Pet Peeve Part 28

The man oriented on Goody, scowling. He too wore a small crown. Jenny put a hand on his arm. "The bird talks." Then, to the others: "This is Prince Jeremy Werewolf, my husband."

The prince cut directly to the point. "What business?"

"First, about the bird," Goody said. "That's just a pretext to mask our real mission. There is a robot invasion of Xanth-manlike creatures made of metal-and we need the help of the werewolves and all others to stop them before they overrun it."

The prince glanced at Che. "True?"

"True. I had it from King Dor."

Jeremy returned to Goody. "I do not mean to question your veracity, but I know Che Centaur, and goblins are not known for diplomacy."

"I understand."

"There's something about you."

"I'm polite."

"That's it." Jeremy paused half a moment. "If King Dor takes this seriously, so do I. We will join the human effort to deal with this menace."

Again, it was so readily done as to be amazing. "Thank you. If you will get in direct touch with King Dor, you can coordinate your efforts. We are trying to bring all the creatures of Xanth into a coalition."

"You mentioned other business," Jenny Elf said.

Now Cynthia spoke. "Goody Goblin is at a serious disadvantage when dealing with goblins. They don't respect a clean-mouthed male. Do you think your friend Gwenny Goblin would be willing to help?"

Jenny turned a disturbingly appraising gaze on Goody. "Is he... qualified?" She was leaving something out; the three dots made that clear.

"Yes."

"Then I think she would be interested."

"That's what Che thought. We'll ask her."

"Qualified for what?" Hannah asked.

"Obviously to perform the mission," Jeremy said. "They would not care to waste Gwenny's time."

"I'm not qualified," Goody protested. "That's why I need help."

"Which she will surely provide," the prince said smoothly.

"Thank you," Che said. "We'll see about it immediately."

Hannah looked slightly annoyed, as if something still was not quite clear, but did not say more.

"No bird?" little Jerry asked, disappointed.

The peeve seemed to be taken aback. At least it did not muster an insult this time.

Chapter 12: GWENNY.

Goblin Mountain was a huge heap of packed sand, much larger than the hill Goody had known as a goblet. Paths ran all over it, each leading to a guarded tunnel entrance. This was an important tribe. He surely would have known of it, if he had not tuned out of goblin matters for the past twenty years.

They landed next to it, and Goody and Hannah dismounted. They were immediately surrounded by armed warrior goblins who gawked openly at Cynthia's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "Take me to your repulsive leader!" the parody snapped.

The were not fazed. "Who the bleep are you?" the troop subchief demanded.

"Why should I tell you, you bleepity bleep? Your grandmother sucks stink horns."

Goody kept his mouth shut.

"What my a.s.sociate is trying to say," Che said, "is that we have an important message for your leader. See that it is delivered immediately."

"Yeah, hoofhead?"

The parody let out a torrent of invective that made the surrounding air crackle.

"Got it," the subchief said, impressed. He disappeared into the warren.

"Now let's get to the rendezvous spot," Cynthia said.

They mounted, and the centaurs flew to a nearby rest stop on an enchanted path. They relaxed and cleaned up while waiting for the response to the message.

Not long thereafter a lone gobliness arrived, garbed in work clothes. She was pretty, but of course all female goblins were. She was about twenty-eight years old, which meant she was well clear of the foolish teens without being so mature as to lose her feminine appeal.

"Gwenny!" Che said, and picked her up and hugged her.

"Now don't make me jealous," Cynthia said.

"Of course not," Gwenny said. "You get a hug too."

Che introduced Goody and Hannah to Gwenny Goblin. "What a dowdy matron!"

"And this must be your bird," Gwenny said, not fooled. Evidently the note had warned her about that too. "What a delightful creature."

"That's what you think, you black blot."

Gwenny made a restrained smile and turned to Che. "Your note mentioned something important, and I don't think it referred to the parody."

"Yes it did, fading frump!"

"Well, we are looking for a good home for it," Goody said. "I apologize for its language."

"I doubt it would fit in well in Goblin Mountain. The men would like it, but not the women."

