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She took a deep breath.
"Now, what was it that you wanted to talk about?"
I felt my nerves coming back. I tried to think of a good way to broach the idea of a trip to Russia. But nothing was coming to me.
GM eyed me closely. "What is it, Solnyshko? You look uneasy. Is this about that boy? You just said you were fine, but you fill me with doubts again."
GM's perceptiveness was starting to unnerve me. I wished she wasn't so close to the truth.
"Is it okay for me to change my mind?" I blurted out suddenly.
GM brightened. "About the boy? Is that what was been troubling you? Yes, of course, Solnyshko. You are perfectly free to leave him."
"No, that's not what I meant. Can we still go to Russia?"
GM stared at me in surprise. "What is it that you are saying? You would like to go to Russia?"
"Yes-I would like to go to Russia."
GM's face lit up. "For Christmas?"
"Yes. For Christmas."
GM stood up and pulled me into a hug. "Yes, Solnyshko. Of course we can go to Russia for Christmas."
I was stunned. GM was seldom so effusive. She took a step back and beamed at me. "I will make plans at once."
"You're not upset?" I asked. "This is kind of last minute."
"No, no my dear child, I am not upset at all."
My heart leaped. GM had really said yes. We were going to Russia. I was going to see William again. Nothing was going to keep me from him-even if he no longer loved me.
GM continued. "Christmas in Russia is just the thing for you. I have no doubt that it will bring you out of the melancholy mood you have fallen into. And it will be wonderful for you to finally see Russia without that horrible cloud of superst.i.tion hanging over it. This trip will be different from the last one." She waved her hands. "Go, have some food now. Refresh yourself. I have arrangements I must make right away."
GM hurried out of the room.
As I sat at the kitchen table, eating a snack, I thought over GM's words-unfortunately, I knew that the cloud of superst.i.tion that she thought had lifted was still to be found hanging over the town of Krov.
It suddenly occurred to me that I had just volunteered myself for something very dangerous.
Innokenti had wanted me to return to Krov, and I knew that if he discovered I was in Russia, that he would most definitely come to find me. I also knew that the price on my head would attract other vampires to me-vampires that might even be worse than Anton or Joshua Martin.
There was even a chance that my cousin Odette would come after me.
But then I thought of the delight in GM's eyes when she'd realized that I wanted to go to Russia. She was really, truly happy to be going back. She wanted this trip, and now, so did I.
I realized that I would have to be very, very careful in my quest to see William.
I was happy to be going, I really was. But I had to wonder.
What had I just done?
Chapter 12.
That night I sat on my bed, far too wound up to sleep.
GM had purchased our plane tickets to Russia after dinner. We were going to leave as soon as my winter break started, and we were going to fly into Moscow before heading on to Krov.
I had sat with GM in her office as she had purchased the tickets online, and she had chattered to me effusively both during and after the purchase. GM was excited about taking me around Moscow and showing me the sights, I knew, but there had been another light in her eyes that had made her appear feverish and overexcited.
She was clearly happy-perhaps a little too happy.
And so I was left to wonder if I had made the right decision. I would get a chance to look for William, but I was also taking GM with me into a potentially dangerous situation.
And, of course, there was still the night to contend with. Though my vampire attackers had not materialized so far, I knew that they were still out there.
So, GM and I would go to Russia-if I lived long enough.
With that cheerful thought, I put out the light and slipped under my covers.
I didn't have any plan to deal with intruders if they did come, but so far staying awake prepared to fight hadn't accomplished anything apart from leaving me exhausted in the morning. So I decided to try to sleep and trust to luck. I hoped that if I were attacked, I would be able to improvise-something.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind, but relaxation eluded me.
I got up and crossed the dark room. I went to my window and pulled back the curtains. The street below was quiet, and the night seemed innocent. But I knew that there was more danger lurking in the night, and in the world, than most people dreamed of.
There were greater mysteries in the world than most people imagined too.
I thought of the man encased in ice, who had emerged from the cave and then vanished.
I thought of Cormac, who had appeared out of nowhere and saved me from Anton.
I wondered for a moment if I had imagined them both-but I knew the puzzle they presented wouldn't be solved that easily. I had been through too many strange things to truly doubt what I had seen.
So what did the two of them want?
I had never heard any tales of a man encased in ice. I wondered if he could be after me like Joshua Martin and Anton were. And what of Cormac? Could he be after me too?
But Cormac had come in response to my call-the call that used to bring William to me. That didn't seem like the action of someone who meant to harm me.
Would the call work if I tried it again? Would it bring Cormac to me if I used it?
The idea took a hold of me very strongly, and I was decided to try it out. If I could see Cormac again-talk to him-maybe I could find out something about what was going on.
