Plays by Susan Glaspell Part 37

(_Goes back with book_.)

FEJEVARY: Want to take a look through the rest of the library? We haven't been up this way yet--(_motioning left_) We need a better scientific library. (_they are leaving now_) Oh, we simply must have more money. The whole thing is fairly bursting its sh.e.l.l.

DORIS: (_venturing in cautiously from the other side, looking back, beckoning_) They've gone.

FUSSIE: Sure?

DORIS: Well, are they here? And I saw them, I tell you--they went up to science.

FUSSIE: (_moving the_ SENATOR'S _hat on the table_) But they'll come back.

DORIS: What if they do? We're only looking at a book. (_running her hand along the books_) Matthew Arnold.

(_Takes a paper from_ FUSSIE, _puts it in the book. They are bent with giggling as_ HORACE _returns_.)

HORACE: For the love o' Pete, what's the joke? (_taking the book from the helpless girl_) Matthew Arnold. My idea of nowhere to go for a laugh. When I wrote my theme on him last week he was so dry I had to go out and get a Morton Sundee (_the girls are freshly attacked, though all of this in a subdued way, mindful of others in the library_) Say, how'd you get that way?

DORIS: Now, Horace, don't you _tell_.

HORACE: What'd I tell, except--(_seeing the paper_) Um hum--what's this?

DORIS: (_trying to get it from him_) Horace, now _don't_ you (_a tussle_) You great strong mean thing! Fussie! Make him _stop_.

(_She gets the paper by tearing it_.)

HORACE: My dad's around here--showing the college off to a politician.

If you don't come across with that sheet of mystery, I'll back you both out there (_starts to do it_) and--

DORIS: Horace! You're just _horrid_.

HORACE: Sure I'm horrid. That's the way I want to be. (_takes the paper, reads_)

'To Eben You are the idol of my dreams I worship from afar.'

What is this?

FUSSIE: Now, listen, Horace, and don't you _tell_. You know Eben Weeks.

He's the homeliest man in school. Wouldn't you say so?

HORACE: Awful jay. Like to get some of the jays out of here.

DORIS: But listen. Of course, no girl would _look_ at him. So we've thought up the most _killing_ joke, (_stopped by giggles from herself and_ FUSSIE) Now, he hasn't handed in his Matthew Arnold dope. I heard old Mac hold him up for it--and what'd you think he said? That he'd been _ploughing_. Said he was trying to run a farm and go to college at the same time! Isn't it a _scream_?

HORACE: We oughta--make it more unpleasant for some of those jays. Gives the school a bad name.

FUSSIE: But, listen, Horace, honest--you'll just _die_. He said he was going to get the book this afternoon. Now you know what he _looks_ like, but he turns to--(_both girls are convulsed_)

DORIS: It'll get him all fussed up! And for nothing at all!

HORACE: Too bad that cla.s.s of people come here. I think I'll go to Harvard next year. Haven't broken it to my parents--but I've about made up my mind.

DORIS: Don't you think Morton's a good school, Horace?

HORACE: Morton's all right. Fine for the--(_kindly_) people who would naturally come here. But one gets an acquaintance at Harvard. Wher'd'y'

want these pa.s.sionate lines?

(FUSSIE _and_ DORIS _are off again convulsed_.)

HORACE: (_eye falling on the page where he opens the book_) Say, old Bones could spill the English--what? Listen to this flyer. 'For when we say that culture is to know the best that has been thought and said in the world, we simply imply that for culture a system directly tending to that end is necessary in our reading.' (_he reads it with mock solemnity, delighting_ FUSSIE _and_ DORIS) The best that has been thought and said in the world!'

(MADELINE MORTON _comes in from right; she carries a tennis racket_.)

MADELINE: (_both critical and good-humoured_) You haven't made a large contribution to that, have you, Horace?

HORACE: Madeline, you don't want to let this sarcastic habit grow on you.

MADELINE: Thanks for the tip.

FUSSIE: Oh--_Madeline, (holds out her hand to take the book from_ HORACE _and shows it to_ MADELINE) You know--

DORIS: S-h Don't be silly, (_to cover this_) Who you playing with?

HORACE: Want me to play with you, Madeline?

MADELINE: (_genially_) I'd rather play with you than talk to you.

HORACE: Same here.

FUSSIE: Aren't cousins affectionate?

MADELINE: (_moving through to the other part of the library_) But first I'm looking for a book.

HORACE: Well, I can tell you without your looking it up, he did say it.

But that was an age of different values. Anyway, the fact that they're quoting it shows it's being misapplied.

MADELINE: (_smiling_) Father said so.

HORACE: (_on his dignity_) Oh, of course--if you don't want to be serious.

(MADELINE _laughs and pa.s.ses on through_.)

DORIS: What are you two talking about?

HORACE: Madeline happened to overhear a little discussion down on the campus.

FUSSIE: Listen. You know something? Sometimes I think Madeline Morton is a highbrow in disguise.

HORACE: Say, you don't want to start anything like that. Madeline's all right. She and I treat each other rough--but that's being in the family.