"We have a very special mission," Che said, and explained about the robots.

Gwenny nodded. "Do you really think I could help?"

"Goody is simply too polite to make headway with goblins," Cynthia said. "But with the parody using his voice, and an a.s.sistant to clarify the details, we feel it could work. It is important to enlist the aid of as many goblin tribes as possible."

"I can see that." Gwenny paused thoughtfully. "Starting with Goblin Mountain, I'm sure."

"We thought we might enlist you to contact its leader, since you are familiar with this clan."

"I can try."

"There's something we must say," Che said gravely. "We hope that you and Goody can work together compatibly, but there is one significant aspect of each of your situations that the other does not know about. We hope that this does not interfere."

Gwenny's eyes narrowed. "What aspect?"

"Please. We fear that it could interfere with the mission if known. Let it be, for now. It is otherwise harmless."

"You are saying he is not a serial murderer."

Che smiled. "That too."

Goody coughed. "I would be incapable of that." He wondered what the centaurs were thinking of, in his case and hers. Why should there be any secrets kept?

Gwenny considered. "I agree: it is vital to stop the robots. I believe I can help persuade the other clans to cooperate. I will help you."

"We're so glad," Cynthia said. "The fate of Xanth may hang in the balance."

"Let me see if I can talk with the right person in Goblin Mountain," Gwenny said. "I will return by nightfall." She departed.

"Who is she?" Hannah demanded. "Why do you think she can help?"

"She is a clan official. She has administrative experience and knows the ways of goblin politics," Che explained. "She has a.s.sisted in the governing of Goblin Mountain, and has had indirect contacts with several other goblin clans. We think she is about as good a person for this task as any."

"And we know her well enough to trust her," Cynthia said. "That counts enormously."

"You horserears have feathers in your heads."

They laughed. "That too, peeve," Cynthia agreed.

They foraged and prepared a good evening meal. Gwenny returned just in time for it. "They will do it," she said. "King Dor will be contacted."

"We are glad you were able to persuade them," Che said.

So was Goody. Gwenny was evidently persuasive.

As night closed, Goody became nervous. "How formal are we going to be?"

"Formal?" Gwenny asked.

"He wants to see your t.i.ts, gob girl!"

Goody choked.

"Goody and I have been traveling together," Hannah explained. "I have had to stay close in order to protect him. We dispensed with formalities such as separate washings. We are after all of different species."

"And Gwenny and I are not," Goody said.

Gwenny paused, then decided. "Informal it is. But this does not imply any further relationship."

"None!" Goody agreed, not entirely relieved. He had not been alone with a gobliness since Go-Go.

"And I do want to be clean," Gwenny said. She stepped out of her clothing and waded into the nearby river bend.

Hannah stripped and joined her. Then, reluctantly, so did Goody. He really had no choice.

Once they were all three in the water, it was all right. "Oh, I haven't done this in ages!" Gwenny said, playfully splashing him. "I feel like a girl again. Except-"

"Except you haven't been a girl in twenty years, dull dowager," the parody called from the safety of the bank.

"Perhaps," the gobliness agreed. But her expression suggested that there was something else.

"Goody is good at shoulder ma.s.sage," Hannah said. "Ask him."

"Oh, I couldn't-"

"My shoulders are somewhat tight," Gwenny said. "If you would be so kind."

What could he do? He moved across as she faced away from him. He ma.s.saged her shoulders and back.

"Oh, that's divine! She's right-you have the touch. How did you come by it?"

"I, well, I was married, and-"

"You were married?" she asked somewhat sharply.

In Xanth marriages were permanent. He had to explain. "My wife-Go-Go Gobliness-was cursed to die before her time. We had twenty years together, and our goblets are grown. But we couldn't abate the curse."

"So you lost her."

"Yes."

"Oh, I felt the pain coming through your hands."

He s.n.a.t.c.hed his hands away. "I'm sorry."

She turned to face him, the thin covering of water making an intriguing mystery of her front. "No, no, Goody. You weren't hurting me. It was good pain, if there is such a thing. I felt your grief for your wife. I apologize for making you speak of it."