Past Passion Part 7

Nicola certainly did. Gordon's mother's bilious attacks had been the cause of more outings being cancelled than she cared to remember.

"You might have rung me and let me know, Gordon," she commented a little sharply.

"I'm not going to be able to get to the garage in time to collect my car now."

"Well, you can collect it in the morning, can't you? I mean, you won't need it tonight, and your father can run you into town in the morning."

"I still have to get home tonight," Nicola reminded him crossly, trying not to react too angrily to his complete lack of regard for her and their arrangements "I'm sorry, Nicola," he told her, sounding anything but.

"But with poor Mother feeling so very unwell..."

It was only by reminding herself that she was twenty-six and not sixteen that Nicola managed to refrain from slamming down the receiver on him.

She was just dialling the number of a local taxi firm when Matt emerged from his office.

"Something wrong?" he questioned her.

She put down the receiver and explained tersely, "Gordon isn't going to be able to pick me up after all. I was just ringing for a taxi to take me home."

"Don't bother," Matt told her easily.

"I'll run you back."

Immediately hot colour stormed her face.

"Oh, no. There's no need for that," she began to object, worried that he might think she had been angling for the offer of a lift; but he brushed aside her protestations, telling her mildly, "It really isn't any problem. I have to virtually go past your gate, anyway."

Nicola gave him a startled look. She hadn't realised he even knew where she lived and, as though he were reading her mind, he informed her casually, "Evie happened to mention where you live. Are you ready to go now or?"

"Yes, I'm ready," she confirmed.

As they were walking out to. the Land Rover, he commented almost disapprovingly, "It's a pity your boyfriend didn't think to ring you earlier, then you could have made other arrangements to collect your car."

Immediately, and for no good reason that she could think of, Nicola discovered that she was lying to protect Gordon as she protested untruthfully, "Oh, he did ring earlier to leave a message, but he couldn't get through..."

When she turned her head, driven by some impulse she couldn't control, she discovered that Matt had stopped walking, and that he was regarding her with a grim, almost bitter expression in his eyes.

"You're very loyal, aren't you, Nicola? I wonder if he is equally loyal to you."

The gibe made her flush a little, partly because she knew just how luke-warm Gordon's feelings for her were, and partly because she felt that she herself was guilty of allowing Matt to think that her relationship with Gordon was far more emotionally intense than it actually was.

Reluctantly she followed Matt, who was standing waiting for her.

Of course both her parents would have to be in the front garden when Matt turned the Land Rover into the drive, and of course Matt would have to accept when her mother asked if he had time to join them for a cup of tea.

In the end he stayed for over an hour, and as far as Nicola was concerned it put the final, irritating thorn in her day when, after he had gone, her mother asked innocently, "I thought that Gordon was picking you up and taking you to the garage? Not that I didn't enjoy meeting Matt. He's an extremely attractive and intelligent man--' " Gordon's mother isn't well," Nicola said shortly, valiantly trying to ignore the look in her mother's eyes.

Privately she suspected that Gordon was beginning to find their relationship as onerous as she did herself, and, if it weren't for Matt she knew now for sure that she would have been tempted to suggest to Gordon that they simply stopped seeing one another.

CHAPTER SIX.

'it's tonight that you and Gordon are having dinner with Christine and Mike, isn't it? "

"Yes," Nicola agreed in answer to her mother's question. She had been working with Matt for over a fortnight now, and the office work had settled into an efficient and orderly routine. She only wished it were equally easy to rule her chaotic emotions.

It was impossible now for her to deny to herself that Matt had a very powerful and disruptive effect upon her emotionally and physically, but just so long as she was the only person who knew that . just so long as she managed to conceal it from everyone else she might manage to make it safely through the next few weeks until the new manager was able to take over from Matt, She was feeling increasingly out of charity with Gordon. He had broken several of their dates with a variety of weak excuses, and she had promised herself that if he dared to break tonight's then she was going to tell him that she no longer wanted to see him.

