Plain Talks on Avoided Subjects Part 3

"And JEHOVAH G.o.d said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. * * * * And JEHOVAH G.o.d brought the woman unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."--Gen. ii. 18, 22-24.

"The marriage of one man with one woman is therefore designed in our very creation by Him who made us. The love which brings them together and binds them together, flows into their minds from the Divine Love, from the love which has operated hitherto, and which now operates, in creating and forming a Heaven of human beings."

All young men, on arriving at the age of twenty-five, other circ.u.mstances being favorable, should conform to the laws of Divine order and marry. "Whom shall we marry? Young ladies now-a-days require such an outfit and it costs so much to support a wife in the style she wishes to live, or has been accustomed to, that, to say nothing of the extra expense of children, we cannot afford to marry." This is a wrong view to take, because pomp, style and show _are not the true objects of marriage_! The married state is a duty and a great privilege, while its uses are of the highest possible order physically, mentally and spiritually. The love which brings the two together and which should bind them together, requires only a comfortable home of respectable appearance. Young married people should begin like young married people; it is more orderly and more conducive to the welfare and true happiness of each that, as time pa.s.ses on, they build up their fortunes together, each helping the other--thus affording new charms that no other course will or can yield.

In the choice of a wife, a man should especially seek _congeniality_. He should make the acquaintance of a young lady living and moving in the same sphere of life as his own, such as is congenial to his tastes; he should see her in company with other young people and observe how she treats them; and particularly notice how she acts towards her father and mother, brothers and sisters: for a good daughter and sister always makes a good wife. Study closely her character, her mental discipline, her tastes in reading and her mode of life generally. Above all, note her disposition as to selfishness, whether she be determined and bent upon having her own way in everything, or whether she is yielding and thoughtful of the comfort and happiness of her a.s.sociates. Remember that in the married state there must be a mutual yielding to each other, though not the sinking of the wife's ident.i.ty, so that the combined life of the two may become one harmonious whole. Observe what she thinks of children and get her opinion as to how they should be brought up and educated. Be sure that she is one who can be loved most tenderly, one for whom a man can make any sacrifice in reason for her sake--for whom one can deny himself any comfort, any and every pa.s.sion, brave any danger, and conquer every difficulty in his power, to make her life happy and useful. One quality: Is she strictly virtuous? Is she chast.i.ty itself in thought, word and deed? If you, young man, have been the same, if you have held yourself in by "bit and bridle," as it were,--then, if she reciprocates your love, you are at liberty to propose marriage to her.

Before marriage, a young man takes great pains to make himself attractive, is very attentive and polite, keeps up a genteel appearance and is civility itself, that he may woo and win the young lady most nearly approaching his ideal of feminine perfection, and the one most nearly suited to his tastes and congeniality. After marriage he feels that she is his, that she has pledged herself to this effect; and the law has so decided; she is his, as he is hers, irrevocably. Now, young man, do you mean to be loyal, to be her real husband until death dissolves the allegiance? Then let nothing cool your ardor. Be as watchful as when you were her wooer and even more so. Let nothing induce you to swerve from your duty, to violate your vow or to betray your trust. But ever be faithful and true. So may you be accounted worthy of her choice as a husband and worthy to be enrolled among the respected and honored fathers in our land. Heavier responsibilities rest upon you now than before marriage. Your wife must be protected, supported and cared for in every possible way, and you need to be even more careful to retain her love than you were to win it. You are under heavy responsibilities to your relatives and the community in which you live, that your united lives bear such fruit as will be to all a delight.

Together, in your unity, you form as it were a tree; your united lives throw out branches and leaves, buds and blossoms, and finally fruit in its season; and every tree is known by its fruit. Bearing in mind the high duties to which as a husband and a father you are called, seek not to live for carnal pleasures. You have struggled manfully with yourself and the world and have come up to this stage of your life pure and uncontaminated; and that love which brought you two together, now flows into your united lives from the Divine Love. Let that love continually operate through you unitedly in creating new human beings who shall ultimately serve to swell the grand army of the Angelic hosts in Heaven.

Some well-meaning and otherwise apparently good husbands, but not true, form habits of staying from their homes during their leisure hours, particularly in the evenings. They visit club houses, billiard rooms or other places of amus.e.m.e.nt, leaving their wives at home. Such absences distress a wife greatly, though her love often restrains any expression of disapproval. These habits increase, she suffers more and more, loses sleep on his account and her health fails. The husband's dissipations grow upon him--all such desertions are dissipations when they become habitual--until he loses all relish for the company of his faithful wife and for the caresses of his young and lovely children, until finally to stay at home a single evening is a restraint and unhappiness to him.

