Real Life In London Part 105

"Having sown my wild oats in my youthful days, I wish to live happily now they are done."

By this time Sparkle was convinced that Dashall was speaking the real sentiments of his mind, and congratulated him upon them.

~~373~~~ Tallyho expressed himself highly delighted with the information he had acquired during his stay in London, but could not help at the same time acknowledging, that he had no wish to continue in the same course much longer: it was therefore agreed, that on that day fortnight they would leave the metropolis for the residence of Merrywell, and trust the future guidance of their pursuits to chance.

"It would argue a want of loyalty," said Tom, "if we did not witness the royal departure for Scotland before we quit town; and as that is to take place on Sat.u.r.day next, we will attend the embarkation of his Majesty at Greenwich, and then turn our thoughts towards a country life."

Sparkle was evidently gratified by this determination, though he could hardly persuade himself it was likely to be of long duration; and Bob inwardly rejoiced at the expression of sentiments in exact accordance with his own. At a moment when they were all absorbed in thoughts of the future, they were suddenly drawn to the present by a man pa.s.sing the window, bawling aloud--"Buy a Prap--Buy a Prap."

"What does the fellow mean?" interrupted Tallyho.

"Mean," said Dashall, "nothing more than to sell his clothes props."

"Props," replied Bob, "but he cries praps; I suppose that is a new style adopted in London."

"Not at all," continued Sparkle; "the alteration of sound only arises from an habitual carelessness, with which many of what are termed the London Cries are given; a sort of tone or jargon which is acquired by continually calling the same thing--and in which you will find he is not singular. The venders of milk, for instance, seldom call the article they carry for sale, as it is generally sounded _mieu_, or _mieu below_, though some have recently adopted the practice of crying _mieu above_.

The sort of sing-song style which the wandering vendera of different goods get into as it were by nature, is frequently so unintelligible, that even an old inhabitant of the town and its environs can scarcely ascertain by the ear what is meant; and which I apprehend arises more from the sameness of subject than from any premeditated intention of the parties so calling. Other instances may be given:--the chimney-sweeper, you will find, instead of ~~374~~~ bawling sweep, frequently contracts it to we-ep or e-ep; the former not altogether incompatible with the situation of the shivering little being who crawls along the streets under a load of soot, to the great annoyance of the well dressed pa.s.sengers; however, it has the effect of warning them of his approach.

The dustman, above curtailment, as if he felt his superiority over the flue-faker, lengthens his sound to dust-ho, or dust-wo; besides, he is dignified by carrying a bell in one hand, by which he almost stuns those around him, and appears determined to kick up a dust, if he can do nothing else. The cries of m.u.f.fins in the streets it is difficult to understand, as they are in the habit of ringing a tinkling bell, the sound of which can scarcely be heard, and calling mapping ho; and I remember one man whom I have frequently followed, from whom I could never make out more than happy happy happy now. There is a man who frequently pa.s.ses through the Strand, wheeling a barrow before him, bawling as he moves along, in a deep and sonorous voice, smoaking hot, piping hot, hot Chelsea Buns; and another, in the vicinity of Covent Garden, who attracts considerable notice by the cry of--Come buy my live shrimps and pierriwinkles--buy my wink, wink, wink; these, however, are exceptions to those previously mentioned, as they have good voices, and deliver themselves to some tune; but to the former may be added the itinerant collector of old clothes, who continually annoys you with--Clow; clow sale. The ingenious Ned Shuter, the most luxuriant comedian of his time, frequently entertained his audience on his benefit nights with admirable imitations of the Cries of London, in which he introduced a remarkable little man who sold puffs, and who, from the peculiar manner of his calling them, acquired the name of Golly Molly Puff; by this singularity he became a noted character, and at almost every period some such peculiar itinerant has become remarkable in the streets of London. Some years back, a poor wretched being who dealt in shreds and patches, used to walk about, inviting people by the following lines--

"Linen, woollen, and leather, Bring 'em out altogether."

~~375~~~ Another, a sleek-headed whimsical old man, appeared, who was commonly called the Wooden Poet, from his carrying wooden ware, which was slung in a basket round his neck, and who chaunted a kind of song in doggerel rhyme, somewhat similar to the following--

"Come, come, my worthy soul, Will you buy a wooden bowl?

I am just come from the Borough, Will you buy a pudding stirrer.

