

I laugh and open the door for her, and she plops in. "If you want." Then the images of her in them make me lose concentration for a second.

"Be careful. I'd live in my pajamas if I could."

As I shut the door and cross to my side, I see her feet slide up on the dash, and she taps her knees to a song I'm sure is just in her head. It's like our thing now. Feels like we've been dating for a week already.

Why was I so nervous?

"I take it you're saying yes then?" I ask as I start the engine. I know it's stupid, but I want to hear her say it.

"Yeah... but..."

Oh, here it comes.

"It's not like it's a real date or anything. I'm agreeing *cause you're that awesome of a friend, but we both know sooner or later, you'll be going out with the girl. Not just one of your homies."

Grr... this girl!

"It is a real date. I want to pick you up and-"

"Can we meet somewhere instead?"

Girl is way weird about her house. Dude, she's weird in general and I'm about to throw in the towel, but I give her a once over, and I can't. She's worth all the trouble.

"I don't want to ruin the surprise." I wink and toss my arm around the back of her headrest. I'm layin' it on thick, I know, but she's gotta catch on to the flirting eventually.

"Oh gosh, now I'm nervous!" She laughs and pops open her drink.

"It'll be fun, I promise." I smirk at her before putting the car in drive. "And I'm pickin' you up. No arguing with me."

She rolls her eyes as she takes a sip of her c.o.ke. "Okay, but like, text me when you're on your way. Deal?"

I can live with that. "Deal." I wrap my hand around hers, and she lets me.

Just like that, we're holdin' hands. And d.a.m.n it if I ever let her go.

Reason 13: I'd beat the c.r.a.p out of my own flesh and blood for you.

"Hey ma!" My voice is m.u.f.fled by all the clothes in my hamper, but Mom hears me.