Where now is the plighted faith! Where now is the tree, its branches and leaves with their buds and blossoms, and what is the fruit? Where now is that pure love which he promised when they became united and which should forever bind them together, and who has almost severed that love?

Has not the little that remains become merely carnal, on his part at least? Where is that union of mind and communion of soul that lifts one above sensualism; and without which, sensualism is the only link and quality left to keep the two together, until death dissolves the union?

CHAPTER VII.

Marriage [continued].

The Wife.

Young ladies, why do you marry? Through infancy, childhood and adolescence you have been watched over most tenderly and cared for most lovingly; you have been protected and educated, and have been made as happy under the paternal roof as circ.u.mstances would allow; and this very book has been written largely on _your_ account. It has been the custom from time immemorial, as it always will be, for girls to complete their education and then to marry. But alas! how very few seem to realize what married life really is and what will be expected in it; what its duties and responsibilities are, or even what leads to marriage. But to the question why do you even think of getting married?

The answer is, "Because it is inherent in the mind of every true female character. It was ordained of G.o.d in her creation, spiritually, mentally, and physically--from her inmost being to her complete ultimation. It was in the very design of her creation that she should love and be loved, that she should be sought after by the male s.e.x, and that she should become a wife and mother."

First, let us understand what "marriage" signifies. The word itself has the same meaning as the Latin word _conjugium_ and represents a conjunction or union together. Carried out to its higher or more interior meaning, marriage signifies the joining of good and truth--the "good" being represented by the woman and "truth" being represented by the man. Hence it denotes the spiritual conjunction of minds, and thence of bodies, in contradistinction to the merely natural conjunction or joining together of bodies only. So, to secure a real marriage, there must be a spiritual conjunction of minds; and the conjunction of bodies in wedlock is simply the ultimation, or manifestation of spiritual principles in marriage.

The true reason why girls marry is because they have an innate principle of love for the male s.e.x; and this love is drawn from the Lord above.

Consequently, it is pure, chaste, and when fully developed, very powerful. In connection with this principle comes the desire to be sought after and loved by a man of congenial character for whose dear sake a woman is induced to leave father and mother, brothers and sisters, to become the wife of him whom she can claim as her own dear husband. This Heaven-born principle is what leads and induces the female to a.s.sent to the marriage relation. For her own sake, for his sake as well as for the sake of all parties concerned, this step should be taken very carefully and only after mature consideration. Once married, there is no escape from its lifelong duties and responsibilities. She must yield to him whatever the marriage vow allows, that she may become a _wife_ in the fullest sense of the term. Marriage is a sacred relation, inst.i.tuted by G.o.d Himself, and the s.e.xual approach which follows between husband and wife, is a special avowal of their relation to each other; and so often as it is repeated it is a renewal of their obligations to be faithful to each other. All s.e.xuality is in the order of creation and, coming from the Lord, serves for high and holy purposes. It was _never_ intended for mere carnal pleasure; as such, it is the profanation and perversion of a great boon to the human race. The man or woman who perverts it must and will, sooner or later, suffer a penalty equal to the transgression.

The husband rightfully expects to find in his wife, as a seal of the marriage covenant, his greatest possible delight. It should be her greatest delight to give him that pleasure; and if she loves her husband according to her avowal, she will not fail to do this. The feeling, each of the other's nearness--in thought, word and act, as though each one were intertwined with the other in the most complete union, is a very great delight; even indescribably great. The s.e.xual act itself is really a type of the perfect harmony in which the married pair should dwell throughout their lives. It teaches a mutual yielding so that the honeymoon, rising so beautifully and lovingly, may continue to wax lighter and brighter and its fullness be attained in this world only at the dissolution, by a natural death, of a union so orderly and happily formed. It is in the very nature of the male to seek his mate; it is an inborn principle for him to do so, and his health, even his life, certainly his moral life, often depends upon an orderly and lawful indulgence of what this inherent principle demands. The greatest longevity and the best health are found among fathers and mothers; thereby proving that orderly and well-regulated s.e.xual intercourse is just as necessary to the married couple as are the functional demands of all other organs of the body. From the foregoing it may be plainly inferred, that, if the wife of a chaste young man who has duly guarded himself from his childhood up, until he has sought and wedded his mate, fails to reciprocate cheerfully and pleasantly in the seal of connubial affection, she proves a bitter disappointment to him. Not that he is carnal, gross or beastly, no! The principle given him by his Creator and residing in his pure and inmost soul has been violated by her in whom he placed his life's confidence; she has proved _false_ to him in this particular, one upon which their present and eternal welfare so largely depends. Young ladies about to marry should be taught to understand this matter most fully, in all its bearings. If they pervert marriage in false practices, the love of G.o.d, conjugal love, and the love of infants, the three holiest and n.o.blest inspirations of life, perish together. No woman then should ever marry without a full knowledge of her duties to her husband, particularly in the s.e.xual respect; for without granting this privilege to her husband in full and free accord, there _cannot_ be maintained a happy married life.