I hope I am not too soon, For you to buy a wooden spoon.

I've come quick as I was able, Thinking you might want a ladle, And if I'm not too late, Buy a trencher or wood plate.

Or if not it's no great matter, So you take a wooden platter.

It may help us both to dinner, If you'll buy a wooden skimmer.

Come, neighbours, don't be shy, for I deal just and fair, Come, quickly come and buy, all sorts of wooden ware."

"Very well, indeed, for a wooden poet," exclaimed Bois; "he certainly deserved custom at all events: his rivals, Walter Scott or Lord Byron, would have turned such a poetical effusion to some account--it would have been dramatized--Murray, Longman, &c. would have been all in a bustle, puffing, blowing, and advertising. We should have had piracies, Chancery injunctions, and the d------1 to pay; but alas! it makes all the difference whether a poet is fashionable and popular or not."{1}

1 Lord Byron, in his preface to a recent publication, complains that among other black arts resorted to, for the purpose of injuring his fair fame, he has been accused of receiving considerable sums for writing poetical puffs for Warren's blacking. We can safely acquit his Lordship of this charge, as well as of plagiarism from the poems he alludes to; but it has led to a curious rencontre between the blacking-laureat, and his patron the vender of the shin-ing jet; and after considerable black-guardism between the parties, the matter is likely to become the subject of legal discussion among the gentlemen of the black robe.

The poet, it appears, received half a crown for each production, from the man of blacking, which the latter considered not only a fair, but even liberal remuneration for poetic talent; not overlook-ing, that while the pecuniary reward would produce comfort, and add a polish to personal appearance, the brilliance of the composition, (both of poetry and blacking), would be fairly divided between he authors of each; and that the fame of both would be conjointly

handed down to posterity, and shine for ever in the temple of fame.

Now it requires no uncommon sagacity to perceive, that but for this unfortunate mistake of the public, the poet would have remained satisfied, as far as pecuniary recompence went, with the half-crown,--looking to futurity for that more complete recompence, which poets ever consider far beyond pudding or sensual gratification,--fame and immortality; but, alas!

"From causes quite obscure and unforeseen, What great events to man may sometimes spring."

Finding from Lord B.'s own statement, that the public had duly appreciated the merit of these compositions, and had attached so high a value, as even to mistake them for his Lordship's productions, our bard was naturally led into a train of reasoning, and logical deductions, as to what advantage had, and what ought to have resulted to himself, according to this estimate, by public opinion.--Lord B. and his great northern contemporary, it appeared, received thousands from the public for their poems, while half-crowns (not to be despised, during certain cravings, but soon dissipated by that insatiable and unceasing tormentor, the stomach,) was all the benefit likely to accrue in this world to the original proprietor: in a happy moment, a happy thought flitted athwart the poet's mind; and like the china seller in the Arabian Nights, he found himself rolling in ideal wealth; and spurning with disdain the blacking merchant, the blacking, and the half-crowns, he resolved on a project by which to realize his fondest wishes of wealth, happiness, and independence.

The project was this: to collect together the fugitive blacking sonnets, so as to form a volume, under the t.i.tle of Poems supposed to be written by Lord Byron, and offer the copyright to Mr. Murray; and in case of his refusing a liberal sum, (that is, some-thing approaching to what he pays the n.o.ble Bard per Vol.) to publish them on his (the author's) own account, and depend on the public for that support and encouragement which their favourable decision had already rendered pretty certain.

Now then comes 'the rub;' the blacking vender, hearing of our poet's intention, files a bill in Chancery, praying for an injunction to restrain the publication, and claiming an exclusive right in the literary property: the poet, in replication, denies having a.s.signed or transferred the copyright, and thus issue is joined. His Lord-ship, with his usual extreme caution, where important rights are involved, wished to give the matter mature consideration, and said, "he would take the papers home, to peruse more attentively."

It will be recollected, that in the cause, respecting Lord Byron's poem of Cain, his Lordship stated, that during the vacation he had, by way of relaxation from business, perused that work and Paradise Lost, in order to form a just estimate of their comparative merits; and who knows but during the present vacation, his Lordship may compare the blacking sonnets with "Childe Harold," "Fare Thee Well,"

&c.; and that on next seal day, the public may be benefited by his opinion as to which is ent.i.tled to the claim of superior excellence; and how far the public are justified in attributing the former to the n.o.ble author of the latter.

