Public Secrets Part 253

selfish with it, as if holding it to myself would make it only mine. But

it's ours, the way he was ours."

He said nothing. Tears were clogging his throat. Understanding, she

turned to him. Holding each other, they sat in silence as the sun rose

higher and dried the dew on the tall gra.s.s.

"I should never have left you," he murmured.

"We left each other."

"Why?" He tightened his grip. "Why?"

"I've thought about it so many times. I think we couldn't bear to be

happy. That we felt, or I did, that if we could be happy after he was

gone, it would be like dishonoring him. It was wrong."

"Bev." He turned his face into her hair. "Don't go. Please don't go."

"No," she said quietly. "I won't."

They walked, hands linked, back to the farmhouse. The sun shone bright

through the windows as they went upstairs. They undressed each other,

stopping only for long, quiet kisses, gentle caresses.

He wasn't the young man who had once loved her. Nor was she the same

woman. They were more patient now. They didn't tumble onto the bed,

but lowered slowly, knowing each moment was precious when so many had

been lost.

And yet, though they had changed, their bodies moved easily together.

When she reached for him the years seemed to vanish. With his mouth

pressed against her throat, he drew in the familiar scent, the familiar

taste.

Even as pa.s.sion built, they glided along its edges, unwilling to be

ruled by it as they once had been. Her lips curved as she ran a hand

through his hair. As her body heated she sighed as much in contentment

as desire. With her eyes half closed, she let her hands run over him,

remembering every angle, every plane of his body. Pa.s.sion, released,

flowed into them like a fine wine.

She welcomed him, opening and arching. When they joined, she wept.

Bringing his mouth to her, she tasted his tears mixed with her own.

Later, they lay quiet, her head tucked in the curve of his shoulder. She

wondered that it should be so easy, and feel so right. It had been

nearly twenty years. Half of her life had been spent apart from him.

Yet they were here, bodies damp from loving. She could feel his heart

thud under the palm of her hand.

"It's so much like it used to be," he said, echoing her thoughts. "And

yet it's so different."

"I didn't want this to happen. AJI this time I've worked so hard to

stay away from you." She lifted her head, looked in his eyes. "I never

wanted to love this much again."

"It's only ever been right with you. Don't ask me to let you go again.

I wouldn't make it this time."

She brushed his hair, with its first few sprinkles of gray, away from

his brow. "I was always afraid that you didn't really need me,

certainly not the way I needed you."

"You were wrong."

"Yes, I know I was." She lowered her head to kiss him. "We've wasted a

lot of time, Bri. I'd like you to come home."