_The duties of marriage_, as a topic, embrace a vast field of thought; and there is _so much_ to say thereon, so much advice to tender, so many absolute commands to enjoin, so many warnings to utter, that it is with difficulty I restrain myself from launching out diffusely in an attempt to give the most important of these. But to so specifically particularize is not the purpose of this book. Enough is said herein, I trust, to set the reflective mind to thinking seriously on these matters and thereby to awaken the conscience to a full sense of its duties. Quite too many cases have come under my observation where the marriage vow has never been consummated or, if consummated at all, in a very begrudging manner, owing to the insubordination of the wife. Consequently dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frequently a permanent separation follows, bringing disgrace upon the family and scandal to their circle of friends. This is not only wrong, but it is a most unpardonable vice. s.e.xuality has been ordained by G.o.d in his wisdom as the means of creation. It exists throughout all nature, in every tree, plant and shrub, in every animal and insect; in every bird that flies, in every fish that swims, in every man and woman. The very best and purest of husbands and wives, all the world over, indulge in s.e.xuality to their united satisfaction, in full acknowledgment that it is of G.o.d and from G.o.d. Every wife who is unreasonable or derelict in this _duty_ is untrue to her husband and commits a sin against the G.o.d of Heaven and earth. Since, then, s.e.xuality is so evidently of Divine appointment, it should be committed entirely to him in its effects.[I]

[I] See "In Health." By Dr. A. J. Ingersoll, Corning, N. Y.

If at any time the act prove fruitful and a child be born, it should be considered as a great blessing and gift from G.o.d Himself. What is more beautiful than to see a married couple engaged in rearing a new human being destined to become an angel in Heaven! For this indeed is the prime object of s.e.xuality and of the marriage covenant. As has been well said, life on earth is Heaven's seminary. And yet, so many wives, to their shame be it said, use preventives to conception, thus attempting to controvert the order of Nature and Nature's G.o.d; this is one of the greatest crimes of the present age and vengeance will surely be taken on every transgressor in this sacred matter. Such practice is secret vice which little by little wears upon the inmost vital principle until the perpetrators of such wrongs suffer untold misery in their physical nature--often not even suspecting the cause of such sufferings.

"But there is yet another reason, and a very strong moral one, why the wife should not remain childless. There can be no question that the blood of the father mingles with that of the mother through the medium of the child _in utero_. (Hence the transmission of blood-diseases from husband to wife.) Hence the indelible impressions made upon a wife by the father of her offspring--impressions, both mental and physical, which by character or resemblance she often transmits to her children by a second husband. Now, * * * * may not this account for the similarity of character and ident.i.ty of tastes, and, indeed, for that wonderful personal resemblance, which sometimes develops between husband and wife?

And does not this requisite alone fulfil the Divine interpretation of marriage, that 'they are no more twain but one flesh?'"[J]

[J] Wm. Goodell, M. D., "Lessons in Gynecology," P. 442.

After marriage a new order of life is entered upon by the wife, and her family matters should subordinate all other schemes and projects of her future existence. Her main thought and study should now be, "How can I best fulfil these new duties and responsibilities? First, my dear husband! how can I be a true help-meet to him? Here we two are to be one, a new _punctum saliens_, and every act of ours will bear the image of our united lives. No matter what may happen, I will be true to my matrimonial vow and to my G.o.d; for I am in His hands and my dear husband's." A married life begun in this way, with such resolutions sincerely and studiously kept, will secure a life full of happiness and privileges beyond the fondest hope and expectation. When pregnancy occurs, just as soon as the fact be suspected, the little embryo should be regarded as already a member of the family. Every act of each parent should now be performed in some degree with reference to the forth-coming infant. The mother's thoughts particularly should be directed to it as much as possible whilst performing the uses of life. She should read much that is elevating and enn.o.bling in character as this serves a good purpose in producing a more perfect, more healthy and more brilliant child. Let her read such books as "Elements of Character" by Miss Chandler; "Growth of the Mind" by S. Reed; "s.e.x in Education" by E. H.

Clarke, M. D.; also, "Wear and Tear" by S. Weir Mitch.e.l.l, M. D.; and any other books of like character. Do not forget that the education of the child begins _in utero_.