~~377~~~ "Then," continued Sparkle, "there was a rustic usually mounted on a white hobby, with a basket on one arm, who used to invade the northern purlieus of London, mumbling Holloway Cheesecakes, which from his mode of utterance, sounded like 'Ho all my teeth ake.'"

"Ha! ha! ha!" vociferated Tallyho, unable to restrain his risibility.

"Numerous other instances might be adduced," continued Sparkle: "among many there was a noted Pigman, whose pigs were made of what is called standing crust, three or four inches long, baked with currant sauce in the belly, who used to cry, or rather sing,--

'A long tail'd pig, or a short tail'd pig,' &c.

There was another singular character, who used to be called Tiddy-doll, a noted vender of gingerbread at Bartholomew, Southwark, and other fairs; who to collect customers round his basket used to chaunt a song, in which scarcely any thing was distinctly articulated but the cant expression Tiddy-doll: he used to wear a high c.o.c.ked hat and feather, with broad scolloped gold lace on it; and last, though not least, was Sir Jeffery Vunstan, of Garrat fame, who used to walk about the streets in a blue coat with gold lace, his shirt bosom open, and without a hat, accompanied by his daughter, Miss Nancy, crying ould wigs."

"Old wigs," reverberated Bob, "an extraordinary article of merchandize!"

"Not more extraordinary than true," replied Dashall; "but come, I suppose we shall all feel inclined to write a few lines to the country, so let us make the best of our time."

Upon this signal, each flew to the exercise of the quill, and indulged his own vein of thought in writing to his friend; and the day closed upon them without any further occurrence deserving of particular remark.

CHAPTER XXVIII

Haste away to Scotland dear, And leave your native home; The Land of Cakes affords good cheer And you've a mind to roam.-- Here splendid sights, and gala nights Are all prepar'd for Thee; While Lords and Knights,--('mid gay delights!)

And Ladies bend the knee.

Haste away to Scotia's Land, With kilt and Highland plaid; And join the sportive, reeling band, With ilka bonny lad.-- For night and day,--we'll trip away, With cheerful dance, and glee; Come o'er the spray,--without delay, Each joy's prepared for Thee.

~~378~~~ The morning arose with a smiling and inviting aspect; and as it had been previously rumoured that his Majesty would embark from Greenwich Hospital at half-past eight o'clock, on his intended voyage to Scotland, our party had arranged every thing for their departure at an early hour, and before seven o'clock had seated themselves in a commodious and elegant barge moored off Westminster Bridge, intending, if possible, to see the City Companies, headed by the Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen, start, as had been proposed, from the Tower. They were shortly afterwards gliding on the surface of the watery element towards the scene of action: by this time the numerous parties in pursuit of the same object were on the alert; and from almost every part of the sh.o.r.e as they pa.s.sed along, gaily dressed company was embarking, while merry peals of bells seemed to announce approaching delight. The steeples on sh.o.r.e, and the vessels in the river, exhibited flags and streamers, which gave an additional splendour to the scene. All was anxiety and expectation; numerous barges and pleasure-boats, laden with elegant company, were speeding the same way, and every moment increasing, so that the whole view displayed a combination of beauty, fashion, and loyalty not often surpa.s.sed.

~~379~~~ On arriving off the Tower, it was soon ascertained that the Lord Mayor and City Companies had got the start of them, and consequently they proceeded on their journey, not doubting but they should overtake them before reaching Greenwich; and in this expectation they were not disappointed; for soon after pa.s.sing Rotherhithe Church, they came up with the City State Barge, which was towed by a steam boat, accompanied by several other state barges, the whole filled with company. The brightness of the morning, and the superb appearance of these gaily manned, and it might be added gaily womaned gallies, (for a numerous party of fashionably attired ladies added their embellishing presence to the spectacle) formed altogether a picture of more than ordinary interest and magnificence.

