Public Secrets Part 112

"Sure." Johnno squeezed his shoulder, then gestured. "You'd best tidy

up your mess down here."

Her eyes were dry. Emma sat, heedless of her wet clothes, on the edge

of her bed. But she didn't cry. The world, the beautiful world she had

built around her father had crumbled. She was lost again.

She bolted up when the door opened, then sank back to the bed when she

saw Johnno. "I'm all right," she told him. "I don't need anyone to

kiss it and make it better."

"Okay." He came in nonetheless, and sat beside her. "Want to yell at me

awhile?"

"No."

"That's a relief. Why don't you get out of those wet things?- He put

his hands over his eyes, then spread his fingers and grinned. "No

peeking."

Because it was something to do, she rose and went to her closet for a

robe. "You knew, didn't you?"

"That your father liked women? Yes. I guess I first suspected it when

we were twelve."

"I'm not joking, Johnno."

So, she wouldn't give him an easy way out. "Okay. Listen, Emmy luy, a

man's ent.i.tled to s.e.x. It just isn't something he likes to flaunt in

front of his daughter."

"He paid her. She was a wh.o.r.e."

"What do you want me to say?" When she stopped in front of him, wearing

a white terry-cloth robe, he took her hands. She looked pitifully young

now, her hair wet and sleek around her head and shoulders, her eyes dark

and disillusioned. "Should I tell you the nuns are right, and it's a

sin? They probably are. But this is real life, Emma, and people sin in

real life. Brian was lonely."

"Then it's all right to have s.e.x with a stranger if you're lonely."

"This is why G.o.d saw to it that I wouldn't be a father," Johnno

murmured. He tried again, the best way he knew. With the truth. "s.e.x

is easy, and it's empty, no matter how exciting it is at the moment.

Making love with someone is a whole different experience. You'll find

that out for yourself. When feelings are involved, I guess you could

practically say it's holy."

"I don't understand. I don't think I want to. He went out, found that

woman and paid for her. He had cocaine. I saw it. I know Stevie . .

. but I never believed Dad. I never believed it."

"There are all kifids of loneliness, Emma."

"Do you do it, too?" She set her jaw.

"I have." He hated admitting a weakness to'her. Strange, but until that

moment when he had to confess his own flaws, he hadn't realized how much

he loved her. "I probably haven't missed much. The sixties, Emma. You

had to be there." He laughed a little, and drew her down beside him. "I

stopped because I didn't like it. I didn't like giving up my control

for a quick buzz. That doesn't make me a hero. It's easier for me. I

don't have the pressure Brian does. He takes everything to heart, I

take everything as it comes. The group's what's important to me, you

see. With Bri, it's the world. It always has been."