Real Life In London Part 14

2 Sluicery--A gin-shop or public-house: so denominated from the lower orders of society sluicing their throats as it were with gin, and probably derived from the old song ent.i.tled "The Christening of Little Joey," formerly sung by Jemmy Dodd, of facetious memory.

"And when they had sluiced their gobs With striving to excel wit, The lads began to hang their n.o.bs,*

And lip their frows** the velvet.***

* n.o.bs--Heads.

** Frows--Originally a Dutch word, meaning wives, or girls.

*** Velvet--The tongue.

~119~~noggin of _white tape_,{1} and fill me a pipe," said he--"d----n my eyes, I knowed as how it vou'd be all right enough, I never gets in no rows whatever without getting myself out again--come, _ould chap,{2} vet your vistle, and tip it us rum--go it my kiddy, that are's just vat I likes_."

"Vat's the reason I an't to have a pipe?" said Mother Mapps.

"Lord bless your heart," said the Donkey-driver, "if I did'nt forget you, never trust me--here, Landlord, a pipe for this here Lady."

"Which way did the bull run?" said the Irishman.

"Bl----st me if I know," replied Limping Billy, "for I was a looking out for my own a.s.s--let's have the Sprig of Shelalah, _ould Blackymoor_--come, tune up."

The old woman being supplied with a pipe, and the fiddler having rosined his nerves with a gla.s.s of _blue ruin_{3} to it they went, some singing, some whistling, and others drumming with their hands upon the table; while Tom, Bob, and Sparkle, taking a seat at the other side of the room, ordered a gla.s.s of brandy and water each, and enjoyed the merriment of the scene before them, perhaps more than those actually engaged in it. Bob was alive to every movement and every character, for it was new, and truly interesting: and kept growing more so, for in a few minutes Limping Billy and Mother Mapps joined the Slaughterman in the dance, when nothing could be more grotesque and amusing. Their pipes in their mouths--clapping of hands and snapping of fingers, formed a curious accompaniment to the squeaking of the fiddle--the broad grin of the Dustman, and the preposterous laugh of the

1 White Tape--Also a common term for gin, particularly among the Ladies.

2 Ould Chap, or Ould Boy--Familiar terms of address among flash lads, being a sort of contraction of old acquaintance, or old friend.

3 Blue Ruin--Gin.

~120~~Irishman at the reelers in the centre, heightened the picture--more gin--more music, and more tobacco, soon ad a visible effect upon the party, and reeling became unavoidable. The young man reading the paper, found it impossible to understand what he was perusing, and having finished his pipe and his pint, made his exit, appearing to have no relish for the entertainment, and perhaps heartily cursing both the cause and the effect. Still, however, the party was not reduced in number, for as one went out another came in.

This new customer was a young-looking man, bearing a large board on a high pole, announcing the residence of a Bug-destroyer in the Strand.

His appearance was grotesque in the extreme, and could only be equalled by the eccentricities of his manners and conversation. He was dressed in a brown coat, close b.u.t.toned, over which he had a red camlet or stuff surtout, apparently the off-cast of some theatrical performer, but with a determination to appear fashionable; for

"Folks might as well be dead--nay buried too, As not to dress and act as others do."

He wore mustachios, a pair of green spectacles, and his whole figure was surmounted with a fur-cap. Taking a seat directly opposite our party at the same table--"Bring me a pint," said he; and then deliberately searching his pockets, he produced a short pipe and some tobacco, with which he filled it--"You see," said he, "I am obliged to smoke according to the Doctor's orders, for an asthma--so I always smokes three pipes a day, that's my allowance; but I can eat more than any man in the room, and can dance, sing, and act--nothing conies amiss to me, all the players takes their characters from me."

After this introduction--"You are a clever fellow, I'll be bound for it," said Dashall.

"O yes, I acts Richard the Third sometimes--sometimes Macbeth and Tom Thumb. I have played before Mr. Kean: then I acted Richard the Third--'Give me a horse! '--(starting into the middle of the room)--'no, stop, not so--let me see, let me see, how is it?--ah, this is the way--Give me a horse--Oh! Oh! Oh!--then you know I dies."--And down he fell on the floor, which created a general roar of laughter; while Billy Waters ~121~~struck up, "See the conquering Hero conies!" to the inexpressible delight of all around him--their feet and hands all going at the same time.

Mother Mapps dropp'd her pipe, and d----d the weed, it made her sick, she said.

Limping Billy was also evidently in _queer-street_.

"Come," said Sparkle, "won't you have a drop more?"

"Thank ye, Sir," was the reply; and Sparkle, intent upon having his gig out, ordered a fresh supply, which soon revived the fallen hero of Bosworth-field, and Richard was himself again.

"Now," said he, "I'll sing you a song," and immediately commenced as follows:--

"My name's Hookey Walker, I'm known very well, In acting and eating I others excel; The player-folks all take their patterns from me, And a nice pattern too!--Don't you see? don't you see?