"This Royal Visit to Scotland," said Sparkle, "has for some time past been a prevailing topic of discussion from one end of the Land of Cakes to the other, and the preparations for his Majesty's reception are of the most splendid description--triumphal arches are to be erected, new roads to be made, banquets to be given, general illuminations to take place, body guards of royal archers to be appointed, and the dull light of oil lamps to be totally obscured by the full blaze of Royal Gas. Then there are to be meetings of the civil and munic.i.p.al authorities from every town and county, presenting loyal and dutiful addresses; and it is expected that there will be so much booing among the "Carle's when the King's come," that the oilmen are said to be not a whit disconcerted at the introduction of gas lights, the unctuous article being at present in great demand, for the purpose of suppling the stiff joints of the would-be courtiers, who have resolved to give a characteristic specimen of their humble loyalty, and to oulboo all the hooings of the famed Sir Pertinax."

"However," observed Dashall, "it is not very likely they will be able to equal the grace with which it is acknowledged the King can bow; and he is to be accompanied by the accomplished Sir Billy, of City notoriety; so that admirable examples are certain of being presented to the Scottish gentry: reports state ~~380~~~ that the worthy Baronet, who is considered to be of great weight wherever he goes, is determined to afford his Majesty, in this visit to Edinburgh, the benefit of that preponderating loyalty which he last year threw into the scale of the Dublin Corporation; and that he has recently purchased from a Highland tailor in the Hay market, a complete suit of tartan, philebeg, &c. with which he means to invest himself, as the appropriate costume, to meet his royal master on his arrival at Edinburgh."

"In that case," said Sparkle, "there is one circ.u.mstance greatly to be regretted, considering the gratification which our northern neighbours might have derived, from ascertaining the precise number of cwts. of the most weighty of London citizens. I remember reading a day or two back that the weigh-house of the City of Edinburgh was disposed of by public roup, and that a number of workmen were immediately employed to take it down, as the whole must be cleared away by the 6th of August, under a penalty of 50L.: what a pity, that in the annals of the weigh-house, the Scotch could not have registered the actual weight of the greatest of London Aldermen."

Tom and Bob laughed heartily at their friend Sparkle's antic.i.p.ations respecting the worthy Baronet; while Bob dryly remarked, "he should think Sir Willie would prove himself a honnie lad among the la.s.ses O; and nae doubt he would cut a braw figure in his Highland suit."

"But," continued Dashall, "we are indulging in visions of fancy, without paying that attention to the scene around us which it deserves, and I perceive we are approaching Greenwich Hospital. There is the royal yacht ready prepared for the occasion; the sh.o.r.es are already crowded with company, and the boats and barges are contending for eligible situations to view the embarkation. There is the floating chapel; and a little further on to the right is the Marine Society's School-ship, for the education of young lads for his Majesty's service. The Hospital now presents a grand and interesting appearance. What say you, suppose we land at the Three Crowns, and make inquiry as to the likely time of his Majesty's departure."

"With all my heart," replied Sparkle, "and we can then refresh, for I am not exactly used to water excursions, and particularly so early in the morning, consequently it has a good effect on the appet.i.te."

~~381~~~ By this time the City Barges had taken positions in the front of the Hospital, and our party pa.s.sed them to gain the proposed place of inquiry: here, however, all was conjecture; the people of Greenwich Hospital appeared to know as little of the time appointed as those of the metropolis; and finding they had little chance of accommodation in consequence of the great influx of company, they again embarked, and shortly after attacked the produce of their locker, and with an excellent tongue and a gla.s.s of Madeira, regaled themselves sufficiently to wait the arrival. Time, however, hung heavily on their hands, though they had a view of thousands much worse situated than themselves, and could only contemplate the scene with astonishment, that serious mischiefs did not accrue, from the immense congregated mult.i.tude by which they were surrounded.

Anxiety and antic.i.p.ation were almost exhausted, and had nearly given place to despondency, when about three o'clock the extraordinary bustle on sh.o.r.e announced the certainty of the expected event being about to take place; and in about half an hour after, they were gratified by seeing his Majesty descend the steps of the Hospital, attended by the n.o.blemen, &c. under a royal salute, and rowed to the vessel prepared to receive him. The royal standard was immediately hoisted, and away sailed the King, amidst the heartfelt congratulations and good wishes of his affectionate and loyal people, the firing of cannon, the ringing of bells, and every other demonstration of a lively interest in his safety and welfare: leaving many to conjecture the feelings with which the heart must be impressed of a person so honoured and attended, we shall select a few descriptive lines from the pen of a literary gentleman, in his opinion the most likely to be expressive of the sentiments entertained on the occasion.

ROYAL RECOLLECTIONS.