Paycheck. Part 8

Ryan shifted. 'Jon, do you really think you're well enough to go outside? Maybe-'

'Well enough? What do you mean?'

'Your attacks. You really think you should go out? Are you strong enough?'

Jon's face clouded. 'They're not attacks. Not really. I wish you wouldn't call them attacks.'

'Not attacks? What are they?'

Jon hesitated. 'I - I shouldn't tell you, Ryan. You wouldn't understand.'

Ryan stood up. 'All right, Jon. If you feel you can't talk to me I'll go back to the lab.' He crossed the room to the door. 'It's a shame you can't see the ship. I think you'd like it.'

Jon followed him plaintively. 'Can't I see it?'

'Maybe if I knew more about your - your attacks I'd know whether you're well enough to go out.'

Jon's face flickered. Ryan watched him intently. He could see thoughts crossing Jon's mind, written on his features. He struggled inwardly.

'Don't you want to tell me?'

Jon took a deep breath. 'They're visions visions.'

'What?'

'They're visions.' Jon's face was alive with radiance. 'I've known it a long time. Grant says they're not, but they are. If you could see them you'd know, too. They're not like anything else. More real than, well, than this.' He thumped the wall. 'More real than that.'

Ryan lit a cigarette slowly. 'Go on.'

It all came with a rush. 'More real than anything anything else! Like looking through a window. A window into another world. A real world. Much more real than this. It makes all this just a shadow world. Only dim shadows. Shapes. Images.' else! Like looking through a window. A window into another world. A real world. Much more real than this. It makes all this just a shadow world. Only dim shadows. Shapes. Images.'

'Shadows of an ultimate reality?'

'Yes! Exactly. The world behind all this.' Jon paced back and forth, animated by excitement. 'This, all these things. What we see here. Buildings. The sky. The cities. The endless ash. None is quite real. It's so dim and vague! I don't really feel it, not like the other. And it's becoming less real, all the time. The other is growing, Ryan. Growing more and more vivid! Grant told me it's only my imagination. But it's not. It's real. More real than any of these things here, these things in this room.'

'Then why can't we all see it?'

'I don't know. I wish you could. You ought to see it, Ryan. It's beautiful. You'd like it, after you got used to it. It takes time to adjust.'

Ryan considered. 'Tell me,' he said at last. 'I want to know exactly what you see. Do you always see the same thing?'

'Yes. Always the same. But more intensely.'

'What is it? What do you see that's so real?'

Jon did not answer for awhile. He seemed to have withdrawn. Ryan waited, watching his son. What was going on in his mind? What was he thinking? The boy's eyes were shut again. His hands were pressed together, the fingers white. He was off again, off in his private world.

'Go on,' Ryan said aloud.

So it was visions visions the boy saw. Visions of ultimate reality. Like the Middle Ages. His own son. There was a grim irony in it. Just when it seemed they had finally licked that proclivity in man, his eternal inability to face reality. His eternal dreaming. Would science never be able to realize its ideal? Would man always go on preferring illusion to reality? the boy saw. Visions of ultimate reality. Like the Middle Ages. His own son. There was a grim irony in it. Just when it seemed they had finally licked that proclivity in man, his eternal inability to face reality. His eternal dreaming. Would science never be able to realize its ideal? Would man always go on preferring illusion to reality?

His own son. Retrogression. A thousand years lost. Ghosts and G.o.ds and devils and the secret inner world. The world of ultimate reality. All the fables and fictions and metaphysics that man had used for centuries to compensate for his fear, his terror of the world. All the dreams he had made up to hide the truth, the harsh world of reality. Myths, religions, fairy tales. A better land, beyond and above. Paradise. All coming back, reappearing again, and in his own son.

'Go on,' Ryan said impatiently. 'What do you see?'

'I see fields,' Jon said. 'Yellow fields as bright as the sun. Fields and parks. Endless parks. Green, mixed in with the yellow. Paths, for people to walk.'

'What else?'

'Men and women. In robes. Walking along the paths, among the trees. The air fresh and sweet. The sky bright blue. Birds. Animals. Animals moving through the parks. b.u.t.terflies. Oceans. Lapping oceans of clear water.'

'No cities?'

'Not like our cities. Not the same. People living in the parks. Little wood houses here and there. Among the trees.'

'Roads?'

'Only paths. No ships or anything. Only walking.'

