Play By Play: Taking a Shot Part 26

"They played school sports. It was much cheaper."

"That's all bulls.h.i.t. You wanted to sing. Did you tell them you wanted to sing?"

She looked down at her hands. "I asked. Once."

"And?"

"Mom explained that with dance and the boys in sports, there just wasn't the time. Or the money. They said maybe some other time, once there was more money for singing lessons, but I never asked again."

"And your dream went up in a puff of smoke."

She didn't say anything, but Ty could imagine what it must have been like for her. If he hadn't been allowed to play hockey, it would have crushed him. He brushed her hair away from her face. "I'm sorry."

"It's no big deal. We can't always have everything we want."

"It is a big deal. It's what you loved."

"I liked dancing, too."

"Yeah, well I liked playing basketball, but it wasn't what I loved. I got to do what I loved."

She lifted her gaze to his. "So did I, when I went to Europe."

And then someone crushed her dream again. He ached for her. "Now you have another chance."

"Oh, I don't think so. I have a career now."

"You have a job. You have a great talent, Jenna. Why aren't you out there showing it off?"

"Because I'm happy to just sing. I don't need anyone else to hear it."

"Are you really content with that? You write all these songs and you hide in your office singing them. And you're happy with you being the only one hearing them."

She didn't answer, but he saw her flicker of a glance over to the guitar.

"You're afraid."

She snapped her gaze back to his. "No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are. You're afraid you won't be good enough. You're still letting that rejection hold you back."

"That's bulls.h.i.t." Her gaze narrowed. "And why is this so important to you, anyway?"

"Because I've been there."

She leaned forward. "What do you mean?"

"Playing professional hockey is a lot different than doing it for fun or even in college. It's doing it for money, making a career out of it. Do you think I wasn't afraid of failing? I'm not big on failing."

"So you once thought about not doing it?"

"Yeah. I was good and I knew I was good. I had a gut feeling I could make it, but I wasn't being branded as some future superstar with a guarantee of success. If I didn't make it, I didn't know if I could handle the rejection."

She reached for his hand, clasped it between hers. "It's hard to put yourself out there. The potential for failure is difficult for a lot of people to deal with. I don't blame you for being cautious."

He laughed. "Honey, I wasn't just cautious. I nearly walked away from it all on the off chance I wouldn't become a success. It was the dumbest thing I almost did."

"So what changed your mind?"

"My mom. She said everything always came easy to me, and I had real talent. I'd always been a winner and that was great and all, but until I failed at something I'd never appreciate what success really meant."

Jenna nodded. "Your mother sounds like a very wise woman."

"I don't know about that. She isn't without her own faults and failures. But knowing she failed and picked herself up and started over made me believe I could do the same thing."

"Then it sounds like she knows what she's talking about. The voice of experience and all that."

"Yeah, I listened to her advice and I took the leap."

"Was it scary?"

"Scary as h.e.l.l. And I did fail a few times. Got my a.s.s kicked down to the farm clubs, had to work my way back up. Learned along the way that you have to work hard to succeed in this sport, the wrong att.i.tude will get you sent down faster than you can spit, and the cream rises to the top."

"You've obviously had a successful career, so you've done some things right."

He nodded. "Some things, yeah. But lurking right around the corner is failure. You can't overthink everything. Like those losses we've had recently. Spending time dwelling on them doesn't help. If all you focus on is the failures, you can't keep your eyes on success. I don't think any athlete-or any performer-ever forgets that. If they do forget it, they're likely to fail."

"So what you're telling me is I'm not the only one who's afraid."

He rubbed his thumb over her the top of her hand. "No, babe. You're not the only one."

"I'll give it some thought."

"Maybe you could start by singing in front of your family."

Her eyes widened. "No. I can't."

He rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're giving your family enough credit. They seem really supportive."

"Yeah. They're incredibly supportive. That's the problem."

He frowned. "I don't get it."

She rubbed her temple. "I know you don't."

"Then explain it to me. Your parents seem to love all their kids. I don't think it would matter what they did. Either way, you have to start somewhere. How else will you achieve your dreams? What do you want to do?"

"I've told you before. I'm already doing-"

He put his fingers to her lips. "No, really. What are your dreams? Be straight with me. What would you really love to do with your life?"

Jenna was about to brush Ty off with another lame excuse, but they'd really gotten into a deep and heavy conversation tonight, and he'd opened up to her about some of his own fears. It was only right to be as open and honest as he'd been.

"Honestly, one of the things I've often thought about is opening a second Riley's, only this one for singing. Like the karaoke club we went to that night. But this one would be different. Instead of an occasional open mic night like they had, it would always be open mic night. And we'd bring in live bands instead of using a karaoke machine. Just a music bar. With no television screens."

He laughed. "Obviously you've given this a lot of thought."

She shrugged. "Now and then."