During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet--always plain and without spices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a "Health Lift" will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.

CHAPTER VIII.

Marriage [concluded].

Husband and Wife.

To preserve the marriage vow inviolate, the same pure love that brought the two together should be cultivated by home uses and home amus.e.m.e.nts such as readings, games, conversation, etc. If the wife have needle work, let the husband read or talk to her; if he be a literary man, let her presence cheer him on and inspire him to n.o.bler and more refined productions. What was done during courtship that made time pa.s.s so rapidly and so pleasantly? Was every topic so discussed and used up that nothing is now left for an exchange of views? Is carnal pleasure to be the only binding tie? Such a life is not very pure and only a poor use can be made of it. Topics of interest to a married pair should be innumerable and their pleasures inexhaustible. Home is the soil in which the tree is to grow; and the richer the soil, the better for the tree, and the more numerous will be the branches, all of them vigorously developing buds and leaves, blossoms and fruit, which will be most fragrant, beautiful and useful. When amus.e.m.e.nt outside of home is sought let it be, as far as possible, of a nature that both may enjoy it equally.

Husband and Wife! He, being of larger mould in every particular, in head, chest, and all the vital organs, is the provider, the protector, the guardian of his home; he, the masculine, or representative of the Truth, is to lead the way in conducting home or business affairs. She, the feminine, or representative of the Good, inclines to the good way continually; and, as married partners, Good and Truth should be married in them. There cannot be a true evil way nor a good false way; there can only be a true good way and a good true way. So the wife, the good, must conjoin herself to her husband, the truth, in order that every truth may result in good; and the husband, the truth, should seek to be conjoined to the wife, the good, that every good may become true. In this there is much wisdom: if the husband be truly wise he will always be sure that all his projects are tempered with good; while if the wife be truly good, all her doings will be enlightened by truth. As hand in hand they thus go through life's planning and doing, the husband will always be a.s.sisted by his good, the wife; and the wife will be led on in good by her truth, the husband. By taking this high and holy ground, there will be experienced pleasure and happiness by the married couple, far transcending all other modes of life in existence. Then will each and every organ in the body be seen to have a fitness, a place, and a use which could not possibly be dispensed with, because, each and all these organs have an originating cause in the mental and spiritual parts of mankind, from which they proceed and from which they exist. Thus we see how wrong, how frightfully wrong it is to abuse, or pervert the use of, _any_ of these physical organs which are so sacred and so important to the welfare of the human family. "Dishonor the body, the temple of the soul, and you dishonor the soul." "If any man defile the temple of G.o.d, him will G.o.d destroy."--I. Cor. 3:17.

When married, the battle for one united and harmonious life really begins. The wife's great and supreme love for her husband personally, will allow many privileges which under other circ.u.mstances her timidity and chast.i.ty would refuse. Tenderly and with great consideration should these privileges be accepted. For, contrary to the opinion of many men, there is no s.e.xual pa.s.sion on the part of the bride that induces her to grant such liberties. Then how exquisitely gentle and how forbearing should be the bridegroom's deportment on such occasions! Sometimes such a shock is administered to her sensibilities that she does not recover from it for years; and in consequence of this shock, rudely or thoughtlessly administered, she forms a deeply rooted antipathy against the very act which is the bond and seal of a truly happy married life.

These s.e.xual unions serve to bring the married pair into a perfectly harmonious relation to each other. And just as tenderly, lovingly and harmoniously should they join in each and all the daily uses of life which they are called upon to perform. The s.e.xual relation is among the most important uses of married life; it vivifies the affections for each other, as nothing else in this world can, and is a powerful reminder of their mutual obligations to one another and to the community in which they live. Indulgence, however, should not be too frequent, lest it debilitate the pair and undermine their health. The bridegroom and husband should carefully watch over his bride and wife to see that she is not a sufferer and should govern himself accordingly. It is better that these renewed obligations should be made at stated periods, as man is governed so much by habit. As a rule, once or twice a week, or in some cases once in two weeks, is sufficient; but once a week will suffice in many cases for healthful purposes. During the menstrual flow there should be an entire cessation of the conjugal act. When pregnancy occurs it is in most cases, more healthful and better for the expectant mother to allow intercourse at regular times, very gently, throughout her gestation.

The object of marriage is the ultimation of that love which brings the two together and binds them together, in the procreation and rearing of children for Heaven. This is the only true aim and sole object about which every earthly desire, interest and plan of the married pair should cl.u.s.ter.