'What else do you see?'

'That's all.' Jon opened his eyes. His cheeks were flushed. His eyes sparkled and danced. 'That's all, Ryan. Parks and yellow fields. Men and women in robes. And so many animals. The wonderful animals.'

'How do they live?'

'What?'

'How do the people live? What keeps them alive?'

'They grow things. In the fields.'

'Is that all? Don't they build? Don't they have factories?'

'I don't think so.'

'An agrarian society. Primitive.' Ryan frowned. 'No business or commerce.'

'They work in the fields. And discuss things.'

'Can you hear hear them?' them?'

'Very faintly. Sometimes I can hear them a little, if I listen very hard. I can't make out any words, though.'

'What are they discussing?'

'Things.'

'What kind of things?'

Jon gestured vaguely. 'Great things. The world. The universe.'

There was silence. Ryan grunted. He did not say anything. Finally he put out his cigarette. 'Jon-'

'Yes?'

'You think what you see is real real?'

Jon smiled. 'I know it's real.'

Ryan's gaze was sharp. 'What do you mean, real? In what way is this world of yours real?'

'It exists.'

'Where does it exist?'

'I don't know.'

'Here? Does it exist here?'

'No. It's not here.'

'Some place else? A long way off? Some other part of the universe beyond our range of experience?'

'Not another part of the universe. It has nothing to do with s.p.a.ce. It's here.' Jon waved around him. 'Close by. It's very close. I see it all around me.'

'Do you see it now?'

'No. It comes and goes.'

'It ceases to exist? It only exists sometimes?'

'No, it's always there. But I can't always make contact with it.'

'How do you know it's always there?'

'I just know.'

'Why can't I I see it? Why are you the only one who can see it?' see it? Why are you the only one who can see it?'

'I don't know.' Jon rubbed his forehead wearily. 'I don't know why I'm the only one who can see it. I wish you could see it. I wish everybody could see it.'

'How can you demonstrate it isn't an hallucination? You have no objective validation of it. You have only your own inner sense, your state of consciousness. How could it be presented for empirical a.n.a.lysis?'

'Maybe it can't. I don't know. I don't care. I don't want want to present it for empirical a.n.a.lysis.' to present it for empirical a.n.a.lysis.'

There was silence. Jon's face was set and grim, his jaw tight. Ryan sighed. Impa.s.se.

'All right, Jon.' He moved slowly toward the door. 'I'll see you later.'

Jon said nothing.

At the door Ryan halted, looking back. 'Then your visions are getting stronger, aren't they? Progressively more vivid.'

Jon nodded curtly.

Ryan considered awhile. Finally he raised his hand. The door slid away and he pa.s.sed outside the room, into the hall.

Grant came up to him. 'I was watching through the window. He's quite withdrawn, isn't he?'

'It's difficult to talk to him. He seems to believe these attacks are some kind of vision.'

'I know. He's told me.'

'Why didn't you let me know?'

'I didn't want to alarm you more. I know you've been worried about him.'

'The attacks are getting worse. He says they're more vivid. More convincing.'

Grant nodded.

Ryan moved along the corridor, deep in thought, Grant a little behind. 'It's difficult to be certain of the best course of action. The attacks absorb him more and more. He's beginning to take them seriously. They're usurping the place of the outside world. And in addition-'

'And in addition you're leaving soon.'

'I wish we knew more about time travel. A great number of things may happen to us.' Ryan rubbed his jaw. 'We might not come back. Time is a potent force. No real exploration has been done. We have no idea what we may run into.'

He came to the lift and stopped.

'I'll have to make my decision right away. It has to be made before we leave.'

'Your decision?'

Ryan entered the lift. 'You'll know about it later. Watch Jon constantly from now on. Don't be away from him for even a moment. Do you understand?'

Grant nodded. 'I understand. You want to be sure he doesn't leave his room.'

'You'll hear from me either tonight or tomorrow.' Ryan ascended to the roof and entered his inter-city ship.

As soon as he was in the sky he clicked on the vidscreen and dialed the League Offices. The face of the League Monitor appeared. 'Offices.'

'Give me the medical center.'

The monitor faded. Presently Walter Timmer, the medical director, appeared on the screen. His eyes flickered as he recognized Ryan. 'What can I do for you, Caleb?'

'I want you to get out a medical car and a few good men and come over here to City Four.'

'Why?'