Oh! [_glancing at his fingers_] It will do--it will do.

At Chippenham born, I was left quite forlorn, When my father was dead and my mother was gone; So I came up to London, a nice little he, And a nice pattern too!--Don't you see? don't you see?

Oh! it will do--it will do.

A courting I went to a girl in our court, She laugh'd at my figure, and made me her sport; I was cut to the soul,--so said I on my knee, I'm a victim of love!--Don't you see? don't you see?

Oh! it won't do--it won't do.

Now all day I march to and fro in the street, And a candle sometimes on my journey I eat; So I'll set you a pattern, if you'll but agree, And a nice pattern too! you shall see--you shall see.

Oh! it will do--it will do."

This Song, which he declared was all _made out of his own head_, was sung with grotesque action and ridiculous grimace, intended no doubt in imitation of Mr. Wilkinson in his inimitable performance of this strange piece of whimsicality. The dancing party was knock'd up and were lobbing their _lollys_,{1} half asleep and half awake, on the table, bowing as it were to the magnanimous influence

1 Lobbing their lollys--Laying their heads.

~122~~of _Old Tom_.{1} The Dustman and the Irishman laugh'd heartily; and Das hall, Tallyho, and Sparkle, could not resist the impulse to risibility when they contemplated the group before them. The Bug-destroyer _munched_{2} a candle and _sluiced_{3} his greasy _chops_{4} with _Jacky_{5} almost as fast as they could supply him with it, when Sparkle perceiving the boy was still at the door with the runaway a.s.s,

"Come," said he, "we'll start 'em off home in high style--here, you Mr.

Bugman, can you ride?"

"Ride, aye to be sure I can, any of Mr. Astley's horses as well as the Champion of England,"{6} was the reply.

1 Old Tom--It is customary in public-houses and gin-shops in London and its vicinity to exhibit a cask inscribed with large letters--OLD TOM, intended to indicate the best gin in the house.

2 Munched--Eat.

3 Sluiced--Washed. See Sluicery.

4 Chops--The mouth.

5 Jacky--A vulgar term for gin.

6 Any person would almost suspect that Hookey had been reading the newspapers by this allusion; but that certainly could not be the case, for, spurning all education in early life, this representative of the immortal bard--this character of characters from Shakespeare, could neither read nor write, but made all he acted, as he said, from his own head: however, it may fairly be presumed, that in the course of his travels during the day he had heard something of the Champion intended to appear at the approaching Coronation, of whom the following account has recently been circulated through the daily press, and, with his usual consistency, conceived his own innate abilities equal to those which might be acquired by Mr. Dymocke, though his claims were not equally honourable or advantageous.

Mr. Dymocke, the nephew of the gentleman (who is a Clergyman) ent.i.tled by hereditary right to do the service of the Champion to his Majesty, is still in hopes he may be permitted to act under his Uncle's nomination, although he wants a few months of being of age. A pet.i.tion is before the King on the subject; and Mr. Dymocke, by constant practice at Astley's Hiding-school, is endeavouring to qualify himself for the due fulfilment of the office. On Thursday lie went through his exercise in a heavy suit of armour with great celerity. The horse which will be rode by the Champion has been selected from Mr. Astley's troop. It is a fine animal, pieballed black and white, and is regularly exercised in the part he will have to perform.

"Walk in--walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen, just going to begin--come, Mr.

Merryman, all ready--Ladies and Gentlemen, please to observe, this here horse is not that there horse."

"So we laugh at John Bull a little."

~123~~"Come, then," continued Sparkle, "another gla.s.s--half-a-crown to ride to the bottom of the lane and up Holboru-hill on that donkey at the door, and you shall be our Champion."

"A bargain--a bargain," said the a.s.sumed Hookey Walker, rubbing the tallow from his _gills_.{1}

"Here goes then," said Sparkle; then slipping half-a-crown into the boy's hand, desiring him to run as far as the Traveller-office, in Fleet-street, and get him a newspaper, promising to take care of his a.s.s till his return. The lad nibbled the bait, and was off in a _pig's whisper_{2} Sparkle called to Tom and Bob, and putting them up to his scheme, Hookey was quickly mounted, while Dashall and his Cousin, a.s.sisted by the Hibernian and Dust-ho, succeeded in getting Mother Mapps out, who was placed in the front of the Champion, astride, with her face towards him and Limping Billy, who though _beat to a stand still_,{3} was after some difficulty lifted up behind. Hookey was then supplied with his board, the pole of which he placed on his foot, in the manner of a spear or lance. Then giving the Irishman and the Dustman some silver, to act as Supporters or Esquires, one on each side, they proceeded along Shoe-lane, preceded by Billy Waters flourishing his wooden-leg and feathers, and fiddling as he went--the Irishman roaring out with Stentorian lungs,