"I think that's a great idea. You'd have Riley's Sports Bar and Riley's Music Bar."

"Yeah. It's a pipe dream, though."

"Why?"

"Who would run it? I run the sports bar. My mom and dad are mostly retired now. They hardly ever show up at Riley's, and they never work the bar anymore. I run it single-handedly. I'm responsible for the bar."

"Does it have to be a family member running the sports bar? You have a couple a.s.sistant managers, don't you?"

"It's kind of a family tradition that the bar is owned and operated by family, so yes. That's always the way it's been. And I do have a.s.sistant managers, but they're not family. I would never think to ask Mom and Dad to turn the operation over to them. They're not family members."

"I think you're too wrapped up in this whole family thing. The main focus is on the bar and how it's run. If you have people who run it efficiently, who cares if their last name is Riley or not? Your a.s.sistants run the bar on your nights off."

She lifted her chin. "That's different. It's not on a permanent basis and our regulars know that a Riley manages the bar. That's what they expect. That's what my parents expect. What my dad expects. After his heart attack last year, I don't want him to think he needs to come back to work just so I can open another bar."

Ah. There it was. "So again, your dreams are on hold."

"Not on hold. I have my path and I'm living it."

"You put way too much pressure on yourself to be what everyone else needs you to be, instead of what you want to be. Why can't you have what you want?"

"Because I can't, and that's just the way it is."

It sounded more to him like she was afraid to ask for what she wanted, afraid to take that step forward to grab her dream.

And there wasn't much Tyler could do to push her. Jenna was going to have to take those steps herself.

d.a.m.n TYLER FOR PUTTING THE IDEA OF A SECOND BAR in her head. It was all she could think about now.

A crazy idea, one that would never, ever happen but now that it had been dredged up from the dark recesses of her dreams and fantasies folder, she couldn't shove it back down again.

She'd started drawing up plans for a new bar a week ago. Ty was out on a road trip again, so when she wasn't working, she had idle time on her hands. Her mind wouldn't let the idea go.

Talking to him, really opening up to him about her childhood and what had happened, and singing for him was doing strange things to her. She'd never told anyone about her childhood. She'd never told anyone about Europe.

Why had she used Tyler as her personal confessional? Because he knew all the right questions to ask, or because he'd made it so easy to tell him? She had no idea. Admittedly, it was kind of nice. But she knew better than to stake any kind of permanence on their relationship. It was nice for right now.

Funny how things had changed so quickly now that she was sort of kind of seeing Tyler in a not really dating, but no longer just sleeping together kind of way.

When he was on the road, he texted and called her every day. She got used to hearing from him and missed him when he traveled. He told her on the phone that the next time the Ice played in Chicago she was going to have to go with him so she could meet his parents.

She told him she was horrified that their relationship had progressed to "meet the parents," and no way in h.e.l.l. He laughed at her and told her he'd kidnap her in the dead of night and throw her on a plane, but she was going to Chicago with him.

Truthfully, she was curious about his family and she was already antic.i.p.ating his next game with Chicago to see if he was serious about that or not.

Today she was meeting Tara and Liz for lunch, something they tried to do at least once a week. They were eating at a midtown restaurant since Liz had a client meeting in a couple hours and Tara had an event that night she had to rush off to prepare for after lunch. Jenna had a few hours before she had to be at the bar, so this was going to be a relaxing lunch for her.

"Now that you're married, it's a wonder Mick lets you out of his sight," Liz said to Tara after they ordered.

"I won't see him at all when camp starts up in the summer. I'll be a widow like you are now," Tara said.

Liz nodded. "I know. This is miserable. The week down in Florida was amazing, though."

"You are nice and tan," Jenna said. "I'm jealous."

"As tan as someone with my fair skin can get after I lather up with a fifty-plus sunscreen."

"And how is my brother doing?"

Liz sighed. "Your brother is spectacular."

Tara laughed.

"Gag. TMI." Jenna made a face. "Not the information I was looking for. I meant at spring training."

"Oh, his stats are great. In and out of the bedroom."

Tara snorted.

"Is that all you think about?" Jenna asked.

"When you aren't getting it regularly, yes. It's all I can think about. If I wasn't so d.a.m.n busy with my own job I'd be parked at the beach house in Florida, naked and spread-eagled, ready for him after every game."

Jenna laid her head in her hands. "I give up. I should stop coming to lunch."

"Speaking of people getting it regularly, how's it going with Ty?"

Her head shot up and she caught sight of the surprised look on Tara's face, followed by the smile.

"Oh, you're still seeing Ty? Details, please."

"Again," Liz said to her. "Not a big secret, right?"

"I guess not now that you've spilled, you blabbermouth."

Liz shrugged but didn't look at all apologetic, so Jenna turned to Tara. "Yes, I'm still seeing Ty."

"And?" Tara asked.