At half-past seven when the telephone rang and she answered it to learn from Gordon that he was not going to be able to join her that evening, she gritted her teeth and told him acidly that in that case she saw no point in their seeing one another again at all.

Although he protested a little, she could tell that really he was relieved by her decision.

"Was that Gordon?" her mother enquired, when she replaced the receiver.

"Yes," Nicola told her, adding emotionlessly, "He can't make it tonight. His mother isn't well again. I've told him that I don't think there's any point in our continuing to see one another--at least not on a one-to-one basis."

It was her mother's softly commiserating, "Oh, darling, I'm so sorry," that made her eyes sting a little.

"You needn't be. It isn't like that," she a.s.sured her.

"After all, it was hardly the relationship of the century. I expect I shall miss him, but I'm not exactly heartbroken."

"Well, he is rather dull, and I must admit I could never understand what you saw in him. I'm afraid dull, worthy men have never really appealed to me. Now Matt, for instance..."

Nicola felt her heart jerk as though it were held on strings. Her voice was sharper than she realised when she said fiercely, "Matt is my boss, Mum, nothing more. He won't be here for much longer, anyway, and-=--' Realising that she was perhaps over-protesting, she stopped speaking. It was too late now to ring Christine and cancel, but fortunately she knew her friend well enough to know that she wouldn't mind her turning up on her own.

Christine had mentioned that she had invited some business acquaintances of Mike's, but that the dinner was an informal rather than a formal affair.

Nicola had been virtually ready when Gordon telephoned. Her dress wasn't new, being a simple affair in navy silk which she had bought the previous summer. It had a neat round neckline and long sleeves, and was, so she thought, eminently suitable for a woman who preferred not to catch the male eye.

What she did not realise was that the softness of the silk married to the willow slimness of her figure gave her dress an understated sensuality that was far, far more enticing than something more figure-hugging and eye-catching would have been. It was the sort of dress that made a man look once and then look again, his attention drawn by the feminine movement of her body beneath its demure sheath of silk.

With it she was wearing sheer navy tights and plain navy pumps. Some spirit of defiance made her add a slightly darker lip-gloss than normal, although once it was on she was tempted to rub it off as she unwillingly remembered the scarlet lipstick she had once worn. As she hesitated, she realised that if she delayed much longer she might not be the first to arrive, which would mean that she wouldn't have an opportunity to explain what had happened with Gordon to her friend in private.

When Christine opened the door to her half an hour later, as Nicola had known she would, she raised her eyebrows and asked, "Where's Gordon?"

"Not coming," Nicola told her grimly, and went on to relay recent events.

"Well, it's about time you got rid of him," Christine told her forthrightly.

"I don't think I so much got rid of him, as let him off the hook and put him out of his misery," Nicola told her drily, adding, "Look, if my being here on my own is going to mess up your numbers--' " Don't be an idiot. As a matter of fact, it will actually even them out. Mike invited a business a.s.sociate, who doesn't have a wife or, apparently, a current girlfriend. "

When she saw Nicola's face she laughed.

"Don't worry. I'm not trying to match make I haven't even met him yet."

She went on to explain that the other two guests were also business a.s.sociates of her husband's. Nicola knew them vaguely, as they had recently moved into the area.

"Anything I can do to help?" she offered.

"Go upstairs and read Peter a story. He knows you're coming and he's been pestering me all day about it. Now there's a man for you ... if you can wait twenty odd years for him to grow up," she teased, while Nicola pulled a face at her before heading for the stairs.

Half an hour later, when she heard male feet coming upstairs and stopping just inside the bedroom door, she said softly without turning her head, "h.e.l.lo, Mike. He's just dropped off..."

Only when she turned her head to smile at her friend's husband she discovered that it wasn't Mike who was standing there, but Matt.

Her heart seemed to do a triple somersault before starting to bounce erratically around inside her chest. Although she automatically started to stand up, the shock of seeing Matt made her sit down again and stare at him in mute disbelief.

