Parent and Child - Child Study and Training Part 7

7. Why is it worth while for parents to devote some time, or even money, to providing for the natural activities of children to express themselves in the right ways?

For further study, selections from "Elementary Psychology," by Phillips, will be found helpful.

POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE TRAINING

_Train the Positive Side of the Child's Nature and the Negative Side Will Need Little Attention_.

A negative method trains the child to be hard and critical, and to be constantly looking for opposition to his wishes; it is the chief cause also of slyness, ill-temper and disrespect.

The following ill.u.s.trations are taken from Mrs. Harrison's inspiring little book, ent.i.tled, "A Study of Child Nature." "A mother came to me in utter discouragement, saying: 'What shall I do with my five-year-old boy? He is simply the personification of the word _won't_.' After the conversation I walked home with her. A beautiful child, with golden curls and great, dancing, black eyes, came running out to meet us, and with all the impulsive joy of childhood threw his arms about her. 'Don't do that, James, you will muss mama's dress.' I knew at once where the trouble lay. In a moment she said: 'Don't twist so, my son;' and 'Don't make such a noise.'

Within a few minutes the mother had used 'don't' five times. No wonder when she said, 'Run in the house now, mama will come in a minute,' he replied: 'No, I don't want to.'"

"Two older children were playing in a room and soon became boisterous. The busy mother did not notice them, but the little two-year-old child turned round and called out impatiently: 'Boys, 'top.' Babies, like parrots, learn the words they hear most frequently. 'Boys, stop,' a negative command, had no doubt been used frequently in that household. How easy it would have been to subst.i.tute the positive statement: 'Boys, run out in the back yard and play ball,' or 'Run out into the garden and bring me some flowers for the table.'

"A four-year-old boy when he first entered the kindergarten was the most complete embodiment of negative training I have ever met. It was 'No, I don't want to,' 'No, I won't sit by that boy,' 'No, I don't like blocks.'

Nothing pleased him; nothing satisfied him. He was already an isolated character, unhappy himself and a source of discomfort to others. Soon after beginning our work, I heard a whizzing sound, and Paul's voice crying out: 'Joseph has knocked my soldier off the table and he did it on purpose too.'

My first impulse was to say: 'Why did you do that? It was naughty. Go and pick up Paul's soldier.' But that would have been negative treatment, too much of which had been heaped upon him already; so, instead, I said: 'Oh, well, Paul, never mind, Joseph doesn't know that we try to make each other happy in kindergarten.'

"Some time afterwards I said: 'Come here, Joseph, I wish you to be my messenger boy.' This was a privilege highly desired by the children. Joseph came reluctantly as if expecting some hidden censure, but soon he was busy running back and forth, giving each child the proper materials for the next half-hour's work. As soon as the joy of service had melted him into a mood of comradeship, I whispered: 'Run over now and get Paul's soldier.'

Instantly he obeyed, picked it up, and placed it on the table before its owner, quietly slipped into his own place and began his work. His whole nature for the time being was changed. Continued treatment of this kind completely transformed the nature of the child."

Scolding and finding fault are the most common forms of negative training employed by parents. Such treatment brings out and emphasizes the opposite qualities from those desired, since they appeal to the very worst side of the child's nature. Usually, too, the sympathy of the mother and the affection of the child are separated and coldness takes their place.

Suggest to the child at the right time the act you wish him to do and usually it will be quickly accomplished; then if a child is praised a little for his promptness, he will soon grow into the habit of doing promptly other more important tasks. The boy who dallied over everything he did was soon cured by the simple device of counting while he ran an errand and then praising him for his quick return. A little praise goes farther than much censure. Sometimes a boy's tone and manner are lacking in respect to his mother, or a girl becomes troublesome and defies authority. This condition did not come about suddenly; it is the result of continued negative treatment. Usually, if a boy is disrespectful or a girl impudent, it is because the parents through neglect or improper training, have unconsciously fostered such behavior.

Some children are timid and superst.i.tious, too often they are laughed at and ridiculed; on the other hand, fun should never be made of such children and they should be given every opportunity to develop courage and self-reliance. If a child is irreverent, he should have his eyes opened to the wonders of creation and to the majesty and power displayed by the Maker of the universe. So, in all cases, the parents should beware of the almost universal, negative mode of training which represses, scolds, finds fault, and results in producing hardness, slyness, obstinacy, and other undesirable qualities; instead, positive methods should be employed. They suggest correct action, subst.i.tute the right for the wrong, praise for blame, encouragement rather than discouragement, and stimulate to higher endeavor. However, if occasion demands, parents may be stern, unrelenting and even resort to punishment.

LESSON XIII

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. What is the main point of this lesson?

2. Discuss the "won't" child.

3. Discuss the "don't" boy.

4. Discuss scolding and finding fault versus judicious praise.

5. What is the value of suggestion in guiding children? Ill.u.s.trate.

6. What often explains disrespect and impudence in children?

8. Ill.u.s.trate some helpful ways that give positive training to children.

Selections from "The Dawn of Character," by Mumford, will be found helpful, for further studies on this subject.

FOOD, DRESS AND TOYS

"_The Body Is More Than Raiment; and Life, More Than Meat_."

The normal child is born in a state of naturalness with respect to his tastes and appet.i.tes and the endeavor should be to keep him in this natural state. But too often his senses are stimulated to excess and an artificial appet.i.te is begun which usually leads to some form of intemperance. Much of the excess in drinking is due, not to inheritance, but to vicious feeding.

A false appet.i.te leads to physical unrest and uneasiness and this naturally lends itself to the pleasure and excitement of drink.

"Why do you not eat the pickles, my son?" said one father; "they are very nice." "No," said the boy, "I don't see any use in eating spiced pickles, it doesn't help to make me strong; my teacher says so." Would that every child were thus trained to prefer wholesome to unwholesome food. Our schools are doing good work along these lines of personal hygiene; parents should reinforce the efforts of the teacher by bringing the home hygiene up to the right standards.

The clothing of children also deserves some attention. Probably in nothing else is vanity and selfishness more easily displayed than in dress. How rare a thing it is to find a beautiful child, simply or even plainly dressed, who is neither vain of her good looks nor of her rich apparel. The sweetest object in the world is a beautiful child, tastily dressed, free from vanity, and perfectly natural and unspoiled. The mother who praises her child's curls or rosy cheeks rather than the child's actions or inner motives, is developing vanity of the worst kind--placing beauty of appearance above beauty of conduct.

"Fashionable parties for children are abominations upon the face of the earth." Soon enough the child will come in contact with that which is unnatural and deceitful without having artificial conduct forced upon him.

LESSON XIV

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

1. What may result from developing an artificial appet.i.te in children?

2. What should the young mother avoid in feeding her child?

3. What evils result from over-indulgence in candy, nick-nacks, soda water, etc.?

4. In the dress of children how is vanity often developed?

5. What may result from constant praise of the good looks of the child?

6. Discuss proper dress in children.

For further help on these points read Mrs. Harrison's "Study of Child Nature," pages 47 to 54.

CULTIVATING THE EMOTIONS

_It Is a Serious Mistake to Begin Educating the Intellect Before Training the Emotions_