I hesitated to call him in my room. His presence, should he appear, would be very difficult to explain to GM. So I decided to wait until GM went to bed and try to call him outside in the yard behind the house.
That was the same place where I had called William to me for the very first time.
My heart fluttered a little at the thought of him, and a tiny hope sprang up that this time William might appear instead of Cormac.
Maybe there had been some kind of interference the last time I had used the call. Maybe I wouldn't have to go all the way to Russia to look for William.
Maybe he would come here.
Don't get too excited, I warned myself. You'll only feel worse if William doesn't show up.
But once the possibility of seeing William had occurred to me, it proved to be a difficult idea to shake. So, I waited anxiously, my ears straining to hear every sound the house made, until I heard GM come up the stairs and settle in for the night.
Then I slipped downstairs as noiselessly as I could and let myself out the back door. I felt a flash of panic as I stepped out into the starless night. I realized suddenly that going outside unprotected when I was the prey of vampires was unwise. But I would risk it to see William again.
William won't come, I told myself sternly, as I walked across the backyard, feeling the chill of the night wrap itself around my body. Don't even think about him.
But think about him I did. I stood still in the frozen night, my heart beating wildly. And as I whispered the words, "Katie Wickliff summons you," I felt my breath quicken, and a sharp stab of nervousness that wasn't entirely unpleasant ran through me.
What if I was about to see him again?
I waited for the rush of air that preceded his arrival. I waited for William.
I searched the dark for his long, lean form.
But nothing stirred in the night.
I told myself not to panic-perhaps I had whispered too softly. I spoke the words again, my heart beating even more wildly than before.
Time pa.s.sed, and I felt the cold biting more deeply into my skin.
William was not coming.
I whispered the words a third time, and I felt tears stinging my eyes.
No William. No Cormac, either. No one listening in the night, no one watching over me-no one was there to keep the creatures who were after me at bay.
But worst of all, there was no William.
Tears began to fall, and I brushed them away. I felt my hand shaking, and I tried to tell myself that it was only the cold that caused it. I had known that William was gone, I had known that he wouldn't come when I called, and yet I had allowed myself to believe- The tears began to fall more fiercely, and I could feel them hot and burning as they ran down my cheek and neck. A cry escaped from me, and it sounded unnaturally loud on the night air. I quickly pressed my hand against my lips. My other hand I wrapped around my waist.
I wanted him to come back. I wanted to see William again, even if he didn't want to see me. But more than anything, I wanted to see him as he had once been-I wanted to see the William who looked at me with love in his eyes.
Was it possible that William, the one I loved and the one who loved me, still existed? Or was I going to Russia to search for someone who had grown cold inside?
He had vanished without explanation. What if I found him, and he finally said the terrible words to me that I feared? Could I bear to stand before him and have him tell me he didn't love me and he wanted me to go?
The tears continued to fall, and I knew that I would risk fresh hurt to see him again.
I would find him. I would see him one last time.
I went back into the house and locked the door behind me.
I climbed into bed shivering and grateful for the warmth of my covers. I had redoubled my resolve to see William again. I just hoped that those who stalked the dark for me would let me live until that day arrived.
In the morning, I was restless, eager to be gone to Russia-eager to start my search. But I still had ten days of school left.
I didn't know how I would get through it.
I hurried down to breakfast, and as I ate, I noticed that GM was watching me carefully.
"You don't look well, Katie."
I had barely glanced into the mirror before I'd come down, but I had a feeling that my eyes probably showed signs of the crying that I had done last night.
"I'm fine, GM," I said in the most rea.s.suring tone I could muster, "I really am."
"You're not ill?"
"No."
"Are you worried about school? I know your mid-term exams will be soon."
GM was right-I did have exams coming up. And I hadn't been working as I hard as I should have been. I would make an effort to keep my mind clear of distractions and focus on my schoolwork.
"Is it school, Solnyshko?" GM prompted when I didn't answer right away.
"No, I'm not worried about school."
GM sighed. "Is it that boy, then? Why is it always that boy? You said he was distant-has it gotten worse?"
I looked down into my cereal-I knew I couldn't answer her. Why did GM have to become perceptive at exactly the wrong moments?
"Is he gone?" GM asked.
I looked up at her, but remained silent.
She reached across the table and patted my hand. "I do not wish you to be unhappy, Katie, but sometimes these things are for the best."
She stood up and began to clear her dishes away. "I think it is good for you that we will be going away soon. You will find that the air of Russia can be healing. And there is not so much urgency this time."
GM paused, a dish held in her hand. She seemed to lose her train of thought for a moment.
I wondered if she was thinking back to our first visit together. And I wondered once more what she allowed herself to remember about it.
"You will have a good time on this trip," she said at last, her voice dreamy and distant.