"Christine sent me up to tell you that she's just about to serve dinner," he told her softly, pitching his voice so that it didn't disturb the little boy sleeping in his bed.

Matt, here? It seemed impossible, like some kind of waking dream. She felt as though if she shook her head she would somehow be able to make him disappear, but when she did so, to her consternation, he remained stubbornly exactly where he was, waiting for her . watching her.

Uncertainly she got to her feet, unaware of how many betraying emotions were reflected in her eyes as she walked tensely towards the door.

Why hadn't Christine warned her that Matt would be here? Probably because her friend was scatty enough not to have made the connection between Mike's new client and her own new boss, Nicola recognised numbly as she walked downstairs.

In a daze she walked into the dining-room and was introduced to the other couple. The wife, Lucinda, ignored Nicola completely, focusing all her attention on Matt--in a way that made Nicola's heart somersault again, but this time in a very different way.

She was an enviably tall redhead with sharp green eyes and a full but somehow predatory mouth. She was wearing a scarlet silk dress which ought to have clashed with her hair but which somehow did not, its neckline displaying a generous amount of cleavage.

It was plain that her husband doted on her, and it was also equally plain as the meal progressed that she was the kind of woman who had very little time for her own s.e.x. All her attention and her conversation was conferred on Matt and, as she struggled to get something more out of her husband than a laconic "Yes' or " No' in response to her questions, Nicola tried to tell herself that it was absolutely no concern of hers if Lucinda flirted with Matt, nor if he chose to respond.

It wasn't until they had reached the pudding stage of the meal that she finally admitted to herself that the feeling boiling up inside her, as she tried not to listen to Lucinda's very obvious flirtation with Matt, was one of jealous resentment.

Pushing away her pudding barely touched, she raised her head to discover very disconcertingly that Matt was looking at her.

She could feel the hot tide of colour burning slowly up her body as she wondered how long she had been the focus of his attention and if he could possibly have recognised what she was feeling, while praying that he hadn't.

It wasn't until after the meal was over that she realised how quiet and engrossed she must have been, because Christine asked her when she was helping her to clear the table, "Are you OK? You didn't seem too upset earlier when you told me about Gordon, but..."

Numbly Nicola shook her head, unable to explain even to one of her closest friends what she was really feeling.

"Look, I know I've said some pretty callous things about him ... and I still don't think that he was the right one for you ... but if you want to talk about it, or just have a d.a.m.n good cry..."

Again Nicola shook her head, wondering half hysterically what on earth Chris would say if she admitted that she had barely given Gordon a thought all evening, and that instead it was Matt who was occupying not just her thoughts but her emotions as well.

Giving her a quick, concerned look, Christine turned round and then exclaimed warmly, "Matt, you shouldn't have bothered, but thanks anyway..." as she went to take from him the empty dishes he had carried through to the kitchen.

Nicola almost dropped the things she was holding. She had had no idea that Matt was there. Her heart started thumping frantically. She closed her eyes, visualising what could have happened if she had confided in Christine and he had overheard.

What was there to confide anyway--that once long ago she had spent the night with him, and had been too drunk to have any recollection of what had happened? That he had casually informed her that they had been lovers, and that because of the public way she had left the party with him she had been taunted with her lack of morals and her s.e.xual availability? That because of that she had come running home sick at heart and distraught? That because of that she had shunned all further s.e.xual contact with men, sickened by her own behaviour and knowing that any decent, worthwhile man would feel the same way?

How could she tell Chris that after that she was now discovering a very different Matt Hunt from the one she remembered, and that, even worse, she was finding herself becoming more and more emotionally vulnerable and drawn to him . that she was like a cold and hungry creature fascinated by fire and warmth, and drawn desperately into seeking it. circling it with hunger and fear, wanting its warmth and yet terrified of it at the same time?

She closed her eyes, feeling the tension draining her energy.

What was she trying to tell herself--that she was falling in love with Matthew Hunt? She made a small, derisory sound under her breath, causing both Matt and Chris to look at her.