_As to the question of child-bearing._ No greater crime in the sight of Heaven exists to-day than that of perverting the natural uses of marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which is criminal, in whatever form practised; and none will escape the penalty--no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression thereof is surely punished, even at the _climacteric period_, if not before. The questions of failing health, of physical inability, or too frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And to the objection "can't afford to have children; they cost too much," I have faith enough to reply, "Our Heavenly Father never sends more mouths than he can feed." Let each one do his and her duty in life and this cavil falls to the ground like water--which, when spilled, cannot be gathered up.

Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children.

How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this respect: she accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of the term. Although a Queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of child-bearing. By her own personal strength her twelve children were brought forth and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the suffering. She nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother and she was a _royal mother_! Other kings and queens have done likewise; other husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fashion have done and are still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the humbler walks of life, obey the Divine command "Be fruitful and multiply."

If a husband truly loves his wife and if she truly loves him, they will live for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they will seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation.

To apply to life the truths advanced above and to realize them, will require great effort by the parties in question. This manner of life will not come of itself; it is too good to come without working for.

Mutual concessions must be made daily, and several times a day; one's own way must frequently be given up, and always when discovered to be a selfish way, because the mutual good is always to be consulted.

Questions of importance should be discussed freely and dispa.s.sionately, and a good reason be established before adopting actions that may not lead to proper results. In the marriage co-partnership the interest in the right and the wrong, the loss and the gain, the lights and the shadows, the pleasures and the pains, should be equally shared; because they concern one just as much as the other, and should be equally enjoyed, and equally borne by both.

A start is made with loving hearts and this state of affairs must never be allowed to diminish. The husband should ever be glad to see his wife, and the wife should ever be glad to see her husband. How many husbands never know what reception they will meet with on returning home after their anxious and exhausting business hours are over for the day; it may be a happy or a very unhappy one. How much it consoles, encourages, lifts up, and rests a man to return to his home after the trying scenes of a day busily spent in providing for the support of his family are over, to find his wife affectionate and serene, and all about the house brilliant with contentment. Such a wife if she has troubles, and of course she has just as many troubles as the husband, though of a different kind, and wishes to call the attention of her husband to them, will do it at a proper time, when she knows it will annoy him the least, and when he will be able to give her the most a.s.sistance. She will never try to annoy him; but endeavoring to be a true help-meet will seek in a proper and loving way to get him to be the same to her. The wife will gain and command the respect of her husband only through kind and loving ways. By her love constantly and judiciously administered she will lead him onward and upward to higher aspirations and better circ.u.mstances in life, throughout their days of united existence. A scolding, fretting, worrying and selfish wife has ruined for life many a husband.

All the "self-denial" however, as it is called by some, is not on the wife's side; the husband too must be forbearing; he must remember on his way home at night that his faithful wife, who has been at home all day, has had trials and disappointments in her domestic affairs; and he must not be disappointed to find domestic arrangements a little disordered, and his wife somewhat chagrined that, under the circ.u.mstances, she really could give him no better a reception than he may experience. He must always try to make the best of it and be satisfied. He must not find fault with the cooking, for instance, but must be perfectly content with everything as it is until his well-managing wife has had time to overcome her difficulties and troubles.

Never find fault with your wife under any circ.u.mstances; let your intellect discover a way to better things if need be. A really wise man will never allow a harsh word to escape his lips to a loving wife, or to his harmless children. By so living together a wise husband and a loving wife will soon discover that they two are but complemental to each other--like the Will and Understanding of one individual.

CHAPTER IX.

TO THE UNFORTUNATE.

Let no one imagine that, because he or she has committed any of the great errors enumerated in former chapters, there is no hopeful future.

Such a conclusion need not, necessarily, be accepted. In very many cases where there is a _will_ to reform, there is also a _way_; and very often a complete cure and restoration to health may be effected. Diseased bones may be made sound; ulcerations healed; sore throats cured; blemishes on the skin removed; urinary difficulties may be dissipated or at least greatly ameliorated; s.e.xual disorders remedied; impaired eyes much improved and defective vision much benefited if not wholly restored; the auditory apparatus helped if not fully cured; and the distracted mind, with its fanciful imageries, rendered tranquil and rational.

To accomplish all this the _mind_ must lead the way. The brain must a.s.sert its supremacy, and the will-power become absolute. It is only where there is a will, an indomitable will, that a way out of these direful difficulties is afforded. Let happen what may, no opposing influences should dampen the determination to press forward to reformation; and then, sooner or later, the conquest will be made.

To begin with, when the mind is fully determined to overcome all obstacles or perish in the attempt, consult a judicious physician as advised in the preface of this book. Lose no time with quackery in any shape or form. Do not be beguiled by those who promise "a speedy cure."