Skirting past Matt, she hurried back to the dining-room, determinedly busying herself collecting more empty plates, while she tried frantically to deny the knowledge her own brain was giving her.

The rest of the evening was a form of purgatory. Not only had she to contend with the knowledge that no matter what the reason, and no matter how dangerous and self-destructive it was, she was quite definitely emotionally responsive to Matt in a way which had previously been totally outside her experience. She had thought once that she was in love with Jonathon, but then she had been a child, now she was a woman. An adult--it was like comparing the flicker of a torchlight with the full power of the sun. And it wasn't just that she was emotionally responsive to Matt. Physically, she--She flinched inwardly, knowing that she was so aware of him that even without turning her head she knew exactly where he was in the room . that without looking at him she could conjure up the sensations that invaded and disturbed her whenever he came close to her.

She told herself fiercely that she was glad that Lucinda was monopolising him, because that way she was in no danger of making a fool of herself by. By what? By betraying to him the effect he was having on her?

If Chris hadn't been one of her oldest friends, she would have made some excuse and left early. But Nicola was already bitterly aware of the fact that Chris was concerned about her and erroneously believed that she was upset about the ending of her relationship with Gordon.

If she left early, Chris was bound to think that it was because of Gordon and, no matter how much she denied it, Chris wouldn't believe her unless she told her the truth.

The temptation to do just that astounded her. She wanted, she realised miserably, to talk about Matt, as though somehow just by speaking his name she would be easing the growing ache inside herself. Then the awareness of how quickly she had travelled down a very, very dangerous road made her feel slightly sick. She wanted to go home . to be alone . to try to find some way of controlling what was happening to her.

Lucinda's voice had a certain shrill metallic quality to it, and now it intruded into her silence, causing her to turn her head. Lucinda was standing with Matt, her hand on his arm while she pouted up at him. Her body was almost, but not quite, resting against his, the soft thrust of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s clearly discernible. Standing so close to her.

Matt could not help but breathe in her perfume and be aware of her body.

The sick helplessness that Clawed at her own stomach appalled Nicola.

She discovered that she was actually physically shaking in reaction, not just to her jealousy but also to her own disgust at it.

When she heard Frank Barrett announcing that it was time he and Lucinda left, since they had the baby-sitter to run home, the relief that flowed through her was so total and immediate that it made her feel physically weak--not because their departure would remove Lucinda from Matt's presence, but because it meant that she herself could also leave.

She waited for an unbearable ten minutes after the Barretts had gone before announcing that she too must leave. Chris tried to persuade her to stay, watching her worriedly as she half whispered, "If you want to talk about ... things..."

She shook her head in denial, fibbing uncomfortably, "I'm just a bit tired."

Mike, who had caught what she'd said, grinned at her, putting a friendly arm around her shoulders as he teased, "Not because this new boss of yours is working you too hard, I hope?"

Nicola hoped she sounded far more natural to their ears than she did to her own as she forced herself to smile and laugh back.

"Gordon couldn't make it, then?" Mike added conversationally, plainly not yet aware of what had happened.

Out of the corner of her eye Nicola saw Chris made a small moue of dismay and shake her head warningly at her husband.

"His mother isn't well," Nicola responded shortly. With Matt standing there she wasn't about to explain to Mike that there wasn't any 'her and Gordon' any more.

The entire evening had been a strain on her, which, coupled with everything else that had happened over the last few weeks, was making her feel as though her whole life was somehow slipping out of her control, Nicola acknowledged as she unlocked the door of her car and got inside.

Chris and Mike lived on the other side of the town from her parents, but she was less than halfway home when she suddenly discovered that she was trembling so violently that she could barely control the car.

Immediately she pulled off the road into a convenient lay by quickly switching off the engine.

Everything around her had become frighteningly blurred, but it wasn't until she raised her hand to her face that she discovered that she was actually crying.

Her chest felt tight with pain and she couldn't stop trembling. She leaned forward, closing her eyes, resting her head on the steering-wheel, too overwhelmed by what was happening to her to do anything else.